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Emma
Genie seemed far too excited about our trip. For the hour’s drive she talked nonstop about nothing really. She mentioned wanting to learn to cook a few things and asked if I’d teach her. She then moved on to wanting to visit Andrew’s Antiques and wondering if Dad would give her a crash course about the business. It all seemed odd, but I figured it beat sitting around an empty apartment.
“I don’t see why not.” I knew she had a little crush on Dad which was cute and gross all at the same time. The few times they’d met, Dad was always kind to her, answering all her questions. If Genie was older, she might have had a chance. Maybe.
“And shopping. We have to go shopping,” she said. “It’s not that often I get to visit Albertville.”
“You were there a few weeks ago,” Zach deadpanned.
“Whatever,” Genie said.
He pulled up in front of my house and we piled out. As usual, the front door was open and we went inside. Dad came to greet us but Grandpa wasn’t around so I asked where he was.
“He should be here any moment,” Dad said.
“And you got everything I asked?” I’d sent Dad a list of groceries.
“You bet. I even got a fresh bird from a local farmer.”
“Perfect. I’ll show Genie to her room.”
Genie was taking the spare room and Dad was allowing me and Zach to share my room. It only made sense. We lived together, shared a room in Minneapolis and Dad already knew Zach and I were having sex. It was an unwritten rule, but I wasn’t going to have sex in my room. I’d already warned Zach it would be a sexless five days and he had to live with it. I had the feeling he was going to try and wear me down, but I wouldn’t let him win.
“Such a cute house,” Genie said. “It reminds me of an old cottage. So much character.”
“There’s nothing like a warm summer evening, sitting on the porch with an iced tea and a good book,” I added.
“Right, sounds like fun,” Genie said, wrinkling her nose.
I left her to settle in, then checked in to see what groceries Dad had bought and whether or not we needed to run out and get anything. Miller’s, the town grocer, always closed at 6 pm the evening before Thanksgiving. Everyone in town knew they had to get whatever they needed because he wouldn’t be open a second after six. I did a quick inventory and knew I had all I needed. I pulled out the few things I’d brought from Minneapolis. I laid out the bread for the stuffing and cut it up into small pieces. In the Andrews’ household, stuffing never came from a box. Grandma made it from scratch, complete with homemade bread, and so did I. The only modification I made was taking out the liver. Grandma loved liver in her stuffing, but I couldn’t stomach it—yet every time she made it, I pretended to love it. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth.
“What’s on the menu tomorrow?” Dad asked.
“Mashed potatoes, candied yams, blue cheese green beans, a mixed green salad, stuffing and turkey, of course. For dessert I thought I’d make a pumpkin pie and an apple pie. I want to keep it mostly traditional. Did you get the cranberries? I don’t remember seeing them. I could make the sauce tonight and get started on the pies. Wait, did I tell you to grab a pumpkin?”
“Yes, and I got a pie pumpkin. The cranberries too.”
“I’m going to have jobs for everyone tomorrow. I can’t pull this off all by myself.”
“I’ll volunteer for peeling potatoes, mashing potatoes and eating potatoes.”
I playfully punched him in the arm. “There are other things to peel. Apples and yams.”
“Sure, I can eat and peel those too.”
Zach came down from out of our room and stole Dad away. He told him about being accepted to Columbia and our plans to move to New York. Dad knew most of the details, that we’d likely be moving, but I hadn’t told him about Columbia. I figured I’d let Zach have that moment in the sun.
“Congratulations, Zach. It sounds like you and Emma will be going on quite the adventure,” Dad said, grabbing beers from the fridge. “Let’s celebrate.”
Genie joined the boys while I got started on a quick lunch for us. Nothing too heavy, just grilled sandwiches and a fresh salad. I made Genie a portobello mushroom burger with avocado, tomato and old cheddar cheese. I knew she’d like it since I’d made variations of it before.
With my cranberry sauce off the stove cooling, we sat down to lunch. Still no Grandpa and Wendy so I asked again.
“They said they’d be by after lunch. They wanted to take us out to dinner tonight to give you a break, so I told them Harriet’s would be fine.”
Something was going on, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The house had changed, a little more barren, lots of knickknacks missing and then it hit me. “Has Grandpa moved out?”
“I don’t want to spill the beans, but he did. He was going tell you, but he hated doing it over the phone.”
Dad was alone? I hated that. In the back of my mind I knew it would be inevitable that Grandpa and Wendy’s relationship might progress, but I hoped they’d move into our house, so that Dad would have someone around.
“I’m happy for them,” I said after a moment.
“I think it’s great,” Genie said. “Old people should be happy too.”
Zach shot Genie a look. “Old people?”
“You know what I meant,” she said, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment.
We finished up lunch and Zach and Dad had a little chat in the corner that they thought I didn’t see and before I knew it, Zach was ushering Genie out the door and telling her he wanted to show her Pine Falls’ new strip mall. Dad pretended nothing was going on, but I knew better.
“You got Zach to take Genie away. I presume you want to talk to me about something? Maybe that woman who gave birth to me?” For once there wasn’t an edge to my voice when I brought up Meredith’s name.
“You know me so well,” Dad said, and smiled. He loaded up the dishwasher then left to the basement and returned with a couple of boxes. He set them down on our recently cleared kitchen table. “These boxes hold all the correspondence I’ve had with Meredith over the years. At first, we communicated by mail mostly, but once she got married, we talked by phone and email. I thought if you looked through these, read them, you’d understand where your mom was coming from. Why she did what she had to.”
