CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Eddie and Jack hovered where the firelight met the darkness. Eddie told Jack about Brian, Susan, and the joint.

“Remind you of anyone?” Jack sipped his beer.

“Dad. I was in Huntsville with Brian’s old man. He was proud wife beater. Think Brian beats Susan?”

Jack studied Brian Grant. He had a history of disturbing the peace and a few assaults, all involving alcohol and all involving men, none leading to charges once everyone sobered up. Nothing involving women, especially Susan. “I hope not.”

“Why do women stay with men like that?”

Jack could answer with all kinds of statistics about domestic abuse, about the mental manipulation that was sometimes as bad as the physical abuse, but he remained silent, watching his wife. Why had he stayed with her? Because it was easier than leaving. Sometimes, it was as simple as that.

“What do you think she’s talking about?” Eddie said, nodding to Julie.

“God only knows. Michelle Ryan has been staring at us off and on for ten minutes.”

“I noticed,” Eddie said. “She’s probably gauging if we’d be interested in a threesome.”

“No.”

Eddie drank his beer and watched Michelle, who stood next to her husband, Chris, but didn’t bother to avert her gaze from the twins. Chris, long BBQ tongs in one hand and his phone in the other, was focused squarely on the glowing four-inch screen of his phone.

“Chris is a moron,” Eddie said. “I could screw Michelle right next to him, and he’d never know.”

“Well, don’t.”

Eddie shrugged one shoulder and grinned, as though he wasn’t committing one way or the other. “You know, I think she’s fucking me because she thinks I’m with Ellie.”

“That’s twisted.”

“It is. But I’m not complaining. Need another?” Eddie held up his empty beer bottle.

“Sure.” Jack wandered over to the smoker to talk to the men, passing Michelle as she walked toward the others. Jack glanced over his shoulder and saw Eddie and Michelle standing apart from everyone, heads close together, talking. Michelle laughed and touched Eddie on his arm. Check that. Flirting. He turned his attention back to the men and thought he caught Chris duck his head down quickly. A muscle in Chris’s jaw tensed. He wasn’t as big a moron as Eddie thought.

“Hey, Brian. Seen Kyle lately?” Jack said.

Brian wore an aged Carhartt jacket and a retro Cowboys toboggan on his head to ward off the cold. He dragged on his cigarette and blew smoke out the side of his mouth. “My half-brother and I don’t run in the same circles. Why?”

“I have a few questions for him.”

“What about?”

Jack didn’t answer and addressed Matt instead. “He still work for you?”

“He doesn’t work for me. He works for the company. Floats around, doing what needs to be done.”

“Who does he report to?”

“Whoever needs him,” Matt said, eyes flicking to Chris and back to the grill. Jack watched Michelle’s husband, who appeared to be enthralled with his phone, but Jack suspected he’d heard every word. “Chris, how about you?” Jack said. “You seen Kyle Grant lately?”

Chris looked up from his phone. “What?” He tried to feign ignorance.

“Kyle Grant. He ever work for you?”

“Some.”

“I heard he’d been working for you almost exclusively these past few months,” Brian said. He blew the cigarette smoke right at Chris’s face.

“I thought you two never talked,” Chris said. Jack had never seen Chris bareheaded and wondered if he was bald beneath his black Titleist hat.

“He comes around when he wants something. Not lately, though. Guess someone’s been taking care of him,” Brian said.

“How about Paco? Seen him lately?” Jack said.

“Not since before we talked. Do you seriously think he was one of those arson victims?” Chris asked.

“It’s looking more and more likely. Weird that two employees of yours have gone missing lately,” Jack said.

“Kyle didn’t work for me,” Chris said.

“Come on, let’s eat,” Matt said. He closed the grill and carried the overflowing pan to the table. Brian flicked his cigarette away and followed. Chris pocketed his phone.

Everyone loaded their plates with food and sat around the fire to eat. Much to Jack’s relief, the only spot left for him to sit was next to Ellie. Maybe he imagined it, but he thought he could smell her perfume beneath the smoky, sweet aroma of the ribs. He focused so hard on not looking at her or talking to her, he worried his avoidance was counterproductive and a neon sign was flashing over their heads.

“You aren’t eating much.” His eyes were on the thick, white paper plate balanced on her knees. A small rib, maybe two tablespoons of potato salad, and a couple of chips were almost lost amid the white of the plate.

“I’m not very hungry.”

Everyone around the fire was eating or talking to others so he took a chance and looked at her. He kept his voice low. “You look thin.”

“That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”

“What was that this morning?”

“Me being petty. I can be that way sometimes. You didn’t know that about me, did you?”

They held each other’s gaze. The last time Ellie said those words to him was the night they decided to stay apart until January. The last night they made love. She looked away.

“What did you lie about?”

She poked at her potato salad and sighed. “When I said I didn’t miss you.”

Words tumbled out of him, tripping over themselves in a race to finally find their voice. “I was fine, or told myself I was, until I saw you Thursday night, and yesterday, and today. But, Christ. I can’t do it anymore. I need to be alone with you.”

“I don’t mean to eavesdrop,” Amy said.

Jack and Ellie’s heads jerked up. His stomach twisted and the ground spun. Amy had been too far away to hear, hadn’t she? Had they been talking too loud?

“Did I hear you say you’re writing a book?” Amy looked across the fire, away from them.

“I am,” Julie said. She raised her eyebrows at Jack. He had no idea what she wanted from him, had he ever? “Do you mind, honey?” she asked Jack in a sweet voice.

