By the third day after the Indian battle, the collective mood of the Ferguson company had changed from fear to cautious optimism. They were making good time, averaging over twenty miles a day along an easy trail. Food and water were plentiful, both for humans and animals. For the most part, Callie’s life remained the same. With Florida’s help, she finished the last lesson in McGuffey’s Reader and progressed to Florida’s tattered copy of The New England Primer. At last she could read! She hadn’t realized how much her illiteracy made her feel like an inferior being, not worthy of respect. Now she could hold her head up, knowing she could read as well as Nellie and probably better than Lydia.
No one in her family had said another word concerning her rebellion at the Indian battlefield. For her part, each day’s grueling trek left little time for dwelling upon her family’s shortcomings and the shabby way she’d been treated. She’d hardly thought about it since. Ma treated her the same as before. Nellie, caught up in her romance with Coy Barnett, seemed off in a dreamy world of her own, barely aware of her surroundings. Lydia acted friendly enough, but every now and then Callie caught her casting a hateful glance her way. Did the glance say stay away from Magnus or stay away from Luke? Probably both. No problem there. Callie hadn’t spoken to Luke since the day they’d kissed. The times they did see each other, he acknowledged her presence with a quick, impersonal nod, the same he would give every other woman in the train. It was like he was deliberately avoiding her. As for Magnus, he stopped by their wagons to chat at least once a day. Obviously he was interested in her, but as much as she tried, she couldn’t feel anything but friendship for the leader of the wagon train.
One day the captains decided to stop early when they came across a beautiful spot for the wagons to camp, a wide clearing surrounded by dense green woods, bordered by a sparkling stream. As usual, Callie ventured out in search for fuel for the fire. At the beginning of the trek, she’d mostly gone alone. Ma and her sisters had always found excuses to beg off, but lately she’d formed the habit of joining Florida and her daughter, Hetty. She looked forward to these strolls, filled with woman talk and chatter about the events of the day.
Hetty stooped to pick up a round, brown object and placed it her gunnysack. “Just look at me. I never thought I’d be collecting Buffalo droppings and not think a thing of it.”
Florida grinned. “Don’t say droppings, honey, say chips. It’s easier that way.” She sighed and picked up a chip of her own. “Luke said we’ll soon be grateful for the buffalo. It won’t be long before the woods will be gone and these things will be our only fuel.”
Hetty raised her eyebrows. “I don’t see those high and mighty stepsisters of yours out here.” She made no secret of her dislike for Nellie and Lydia.
Callie made a wry face. “They can’t stand touching buffalo dung.”
“Ha! Do they think they’re better than us?”
Callie had no answer, aware nearly everyone in the train felt as Hetty did. Ma, Nellie, and Lydia had become known for their laziness and the lofty way they acted, as if their social standing was a cut above the rest.
“Looks like rain,” Florida commented.
Callie looked up. The sun disappeared behind swirling dark clouds. She held out her hand and caught a raindrop. “We’d better get back.”
Holding tight to their bags full of buffalo chips, the three turned and headed toward the campground. All of a sudden, the few drops of rain turned into a torrent. They’d wandered a long way from camp, farther than Callie had thought. “Let’s run!” They started running. The wagons weren’t even in sight yet when she felt a thud on her head, and then another.
“It’s hail,” Florida yelled.
A torrent of hailstones almost as big as Callie’s fist began to pelt them from above, so hard the three had to stop in their tracks. They dropped their bags and threw their arms over their heads to protect themselves from the increasing force of the stones. Callie’s heart thumped madly. She’d heard horror stories about people unlucky enough to be caught in a vicious hailstorm. They could be hurt, badly injured, or killed. No time to reach the wagons. She spotted a large oak tree with spreading branches and pointed. “Let’s go there! It’ll give us some sort of shelter.”
As the heaviest deluge yet sent huge balls of ice hurling down upon them, they raced for the oak tree. When they reached the thick, sheltering branches, they found instant relief as they huddled underneath, soaking wet and shivering. Only a few hailstones crashed through, their progress slowed by thick branches that rendered them harmless by the time they reached the ground.
“Dear Lord, I have never seen hail stones this big.” Florida spoke through chattering teeth. “Thank goodness for this tree. I think God put it here just for us.”
Callie thought of the horses and cattle out in the fields with no shelter. “I feel sorry for the animals. I hope they’re—”
A strange, low, thundering noise interrupted. She looked toward its source and gasped, “Oh no!” The animals were stampeding. Panicked cattle ran at top speed, not directly toward them, which was a blessing, but rushing wild-eyed by their tree, their nostrils flaring. The deluge of hailstones abruptly ceased, but still they kept running.
