Eve brushed away a tear that fell on her cheek and strode into the nursery without looking at Ben. The heavy warmth of the sleeping babe in her arms, and then seeing Ben playing with a little one, ripped off the scab from an old wound. All the pain from two years ago, when she realized her dreams of being his wife and bearing him children were dead, flooded her. She held tightly to Daisy to keep from drowning in emotions she wanted to forget and fought to control the trembling of her body.
With the nurses occupied, Eve searched for the baby’s crib herself, reading each sign posted on the wall above the cribs. She would return the baby as Amelia had requested and hurry back to the parlor where the other ladies were sorting through clothes with the head nurse.
She had been looking forward to helping in the nursery ever since Amelia mentioned it last week. Eve loved babies: their silky tufts of hair, soft cheeks and plump thighs, and the sweet little mewing sounds they made in their sleep. As long as she could remember, she’d wanted to become a mama. She craved motherhood as some ladies craved a cup of chocolate in the morning. In three weeks, she would marry Jonathan, and her baby dreams could finally come true.
She ignored the niggling voice whispering in her ear that she wanted more. More was no longer possible. At one time, she’d thought love was as necessary as food, the air she breathed, or a safe place to lay her head. Love had done nothing but break her heart. She preferred kindness and comfort to sorrow any day.
Finding Daisy’s crib, she gently laid her on the stark white bedding. The baby rolled over with an audible huff and puckered her mouth several times as if she were still nursing, but she didn’t wake. Once Eve was satisfied Daisy was settled, she turned on her heel to make her escape, but a burst of frustration surged through her. Why should she be the one to leave the nursery? Ben wasn’t even supposed to be here today—just as he wasn’t supposed to be at Lord and Lady Eldridge’s ball last night.
She marched back down the aisle of cribs, each step fueling her anger. Ben was still talking to the baby, lifting him overhead and babbling nonsense. With hands on her hips, she opened her mouth to take Ben to task when the baby tossed up his accounts, splattering the lower half of Ben’s face, cravat, and coat.
He groaned.
“Oh dear,” she muttered and rushed forward to take the baby. Ben handed him over with a grimace before retrieving a handkerchief from an inside pocket of his coat and wiping the mess from his face.
The baby watched with round eyes and chewed uncertainly on his fingers as if trying to anticipate Ben’s reaction. Even Eve was holding her breath, fearful of an angry outburst. Not that Ben had ever shown a temper in her presence, but her father never would have remained calm in similar circumstances. Of course he never would have been in a similar situation, because he’d possessed the good sense not to hold a baby above him.
No. That wouldn’t have been the reason. Papa had never shown interest in children, not even his own. Her heart softened toward Ben, just a tiny amount, but enough to make her want to come to his aid.
“I will take the baby back to his crib, then I will find water and a cloth.”
He stopped her with a touch to the elbow. “No, let Toby Boy stay.” When he reached for the baby, Toby flashed a gaping smile and giggled low in his throat. Ben took care to hold him in his left arm to avoid the wet spot on his fine coat. “I will, however, accept your kind offer, Miss Thorne.”
She shook her head, smiling in spite of herself. “Why were you holding him overhead? Don’t you know a jostled baby is probably going to erupt like Mount Vesuvius?”
“I do now.” His crooked grin stole her breath. Why must he show good humor at a time like this? It only made him more appealing.
She turned away before he noticed the flush that must be stealing into her cheeks. “Find a place to sit and I will be back in a moment.”
One of the nurses directed her to a back room where she found a small pitcher of water, a basin, and extra cloths. With the supplies in hand, she returned to tend to Ben, but he and the baby were no longer in the nursery. She wandered into the empty corridor, wondering where the two could have gotten off to in the short time she had been gone.
A baby’s squeal echoed from the end of the passage and around the corner. Moving more slowly than normal so she wouldn’t spill, she headed toward the sound, a smile tugging at her lips. When Ben had arrived at Amelia’s town house earlier, Eve had believed his interest in the orphans was a trick to get close to her. Now she felt a little foolish for doubting his sincerity. And more than a touch arrogant for thinking she mattered enough that he would go to such trouble to see her.
When she rounded the corner, she could see Ben had located a wooden bench in front of a large window at the end of another corridor. He wasn’t sitting, but rather pointing out things to Toby beyond the window and talking to him as if he were an adult and could understand him.
She cleared her throat to get his attention, not wanting to startle him. Ben had another smile for her. “You left the nursery,” she said as her knees knocked together.
“You told me to find a place to sit.”
“I meant in the nursery.” Where there were others and she wouldn’t be forced to be alone with him.