Everyone stared at him, except Ellie. Tension emanated from her. He resisted the urge to leave and take her with him, to stick a flag in their relationship for all to see. This is the woman I love and want to be with. He knew everyone around the fire, save one, would understand his choice. Unfortunately, that one was the woman he’d made vows to fifteen years earlier, the mother of his son, the woman he was trying to convince that he was making an effort with their marriage.

The woman he’d promised to make love to that night.

He had no idea what Julie was going to say, what fiction she would feed these people. But he had no choice but to go along. “It’s your story. Tell it if you like.”

“Well, about a year ago, or a little more, right honey?” She didn’t wait for Jack to respond. “I went on a sabbatical.”

Matt licked the sauce from his fingers with a smack. “I thought only professors and priests went on sabbaticals.”

“Anyone can. It’s a time of rest, reflection, and study.”

“What did you need to rest from?” Brian threw a bare rib bone into the fire.

“Mine was more of a time of reflection. A chance to be by myself to find who I am again, to discover my identity. For so many years, I was Jack’s wife, Ethan’s mother, someone’s neighbor, a beloved daughter, school volunteer, church volunteer.”

Jack twisted his mouth to keep from smirking. Until they moved to Stillwater, Julie hadn’t been to church in ten years.

“But, who was I, really? I needed time to find out.”

“Jack, you were on board with this?” Brian asked. At that moment, Jack kinda liked him. He was obviously the only one of the group who was going to be willing to call Julie on her bullshit. Poor Julie. She had no idea how ridiculous she sounded, but Jack gave her credit for throwing the church in. She knew her audience, at least.

“Jack was 100 percent behind me. In fact, it was his idea.”

Everyone turned their attention to Jack, expressions of astonishment on the men’s faces and admiration on the women’s. Grudging, in Kelly’s case. Jack bit into the meat on the rib he held and ripped it from the bone so he didn’t have to speak.

“You’re a better man than me,” Brian Grant said. “Or maybe just stupider, I can’t decide.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have been behind that,” Matt said. “A girls’ weekend here and there, sure, but there’s no way I could handle my job and the kids and everything else by myself for a year.”

“Me, either,” Chris said, not looking up from his phone.

“It’s not rocket science,” Michelle said. “I do it all day every day, career, family, volunteering, social life. So do Kelly and Susan.”

“Yes, we know, Michelle,” Chris said, tonelessly.

“Don’t patronize me, Christopher.”

Chris turned his head toward Michelle and glared at his wife, who glared right back.

“So, what about this book?” Matt said.

“It’s going to be a bit like Eat, Pray, Love. Without the divorce and the Italian lover. My agent thinks it’s going to be a bestseller.”

“Sounds like a real snoozer,” Brian said.

Eddie spurted beer from his mouth when he laughed. “Sorry.”

Julie glared at Eddie. “And I couldn’t have done any of it without Jack’s love and support.”

Ellie stood. “Anyone need a beer?”

Everyone raised their hands and started calling out their orders.

“I’ll help,” Jack said. He put his plate on the log and followed.

Ellie squatted in front of the cooler, her back turned to the fire. Jack squatted next to her, but angled so he could see anyone walk up. They were far enough away for their conversation to be unheard by the others.

“How much of it is true?” Ellie asked.

“None of it. When I found her, she was at a luxury resort in California, fucking an artsy photographer half her age. She believes it, though.”

Ellie handed the beers to Jack, who opened them and placed them on the table. “It’s killing me to be so close to you and not touch you,” Jack whispered.

Ellie stood, her knees creaking. She held out an unopened beer to Jack. He wrapped his hand around hers on the bottle and twisted the cap off. He kept his hand over hers and remembered the first time they met, how her hands flowed across the papers on her desk, and the last time they touched, how she intertwined her hands in his while they made love.

Ellie took a shaky breath. “I need to tell you something. I should have told you that last night at the lake. But, I was too angry. Drunk. And, honestly? I wanted to make you suffer. To wonder. Have you suffered?”

“Yes. Have you?”

“Yes.” She paused and looked off toward the woods. “I thought you were crazy, to tell me you loved me after a week. I still do.” Their eyes locked and one side of her mouth curled up into a wry smile. “But damnit if I don’t feel the same way.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes to the heavens. “Not how or where I wanted to tell you.”

Joy and guilt warred within him. Of course he had thought Ellie loved him; why else put herself through this separation? But to hear her say it made Jack feel like he could bench press Chris’s smoker. Then, guilt of his betrayal of Ellie every time he slept with Julie overcame him. “Ellie—”

“I’m not finished. I don’t know how things are with Julie, and I don’t want to know. But you have to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

She looked at him full on. “If you decide to stay with her, you have to resign. Leave town. I can’t bear to be around the two of you.”

“I’m not going to stay with her.”

“If you do, promise me.”

Jack clenched his jaw. He should have never let Ellie talk him into this farce they were living. He’d been weak, willing to say or do anything to make her happy. This, though? This was a bridge too far.

“I’ve done everything you’ve wanted, even though it’s made me miserable. Why don’t you believe me when I say I love you and I’m going to leave Julie?”

She let out her breath, her eyes lingering on his lips. “I want to.”

“I want you, too.”

Her brows furrowed, then the corner of her mouth quirked up into a wry smile. “I said, ‘I want to.’ To believe you. Not ‘I want you.’”

“You’re killing me over here.”

She looked down, a blush working its way up her neck, and looked at him from beneath her eyelashes. “The wanting goes without saying.”

“You can say it.”

Ellie’s laugh died when Julie’s voice rang out across the fire. “What’s so funny?”