A pungent fog hung on the air, casting a grayish tint over everything in the card room. Ben cursed under his breath. He would stink of cheroot when he returned to the ball. If the Earl of Wellham were not among the loo players, Ben would make another sweep of the ballroom. And if he happened to cross paths with Eve again, he didn’t want to give her one more excuse to run from him.
He frowned, unhappy with their parting this evening. At the end of the dance, she had bolted like a racehorse when the starter waves his flag. She hadn’t even bothered to say good-bye.
Just like you, jackass. Ben scratched his neck where prickles crept along his skin. The day he left for India, he’d had so many thoughts swirling in his mind, but when Mr. Cooper asked if Ben had a message for Eve to accompany the gift, he’d become too choked up to speak. He had never said good-bye to her either.
Ben was likely a fool to believe it was possible to win her back after what he’d done, but her pull was undeniable. He still loved her. He didn’t deserve her—never had—but he would do everything he could to earn her favor again. Now, however, he had a task to complete. If he wanted to help Charlotte’s family, he needed to propose a deal with Wellham, which required an actual conversation with the man.
Charlotte Tanney. Ben’s first infatuation. He still pictured her from the day they tried to elope. Golden hair tucked beneath the fashionable new bonnet he’d bought with his allowance, her wide smile plumping her rosy cheeks.
“In only a few days, I’ll be Mrs. Benjamin Hillary,” she whispered in his ear as they crammed into a mail coach with a mother and her brood of five children. “I have never been happier.”
He grinned and discreetly brushed his hand against hers to convey his agreement. He’d never been happier either. At fifteen, no one would ever convince him love couldn’t transcend social class. Charlotte, the sweet and innocent baker’s daughter, was his perfect match.
As the carriage pulled away from the coaching inn, the boy beside Ben dug his bony elbow into his ribs. Ben grunted under his breath and shifted closer to Charlotte. The boy’s mother stared blankly from across the coach as she cradled her fussy baby against her chest. The town of Eton hadn’t disappeared on the horizon before the baby began screeching loud enough to explode his brain. The stench of a dirty nappy crept up on him and soon overpowered the spices clinging to Charlotte’s silky hair.
He never traveled in such a manner, accustomed as he was to the luxuries his father’s wealth afforded. How anyone survived such conditions was beyond him.
Charlotte lifted her face toward him and smiled in commiseration. “Thank you. I realize this is beneath you.”
“No, it isn’t.” He refused to acknowledge any differences between them. They belonged together, no matter what his father believed, and once Charlotte was his wife, his father would see he was wrong.
He’d never had a chance to change his father’s mind, since Father and his older brother Nicholas caught up to them before the end of their second day. Ben hadn’t been allowed a moment to say good-bye to Charlotte before she was bustled into another mail coach headed back to Eton and Ben was forced into a hired coach that carried him back to his family home.
The faint sounds of Charlotte’s anguished cries encroached on his memory, and he slammed the door in his mind.
Ben returned his attention to searching for the Earl of Wellham at the overcrowded gaming tables. Margrave caught his eye and waved him over to a table wedged in a corner of the drawing room. As usual, his friend had chosen a position that allowed him the best view of his surroundings. Ben’s brother Jake was seated next to Margrave.
Ben ignored the glower his brother directed toward him. No doubt Jake had heard about his back-door entrance and came to the card room to deliver another lecture on etiquette. Jake thought attending parties without an invitation was beneath Ben. Ben thought his youngest brother should remove the stick from his arse.
Signaling a footman to bring him a drink, Ben scanned the various groups of men gathered around the tables. Wellham wasn’t there. Ben’s source—one of Wellham’s servants—assured him the earl would be here this evening, so he couldn’t have gotten far. When the footman approached with a crystal tumbler on a small tray, Ben offered his thanks and headed toward Margrave and Jake’s table to wait for the earl to make an appearance.
As Ben approached, Margrave’s dark gaze remained locked on his cards. He was likely calculating the odds of holding a winning hand. The viscount was a genius with numbers and never forgot what cards had been played, which was the reason Ben hadn’t sat at his table since their days at Oxford. He was pleased to see his brother hadn’t fallen prey to Margrave’s trap either, choosing to observe rather than join the game. Three of their fellow gents were not as bright.
Jake lifted an eyebrow in reproach. “I tried to speak to the earl on your behalf, but the second he saw me, he dashed out the door. Someone saw him leaving the ball on foot. I would have told you when you entered the room if you hadn’t given me the cut direct. I’m guessing Wellham will not be back.”
A low growl rumbled in Ben’s throat. “What the devil is wrong with the man? I barely know him, so what is his objection to me?”
Jake shrugged. “He wasn’t exactly enthused to speak with me either. Whatever his objection, it seems to extend to our family, although I cannot guess at what that might be.”
