IT’S FULLY DARK OUTSIDE, but neither of us has yet surrendered to sleep. It’s as if we’re both counting the hours. Both driven to insanity with the need to keep touching each other. Every kiss, every cry, every climax brings us closer to the end. I briefly close my gritty eyes; I can’t bear to think about that.
Hudson’s heartbeat under my cheek, where I’m sprawled across his chest in a sexually satisfied heap, helps to soothe the panicked feeling bubbling away in me.
‘Tell me about the photo of the Blackhearts boys,’ I mumble, my voice thick and sleepy. I’m not ready to close my eyes on another day. And what a day it’s been...
He tenses. He doesn’t need to say it—to him Blackhearts is deeply personal. He rarely mentions his charity work, which he started years ago when he lived in London. My desire to know intensifies. The photo taking pride of place on the shelf all but tore out my heart.
His deep voice is sleepy too. ‘The need for the mentoring programme for kids in the foster system has grown. Now we operate in twenty-three countries. But I’m always looking to expand.’
‘Of course you are.’ I lift my head and press my lips to his in a slow, languid kiss that says everything I want to voice. ‘It’s something close to your heart, isn’t it?’ Now I know more about his past, I understand how important it is to him.
I wonder if he discusses it with Sterling. They often hit the gym together when we’re in the same country. What do they talk about when I’m not there?
He shrugs as if to say, ‘of course.’ And he’s right. Why didn’t I notice when I was just a business partner and, I like to think, a friend? I’m still those things, I hope. But becoming lovers has thrown a spanner into our well-oiled machine, and I’m not sure I want to stick in my hand to retrieve it.
His fingers idly trace a line up the centre of my back. ‘Yeah. I want as many youngsters as possible to have access to counselling as well as fun outings and experiences. A safe place where they can just be normal kids is important.’
‘Yes, it is.’ I want to ask if he had those things, but something holds me back—perhaps the nauseating instinct that he didn’t.
My patience is rewarded when he continues. ‘Some children have great foster families but others need contact and consistent support outside of their foster homes. It’s vital for them to make social connections with other kids. When I was fourteen my social worker put me forward for an outward-bound youth group. I think that stopped me from veering off the rails.’
I swallow hard. My heart bleeds for the boy he was and for the man trying to make a difference for other kids. ‘I didn’t realise you took such an active role.’
‘I don’t, really. My job is to donate large chunks of cash, invite very well-connected businessmen and women to the fundraisers, and occasionally put my face to the marketing campaigns.’
He’s also emotionally invested, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. ‘So where was the photo taken? It looked like you were enjoying yourself.’
‘Yeah. There’s a branch here in Tokyo. I joined them for a soccer game and picnic at a nearby park. I got roped into playing goalie.’ He chuckles, a lovely, rich sound that vibrates through his chest and makes me yearn to make him laugh every day.
‘They kicked my butt.’ His smile is full of warmth, his eyes faraway, as if he’s remembering the day fondly. ‘My Japanese isn’t brilliant, but I think I took a ribbing for being the oldest and slowest on the team.’
I bury my face against the side of his neck and try to breathe evenly, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult in his presence. Today has been magical in many ways. I’m humbled that he invited me to his home. I’ve discovered so much about him that I didn’t know. It’s made me wonder what it would be like if this fling had no time limit. What if Hudson wanted more than our few nights? Surely, if he can open his heart to Blackhearts, he can one day open it to the possibility of a lasting relationship?
But could I rely on my instincts and explore a relationship with him? Someone with dreams opposite to mine.
My head pounds with arguments for and against. It’s crazy. Hudson lives in Tokyo and I’m in London. There’s Sterling to consider—he’d surely feel betrayed by the idea of us and the fact that we’ve messed around behind his back on more than one occasion. Not to mention the biggest obstacle—me. I love my career, but I’ve always wanted more—a family. It’s as if it’s in my DNA.
‘Do you like living here?’ I slide my fingers into his thick hair, which is inky-black in the darkness.
‘Yes. But I can run Bold from anywhere.’
He has no ties. I try and fail to imagine what that’s like. To me, family is my security, but for Hudson security is success and wealth. Except there’s also Blackhearts. He’s not the emotional island he probably tells himself he is.
We stare, our hearts thudding against each other, as if both conscious of what we’re leaving unsaid.
‘What?’ he asks, rolling us onto our sides so we’re face to face.
‘Nothing.’ I pull back from probing what-ifs. ‘You’re just full of surprises, that’s all—romantic, philanthropic, good with kids.’
