When they pulled up to the house, Dan was not there yet but a news crew was. Alex politely declined comment on Dez’s behalf and told the crew they should leave. They did not.
Dez didn’t let it faze him. He was too drained from his own hysterics of the previous night. No fucking comment, please.
Once inside, the house was dead quiet, adding to the emptiness he already felt. The cleaning service came once a week on Thursdays, but he didn’t want anything moved, touched, or even breathed on since Sabrina’s disappearance. He instructed Alex to call and cancel for the next day and went straight to take a shower and regroup.
Not more than ten minutes later, he heard the doorbell ring beyond the shower water. Reporters.
By the time he got out into the living room, Alex was on the couch watching “The Price is Right.”
“Have they done the yodeler game?” Dez plopped on the couch, rubbing his puffy eyes.
It was the mid-morning, but it might as well have been nighttime to him. He felt so fried.
“No, not today. Hey, Dan is on his way. He stopped to get food.”
“Man, my head is just pounding. Did the doorbell ring?”
“Yeah, it was your neighbor, Minnie. She made a casserole. It’s in the fridge, so you can just heat it up later on.”
Dez smiled, thinking about their neighbor, sweet little Minnie. A widow for many years, she was about seventy-five, but more active than people half her age. She and her husband were the first ones to move into the neighborhood when it was first built twenty years ago and she had become the self-proclaimed welcome wagon for all newcomers. When Dez and Sabrina had moved in, she was the first neighbor to greet them. “That was nice of her. She’s Sabrina’s little buddy. They talk flowers all the time. You know, for the yard.”
Just then, he heard Dan let himself in through the front door with the spare key. His hands were full with two grocery bags, a coffee traveler, and a to-go sack.
“Hey guys, sorry it took me so long. I just kept thinking of things Sabrina would want you to have.” Dan put the sacks down on the kitchen table and looked at Dez in the living room. “How you doing? I see there’s a little camp set up out there. Predictable.”
Dez nodded, not looking through the window at the news van outside.
“Yeah, well, they’re just doing their job.” He went to the kitchen table and looked at everything Dan had brought. Sabrina always called Dan her brother from another mother and Dez could see why. Dan would do anything for Sabrina. It was something they actually had in common. “You didn’t have to do this. I’m more likely to hurl this stuff at the wall than eat it right now. Thanks anyway. I’m glad you’re here.” He put his hand on Dan’s shoulder. He had known Sabrina a lot longer and was used to seeing and talking to her every day.
“No problem. I couldn’t work today. Yesterday was unbearable. We had a deadline, and with Sabrina not there, we needed all hands on deck to get the project completed. I’ve tried to help April and Renee with their search and with handing out fliers.” Dan sighed deeply. “A lot of people from the firm are doing that.”
“I should be out there, too. I tried to help with the search party last night, but I kind of had a meltdown.”
Alex scoffed. “Kind of?”
Dez avoided his stare. “Okay. I had a big meltdown. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Dan rubbed the side of his face, hesitating. “Well, can I be honest? You look like hell. Have you eaten? I went to the store and got some things Sabrina’s always telling me you like. Orange juice, whole-wheat pasta, sauce, skim milk, chocolate donuts . . . I just know she would want me to do this so . . .” He looked down at his feet and wiped his eyes. “She’s my best friend.”
Dez fought back tears of his own. Breaking down again wasn’t an option. “You’ve been through massive grief before. I can kind of understand that now.”
For a moment it looked like Dan was going to say something of the national tragedy he had witnessed firsthand, but then didn’t. “A lot of people lost loved ones that day.”
Dez knew all about Dan’s near death experience back in 1995. He had recounted the chilling story often. Running late to a nine a.m. appointment at the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building that April 19, Dan had been spared a far worse fate, fortunate to only bear witness to the bombing from a block away. Whether he was tortured by the memory of the tragedy or plagued with guilt from having survived it, he chose to remain intimate with that life-changing moment. Dez could see that on his face.
But Dan didn’t dive into that pool of misery this time. He took a shaky breath, his smile setting even as his eyes moistened as he glanced at the table. “So, we have coffee,” he said with a sniffle, “and I got some breakfast sandwiches. Alex, help yourself.”
