CHAPTER ONE

Toughest (Sanaa’s Beginning)

As Sanaa Mathis looked at her reflection in the mirror, she had to be honest with herself. Though a girl standing in a gorgeous prom gown was staring back at her, she knew if she did a self-evaluation, she would realize she was still a work in progress. She hated not being as put together as the person she saw in the mirror.

Over the last five months, she’d gone through so much. She and her ex-best friend, Toni, secretly liked the same fine hunk, Miles. Toni had been too shy to talk to Miles for herself, but was bold enough to ask Sanaa to talk to the guy on her behalf. Reluctantly, Sanaa complied, even though she had her own feelings for Miles. When Sanaa finally talked to Miles, he told her he liked her—not her friend. Because she liked him too, they connected. Sanaa had kept it from Toni until it all blew up in her face.

Next thing Sanaa knew, she was named as the first person on the swoop list, a horrible list of girls at her school who were deemed “easy” by whoever wrote the list. She was ridiculed by most people in the school. Four other girls had been named on the swoop list. But out of the madness, all five of the swoop list girls had bonded together. And a melting pot of hope sprung forth.

Now Sanaa was at an after-prom slumber party with the rest of her new friends. She didn’t want to take off her gown because she didn’t want the fairy tale to end. She was about to graduate, and she had to face the one last thing that was in her way: her ruined relationship with the girl she betrayed. But it wasn’t so easy to reconcile with someone who hated your guts, and Sanaa knew it.

Out of nowhere, the toughest swoop list girl, Willow Dean, appeared and said, “Why do you care about her so much?”

“What? What are you talking about?” Sanaa tried denying.

“I can look at you and see in your eyes that you care. You’re thinking about Toni. She isn’t your friend.”

And as much as Sanaa knew Willow was right and even took the blame for ruining her friendship with Toni, she didn’t want it to be true. Sanaa couldn’t face Willow. She merely huffed, hoping Willow would let it go.

“Listen to me. She’s not your friend,” Willow said, pushing her point. “You want a reminder? She’s gathered a whole bunch of other girls together to say they want to beat our tails. She showed up to the prom today and tried to convince you she was with your man. Any and everything she can do to get under your skin, she’s doing. Screw her.”

“Why do you talk so foul?” Sanaa lifted up her head and asked.

Sanaa remembered last month when they were standing in practically this very same spot in Willow’s crib, arguing. But this rational, intelligent, brown beauty didn’t want to go down that crazy path again. She wanted to get better in life and move forward, not get bitter and move backward.

Being honest, Sanaa took a calmer approach. “You know what, Willow? Let me back up. I know you got my back. I know you care about me. And I know I shouldn’t care about Toni, but I can’t get her out of my mind.”

“And, Willow, you shouldn’t ask her to,” Olive Bell said in a sleepy voice.

Olive had a lot going on in her life too. Living in a group home and getting caught up with a gang leader was just the start of her issues. Even now she was involved with a guy who lived at the foster home with her. Their relationship was finally getting back on track after her ex, the gang leader Tiger, and Charles, her current beau, had started a feud that escalated to mad violence.

Olive added, “You got to leave her alone, Willow. People want to be true to their hearts, and they want to try to fix things.”

Willow looked at Olive and motioned for her to keep it real. “But some stuff you need to leave alone, Olive. Right? It ain’t like you trying to reconcile with Tiger and his crazy self.”

In a heated tone, Olive lashed back, “No, but honestly, I don’t want things to be as volatile as they have been. I’ve been thinking about how to fix it, and coming up with the right solution is not easy. So I’m just saying, we’re Sanaa’s girls. Whatever is going on with her, we shouldn’t tell her to forget it.”

“Thank you!” Sanaa said, walking over to Olive and kissing her on the cheek a few times.

“What are y’all doing up?” said Octavia Streeter, the redheaded, newly crowned prom queen, with her hair all crazed and her crown still on top.

“You’re going to break that thing,” Willow said, pointing to the mangled crown.

“Yeah, let me get it out of your hair,” the lovely, Hispanic Pia Alvarez popped up and said.

Sanaa joked, “Girl don’t touch it. I tried to get the bling out of her head earlier tonight, and she wasn’t having any of that.”

They all laughed. The tension melted. Sanaa exhaled.

“This is how it should be,” Sanaa said, feeling good about their connection. “Girls just having fun.”

“Yeah, but we’re about to go off to college,” Pia said.

“Speak for yourself. I’m still trying to figure out what the heck I’m doing,” Willow uttered.

“Where is Dawson going to school?” Sanaa teased.

Olive joked, “Yep, because wherever that’s going to be, you’re probably going too.”

“Ha ha, hee hee,” Willow fake-laughed. “Of all of us, I’m the last one who’s going to be following some boy somewhere. You know I got accepted to Spelman. For real, for real I’m probably headed there. For sure ain’t following no dude.”

All the rest of them nodded in agreement. Sanaa loved Willow’s strength. She just wished her friend wasn’t so hard. But dealing with her own flaws, she didn’t condemn Willow.

Olive said, “I’m just playing with you, Willow. Ease up.”

Willow added, “I know it. I know it. I know it. Just ... I’m frustrated.”

“About what?” Sanaa asked her.

Sensing they wanted her to chill, Willow shared, “I don’t know. It’s like you guys always want things to be just perfect, and sometimes it’s not going to be that way. You can’t be all sweet. People will run over you.”

Suddenly they heard a bang. All of them huddled together. Willow looked out of her window and saw people egging Sanaa’s car.

“What in the world is going on?” Willow yelled.

The girls rushed outside. All of them ran to the left, but Sanaa ran to the right, towards the back of her car, and came face-to-face with Miss Toni. When the getaway car pulled up, the car door opened, Toni dashed inside, and the car took off. Upset, Sanaa reflected that maybe Willow was right. Maybe if you’re too sweet and too soft, people will walk all over you. That truly pissed Sanaa off. Her former best friend hated her so much that she was going to damage her property. Why, after all of that, did Sanaa still have such a heart for Toni? She wanted to hold Toni in her heart, but she let her go. That decision was the toughest.