He shakes his head but his smile is relaxed. ‘I’m also a single, workaholic loner. Besides, all three of us are involved in charity work—that was one of our goals for Bold from the outset.’
I nod and entangle my legs with his under the sheet. ‘Just because you’re often alone doesn’t make you a loner. I’ve seen you with your team here. They respect you. They know they can challenge you. You empower them. That’s a sign of a natural leader.’
‘Is that right...?’ He’s distracted, his erection surging against my thigh.
‘Also, it’s a total aphrodisiac imagining you kicking a ball around a park with a bunch of kids.’ I rock my hips against him, sighing with pleasure and triumph when he rolls on top of me and nudges my thighs open with his knees.
Smoky desire fills his eyes. ‘Is it?’ He brushes his mouth over mine. ‘You have very strange ideas about what constitutes sexy.’ He lays kisses along my jaw and down my neck to my collarbone.
‘Mmm-hmm,’ I moan, because he’s moved to my breast, his mouth and tongue working my nipple into a frenzy of sensation. ‘You’re right. I am weird. I find commitment sexy. I think dads are sexy. But at the moment there’s nothing sexier than you. Just you.’
He takes a moment to stare, as if he’s puzzled by my admission, time enough for me to remember I want more than this. He grabs a condom, sheathes himself quickly, and pushes inside me once more. But, as I lose my mind to our physical connection, I wonder how I’m ever going to survive without it.
It’s so early that the outer offices where the assistants and associates sit in open-plan cubicles are deserted. My reflection bounces from the many windows and glass partitions turned mirror-like by the still-dark sky outside. I look like a woman with winning on her mind—careful make-up and red lips, tousled hair styled into glossy waves and bright eyes. My breath catches with illicit excitement for my mission.
When I woke this morning, alone in Hudson’s expansive and comfortable bed, urgency gripped me until I vibrated with a sense of panic. We have two more days to outdo each other in our sexy little game of seduction. Two more nights before we fly to London and meet up with Sterling. Forty-eight hours to indulge this fling, which has completely taken me by surprise.
Hudson’s complexities are forcing me to examine my own drivers.
Before I left his bed this morning I logged onto Blackhearts’s website and made a large anonymous donation. Then I spent a frustrating half-hour trawling the website for more clues about the man I can’t push from my mind, even for five minutes.
My throat aches anew for young Hudson. For all the children out there who believe that no one cares. It’s hard for me to comprehend—most of my life I’ve felt as if I’ve had multiple caretakers. My parents and my older siblings. It was a blessing and, for a teenaged Monroe, at times felt like a curse. But it shaped me, allowed me to discover who I was in safety.
Hudson had no one.
Instead of growing bitter and angry, turning to drugs or crime as a coping mechanism, he’s devoted his adult life to financial security and helping others succeed. I know him better than ever now. Relationships mean risk. He’s protecting himself from further abandonment.
But the tortured and caring and romantic Hudson—he could make me lose sight of everything I’ve always wanted.
Shoving away my confused emotions, I roll my shoulders back and head for his office. My seduction plan helps to keep my wildly budding feelings in perspective. This affair began with a competition—that’s where I need to stay focussed.
Outside his door I drag in a breath. I hear his fingers clicking away at his keyboard. He must have been here for hours, perhaps half the night. Did I chase him out of his home by staying over? He’s not used to having his space invaded. Now I know the depth of the demons chasing him, it’s easy to understand why he pushes himself as he does professionally. Why he spends so many hours here at his office. Why Bold is perhaps the only marker of success he can trust and control. I don’t blame him.
Powerlessness sticks my feet to the carpet. Helping him overcome his past to see that he’s more than just an outstanding businessman seems as colossal as the skyscraper we’re in.
Except I do have power. I feel it every time we’re intimate. And if that’s the only way I can reach him, the only way to give him something, anything that shows him he has people in his life who care, then I’ll take it. I want him to know that opening himself to me emotionally, something that must have felt like a trip to the dentist’s chair for him, isn’t life-threatening.
And you’re also reminding yourself that you’re still just fooling around, that you will return to normal, that you too are safe.
I cinch the belt of my trench coat, as if tightening my resolve. I push open the door, my heart banging against my ribs. At first he’s too focussed on the screen to notice me standing in his doorway. Then some sixth sense must alert him to my presence, or perhaps it’s my audible sigh at the sight of him. He’s wearing a black T-shirt and well-worn, soft-looking jeans. There’s a sexy shadow on his jaw and his hair is untamed. He looks as if he’s just crawled out of my bed and is as sexy as he looks in his bespoke business suits.
