part0207

Those who have accomplished the greatest results are those who never lose self-control, but are always calm, self-possessed, patient, and polite.

Being calm, self-possessed, patient, and polite are all traits that everyone interested in building self-discipline should aspire to have. Let’s go through them one by one and offer some pointers on how to develop them.

Staying calm means being free of nervousness, anger, and other negative emotions that can take away your self-control and make you do things you’ll later regret. In essence, staying calm comes down to mindfulness and the clear logical thinking that comes from that.

One of the best ways to become calmer is to engage in some type of a meditative practice. Whether it’s traditional meditation, engaging in a high-focus sport, or doing something that captures your full attention, it will serve as an exercise in mindfulness and thinking clearly. Being calm is a skill; the more often you put yourself in a calm state, the easier it will be to access and maintain it in your everyday life.

Being self-possessed means that you can navigate difficult situations with grace and remain in control of your feelings in circumstances in which a person lacking such an ability would lose their head. By far the best way to develop this ability is by deliberately putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. The more you stretch your comfort zone, the less future situations will overwhelm you. A person who’s already been in a disagreeable situation several times, out of their own volition, will be less likely to lose their head when they involuntarily find themselves in such circumstances in the future.

A person who’s unable to remain patient — whether it’s with other people or when waiting for results to materialize — is more likely to make impulsive decisions that will sabotage their long-term goals. You need to train patience like a muscle. One way in which you can exercise your patience muscle is by engaging in activities that require patience or by learning a skill that takes a long time to develop. Slow progress will help you develop more humility and understand that some things can’t be rushed, no matter how hard you try to push them.

Being polite seems unrelated to the topic of self-discipline, but there’s one aspect of this trait that does affect your self-control: treating everyone as your equal. People who are impolite are in essence putting themselves above others, thinking that they’re superior. This arrogance can lead them to unnecessarily putting themselves in situations that test their willpower, which carries a higher risk of failure.

How do you become more polite? Easy. Assume that you aren’t better than others and try to learn from everybody. It’s impossible to be impolite toward a person you consider your mentor, because that’s what every person can become for you when you embrace humility.