Several men on horseback, ropes at the ready, were soon behind them, making chase. Luke rode by, as did Pa, Andy, and Len. “Come on, Callie,” Andy called as he rode by. “We need help.”
Florida shook her head with disbelief. “There go some of my cattle. I hope we didn’t drive them animals halfway across the country just to lose ’em now.”
“Let’s get back to camp. We need ropes.” Callie picked up her skirt and ran, Florida and Hetty close behind.
When they reached camp, they separated, Callie hurrying to her family’s wagon. When she arrived, no one was in sight except Lydia. Wet and bedraggled, she stood by Ma and Pa’s wagon, panic on her face. “Callie, where have you been? That awful hail tore a big hole in the canvas. Ma sent me to find you so you can fix it.”
Callie caught hold of one of the wagon wheels and leaned on it to catch her breath. “Can’t right now,” she managed between heavy heaves of her chest. “Got to get rope…round up the cattle.”
“What if it hails again? All our clothes will get wet.”
Callie opened the toolbox that hung on the side of the wagon and found a coil of rope. “I can’t do everything.” For once she made no effort to hide her annoyance. “Fix it yourself.”
“With these?” Lydia held out her dainty hands. “They’re too delicate for sewing canvas.”
“You’d do better if you had a few calluses, like the other women in this wagon train.” Callie slammed the toolbox cover, hoisted the coil of rope over her shoulder and started away. “I’m going to help round up our cattle. You and Ma at least try to patch the canvas while I’m gone. If you can’t, then I’ll do it when I get back.”
She left camp satisfied she’d stuck up for herself. In the end, she’d softened and offered to help, but she’d wager Lydia would still be mad no matter what she did. She headed out, aware she had further angered her stepsister. Judging from those spiteful glances Lydia had been throwing her lately, she’d better not turn her back.
Pa came riding up on Duke, herding a dozen or so cattle. Passing Callie, he shouted, “There’s more out there. I’ve got Pearl. Get Jaide. He’s down by the river.”
“Yes, Pa.” She picked up her pace, horrified the colt might get lost in the wilderness, frightened and wanting his mother. She reached the river and scanned the shore. Where was he? What if she couldn’t find him? Panic welled in her throat. A heart-breaking number of animals died on these long treks. Already, she’d seen the remains of countless oxen, burros, and horses strewn along the trail. Most died from the lack of food and water and from sheer exhaustion. Some got lost in the wilderness or were stolen by Indians. Whatever the cause, losing Jaide would be awful. She’d never get over it.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a movement on the other side the river. She looked across and there stood Jaide. In his panic, he must have run across the shallow stream. Now he was peacefully grazing on a few blades of grass, not panicked in the least. “Jaide, you come here!” At the sound of her voice, the yearling raised his head briefly then down again to nibble. She called again, several times, but he ignored her. Should she go back to camp for help? Go after the colt herself? At that point, the Platte River was wide, at least two hundred feet across, but it was quite shallow, and the flow of the river seemed hardly to move. Jaide got across without difficulty and so could she. Besides, if she left now, Jaide might wander off, never to be found again. No, she wouldn’t take that chance.
She removed her boots and bundled them in her apron. Coil of rope resting on her shoulder, clutching the bundle, she hiked up her skirt and stepped into the muddy Platte. Wading across, she noted that compared to some of the deep, swiftly flowing streams they’d already crossed, the Platte provided an easy stroll. At its deepest, the water barely came to her knees.
She reached the other side. “Here, Jaide!” Taking his time, the horse raised his head, gave her a disinterested look and continued his grazing. She started toward him and called again. This time he returned a frightened whinny and backed away. “Don’t be afraid. Look, it’s me, Callie, your very best friend. I’m going to take you home to your ma.” She took another step forward. Wide-eyed, Jaide bolted and took off at top speed for a stand of woods beyond the riverbank.
“Jaide, for heaven’s sake, it’s me!” Good, Lord, now she’d have to follow him. Stopping to pull on her boots, she followed the horse’s trail into thick growths of cedar, birch, alder, and cottonwood trees. Try as she might, she couldn’t catch the high-strung animal. He seemed to be teasing her, letting her get close, then breaking away, heading deeper into the woods. Now she was angry. “All right, Jaide, just wait ’til I catch you!” At last, after what seemed like hours, Jaide came to a barrier he wouldn’t cross, a raging, tumbling stream that made such a loud noise, he reversed course and headed back. Callie instantly grabbed his mane, slipped the rope around his neck and made a knot. “I’ve caught you at last, you silly horse.” She almost cried with relief.
