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Emma
I got home to find Genie watching television. She looked up from the sofa and I knew Zach had told her. Empathy was written all over her face. She stood and I put my hand up to stop her. I didn’t want to talk to her. Besides, she’d take his side and I couldn’t blame her for that.
“I can’t.”
“Okay.”
“Is he here?”
“He left about an hour ago to take a walk.”
I nodded and went to my room. Our room. I sat on the bed not knowing what to do next. I had nowhere to go. If I went home, I’d have to explain everything to Dad. If I stayed, what would happen? I’d been thinking about this for the past two hours and come up with nothing. Instead, the images on that video kept streaming through my head. As much as I hated Bianca, to know that Zach was holding something so vile over her head . . . I couldn’t imagine.
The front door opened and I stiffened. Zach and Genie exchanged a few words in hushed tones and then they were silent. I closed my eyes knowing that he would come to the bedroom, that I would have to face him, and when I opened my eyes, he was standing in the doorway, his shoulders hunched forward, his eyes bloodshot.
“Emma, I’m sorry.”
I bit down on my lip, trying to keep my anger in check. “Sorry for what? Lying to me? Humiliating Bianca? Blackmailing Bianca? Are you sorry I watched it?”
“For all of it.”
An even sicker thought occurred to me. “Did you ever tape us together?”
“No, never! Em, Bianca was well aware she was going to be taped. She knew what was going to happen. It was all . . .” He stopped.
“Planned?” I finished. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, the ‘ick factor’ making me nauseous. I opened my eyes and stared him in the face. “She hated it!”
“She wasn’t raped. It was all consensual.”
“Stop! You aren’t getting it, are you? You saw the video. You were there. Did she really want to be a part of that? Be honest about it.”
“I have no idea what she wanted,” he said, his voice dropping off. “I suppose she wanted to be in her sorority as much as I wanted to be in my frat.”
“How many girls did you do this to? Are there more videos?”
“That was the only time I ever participated in something like that.”
A tear slipped down my face and I wiped it away. There were more and he knew it. “How many times did you watch it? Did you get off on it?”
He shuffled his feet but didn’t leave his spot in the doorway. “I forgot about the video and didn’t even remember having it until I was reminded of it when you were at Brett’s cabin last year, when you read the texts out. You were so upset and angry and at that moment I hated Bianca. And then I realized I still had the video.”
“But she wasn’t scared because you were in it too,” I deduced.
“After she attacked you, I told her I would edit myself out. I could have done that, Emma. You would have never known I was in it.”
“How chivalrous of you,” I said bitterly.
He frowned. “I know I’m a piece of shit and that you are mad at me, but that doesn’t change how much I love you. And I get that you don’t want to hear this, but I was a stupid eighteen-year-old trying to get into the best frat. I did whatever it took. I’m not proud of it, but it doesn’t define who I am.”
“But how do I know that you aren’t that person? That deep down you wouldn’t do it all over again?”
“Because I’m telling you that. I don’t know what else to say.”
I took a long time to say something. I had no plan and was making decisions on the fly. Maybe that was good, or perhaps it was very bad. “I don’t want you to sleep with me. I’ll take the sofa for now, until I figure this out.”
I could see pain etched on his face. “I’ll sleep on the sofa,” he said.
I thought to argue with him but didn’t. Unlike the last time he’d slept on the sofa, I wouldn’t be asking him back into my bed. “Fine. I need some water. You can get your stuff.”
I pushed past him and he reached out to touch my arm, but I yanked it from his reach. I didn’t want him touching me, and I certainly didn’t want him anywhere near me.