part0106

Monastic rules that advise renouncing liquor, renouncing sex, and so on are not pointing out that those things are inherently bad or immoral, but that we use them as babysitters. We use them as a way to escape; we use them to try to get comfort and to distract ourselves.

Deconstructing a temptation piece by piece can uncover interesting facts about why you engage in them at all. Of course, you can say that you eat chocolate simply because you enjoy its taste. However, what if there’s a deeper meaning behind it, a need it fulfills beyond the need for something sweet to eat? If you address this need in a different, more positive way, you’ll no longer need to eat chocolate.

I’ll share with you a personal example of mine. I was once going through a period in which I couldn’t control my eating. I would eat a big meal that would normally satisfy me for the entire day, and then would continue eating afterward — sometimes a few snacks, sometimes another large meal an hour or two later.

I discovered that the primary reason behind this behavior wasn’t hunger in itself; I ate a lot because I didn’t have anything productive to do, and I didn’t have anything productive to do because I felt slightly depressed. I was in a downward spiral: I was low-spirited and demotivated, so I didn’t take any actions that led to boredom. Then, because I wanted to fill my days with something , I filled them with food. When I came up with a new business goal and started working more, the problem soon disappeared.

Think about your problematic behaviors and temptations and seek a deeper meaning behind them. Why do you use these particular methods to comfort or distract yourself? Why do you need to comfort or distract yourself in the first place? What is the trigger or emotional need that leads to the negative behavior and what kind of emotional payoff do you expect to get out of engaging in it?