He shrugged and lowered to the bench, sitting the baby on his knee. “Thank you for coming to my rescue.”
She rolled her eyes as she placed the basin and pitcher on the bench beside him. “This is hardly a life-threatening event.” Maintaining an air of efficiency, she poured water into the basin, wet the cloth and wrung out the excess water, then held it out to him. Ben’s eyebrows lifted.
“My hands are not free, Miss Thorne. Will you do the honors?”
Her eyes narrowed when he offered her another charming smile. She might have fallen for his handsome looks once, but she was a lot wiser now. I am. Despite her claim, she moved to stand between his thighs and touched the cloth to his cheek. Surely her heart was pounding loud enough for him to hear.
Pretending he didn’t send her mind and body into a spin, she dragged the cloth down to his chin and quickly scrubbed his lips, nose, and jaw.
He winced. “Not so rough.”
She pursed her lips. Perhaps she was being less careful than she might be with someone else, but he needed to be convinced she felt nothing for him. Or she needed to convince herself.
The baby arched his back and craned his neck toward the window. “You want to see outside, don’t you, Toby Boy?” Ben tucked him over his shoulder, eliciting more happy coos from Toby.
Eve returned her attention to wetting the cloth and wringing out the water. “I never realized you had a fondness for children.”
“Is that true? I thought we had discussed having several.” If his voice held even a hint of teasing, she would have marched away, but he seemed genuinely surprised by her assumption.
“I discussed wanting several.” She still wouldn’t look at him while she set to work on the stain on his cravat, scrubbing it even harder than she had his face. “I have always loved children. When I was a girl, I dreamed of having a big family. I love my brother dearly and I would never trade him for a dozen siblings, but I always wondered what it would be like to have more than one.”
“Noisy and annoying.”
She wrinkled her nose.
“But also reassuring,” he said, his voice taking on a softer tone. “Imagine if you had four siblings just like your brother, always ready to tell you what to do or defend you.”
She hazarded a glance at his face, and the sincerity she saw in his smoky blue eyes chipped at the wall between them a little more. This was a bad development. The wall was in place for a reason.
A strand of hair slipped from her coiffure as she returned to vigorously scrubbing his clothing. He reached to tuck it behind her ear. She jumped, shocked by the intimacy of his touch. His hand fell to his lap, and she took a step back for fear she wouldn’t have it in her to discourage him if he touched her again.
“I wanted everything you wanted, Evie. I still do. A large family of our own. A home in the country… I want you.”
Her heart leaped into her throat and she wasn’t sure she could speak. She shook her head.
“Yes.” His voice sounded hoarse. “I came back for you.”
Who did he think he was to waltz back into her life—after she had given up on him ever returning—and claim he had come back for her? She dropped the cloth in the bowl, splattering water on the bench and floor. “You are two years too late, Ben.”
He captured her hand before she could leave. “I came back for you the day of our wedding. I tried to see you at your brother’s town house.” His eyes had darkened, and she didn’t know how to read his expression. “I encountered your brother on the street before I could reach you.”
Eve’s breath caught. Sebastian had seen Ben? Her brother had led her to believe Ben had run without looking back. “No, Bastian would have told me if he had spoken with you. You are lying.”
Ben’s jaw muscles twitched, a red flush invading his face. “Ask him yourself, Eve. Your brother refused to allow me to speak with you, even though I told him I was desperate to marry you. We still could have sent for the vicar. Thorne swore I would never see you again, then he called me out. And I wanted to meet him on that field. Nothing was going to keep me from you, especially not your damned brother.”
Now she was certain he lied. She jerked her hand free. “There was no duel.”
“No, there wasn’t.” He met her gaze, his unwavering, pleading with her to believe him. “I realized no matter what happened, I would lose you. Either I would die or I would kill the brother you love.”
The gravity of such a loss slammed into her. Nausea welled up inside her, leaving a sickening taste in her mouth.
He reached for her again, but she backed away.
“I chose the least destructive path, Evie. At least I thought the damage would be minimal compared to the loss of life. I never anticipated you would be treated as you have been, and I am wracked with guilt.”
His admission rang with truth, but she didn’t want to believe him. If she had misjudged him… Her hand covered her mouth as her vision blurred. Good God. If she had misjudged him, she had given up too soon.
And now it truly was too late, for she had given her word to marry Jonathan. She could never inflict pain on him—or anyone—like she had experienced. Even if she wanted, she couldn’t go back.
“Ben.” Her voice broke on a soft cry. “I am betrothed,” she choked out before spinning around and running from him this time.