This book will be controversial because it dispels old beliefs and seeks to replace them with new ideas. In our humble opinion, the attachment therapy literature is fraught with harsh, threatening and fear-laden approaches to dealing with children. These approaches over time lead to increasingly resentful parents who feel hopeless and helpless to deal with their children’s increasingly challenging behaviors. Many of the techniques provided to parents by well-meaning professionals have led to disrupted placements, medication increases, residential placements, and ultimately, broken hearts. It is difficult to be non-judgmental when it comes to the pain of children and parents, yet we have done our best to offer a clear presentation for the reader to compare and contrast the common beliefs and approaches about these children and their behaviors.
After years of working with families who have struggled time and again with severe behaviors such as lying, stealing, and hoarding, we want to offer our insights to help both parents and professionals deal with such behaviors more effectively and successfully.
As is well known, the behaviors we will be discussing are commonly linked to the psychiatric diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder (RAD). Though we are theoretically opposed to the labeling of children for myriad reasons, reactive attachment disorder is the buzz diagnosis for the moment with which most are familiar. In this regard, we have taken some of the most severe behaviors associated with children in this category and offer both parents and professionals insights into these behaviors that are contrary to popular opinion. It is typically espoused in the field of attachment therapy that traditional therapy approaches are not effective in treating children with reactive attachment disorder. We would like to take that a step further by stating that “Traditional attachment therapy approaches are not effective in treating children with reactive attachment disorder.” We are referring to the behaviors that are addressed in each chapter, but also to the treatment of “reactive attachment disorder” itself.
When one hears about treatment, then it naturally implies applying a methodical approach geared towards eliminating symptoms. However, there is more to treatment than merely the elimination of symptoms. Offering cough syrup to a child with a cold is sufficient for eliminating symptoms, but if measures are not taken to also support and enhance the child’s immune system through encouraging rest, extra vitamin C, and nurturing (which assist in supporting the stress response system), then the cold may eventually turn into pneumonia. Rather than just addressing symptoms for behavioral change, efforts must be directed towards the healing of the underlying causes, thus bringing about behavioral change.
The following pages will challenge what you have traditionally heard or read in the past about children and severe behaviors. By utilizing a sound and prudent theoretical approach along with a common sense understanding, both rooted in solid research and empirically tested techniques, we will provide a new perspective for understanding severe behaviors and will offer you step-by-step analysis for how to deal with these behaviors with your own children.
We have taken this a step further by conducting an intensive meta-analysis of the most common approaches and views of these severe behaviors from a traditional perspective, taking the time and effort to document carefully each view, then providing both a “traditional” and a “new” perspective of each behavior. We have done this to ensure that we are not being biased – preferring our approach to another – but rather are giving you, the reader, a clear understanding of why we look at things the way we do and why we make the corresponding recommendations.
–B. Bryan Post, LCSW