Appendix B:Sensate Focus 1 Instruction for Clients©
I.Purpose of Sensate Focus 1
A.Teaching about sex as a natural function
1.You cannot consciously make sexual desire, arousal, or orgasm happen
2.You cannot keep sexual desire, arousal, or orgasm from happening
3.The suggestions will teach you to get your conscious mind out of the way
4.Allowing your body (which knows how to do these things) to take over
You do this by:
B. Touching for self-focused interest rather than for a particular emotional or sexual response
1.This means focusing on the touch sensations of temperature (cool or warm), pressure (firm or light; hard or soft), and texture (smooth or rough)
2.You pay attention to these sensations for what they are without judgment or expectation. This is mindfulness practice
C. Touch for yourself rather than for your partner
1.Focus on your own sensations when touching or being touched
2.Focus on the touch sensations that are present for you in the moment
D. Managing distractions. When you find your attention going to anything other than touch sensations (which it will)
1.You bring your attention back to these touch sensations
2.Anything other than temperature, pressure, and texture is a distraction that is likely to trigger a goal-oriented mindset
3.The most common distractions are expectations about emotions and responses you think you should have (“Am I going to get aroused?”), judgments (“Am I doing this right?”), and focusing on the other person (“Is my partner doing okay?”)
E.Learning that touching can be intimate for its own sake, as much if not more so than specific acts like intercourse
F.Experiencing how sexual responsiveness will arise naturally from touch that is not goal-oriented but, rather, is sensory-oriented
II.Instructions for Sensate Focus
A.Refrain from intercourse, oral sex, or self- or mutual stimulation to release during this period
B.One partner initiates the touching session. Do this by saying, “I’d like to touch now”
C.Partners take turns touching each other with the person who initiates touching first
D.The other partner can decline the initiation but then it becomes that partner’s responsibility to initiate the session at another time, and it still counts as the first partner’s initiation
E.Between one Sensate Focus session and the next, alternate who initiates the touching/touches first
F.Arrange for one hour of complete privacy when you are not exhausted and not likely to be disturbed. (For example, make sure pets are not in the room and that the door is locked)
G.Refrain from using alcohol or recreational drugs before or during Sensate Focus
H.Refrain from using candles, lotions, music, or anything else that suggests an expectation of romance. This is not intended to be romantic but rather mindful
I.Have a comfortable temperature in the room
J.Have some light on in the room
K.Have as little clothing on as possible, and no clothing is preferable
L.Take off your own clothes. This is not a seduction but a mindfulness exercise
M.Refrain from talking during the touching session
N.You can assume any position that is comfortable for you and your partner
O.Each person touches long enough to practice focusing on sensations and managing distractions by refocusing on sensations, but not so long you get very bored or tired. This is usually somewhere between ten and 15 minutes but don’t watch the clock!
P.Touching experiences should be made a priority two to three times per week, approximately every 48–72 hours
Q.If touching sessions are not happening spontaneously, they can be scheduled ahead of time
R.Touch with backs and palms of hands and fingertips. Refrain from full-body contact and kissing
S.If the person being touched experiences anything physically uncomfortable, emotionally very uncomfortable, or ticklish, he or she non-verbally moves the partner’s hand away from that area, or briefly handrides, placing the hand over or under the partner’s. The person touching can return to that area later
T.Positive handriding is added later to show the partner what is of interest in terms of touch, and is indicated by the person who is being touched placing his or her hand on top of or below the partner’s, moving the partner’s hand to areas that are of interest, and indicating the location, degree of pressure, and type of motion that might be explored
III.After the Touching Session
A.You and your partner lie next to each other for a few minutes
B.When sexual release or activity becomes an option, this takes place at some completely separate time from the Sensate Focus session
C.Please talk little about the sessions at first until you can integrate the non-evaluative attitudes and skills offered
D.After the session is entirely over, journal about the experience focusing on three questions:
1.On what sensations was I able to focus, and where?
2.What distractions did I experience?
3.How did I manage those distractions? (Most helpful answer: I refocused on touch sensations!); and
E.Bring this information to your next therapy session
© These instructions are the copyrighted material of Linda Weiner, MSW, and Constance Avery-Clark, PhD. There is no reproduction or use of these materials without written permission from the authors.