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Zach
“I don’t believe I’ve seen two longer faces,” Mom said.
A part of me was happy that Mom and Dad were home but the other part was worried they’d see my descent into the pit of hell. I had to get my shit together, and I was working on that. It took Brett tackling me to the ground to see that I was doing everything all wrong. I also liked to think that I would have stopped myself if Brett hadn’t.
Genie and I were sitting on the sofa waiting for the last of our Christmas dinner guests to arrive. Genie’s job had been to spike the cider and apparently mine was to drink it all. I noticed that my sister had taken my glass away when I went to use the restroom. I guess I was done for the night.
“I’m tired,” I lied.
“And I’m bored,” Genie said.
“Well, put on some smiles. We have a lot of guests coming and you both look like you’ve been given death sentences,” Mom said.
She strode off and I looked for my drink. I couldn’t find it and went to get another glass. When I sat next to Genie, she snatched it away from me.
“Stop. The last thing you need is to be half-drunk at dinner. Dad will shoot you.”
“I’m fine.”
She cackled. “Are you for real! You are far from fine. At least she texts you and hasn’t dumped your sorry ass yet, but if you keep this up, kiss her goodbye. Do you want some advice?”
“No. Please don’t,” I said with a groan.
“I’m giving it to you anyway.”
“Of course you are,” I grumbled.
“Pack your shit up and get back into the apartment. The longer you stay away, the easier it is for you to become a distant memory. So clean yourself up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and be up in her face. In a good way. Prove to her that you’re going to fight for your relationship, instead of being a wimp and hanging out with Mom and Dad.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds like you’ve been talking to Brett.”
“That dimwit? Not a chance. But if he gave you the same advice, how many more people do you need to tell you that?”
“It will annoy her.”
“No, it won’t. Trust me, you want to wear her down, you do that by being around. Don’t crowd her though. Act like you’re a bit indifferent, that you aren’t pushing it. I can bet she’ll have you back in the bedroom in no time.”
“I swear the two of you have been talking.”
She bristled. “Brett and I have absolutely nothing in common.”
“And where am I supposed to sleep until she figures that all out?”
“The sofa.”
“How about you move back here?”
“Not a chance. The sofa will be just fine for you. Pretend it bothers you in a really inconspicuous way. It will eat at her and she’ll feel sorry for you.”
“Where do you come up with this shit?”
“I happen to be very observant.”
“How did I get so lucky to have a sister like you?” I said sarcastically. I got up, took back my cider and left for the dining room.
#
I WAS GETTING READY the next morning for our annual Christmas tradition of feeding the homeless at Kathy’s House. I was in my room, on the bed staring aimlessly up at the ceiling when I heard a quiet knock on my door. I wandered over to open it to find Mom standing there.
“I’ll be down for breakfast right away,” I said.
“That’s not why I’m here,” she said. “Let’s talk.”
By the ominous frown on Mom’s face, this couldn’t be good. “Okay.”
She stepped inside my room and shut the door. She was speaking quietly which made me know this had to do with Louisa. She’d betrayed me again.
“Louisa and I were talking last night. I understand you’ve been staying here for a while.”
I could be cagey and lie to Mom, but why bother? She’d get it out of me anyway. “Emma and I had a bit of a falling out. I did something stupid and we are getting through it.” I put up my hand before Mom could utter another word. “And I’m not telling you what it is.” And I was sticking to that.
Mom’s brown eyes seemed to fade. “You don’t seem yourself, Zach.”
“I’m fine. In fact, I’m going back to the apartment after the holiday break.”
She went to my bed and sat, bringing her hands to her face. Was she crying? I put my arms around her, but she stayed composed. “It’s happening all over again. The same as your uncle.”
I wasn’t sure what Mom was talking about. “The drinking? Mom, Genie and Louisa are making a big deal out of nothing. I have it under control.”
Mom’s hands slipped from her face and she stared hard at me, like she wanted to gut me. “Drinking? How much?”
Shit. I’d said too much. “Just here and there. It’s no worse than before.”
“Before? When?”
That imaginary shovel I had was digging my grave further and further. “You know, back in those party days. I stopped, it’s all good now.”
Mom’s hand twitched. “I assumed you were having a good time, but was your drinking out of control?”
“No,” I lied. My voice ticked up and Mom caught it. “Look, I straightened out and I will again. I was upset, but I’ll go right back to the old Zach.”
“Honey, I don’t like this. I’m worried about you.”
“Mom, I can handle it. I was feeling a little sorry for himself, but who doesn’t go through something like that?”
I could see so much pain on her face and I didn’t know how to make it go away.
“Do you know why your uncle started drinking? He fell hard for a girl and that was the problem with Matt. With everything in his life, he went in head first, not ever thinking things through. So when the girl dumped him, he lost his mind. He couldn’t cope. He couldn’t get over it that she didn’t want to be with him. That’s when he started drinking. And then he couldn’t hold a job, so he’d drink. His friends didn’t want to bother with him anymore, so more drinking. He didn’t even try to stop before he hit that tree. I think he wanted to die.”
I took Mom’s hand and squeezed it tight. “I’m not Uncle Matt.”
“What if things don’t work out with Emma? And you spiral? Do we need to be prepared for that?”
“I’ll be fine whether I get back together with Emma or not. Don’t worry about it.”
Mom stared down at her feet before lifting her gaze to mine. “If I see anything I don’t like, you’re coming home and we are taking care of this. Do you need someone to talk to? A therapist?”
“Mom, stop.”
“You’ve always had such a good heart. I hate seeing it broken.”
I gave her a tight hug. “I promise you, Mom, I’m okay.”
She pulled herself to her feet and walked to the door and gave me one last look. I felt horrible, like I’d ruined her Christmas.