Leading Jaide, docile now, she started walking. Which way had they come? She wasn’t sure but wasn’t worried. She’d soon see something familiar that would put her on the right track. She kept going. Thorny bushes tore at her skirt. The thick branches overhead obscured her view of the sky. Why hadn’t she paid more attention to where she was going? She had no idea of time, but it seemed like hours since she’d waded across the river. Better hurry. They’d be wanting dinner by now.
At sundown, a sudden fright came over her. Soon she and Jaide would be alone in the dark, lost in the wilderness.
What was that through the trees? Thank God, the river.
“Come on, Jaide. We’re almost home.” She led the colt across the sluggish water, arriving at an unfamiliar spot on the other side. Where was she? Instinct told her to head upstream. Sure enough, after a short walk along the sandy bank, she spied her footprints in the mud that marked the spot where she’d crossed. “We’re almost home, Jaide.” The colt picked his ears up, as if he knew he’d soon be back with his mother.
She could hardly wait. She didn’t like being alone. It’d be good to see other people again. She hadn’t eaten for hours and her stomach was sending up hunger pangs. It was getting dark. They must have eaten by this time. She had to laugh, picturing Lydia and Nellie trying to fix supper. Even if the beans were undercooked and the biscuits as hard as rocks, she’d give anything for a plateful right now.
She cut away from the river and headed toward the clump of trees where the company was camped. Exhausted though she was, she quickened her pace. Oh, it’d be so good to get back! Why had no one come after her? Someone must have wondered where she was, but then, everyone had been busy chasing cattle and cleaning up the mess left by the hailstorm.
The closer she got to camp, the more she realized something was wrong…
Something was very wrong…
The wagons were gone. The people were gone.
She knew she had the right place. The burnt-out remains of the campfires and the scattered piles of garbage and debris gave proof a group of wagons had recently camped here.
“Where have they gone, Jaide?” Still clutching the colt’s tether, she stood in shocked bewilderment. “How could they have left me?” Had they deliberately gone off without her? Of course not. She must have been overlooked, although how that could happen, she couldn’t imagine.
Surely someone would come back for her. Or would they? Do they even know I’m gone? “Oh, Jaide!” She wrapped her arms around the horse’s neck and clung tight, trying for a panicked moment to block out the fear that engulfed her. She had nothing to eat. Her legs ached from fatigue. And nobody cared. They’d left her behind. Of all the low moments in her life, this was the lowest. Her tears ran into Jaide’s soft mane, which she clutched tightly.
The colt’s soft nicker brought her out of her despair. In the semidarkness, he’d turned his head to gaze at her, a questioning look in his eye, like he was asking, are you going to stand there all night? She must keep calm. Decide what to do. First, without question, she needed to look for food before total darkness set in. Maybe she could find something she could eat among the piles of garbage left behind. She tied Jaide to a tree and began to scour the campground, not a pleasant chore considering the ground was muddy and some of the garbage already smelled. She had no luck until finally, just as she was about to give up, she spied two biscuits, not on the muddy ground, thank goodness, but nestled amid some unburned twigs in the remains of a campfire. With a joyful cry, she scooped them up and popped one after another into her mouth. They tasted wonderful. Best biscuits she’d ever eaten.
Now what? Finding more food was impossible. Tired though she was, lying down was impossible, too. Not in this mud. She’d have to keep walking until she found the train. It shouldn’t be too difficult. The skies had cleared and the moon was out. They’d be following the river for many miles to come, so all she had to do was stay close to the Platte, and sooner or later she’d find them. They couldn’t have gone far.
“Come on Jaide. You must be tired, too, but we’ve got to keep going.” Leading the colt, she started out, thankful for the bright moonlight that lit her path. As she walked, she concentrated on positive thoughts. She would not be scared, even though the wolves howled—or were they coyotes?—in the distance. Her legs were like lead, they were so tired, but she would keep on. Lost in the wilderness. Left behind. Starving. Those two small biscuits didn’t begin to relieve the hunger pangs in her stomach. No one had noticed she was gone. That’s what hurt the most. Never in her life had she felt so wretched, yet she’d keep up her spirits and keep walking.