He notices me. Heat and something close to longing chases away his surprised expression. My heart clenches painfully.
‘What are you doing here so early?’ He pushes back from his desk and makes to stand.
‘Don’t move.’ I hold up my hand. ‘Stay right there.’ I try to make my voice sound like a sexy purr, but I want him so desperately, I’m scared of giving myself away.
He obeys, a curious glint in his narrowed eyes as he takes in my outfit. Swallowing hard, I close the door behind me, turn the lock and drop my bag on the floor. My legs wobble as I sashay closer, anticipation and frenetic energy coursing through my nervous system.
I can do this. I’m here to seduce him. Nothing else matters for now.
‘We have unfinished business.’ I stop before him, noticing the way his thighs are spread and his arousal already bulges at the front of his jeans. That I do that to him bolsters my resolve.
‘We do? I thought we were up to speed.’ Confusion dims the lust glimmering in his stare. He’s doubting his instincts, which are spot-on: I’m not here on Bold business. I cut him some slack—he hasn’t slept much for three days and it’s before dawn.
I finger the knot in the coat’s belt, slowly sliding the fabric free. ‘You left me alone in your bed.’
My disappointment had been an ache only pacified by a snoop around his apartment for more clues about the real Hudson. Apart from discovering his well-loved home gym and a stuffed bookcase of crime thrillers, my search left me far from gratified.
‘I wanted to catch up on a few things I postponed yesterday afternoon.’ His voice is tight with desire.
My trusty trench coat is working its magic.
The reminder of our wonderful day beneath the cherry blossom, our chats and watching the sun setting from the hot tub floods me with chills of doubt. But I can’t give in to any weakness where he’s concerned. I know what I want long term, and Hudson doesn’t even come close.
But he could...
Instead of indulging any more flights of fancy, I focus on my big reveal. I abandon the loosened belt and slide my hands up my torso to the top button of the coat, which sits just above my cleavage. My nipples tingle against my bra, begging to be set free, begging for his mouth. The heat building behind his dark eyes like an inferno drags me back to the reason we work as lovers.
Our chemistry has always been undeniable. That doesn’t mean we’d work in a relationship. I can’t risk making another mistake.
I drop my voice to a smoky whisper, embracing my seductress role. ‘You can’t show a woman a good time the way you did yesterday and then expect her not to want to share breakfast...’
I reach out and trace a finger across his parted lips, smiling at the gusts of excited breath he can’t control.
‘You don’t eat breakfast, Dove. And I don’t usually do mornings after.’ He spreads his thighs. His erection must be pretty uncomfortable trapped behind the denim. But I want to prolong the anticipation until he can’t take any more.
I ignore his reminder of how we differ in our approach to dating and pop the first two buttons, my pulse pounding between my legs when his gaze drops to the parting fabric and my cleavage.
‘That’s right, I don’t. I’m impressed you remembered. That’s because I always take my workout in the morning.’ I pop another button and catch the sound of his rough inhale. I look down and see that my new black mesh bra is on display. His eyes linger there, his pupils flaring as he stares.
‘So you see...it’s payback time. You took me home and let me sleep over... Seems to me the least you could do is provide morning sex.’ I battle the renewed urge to read too much into his gesture, as I did last night. I am different from the women he normally sleeps with, but only because I’m also a business partner.
His glittering eyes narrow, shocking desire through my body like lightning. I’m playing with fire. But challenging Hudson has become an addiction I have no desire to shake.
‘Did you walk here from the hotel like that?’ His voice is rough and urgent, and he blatantly adjusts his cock behind his fly.
I continue undoing the coat’s buttons. ‘Takao took me back and waited for me to change.’ And every move I made on the way here reminded me of my seductive plan. By the time I made it into his personal lift, which bypasses all the floors below us, I was soaking wet.
‘Fuck.’ He makes a fist and then releases it. ‘Takao would have a heart attack if he knew what you’re wearing.’
I finish undoing the coat and push the two sides open, bracing my hands on my hips so he sees the full effect. ‘What...? This old thing?’ The matching panties are sheer and leave nothing to the imagination, and of course I’m wearing my signature lace hold-up stockings and my favourite high heels.
‘I thought you’d like it.’ I want him to know the lengths I went to for his seduction. To understand that he was the first thing on my mind when I opened my eyes.
His stare moves over every inch of my body, sending powerful shudders through me to my core. Then his gaze flicks to the door and outer office beyond.
