Dez sat in his office and stared at the small pile of mail he had collected. Sabrina had been moved out for roughly four months, but randomly an erroneous piece of mail would be sent to the house. He couldn’t decide if he should drop it by her office or just call her to let her know he had it. Either way, he knew it was a way to see her. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted to.
He missed her, but he was hurt and confused. He had lost her for those three days, and now it looked like he was losing her a second time, maybe for good.
Flying blind all this time, he felt clueless, and he wanted to feel her out. He couldn’t fight the urge to talk to her. It was something he woke up with each morning. His mother’s voice was always echoing in his head: Dez, you should call her. As if on that command, he dialed her cell, fully expecting to get her voicemail.
“This is Sabrina,” she answered, sounding very much like the old Sabrina.
“Hey.” He wanted to sound nonchalant. Did he sound casual?
“Hi,” she said with a smile he could hear. She sounded genuinely glad to hear from him.
“I’m sitting here looking at some mail of yours that came to the house. I brought it with me in case you wanted to come by and get it.”
“Thanks. I will. When’s a good time?”
“I’m here all day,” he said.
“Okay. I’ll come by as I’m leaving.”
“Okay, then.”
“Okay. Thanks. Bye.”
He kept it short and sweet—no pressure or obligation. She could breeze in, pick up her mail, and breeze out. But of course, that was not what he wanted.
He leaned back in his chair, the extreme loneliness for her washing over him, knowing full well that seeing her later that day would do nothing to ease it. Suddenly, he had a pit in his stomach, and he braced for her visit the rest of the day.
Sabrina walked in around five thirty p.m., and Dez felt her presence in the building before he saw her. His heart beat a little faster and his hearing became more acute, nervous to be around her after all this time.
She was in the hallway between the two main gyms talking to Alex when he spotted her from his office doorway, smiling and laughing as she gave Alex a hug. He knew he wasn’t the only one who missed the old Sabrina. Over their time together, a lot of people had become attached to her.
He noticed her hair was longer and she had curled it, the way he always liked. The black skirt she wore was one of his favorites as well, hugging her form and showing off her shape. Then, there was the shirt, a deep purple—her signature color—tapered to fit her slim waist and accentuate the positive. It set off her reddish-brown hair and her blue eyes even from where he stood. That was his girl.
She turned around, pushed her hair back from her face, and smiled as she walked toward him. He could do this. He knew he could.
“Hi,” she said touching his arm.
Smiling, he put his hands in his pockets, pretending not to be affected by her touch. “Hey, look at you.” He led her into his office trying again to appear relaxed. “I don’t know if this stuff is really important. I started to hold it up to the light to look through the envelope, but that just felt wrong.”
“Uh-huh,” she said with a grin. “How’ve you been?”
“Oh, short of stellar, as you can imagine,” he said.
“So, how’s Olivia? I miss her.”
“She misses you, too. ’Course she’s all about the dog.” Dez pointed to his new best friend, Sophie, sitting in her corner. “She is completely spoiled. I like having her though. I got her for you, but she’s my little buddy. I think I found someone who snores louder than I do.”
She walked over and picked up Sophie. “Oh boy. This little thing? I don’t know. You’re a freight train,” she said, smiling. “Hey, Sophie. You’re getting so big. Aren’t you, sweetheart?” She petted and kissed her a little before putting her back down on her blanket.
Dez grabbed the mail and handed it to her, unsure of how else to fill the silence. “Well, here you go.”
She took it and stood with her arms crossed. “Thanks.”
He sat on the edge of his desk in a kind of standoff. He wanted to grab her and hug her and beg her to come back. “You look good,” he said, deciding to settle for a compliment. “Working stuff out still?” As she started to talk, he could see her eyes begin to fill.
She poked the corner of her eye to catch a tear and looked up at him. “Yeah, I am.” She nodded at him with a smile. “You look good, too, Dez. I read the article in City Magazine. Sounds like things are going good.”
He shrugged as she turned away and looked at her picture on the wall.
“You ever going to take that down? Still mortifies me to look at it.”
He smiled and stood. “Nope, that’s staying. That’s a good memory right there.” The silence grew again. “So . . . do you think I can have a hug?” he asked, looking down at his shoes to avoid seeing her reaction.
“Yes.”