She followed the moonlit trail for what seemed like hours. At last, when she couldn’t go another step, she led Jaide to the river and let him drink to his heart’s content. He’d found plenty of grass along the way, so his stomach was full. Lucky horse. Whereas I…
She tried to ignore her gnawing hunger. Thinking about the pains would only increase her misery. Maybe she could fool her stomach by filling up on water. She pulled off her dress and waded into the sluggish river. After taking a long drink with cupped hands, she plunged her whole self into the water, loving the feel of the gently flowing current as it washed away the day’s miserable accumulation of dust, dirt, and sweat. When she was done, she led Jaide back toward the trail. Finding a tree with a patch of grass underneath that looked fairly soft, at least softer than the sand and gravel she’d been traveling on, she tethered the colt to a nearby sturdy bush. She sank exhausted to her makeshift grass bed and used her rolled-up dress as a pillow. For a few seconds, troubling thoughts swirled in her head. What if someone should find her dressed in her white cotton drawers and chemise? What a silly thought. Besides, modesty was far from her main concern right now. The constant howling bothered her the most. The unsettling sound hadn’t ceased for a moment. She pictured a pack of snarling, ferocious animals attacking her, tearing her apart. What if they did? There was nothing she could do about it, awake or asleep. She was so tired she didn’t care. Nothing else mattered…
“So, here you are.” A deep voice startled her from sleep.
She shot to full wakefulness in less than a moment, opening her eyes. A dark figure stood above her. Sheer panic welled in her throat and she couldn’t speak.
“It’s me, Luke.” He dropped down beside her. “Did you get lost in the woods?”
“It’s you?” Heart pounding, she struggled to a sitting position, grabbed her dress, and held it in front of her.
“Are you all right?”
A vast relief swept through her. “Luke, it’s really you?”
“Of course it’s me.”
“You scared me to death.”
“Not quite. What happened?”
“They left me behind, that’s what happened.” She regarded his dim figure in the moonlight. “How could they have done such a thing?”
“Not long after the hailstorm, we decided to move on because of the muddy ground. It wasn’t until hours later, when we stopped for the day, your ma came around looking for you. Said you were supposed to start supper and couldn’t be found.”
How hurtful they cared so little for her they hadn’t bothered to check if she was there or not. “You’d think Pa would at least have missed Jaide.”
“Your Pa was mighty busy rounding up his cattle, not that I’m making excuses for him. We’ll get this straightened out when we get back. So you’re all right?”
“Fine, thanks. Just very, very hungry.”
“We’ll soon take care of that.” Luke arose and went to Rascal, tethered next to Jaide. He retrieved a canteen and something out of his saddlebag and sat beside her. “Biscuits and a chunk of roasted deer meat. Not much, but I’d wager you’ll eat it.”
She had to restrain herself from grabbing the food from his hand. As it was, she was hard put to keep from gulping it down like some hungry animal.
He watched in silence until she finished then handed her the canteen. “Take a good swig. It’s from a clear stream, not the muddy Platte.”
After a long drink of water, she exhaled a long sigh of contentment. “That was wonderful. Best meal I ever had. I feel so much better.” A sudden shiver struck her.
“Are you cold?”
Nothing had mattered except her empty stomach. Now it was full, she needed to think more clearly, like how she was dressed in only her bloomers and chemise! “Turn around. I’ve got to finish dressing.”
He took the dress from her hands and held it up. “Raise your arms. It’s not all that warm tonight. You don’t want to catch a chill. Don’t worry, I’ve got my eyes closed.” He sounded amused at her modesty.
She stood up, raised her arms, and let him slide the dress over her head. She started to button the buttons, but her fingers shook so badly she couldn’t.
“Got a problem?” Laughing softly, he fastened the buttons up the front, his eyes opened this time, she noticed.
By now she was beyond modesty and didn’t care. Besides, who was to see them here in the middle of nowhere?
It was a simple thing, his helping put her dress on, yet when his fingers lightly touched her skin, a quiver surged through her veins and she ached to touch him. She would not, of course. He was only being helpful. She would make a fool of herself if she revealed how she felt, yet, how astonishing someone actually cared she was cold, especially a man like Luke. He was tough as nails, but from the beginning, he’d shown her nothing but kindness. His hand brushed against her hair, causing a hungry throb deep in the center of her being.
He drew in his breath. Yes, he did care.
She would have willingly fallen into his arms, except he withdrew his hands and stood gazing at her. “When I realized you were gone… That jackass family of yours. What are they thinking to leave you like that?” He sounded angry now. “You’re worth a dozen of any one of them.”
His outburst caught her by surprise. She didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t mind me. If we leave now, we should reach the camp by dawn.” After a long pause, he gave her a rueful smile. “You have no idea the power you have.”