Ben took an angry swig of his brandy and remained standing. He didn’t see a point in staying in the card room if his quarry was gone. He nodded toward Jake. “Thank you for making the attempt anyway. I know you prefer remaining by your wife’s side at these sorts of events. Should we go find her?”
Ben didn’t know his sister-in-law well since he’d been in India during his brother’s courtship of her, but in less than a day, he had noted Jake’s devotion to Amelia and the son she had given him. He tried not to envy his brother.
At Jake’s grim expression, a ripple of unease passed through Ben. “Perhaps we should stay where we are,” his brother said, “or better yet, why don’t we leave the ball and find a tavern?”
Something was amiss. To leave early would risk offending Lord and Lady Eldridge. Jake would no sooner abandon his wife than he would his priggish manners.
“What has happened? Why have you really sought me out?”
Jake tugged at his cravat. His nervous silence did nothing to stop the sense of dread building in the pit of Ben’s stomach.
“Is it Mother? Father?” Ben misjudged the distance of the table and accidentally slammed his glass against the surface.
Jake’s eyes widened, clearly surprised by his alarm. Margrave and his opponents halted their game to stare. Heat engulfed Ben.
“Nothing has happened,” Jake said. “What would make you think—?”
Ben waved off his brother’s question, irritated that he’d drawn attention to himself. He needed to keep his wits about him, especially around others. It was too undignified to have one of his attacks here. “If you’ve not come bearing bad news, then you were sent to keep me occupied. By whom?”
His brother smiled sheepishly. “I am to keep you out of the ballroom. And do you truly need to ask who sent me?”
“Lana,” Ben grumbled. Their younger sister. The only person capable of bending Ben and his three brothers to her will. Being a soft touch when it came to Lana, however, didn’t mean he would allow her to run roughshod over him. Even if Wellham had evaded him again, as Jake reported, Ben wasn’t ready to leave. “Unless you intend to tie me up, you’ve no way of keeping me in the card room.”
Jake chuckled. “Do not give our sister any ideas, or she may start carrying rope in her reticule.” His brother’s grin faded, and he stood to draw Ben away from the table, affording them more privacy. “Perhaps it would be best if you heeded Lana’s wishes tonight. She wants to spare your feelings. Eve Thorne’s betrothal is to be announced in a moment.”
Ben’s breath left him in a whoosh.
“You must have heard Sir Jonathan Hackberry has been courting her. The contract was signed last week.” Jake’s voice sounded far away and his lips were still moving, but Ben was no longer listening.
He had learned of Hackberry’s interest in Eve the night her brother challenged Ben to a duel. When he hadn’t heard Eve’s and the baronet’s names linked again, he’d assumed Eve had discouraged the odd man.
“Amelia said Miss Thorne genuinely likes him, which must be some comfort.”
Ben was ripped from his dazed state by his brother’s ridiculous words. “She likes him? How is that comforting?”
Several pairs of eyes swung in their direction. Anger seared his veins, and he wanted to shout for everyone to mind their own damned affairs, but he didn’t care to be the topic of tomorrow’s gossip. Ignoring their curious stares, he motioned Jake to follow him into the corridor. The door closed behind them with a soft snick, shutting out the rumble of voices from the card room.
Ben crossed his arms to keep from hitting something. “Did you say she likes the man?” One liked one’s Aunt Mabel or mincemeat pie or the rare sunny day. Eve couldn’t bloody well marry Hackberry just because she found him amiable. Furthermore, Hackberry’s likability was a point for debate. Ben didn’t care for him one bit.
“Eve will only marry if love is involved,” Ben said. “She was steadfast on this.”
“Circumstances change. People change.” The dim lighting couldn’t hide Jake’s pitying look. Ben gripped his biceps to keep from wiping the look off his brother’s face with his knuckles.
“You know nothing about her. Why am I listening to you?” He turned to stalk toward the ballroom, but Jake’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Can you truly say you know her anymore?”
Ben jerked free of Jake’s hold. He hated having the truth tossed back in his face. “This is her brother’s doing. She would never compromise her values. I need to speak with her.”
“Ben, please do not make a scene. Hasn’t Miss Thorne suffered enough embarrassment at your hands?”
His brother’s words cooled the flames that were consuming his insides, and his shoulders slumped as his anger slowly died away. Damn Jake for being right. He was too big for his breeches as it was.
Sebastian Thorne wasn’t to blame for Eve’s circumstances. This was Ben’s doing. Just as he had destroyed Charlotte, he had crushed Eve’s dreams of a love match. She was settling for less than she deserved because of him.
He exhaled and dragged his fingers through his hair. “Must you always act as my conscience?”
“I hope not. I have better ways to spend my time.”