She walked over and put her arms around his middle. This was what he needed—just a little Sabrina time. Hugging anyone else just wasn’t the same, and he happily hugged her back.
“You’re so warm,” she said, squeezing a little tighter.
He chuckled. “Always am.”
Slowly, she pulled away and reached up to give him a quick peck on his smooth cheek, taking him by surprise. “I love you, Dez.”
He still felt the warmth from her body as she walked to the door.
She turned back and smiled a little, a glimpse of her former self sparking in her eyes. “I’m glad I got to see you.”
He remained frozen as she left. That was a nice little bonus, wasn’t it? And it gave him hope.
Hope?
Dez felt optimistic, but didn’t want to make too much of it. Seeing her was positive and encouraging and he found himself wanting more, but he had no idea where, if anywhere at all, it would lead.
But he would definitely call her again, and sooner than later.
Sabrina made a whirlwind visit to Dallas to see her family and update them on her recovery process. She didn’t lay bare all of the facts, but enough so they would know that she was working on herself.
Her cell phone rang as she stepped back into the guest house after her return trip. She looked at the number and recognized it as one that, to her surprise, began appearing more regularly on her phone over the last few months. “Mom, how are you?”
“Hi, I just thought I would call and catch up. I just called Adam and he said you guys had a great time this weekend.”
“Yeah, we really did. He and I went for drinks, just the two of us down at the Stockyards in Fort Worth. I am so lucky to have him for a brother.”
“That’s great. Glad you had fun. So, I have some news that I told him not to tell you. Richard and I are officially moving in July, outside of Arlington.”
Sabrina dropped her purse on the kitchen counter. “Oh my God! That is awesome. Mom, I am so excited.”
“We are, too. It can’t come soon enough.”
“I can come down and help you move. It’ll be fun.” We could actually act like a mother and a daughter.
“Yes. You can come down a lot more, and we can visit you more, too.”
Sabrina looked around the small apartment. It wasn’t very big and wouldn’t accommodate guests very well. “Um. Well, I don’t have a lot of room here.”
Her mother sighed. “Well . . . have you decided what you are going to do? Adam mentioned something about you maybe moving down his way, too, at some point. That would be great, but I’m kind of surprised to be honest.”
“Yeah, he hooked me up with a realtor who’s been emailing me places. Townhomes mostly, you know, like what I had before Dez and I got the house. I’m just looking.”
“Well, it would be so great to have you down here with the rest of us. I just wonder if it’s the right thing. I think you’ve got some things to deal with right where you are. Have you talked to Dez?”
Sabrina hesitated, thinking about her visit to the gym. It was all she could do to get out of there without breaking down. She caught a wistful sigh. “Yes, I actually went to see him last week. It was pretty painful, but wonderful at the same time.”
“And?”
“And, I miss him. I miss the way he is and being around him.” His embrace came back to her. “I miss us together, but I moved out for a reason. It’s been worth it. I’m making real progress.”
“I can tell, honey. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” she said as she felt a different warmth rush over her. My mom is proud of me.
“Don’t you think you might want to move back with him at some point though?”
Sabrina waited before responding. Of course she had thought about moving back. That had been her goal all this time, to get back to her old self and eventually move back. But she had been stuck on the first part of that journey for months now and her progress couldn’t be rushed. Besides, she couldn’t just move out and then move back in whenever she felt like it. She had Dez’s feelings to consider, too.
“You’ve been so brave up to this point,” her mother said. “Don’t be afraid now, right? You can’t keep the poor man hanging forever.”
“No, I know,” she said, staring off at nothing. “I know.”
She knew it would all come to a head eventually. Everything had been hanging in the air longer that she had anticipated, but there was no timeline for this sort of stuff, was there? She felt like she was getting closer, but how ready was she? With Dez’s guidance to help her, she would know. Maybe a little more Dez in her life at this point would propel her recovery.
She had Jeremy to think about, too. She wasn’t done with him yet. She needed to know more. What he had used as a light in that dark house of his childhood?
She took a deep breath. “Thanks for calling, Mom. It’s good to hear from you.”
Gloria’s voice was calming, unrushed. “Soldier on, Sabrina. You can do this.”