‘People will be arriving in a little while.’ His hands grip the arms of the chair, as if he’s dying to touch me. And I want his hands all over my body, a feeling more addictive than our game of sexual one-upmanship.
I shrug off the coat so it falls to the crook of my elbows and stand between his spread thighs. I brace my hands next to his on the chair-arms and lean in close to whisper in his ear and to flash him a clear and uninterrupted view of my breasts.
‘So what are you waiting for...?’
My heartbeat deafens me for a handful of tense seconds.
‘I have no idea.’ He scoops one arm around my waist and tumbles me into his lap as if he’s performed the smooth move a hundred times.
Sitting across his steely thighs and crushed to his hard chest, I’m breathless, desperate for him to snap and kiss me. Instead, I press my index finger to his soft lips and trace their fullness. ‘Remember, this was my idea.’
And then I can’t toy with him any more because he cups my face, hooking his fingers around the back of my neck, and brings my mouth crashing to his in a rush of lips and tongues and the collision of teeth.
Our kiss is frantic. As if we hadn’t spent most of last night in each other’s arms, rolling around in his massive bed until the sheets were a tangle.
He pulls away first. ‘You are a raunchy sex goddess.’
My laughter dies in my throat as he traces one nipple and dusky areola through the mesh of my bra.
I tease him back, stroking my fingers along the length of his erection, which surges against his fly. ‘Well, I couldn’t have you outdoing me.’ I pop the button on his jeans and feel the wet patch on his underwear where he’s leaked for me.
‘Now you’re just making this competition thing way too exciting, Dove. My mind is working overtime...’ His fingers slide over my stomach and down, down, down until he grazes my mound. ‘Are you wet? Did you get yourself all worked up concocting this plan, walking in here wearing nothing underneath this coat but this tiny excuse for underwear?’
He slides his fingers along the soaked crotch of my panties and my head drops back as I release a groan. ‘Yes... Yes, I did.’
‘I can see that.’ He strokes my strip of hair and swipes my clit. ‘Where the fuck did you get this outfit?’
‘Like it, do you?’ I pant as he strokes my lips through the underwear, his touch increasingly demanding.
He emits a low growl. ‘That’s an understatement.’
‘I bought it thinking of you. This city really is open day and night. I found a store that delivers within the hour.’ I thrust my hips in his direction and tug his mouth back to mine. While I enjoy his kisses, my hands are free to roam under his T-shirt. His skin is warm and smooth, the muscular slabs a sure-fire sign that he spends a lot of time in that home gym I found.
I release the remaining buttons of his fly and then remove the two items I have stashed in the coat pocket—a condom and the vibrator. I shove them at him and tug at his shirt. ‘Hurry... The clock is ticking.’ As much as I want to kiss every inch of him, the work day will soon begin with the arrival of his staff, and we’ll miss our opportunity.
His eyes widen at the sight of the vibrator which we never got round to using last night. He places it on the desk and shifts his hips so I can yank his jeans and boxers down. I free his erection and cover him, and then he springs into action.
In one brisk move he stands and deposits me on the desk in front of him. I shrug off the coat and toss it to the floor as he removes his T-shirt and shoves his jeans down. His cock juts out from between his strong thighs, his abs contracting.
My mouth waters. ‘You are the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I want to suck you.’ I’m addicted to his salty taste. To the guttural roar he makes as he comes in my mouth. To the helpless vulnerability in his eyes for a few seconds afterwards.
‘I was just thinking the same thing.’
He pulls down the cup of my bra, exposing one breast before covering the nipple with his mouth. I cry out at his mind-blowing ministrations, releasing the mewling sounds I can’t contain.
I lean back on my hands, uncaring of his open laptop behind me or the pile of documents that crinkle under my butt. The sight of this urbane, zealous businessman losing control and splaying me over the desk from which he runs our multi-billion-dollar company makes me pulse with need.
His fingers slide the crotch of my underwear aside and then push inside me, plunging in time with his suckling on my nipple.
He abandons my breast to look down at the sight of his pumping fingers. I widen my thighs and gasp as he scissors the two inside me wider and rubs at my clit with his thumb.
With his free hand he picks up the vibrator. ‘Turn it on.’
I obey and then watch with mounting desperation as he brings the buzzing tip to my exposed, wet nipple. The first touch makes me gasp, the sensation so confronting I want to move away. But before I can he shifts the toy to the other side and pinpoints the other nipple through the mesh of my bra.