Jake had advised him well when he’d convinced him to lose the duel with Eve’s brother to restore her reputation, but to surrender her to another man? Even though he knew his brother was right—Ben should let her go—the decision hung heavily over his head.
Eventually, he nodded. “I won’t make a scene.”
Jake smiled and slapped a hand to Ben’s shoulder. “Splendid. Shall we rejoin Margrave?”
Ben spun out of Jake’s grasp and stalked down the long corridor en route to the ballroom.
“Devil take it.” Jake’s long strides soon matched his. “I thought you weren’t going to cause any trouble.”
Jake cursed under his breath as Ben reached the ballroom door.
“I gave my word,” Ben said, “and I will not break it. Thank our sister for trying to spare me, but I can’t stay away.”
When Ben entered the brightly lit room, Jake sighed. “Blasted martyr,” he grumbled and followed him inside.
The musicians were playing a raucous tune, sawing at their instruments as the dancers spun around the floor at dizzying speeds. Lord Eldridge moved to the edge of the dais, his posture stiff as he awaited the end of the set. The earl’s slicked-down silver hair, as well as his height, made him stand out in the crowd. A determined set to his jaw hinted he had a task to perform.
Ben’s fingers began to tingle. He shook his hands to drive away the irritating sensation, but it didn’t help. His chest was growing heavy, as if trying to squeeze the life from him. Inhaling deeply, he fought against the feeling of suffocation creeping up on him. Hell, not now. Not here. He couldn’t allow the panic to get the best of him this time.
Jake’s forehead creased, and he grabbed Ben above his elbow. “Come with me.”
He didn’t argue as his brother drew him toward a darkened alcove. They dissolved into the shadows, the wall catching Ben’s weight as his legs almost buckled. He clawed at his cravat, managing to rip the knot free, and gasped for air.
“Slow down,” Jake urged in a quiet voice. “Take your time breathing.”
Ben focused on his brother’s soothing tone, closing his eyes and silently repeating “all is well,” as he’d learned to do in Delhi when he woke from a nightmare, struggling to breathe.
Jake’s hand on his shoulder supported his weight. “Gather your wits, Ben.” Although Jake’s tone wasn’t chiding, his meaning struck Ben, and he glared at his brother as indignation flooded his body, restoring his strength.
“I’m not a bloody Bedlamite,” he said through gritted teeth. “Gather your wits before I beat your arse.”
Jake held his palms up in surrender and chuckled. “I only meant to help. No need to resort to violence.”
“I beg to differ,” a familiar voice snipped. Their little sister stood at the alcove entrance with her hands planted on her slim hips, the light behind her setting her auburn curls ablaze. Her fiery gaze locked on Jake. “I told you to keep him in the card room.”
Lana had been a willful chit since birth. As soon as she was old enough to speak, she’d begun ordering around her four elder brothers, and she had never outgrown the tendency. Jake was almost as difficult to tolerate with his overzealous sense of honor and justice.
Jake squared his shoulders, ready to go toe to toe with their sister. “I would like to see you try to corral him for once. He’s as stubborn as Daniel.”
“That is a lie,” Ben said, his humor returning bit by bit. “I surpass our brother at most everything.”
Lana’s brow lifted, mirroring Jake. “I would not boast, Benjamin. Vulgarity and stubbornness are not virtues.”
Ben grinned. He never thought he would miss his younger siblings trying to manage him, but he had. They had no chance at succeeding. Nevertheless, it was heartwarming to know they cared enough to try.
The music faded from beyond the alcove, only to be replaced by the din of laughter and chatter. Lana’s husband appeared at her side, his hand sliding possessively to the small of her back. “Lord Eldridge is signaling for everyone’s attention.”
She dropped her arms to her sides with a weary sigh. Her eyes glittered in the dim light. “Ben…”
Her voice was filled with such sorrow that he forgot about his own distress. She’d always had a tender heart, and her sisterly love left him speechless.
Lord Andrew smiled down at her. “Your brother can muddle through well enough without your aid, Peach.”
“How reassuring.” Lana rolled her eyes and leaned into her husband as he placed a kiss at her temple.
Ben nodded his thanks to his sister’s husband for trying to cheer her. “And if I make a grand mess of my life, I will come to you straightaway. Then you can put things back to rights for me.”
“Marvelous,” she grumbled, but the beginnings of a smile turned up her lips.
A hush descended over the ballroom, and Ben eased forward, bracing to hear the words he dreaded. Eve was marrying another man. She would be lost to him in a matter of moments.
He cursed under his breath. He’d lost her two years ago when he’d lost control of himself the first time. His heart beat heavily, a small reminder of their wedding day when his heart had taken off on a wild gallop. Dizziness had threatened to overtake him, blackness encroaching on his vision. He’d thought he was dying, and so he had run, heedless of his brother standing in his way.