The Golden State Warriors came to town to play the Oklahoma City Thunder that weekend and with them came plenty of faithful fans. Among them was none other than a friendly girl from the Bay area named Alicia. Dez had kept in touch with her through text in a friendly manner—at least, that was how he portrayed himself. Despite how it ended in San Diego, she was still very interested in him and had often asked him about his status. He would always reply that it was unchanged; he was still alone, which was not a lie.
She had threatened to visit him several times via texts since they had met in San Diego, and while he never discouraged her joking remarks about future sightseeing in Oklahoma City, he never took her seriously, either.
He should have known better. A rich daddy’s girl could always find a way.
He was at the gym, busy lining things up for a trainer certification course he was hosting, when she had called to let him know she was in town and planned to stop by. There was no harm in Alicia coming by, he told himself. They were friends who kept in touch. That was it. He never promised anything and she was there to see the Warriors play the Thunder. Still, he felt a nagging dread, so he called Alex into his office to talk about it.
Alex walked in and plopped down on the couch, still glistening from a class he had just taught. “I need to hit the shower, man. What’s up?”
”Shut the door.”
Alex looked at him funny, and then got up and slowly shut the door. “The hell?”
“Remember that girl I told you I met when I went to San Diego?”
“Yeah. Young, cute, and like an ass you didn’t do her.”
“Thanks. Well, she just called me and she’s in town for the Thunder game.”
Alex leaned up. “Oh snap! You’re shittin’ bricks, aren’t you?”
“Little bit.” Dez sat back in the desk chair, beginning to fret. “What do I do?”
Alex laughed. “You are such a slime ball. The huntee has become the hunted. You dog.”
“No, no. I never led her on. Sure, we text, but that’s it. She’s nice. She’s fun. But seriously, dude. I think everybody knows, you know.”
Alex pointed to Sabrina’s picture. “Oh, you mean her? Does this chick know about her?”
Dez averted his gaze to avoid the question.
“That’s what I thought.”
Dez shot him a look. “I told her a little bit, but it’s none of her business. I wasn’t going to talk about Sabrina with her.”
“Well, are you talking about other girls with Sabrina?”
“There are no other girls.”
Alex sighed. “Well, you might want to tell the one who just got into town that. I don’t care if she’s just looking for a little . . .” He poked his index finger in and out through a circle made with the fingers of his other hand. “Handle your business. And, if you want any help getting this girl off your hands, let me know. She sounds like my type.”
“Yeah. She has a vagina. That’s your type.”
Alex threw him a sly look. “That’s pretty much all it took for you, too, once upon a time. Don’t act like you’re better than me, Mr. ‘and ketchup if you have it.’”
Oh sure, kick me when I’m down, why don’t you? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Please.” Alex got to his feet, chuckling. “I’ve known you too long, bro.”
He walked out and left Dez pondering the choices of his past, present, and future.
Dez had just finished teaching a class for Alex when Alicia showed up with her posse of friends. They came through the door, all five of them dressed in skinny jeans, boots, scarves, and hoodies. It reminded him of their age, how they dressed like girls. He felt like an old man.
He stood in the hallway and waved as they approached.
Alicia ran right up and gave him a hug and quick kiss.
“Hey!” He quickly backed away. “Hey. Sorry. I just got done with a class. Don’t mind the sweat.”
“I don’t mind. God, I can’t believe I am seeing you!” She twirled back around to her friends. “I want you to meet my friends. Dez, this is Amy, Leslie, Hannah, and Kat.”
The girls all waved and said hi in unison.
Dez felt overwhelmed. In another decade, this would be Olivia.
“Hi. You guys want to step over here for a sec?” he said as he walked into his office. He wanted to try to contain the commotion in hope of avoiding questions later. He knew it would be pointless. People around here are nosey bastards. Once Alicia and posse were inside the office, he felt like a coach going over a drill. “So, you guys are headed back to the Oklahoma City Memorial later? You should really see it at night.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Marcus slowly walk by, his stare obvious.
“Maybe we can go by there again before we go out tonight,” Alicia said to one of the girls who nodded her head. “Are you going to meet us out later?”
Dez didn’t quite nod. “Text me where you are at and I will see what I can do. So, you all are Warrior fans?”
One of the girls with long, red hair spoke up. “Well, my brother works for them, so he got us tickets. Alicia’s been trying to get us to come out here.”