I stared at the boxes like they were radioactive. “Why can’t I just keep hating her?”
Dad’s lips curled down. “Why do you want to keep hating her? Emma, that’s not healthy.”
Whenever he used my name, he was trying to be extra serious. “But it’s easier. Do you know how many times I wanted a mom? That I dreamt I had the best mom ever? Instead, I had a mother who didn’t visit me once. Who started a family somewhere else. Who didn’t care.”
I sat down and Dad took the seat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder, but I still didn’t touch the boxes. “She did care. I promise you that she did. Kiddo, you don’t know how guilty I felt that you didn’t have a mom. She felt horrible too.” He paused. “Let me put it to you this way. Meredith wasn’t there for the first twenty years of your life, but she could be there for the next forty, fifty or more years to come.”
He had a bit of a point. Only a bit. “Fine, I’ll look through the boxes. But I can’t promise you anything.”
Dad smiled. “That’s all I ask.”
#
A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER Zach found me upstairs with the boxes. I’d opened them both and sorted through them, but I hadn’t read anything yet. Dad had everything neatly organized by date and kept a few years’ worth in various shoeboxes. The first five years or so were handwritten letters, after that, presumably when Meredith had more freedom from her parents, the correspondence was by email—all emails Dad had printed off. How had I never come across these boxes before?
“What’s all this?” Zach asked.
“Letters between Dad and Meredith.”
“That’s cool. Have you been reading them?”
“Not yet.” I looked up at Zach who was going through his duffel bag looking for something. “Did you and Dad have this whole thing set up?”
“Not really. He asked me if I could arrange to get Genie out of the house for a couple of hours so he could talk to you. I didn’t grill him or anything, but I assumed it was about your mom.”
“He really wants me to read all these.”
“You should. Do you want me to leave you alone?”
I shook my head. “No, I want you to read them with me, if you don’t mind.”
“Sure.”
He sat on the bed and I took the first shoebox. I opened the first letter and read it aloud.
Dear Paul,
I miss you so much!! My parents would kill me if they knew I was writing you. This is my new address. Make sure you tell Allie to send your letters so my parents don’t find out. How cute is Emma? I miss her so much. I feel so empty without her. I cry every night and my MOTHER keeps telling me to get over it. That I’m better off. Why won’t they understand? She’s my baby girl!!!!
We can wait this out and in three years we can get married. They can’t stop us! We’ll get jobs and move in to a cute little house. I don’t care about a college education. I don’t care that I’ll be the first Lambert without a college degree! Who cares! I want to be with you and my beautiful little girl.
Please send me pictures. I’ll find a way to keep them from my parents. I’ll hide them where they will never find them.
Love You Forever,
Meredith
She signed it with a huge heart next to her name. I moved on to the next letter.
Dear Paul,
She’s beautiful! She’s growing so fast and I’m missing all of this! I hate my parents! I hate them from keeping her away from me! I’ve hidden the pictures you’ve sent me in a box of tampons until I find another spot. Mom would never think to look there and Dad for sure won’t look there.
Today I was shopping with my friends and we passed this kid’s clothing store. There was a pretty pink dress in the window and I wanted to buy it for Emma. I’m sure she’d look so cute in it. When I got home I went straight to my room and cried myself to sleep. They can’t keep me away forever. I’m going to get a job and start saving money. Then when I turn eighteen, I’m leaving and they will never see me again. I hate them!
I miss you so much. Tell Emma how much Mommy loves her. I know she doesn’t understand yet, but Mommy will be home soon. I promise.
Love You Forever,
Meredith
I handed it to Zach, but this time there was a tear in my eye. I turned my head slightly so Zach couldn’t see it, but he knew me too well. He rubbed my back and suddenly tears started escaping. Damnit!
“It’s okay, you know.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t think I’d get emotional.”
“The letters are genuine and sweet. She really wanted to be in your life, but when you’re fifteen or sixteen, you don’t have a lot of choices. Look, I’m going to leave you alone and let you read these by yourself. If you need me, you know where to find me.”
I nodded and he quietly closed the door behind him.
Dear Paul,
They won’t let me get a job. It’s like they know what I have planned. How am I ever going to save enough money to get back to Minnesota? We were supposed to come back for Christmas, but when I said I wanted to go back to Pine Falls to see my friends, they cancelled the trip. I think they know I’ll run away.
They won’t even let me get my driver’s license. Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed of getting in the car and not stopping until I get to you both? Every night I sleep with the picture you sent of Emma’s first birthday. Then in the morning I hide it before they find it. I know Mom goes through my things, but I’m always a step ahead of her.
Give Emma a million kisses for me and tell her how much Mommy loves and misses her. I will see you both soon.
Love You Forever,
Meredith
I took a tissue and dabbed my eyes. I couldn’t do this. I read two shoeboxes worth of stuff and went through half a box of tissues. I couldn’t read any more, especially with Grandpa and Wendy due any moment. I took a look at myself in the mirror and touched up what little makeup I wore. I then grabbed my phone and pulled up my email.
To: Meredith Irvine
From: Emma Andrews
Date: November 25th, 2015
Hello Meredith,
I wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving.
Emma
And that was all. For now, anyway.