Alex nodded. “Thanks. I’ll grab something and then head back to the gym. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure. I got my boy here,” Dez said with a nod in Dan’s direction. “I appreciate you doing all you’re doing for me here and at the gym, Alex. I’m not much of a functioning human being right now.”
Alex stood up and patted him on the back. “It’s all good, brotha. You’re doing better than you think, meltdown and all. Oh, and, Chris and Kenny did a piece this morning about Sabrina on their show. They’re helping get the word out. I meant to mention that last night.”
Dez nodded. “Nice.”
“Well, you used to be a staple on their show and they are our home boys. You know they love you both.”
Dez smiled. Along with Alex, Chris and Kenny, hosts of the morning radio show “Tez and Dash,” were his childhood best friends. They had made quite the foursome in elementary school.
Dan poured cups of coffee for all three of them. “What have you heard on your end from the police?”
“Well, they are scouring, but they don’t seem to know anything. They are jumping on everything. That whole business out at the park?” Dez shook his head. “I think that is just for show because they don’t have any real clues.”
Dan nodded and took a moment to gulp some of his coffee. “I get that same feeling. Have you seen the news? They are really applying the pressure. Maybe that news crew outside can be of help. Think about it; a successful, attractive, white woman is missing? In an election year? I’m sorry to get political, but it’s so obvious to me.”
“Well, politics or not politics, they need to find her. It’s been two full days.” Two full days, Dez repeated it in his head. Sabrina had been missing for two full days. Had she been dead for two days? The thought sent chills right through him.
After coffee and a little something to eat, Alex left for the gym and Dan sat down on the couch with his laptop. Dez decided to go over to Minnie’s to thank her, knowing Sabrina would want him to make the effort. After exchanging a few words and letting the energetic widow know he appreciated her thoughts, he slipped back home, avoiding the news crew in the front yard, and went directly to their bedroom.
It didn’t quite seem like their bedroom with Sabrina gone. Dez didn’t want to get used to that.
Collapsing on the bed, his thoughts whirled. He needed to call a few people and update them about the search. Sabrina’s brother, Adam, especially needed an update, as he was unable to immediately join the search. Her mother was in Minneapolis, but Sabrina had never really been close with her mom. Sabrina always said it was Adam who had been her emotional touchstone after her father died. He was a good family man with an orthodontic practice outside of Dallas, but he had had a time of it lately with his wife Lisa’s cancer diagnosis. It was hard on their children, too.
He called Adam first.
“Hello?” Adam’s voice sounded weak and tired.
“Adam, it’s Dez.”
“Hey, I’ve been hoping to hear from you. What’s the latest? I’ve been following online on my phone.”
“Sorry, I should have called you earlier. Nothing really. Nothing’s new. Everybody’s looking, though. It’s just hard. There’s nothing for them to go on.”
A silence fell before Dez heard a few sniffles on the other end. “Christ. Unbelievable.”
“I know.” Dez felt a lump form in his throat.
“I’m coming up tomorrow to help. Lisa’s last treatment was Monday. It’s been rough, but I have a neighbor that’s going to come over and help her while I am gone. The kids can help, too. They know what to do.”
“You’ve got so much going on. Only if you’re sure.”
“My wife is on a slow mend, but my sister is missing.”
Dez sighed, feeling the daunting weight that was surely resting on Adam’s shoulders.
“Well, okay then. Text or something when you’re close. And be ready.” He sent a brief glance at the window facing the front lawn. “The media will fall in love with you.”
“I’m sure I’ll be numb to it. We just need Sabrina back.”
“Amen. Yes, we do.” Dez’s mind was pulled away for a moment as he glanced over at the coffee table and saw Sabrina’s cheater glasses. Desperation was creeping back ever so little.
“Dez? Where do you think she is? What do you think happened?”