Alicia wore a guilty look on her face. She looked around the room and noticed Sophie in the corner. “Oh my gosh! She’s adorable!” She walked over and picked her up. The other girls started cooing over her as well.
“Yes, that’s Sophie. She’s my little white shadow.” None of them got the joke, and Dez realized they weren’t old enough to remember the TV show from the 1980s with Ken Howard. He felt old again.
Alicia put Sophie down and looked at the picture of Sabrina on the wall across from her.
“Is that one of your trainers?”
Dez looked at Alicia and then realized what she was referring to. “Uh, no. That is . . . that’s a friend.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Well, I need to shower and change so, you know.” He worked up a smile. “You gals do your thing and maybe I will see you later.”
“Maybe?” Alicia turned around to him. “I’m in town, so you need to go out with us.”
“I thought you were here for the game.”
She smiled. “I am, sort of.” She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll text you later.”
She and her friends turned around and walked out.
The wake of silence left Dez stunned. He needed a game plan.
Sure enough, Dez received a text from Alicia as promised. He decided to meet her at the bar that evening. As he walked the four blocks to the bar she chose, he thought about what he would say to her. You’re a nice girl, Alicia. I know I’ve been texting you for months and probably leading you on, but, oh by the way, I’m madly in love with someone.
How stupid was he? Did he really think she was never going to show up? You’re a jackass. He had only himself to blame.
When he got to the bar—a party place like a hundred other party places—he saw Alicia and her posse lined up at the bar. They were acting very much as they had the night he met her in San Diego—wild girls in their twenties out on the town.
As if he would ever really fit with that group. Maybe fifteen years ago.
Alicia spotted him and ran up, grabbing his hand and leading him over to a table the other girls were claiming. “So glad you are here!” She excitedly hugged him.
Dez wasn’t sure what he was doing there, instantly feeling out of place. A sense of guilt mixed with obligation had literally propelled him from his gym to the bar, and there he sat. He smiled at her, feeling foolish. “Havin’ fun?”
She nodded. “We saw the memorial again. You’re right. It’s unbelievable when the chairs light up. So gorgeous.”
“Yes, it is. Sad but beautiful.” He looked around and took a deep breath, plotting his escape, but then felt her hand on his leg.
“Kind of like you. You seem sad,” she said almost intuitively. Then her party self popped back into being. “You want a drink?”
Yes. “No, thanks. I can’t stay long.” He saw the disappointment on her face. That’s all you, buddy. You did this.
She tried to read him. “How come?”
“Look, I am so glad you came up to talk to me at the bar in San Diego. It was exactly what I needed.” He was going to say one of those things he hated to hear. “I just hope that I haven’t given you the wrong idea.”
She stopped and sat up straight, looking at him more seriously. “I really like you.”
“But why? A girl like you could get any guy you wanted your own age right where you live.”
“I’m not interested in guys my age. And, you’re beautiful and funny and you always text me back. You don’t play games.”
He looked away from her, realizing the wrong he had done. This really was his fault. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. The picture of the woman in my office? That’s . . . who I told you about in San Diego.”
Alicia’s face dropped. “Oh. But you told me you aren’t with her.”
“No, I’m not. But that’s where I should be.” He turned to face her dead on. “Look, if you really are into old dudes, I have no doubt you can find one out there for you. They’ll be lining up, trust me.” He grabbed her hand. “I think I’m the one that needs to be with someone my own age.”
“You’re breaking my heart.”
He gently squeezed her hand. “I didn’t mean to. You know what? Go have fun. Be a twenty-something girl.”
They both stood up from the table and he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He really did wish her the best. There were more than a few somebodies out there for her.
“And I’m glad I met you. Really I am.”
“Me, too,” she said, nodding. “This puts a damper on my trip though.”
“I had a feeling. That’s why I had to let you know.” He grinned disarmingly. “Heck, you could meet the man of your dreams in this bar tonight or tomorrow at the game. Or next week back home.”
She waved him off.
“Trust me on that.” He playfully swung their arms as he began to peel himself away. “Okay, then. Have a great time and have fun at the game. Be safe. Take care, Alicia.”
He backed away, and she slowly waved, her expression sad as she realized he was serious.
Once outside, he could see her through the window. She had all her friends surrounding her. She would be fine.
He had done the right thing, and was soon on the way to doing another.