‘You’re right, Dove. This was a genius idea.’ He slides his mouth over mine, catching my moans, his eyes wide open to watch my every reaction to his torture.
‘Hudson... I need you inside me.’
He turns off the vibrator and tosses it to the floor. Then he grips my arse cheeks and shunts me to the edge of his desk. I cling to his shoulders as he grips his cock and notches it at my entrance, sinking onto me with a ragged sigh as if he’s waited far too long.
The feeling echoes in me.
His face contorts with pleasure, his eyes ablaze with lust and vulnerability. ‘What are you doing to me...?’ He grips my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh, and then he thrusts long and deep and hard.
‘Only what you’re doing to me,’ I say, resting back on my hands. I lock my arms, desperate to counter the onslaught of his hips, both for maximum friction and because of the same bloody-minded competitive streak that shapes our every interaction.
Because I know he likes my hair—I caught him sniffing it last night in bed—I loosen my messy bun and shake free the long waves until they’re splayed over my shoulders. His eyes flash fire at the sight.
Greedy for more, I wrap my thighs around his hips, crossing my ankles in the small of his back. I’m burning up and only he can quench the flames.
Beads of sweat break out at his hairline. His eyes lock with mine, sending jolts of pleasure through me, and something else. A deeper connection than was there last night. Now it’s more defined, its edges sharper and brighter. Does he feel it too? Perhaps he does, because he momentarily scrunches his eyes shut, as if overwhelmed.
I cup his face and press my mouth to his as my orgasm starts. I’m his in that moment—any seduction plan or life plan smashed and tattered by the force of my feelings. I cry out against his lips. Triumph washes over me, strengthening the final spasms of my climax as he opens his eyes once more, roars my name and shudders against me in release.
We stay locked together for what seems like an age. Hudson’s head grows heavy on my shoulder. My butt aches against the hard desk. But I don’t want to move in case something seismic happens. The moment, the silence, feels that portentous.
Eventually he shifts, and when he lifts his head he’s composed, back in control, and my stomach plummets.
‘Well, that was a great way to start the working day.’ He kisses me, pulls out, and then removes the condom, wrapping it in a tissue from the box on his debauched desk. Then he glances at the locked door, tension around his eyes.
Feeling dismissed, I right my underwear and bra, goosebumps breaking out over my skin.
‘Any time,’ I say with a smile that feels rictus-like. Because that’s a lie. It can’t be any time. His reminder of where we are and that his employees will soon arrive robs every shred of good feeling from my body. He’s reinstating the boundaries. And he’s right. But for a moment there I felt an emotional closeness I know he reciprocated. Something more than sex.
Trust. Communication. Togetherness.
Yet I’m dismissed.
‘Mind if I jump in your shower? I brought a change of clothes.’ My voice sounds normal but I can’t wait to cover up, as he’s doing, shrugging into his T-shirt and buttoning his fly.
I won’t hide, though. No matter how vulnerable it makes me. I brazen it out, standing tall in my sexy outfit and heels, as if to say, look what you could have every day, if only you were interested.
But that’s only half the truth. I want more than great sex, and we both know it, presumably the reason he’s struggling to look me in the eye as he straightens the papers on his desk.
‘Of course. Take as long as you like. I was going to suggest we split up today. I’m happy to handle the meeting with the lawyers if you want to catch up with Sterling and get him up to speed on Kunosu Tech.’
I scoop some fallen documents from the floor and place them carefully on the desk, my stomach tight with the pain of rejection.
‘That sounds like a plan.’
‘If I’m not back in time,’ he says, ‘I’ll send Takao to take you shopping for tonight.’
We’re attending the Tokyo Business Awards dinner, at which he’s been invited to give the after-dinner speech.
I don my trench coat, which now feels about as sexy as a bin liner, and retrieve my bag from near the door. When I turn and head for the bathroom, he’s back to his usual self, apart from having hair mussed from my fingers and a cagey expression.
‘I’ll catch you later, then.’ I present my cheek for his kiss, as I have a thousand times before over the years, only this time his perfunctory peck leaves me frozen to the core.
‘Give my best to Sterling.’ His eyes are devoid of warmth, even though he’s pasted on a smile. But it’s the reminder I needed.
This is meaningless sex. In three days, we’ll all be together. Neither of us wants to hurt Sterling. There’s no sense in confessing a casual fling. Hudson and I will need to try way harder than we’re currently achieving in order to pretend that nothing has changed between us.
Right now, we’re fooling no one, least of all ourselves.