He hesitated with his answer as it was the first time that anyone except the rude reporter had asked him. The last person in his life to go missing over twenty-five years ago ended up dead—his brother. But Damien had put himself in harm’s way, doing all sorts of bad things with bad people, and Dez was convinced he had all but wanted to die. This was different. Dez was sure of that. “My gut feeling? She’s still alive. That’s what I truly believe. But I have no idea why or where. And I have no proof. She’s not dead though. She just can’t be.”
He heard Adam breathe deeply on the other end before speaking. “Okay. I can accept that. She’s alive. I just needed to hear it. Thanks.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Me, too.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for the call.”
“You bet. See you tomorrow.” He ended the call, glad that he had taken the time to reach out despite the overwhelming mixture of dread and exhaustion that came over him. His head ached so severely that there was no way to ignore it. Talking with Adam had made him realize how lonely he was for Sabrina.
He closed his eyes as he lay down, mindful of her side of the bed, even though she wasn’t there to fill it. More than anything, he longed to be enveloped in her soft coconut smell, imagining her sweeping her hair to the side as she moved to lie next to him. He remembered her that last morning he saw her, at home before they both left for work. They had a routine. She would get up and get ready and then wake him up. Then, they would always spend a good ten minutes in the kitchen having coffee. She had worn “the” purple shirt that morning. The one he always wanted to take off of her every time she wore it, not because it didn’t look good on her, but because it so very did.
“You in that shirt. Shame on you, Sabrina.”
She had laughed as she turned around with a smile. “You just need to control yourself. By the way, did you manage to put on shoes that actually matched?”
“I should spank you for that. In fact, I should take that shirt off of you right now and give you a good spankin’.”
She giggled as he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. He loved the coconut smell of her hair.
“Hey now,” she said as she brushed her hair away from her face. “Don’t make me spill my coffee.”
Grabbing the cup from her hand, he put it on the counter so they could properly embrace. He felt her nails scale his back through his shirt, her hands making their way to clasp around his neck. It drove him crazy.
Her blue eyes looked up at him with a slight disapproval. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I have to leave in about ten minutes.”
“Well, I’m tired, but I don’t need ten minutes.” He raised his eyebrows and threw her a grin.
She slapped his arm. “Dez!”
He pulled away from her, realizing she wouldn’t give in—not on a Monday morning. “You are so regimented. Just once, I’d like to see you go to work at eight like a normal person. Just once. We could even ride together which would make sense . . . save the environment . . .”
“Nice try, Parker. Unless you’re ready to go now. I might even let you chauffeur me.”
“Really?” His tone turned clinical. “Control freak gives up the wheel. News at eleven.”
“Brat.” She poked at his stomach playfully. “Seriously, let me know.”
He stood in mock contemplation and then waved her off. “Nah. Go ahead. I’d miss out on all the traffic if I went now. I’ll let you workaholics enjoy the easy commute. I’ll stick it out with all the other seven fifty-eighters.”
Suddenly, he sat up, feeling a blast of heat overtake his body. What had he been thinking? He should have driven her to work; then her car wouldn’t have been there for her purse to be found next to. Idiot!!
Full of anger and frustration, and in desperate need of somewhere to put it, he jumped out of bed and lunged for the comforter and sheets, ripping them off the bed and throwing them in the air in a fury. Then he grabbed all the pillows and hurled them across the room.
“Fuck!” he yelled, standing in the middle of the room, out of breath. Looking around at the mess he had made, he stormed into the bathroom and turned the water faucet on full blast. He caught his breath and plunged his head into the basin. The cold water on his face felt good, and once he was finished, he looked in the mirror, stunned at the haggard version of him staring back. Whatever had happened to Sabrina, it wasn’t his fault. They never rode together. He couldn’t blame himself, even if it was easy to do looking back on the day. Hindsight was 20/20, as they say. He dried his face quickly and then went back in the bedroom to put on a sweatshirt and jeans. Feeling renewed with purpose, he made the bed he had lashed out at and headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch across from Dan with a fresh resolve.
“Hey, was just coming to check on you. You okay?” Dan looked at him with concern.
“Yeah. Sorry. I just lost it there for a sec. Meltdown number two, for those counting.” Dez rubbed his eyes and ran his hand over his head. He glanced around, his gaze resting on the wall clock. It was six p.m already. When had he dozed off?