Ben stood up straight, his spine like iron as Lord Eldridge’s voice rang out in the large room as he called for attention. “We are gathered together on this joyous occasion to announce the betrothal of Miss Eve Thorne and Sir Jonathan Hackberry.” The words sounded as if they traveled through a long tunnel to reach Ben. A dull ache pulsed beneath his breastbone as the earl encouraged everyone to congratulate the couple. When the festivities resumed, the words hadn’t fully sunk into Ben’s awareness yet.
While he was in India, Ben believed Eve would receive another offer of marriage. He never imagined she would remain unmarried, not a lovely young lady who’d turned heads any time she walked into a room. Acceptance of her marriage to another man had come easier from a distance, but reality hadn’t been standing within his sights. And it hadn’t had tousled hair and a wrinkled coat. A man couldn’t be judged by appearance alone, but Sir Jonathan Hackberry could not be any more unsuitable for Eve. Ben couldn’t be the only one to notice.
“What does she see in him?” he asked of no one in particular.
His brother shrugged. “I cannot say. He and Amelia’s friend grew up together, so we have dined with him twice. He is a hard man to know, although my knowledge of ancient ritual drumming has greatly increased.”
“Pardon?”
Lana turned away from the scene in the ballroom. “Sir Jonathan spent several years in Syria, Egypt, and the surrounding area studying the use of drums in religious ceremonies. He can speak on the subject at length.”
“Yes,” Lord Andrew drawled. “He makes one want to stuff a handkerchief in his mouth and ship him back there.”
Ben chuckled. He liked his sister’s husband. “I own a fleet of ships. Something could be arranged.”
“We own a fleet,” Jake said with a touch of drollness. Their maternal grandfather had willed his shipping company to Daniel, Jake, and Ben, allowing them to become independent from their father.
“And do you also have a handkerchief?” Ben asked.
Lana tugged off her glove and waved it like a flag. “Will this do?” She and Jake shared a laugh. In for a penny, in for a pound. Those two had always been quick to scheme together, and Ben was happy to see their marriages hadn’t weakened their bond.
The quartet returned from a brief intermission and began tuning their instruments. Jake held his arm out to her. “We should find Amelia and offer our best to Miss Thorne.”
“But not to her betrothed.” Lana winked at Ben before they walked away.
Lord Andrew stayed behind. The mischievous glint was gone from his eyes. “Obviously, you can’t send Hackberry back to Syria, but you shouldn’t step aside if you want the lady.” The younger man rarely took anything seriously, but affairs of the heart appeared to be the exception.
“Your opinion is at odds with my brother’s. Jake believes I have caused enough trouble for Miss Thorne.”
Lord Andrew’s grin returned. “It must be difficult for your brother, so often being wrong.” He clapped Ben on the shoulder and lowered his voice. “Earlier, Thorne was in a temper because the groom-to-be hadn’t arrived yet. He doesn’t fully trust Hackberry.”
The baron had always been suspicious of others’ motives. Ben leaving Thorne’s sister at the altar would have only reinforced his paranoia. “He trusts me even less.”
“Perhaps, but if you prove him wrong, he isn’t too proud to change his mind. He cares about his sister and only wants her happiness. Can you make her happy?”
Ben didn’t know. If a strong desire to please her guaranteed success, then he was miles ahead. “How do you propose I proceed? Miss Thorne is promised to another man. Doesn’t honor dictate I should leave her be?”
A wicked smile swept across his brother-in-law’s face. “Honor makes for a poor bed partner, doesn’t it?”
What was he implying? That he’d been unfaithful to Lana? Ben’s fingers curled into a fist. “If you have dishonored my sister, I will knock that smirk from your face.”
Lord Andrew shook his head, chuckling to himself. “You Hillary men are a hotheaded lot, always prepared to defend Lana with your fists, but there is no need. I adore your sister. Besides, she is scarier than any of you.”
Ben relaxed his stance, laughing at himself.
“Honor receives a lot of lip service,” Lord Andrew continued, becoming serious once more, “but when it keeps you from the woman you love, honor brings nothing but misery.”
The gent had a peculiar way of looking at things, but he made a good argument. What was the sense in honor when it left one feeling hollow inside? And since when had Ben become concerned about behaving honorably? He had just climbed the garden fence and walked into the Eldridge Ball uninvited.
Until Eve spoke her vows, she was available, and Ben had only a short time to convince her that she belonged with him instead. He just needed to find a way to get close to her without her betrothed or her brother getting in his way.
He smiled at Lord Andrew as an idea began to form. “I’ll be by to speak with my sister tomorrow, and I may need to borrow her soon.”
“As long as you promise to bring her back.”