Editor’s Note: The humor in this story is not the demise of the victim, but rather Elmer’s sudden reaction to an almost inconceivable moment. It was the visual of poor Elmer running out. Cops have a strange sense of humor that sometimes only other cops understand, but it is to cope with, minimize, and heal from certain unexpected moments like this.
Late one night, my partner and I received a call on a possible suicide. The subject had been despondent and neighbors reported hearing a single gunshot from within the house.
As we drove up, we saw Elmer walking inside the house. Elmer was a large man and had been with the local city police department since the 1950s when he started out as a volunteer. Eventually he was grandfathered into the department and never received much formal training. Elmer was a nice guy.
As my partner and I were walking up the front walkway, we heard Elmer suddenly shriek, “MAMA!” and like a shot, he crashed through the front screen door and took it off its hinges. We immediately took cover, thinking the person inside was going to shoot at us. Poor Elmer was shaking and trembling all over. At first, he couldn’t speak.
When he finally got control of himself, he told us what happened. He had entered the house and found the man face down in a large pool of blood with a shotgun beside him. The lights were out. After some time, Elmer finally shined his flashlight on the dead body, when the man unexpectedly lifted his head and said, “Heeelp meee . . .” It was a horror-flick moment as the man was missing half of his face! The shotgun had only done half the job.
The man survived and so did Elmer. We only laugh at the vision of chubby Elmer frantically crashing through the door.