“I was thinking of having something to eat soon.” Dan stood up and tossed the TV remote to him. “Nerves always eat away at me. How about you? Hungry?”
“Sure, yeah.” Dez sighed, shaking his head. “I’ve been thinking. I am done, damn it. Tomorrow, I’m going to the media—use the news crew, like you said. I have to start doing things differently. I’m sad and pissed off, but I can’t just wait. I’ll offer a reward. I’ve got money. If anyone knows anything, I’ll pay $50,000. I’m ready to play. I’ll do whatever I have to do to get her back.”
“If that’s what you think is best, then do it.” Dan nodded firmly. “Do what your conscience will allow. No one is blaming you for anything you are or aren’t doing.”
“I’ve got to do something. More than I am now.” Dez stopped, suddenly lost in his new plan. “You know, you can go home. You don’t have to stay here with me. I’ll fix myself some food. I appreciate all you’ve done, really. You’re a good friend—to both of us.”
“I’m glad to be here for you. Are you sure?” Dan watched him closely.
Dez could see Dan actually looked relieved to be released. And why wouldn’t he be? He had been there since nearly ten that morning and had done nothing more than sit in the living room, watch TV, and work on his laptop—probably trying to fill in for Sabrina’s workload.
“Yeah, yeah. Go home. Say hi to Mark. I’ll probably eat and then crash for a while. I feel like I might actually sleep.”
“I hope so. Well, I’ll just pack up my laptop and head home then.” He nodded to the kitchen. “That casserole actually looks yummy. Call if you need anything or hear anything.”
Dez nodded resolutely. “You got it.”
After Dan had left, Dez made a phone call to his mom. It left him one last phone call to make, and as he dialed, he hoped it would go better than last time.
“Hello?” Tracy’s voice came over the line.
“Hi, Tracy.”
“Hey. I tried to call you earlier.”
“How’s Olivia? Can I come see her in the morning?”
“Yeah. That’d be good.”
Silence.
“Dez. I’m sorry for what I said last night. I didn’t mean it.” Tracy’s tone was genuine. “I can’t imagine what it must feel like.”
He sighed and decided not to make a big deal about it. She was sorry and she should be.
“I know you are, but I’m not worried about it. I’ve got bigger problems. Can I talk to Olivia for a sec? Is she better tonight?”
“Well, I’ll let you see what you think. She’s been talking to your mom and that’s been a big help.”
“Yeah, Ma mentioned something about that. Ah, the healing powers of Virginia Parker. God love her.”
“She was pretty amazing today.” He could hear Tracy hand the phone to Olivia.
“Dad?”
“Liv, how are you sweetheart?”
“Much better. I think they’re gonna find her, Dad.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.”
“Yeah. Grandma called, and you know what she told me? She said that I shouldn’t be afraid or sad. I need to think of all the good things about Sabrina. You know, how she likes art and traveling. How we go get our nails and toes done at her salon. She took me to Dallas one weekend to visit her niece, Raina, and we went shopping, remember? It helps, Dad.”
“I’m glad, baby.” He liked that she was using the present tense in her words. It was hopeful. “You just made me feel better, too.” And he did. Just hearing Olivia at peace soothed him.
“Good.”
“I’m going to come see you tomorrow. We’ll have breakfast, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Dad.”
Dez cradled the phone in his hand long after the phone call was finished. He felt a bath of warmth wash over him hearing Olivia in such a better mindset—this time a good warm feeling and not that hot sear of guilt. Thank you, Ma.
It wasn’t long before he crashed on the couch, finally worn out enough to sleep, a sense of peace soothing his mind that Olivia was okay. But his nap was short lived, as he was startled awake by the sound of his cell phone ringing in his hand. It was eleven p.m.
He fought out of his haze to answer. “Hello?”
“Mr. Parker, this is Detective Rawlins,” the familiar voice said. “I wanted to call you right away. We found your girlfriend, and she’s being treated at Deaconess Hospital. You know where that is? I need you to meet me there.”
Dez sat bolt upright, every nerve in his body alert. “Yeah, I’m heading there now.”
Sabrina’s alive.