“Me? I guess I don’t.” His remark was truly bewildering. “I don’t have any power. My whole life I’ve been a nobody, just grateful somebody took me in. I—”
“You, a nobody? That’s not so, Callie.” The anger in his voice told her how deeply he meant his words. “I sensed a strength in you from the time you caught me bare-assed in the creek and gave me that smart-alecky curtsy. When I saw how your family treated you, I couldn’t believe it. It took me a while to realize why you were what you were, and how that family of yours tried to beat the spirit out of you. They nearly succeeded. What saved you was this journey.”
“And you.” She remembered their talk the day of the Indian battle, when he told her leaving Tennessee was the best thing she ever did. “Tennessee seems so far away now. I look back on the life I used to lead and wonder how I stood it. Cook breakfast, wash dishes, feed the chickens, scrub the clothes…go to bed, wake up, and start over again. I’m working just as hard now, but each day is different. It’s all so exciting, even the bad things, like having to collect buffalo chips and seeing that dead Indian brave. So different from my life in Tennessee.”
“I’m glad you see that.” He drew in a deep breath, as if reaching deep for his willpower and backed away. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Callie.”
“Then why don’t you tell me?” She waited for his answer. In the distance a wolf howled, reminding her how completely alone they were. Nothing but wilderness—no prying eyes. They could do anything they wanted and no one would know.
“We’ve got to get back.”
“Why? They’re camped for the night, so we don’t have to rush.” She wanted an answer. For once she wouldn’t be her usual docile self and agree to whatever he said. “Why did you kiss me that time and then go out of your way to ignore me?”
He remained silent, the rigid lift of his shoulders showing she’d taken him by surprise.
She wouldn’t give up now. “I thought you liked kissing me, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe—”
“Didn’t like kissing you?” He stepped so close the heat of his body radiated off him. He seized her shoulders. “You can’t begin to know…” His arms encircled her. His uneven breathing blew on her cheek as he pulled her to him and crushed his lips to hers. Her arms went around his neck. She quivered as his kiss continued, loving how their bodies locked together in an embrace so tight, every hard, lean inch of him pressed against her. He finally pulled his mouth away. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you.” He bent his head to kiss the pulsing hollow at the base of her throat. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of her.
Next thing she knew, they were on the ground. His mouth was crushing hers again, and his hands were making their warm presence known on her bodice. They caused a burning desire, an aching need she’d never felt before. “Oh, Luke…”
His breathing came hard, his voice a harsh whisper. “Looks like I put your dress on too soon.” He fumbled for the buttons of her bodice and then stopped abruptly. “What am I doing?”
“You’re kissing me.”
She reached to caress the back of his neck, but he pulled away. “We can’t do this.”
“Why?” She wanted him back. Every throbbing part of her body wanted him back.
“Lots of reasons.” He stood, took her hand, and pulled her to her feet. “I was hired to guide this wagon train, not paw the ladies.”
“You weren’t pawing me, and you know that.” She smoothed the front of her dress. “You’re not telling me the real reason.”
“No, and I’m not going to. It won’t happen again. Come on, let’s go.”
He’d apparently made up his mind. Further protests would be useless.
There’s a lot you don’t know about me, he’d said. As she suspected, something in his past hung over him. She couldn’t imagine what it was, except it had to be something so dreadful he couldn’t get past it and remained remote and unreachable. “What don’t I know about you, Luke?”
“We’d better get started. Like I said, it’ll take ’til dawn to get back.”
She’d get no answer tonight. In silence, she followed him back to the horses. Maybe she’d never get an answer.
* * * *
The sun had barely peeked over the horizon when they caught up with the train. At her wagons, Callie slid from the back of Luke’s horse, untied Jaide, and bid Luke good-bye. In a state of exhaustion, she could hardly wait to crawl into her bed and get a bit of sleep before the day’s trek began. Pa climbed from the wagon just after Luke rode away. He frowned when he caught sight of her and said none too kindly, “So you’re back.”
“Yes, Pa.”
“I see you got the colt.”
“Yes, Pa. He crossed the river and ran into the woods. I had to—”
“You were out all night.” His stern voice contained not a bit of sympathy or concern.
“I was, but you see—”
“I’ll deal with you later.” He turned his back and started away. “Get breakfast started,” he called over his shoulder.
What! How could he? She would not turn the other cheek this time. She had a burning question on her mind, and by God, he would answer. “Why did you leave me behind?”
Pa slowed but didn’t stop. “Ask your Ma.”
“I want an answer from you.”
Pa stopped and turned, just as Ma poked her head out of the wagon. She glared at Callie. “Don’t talk to your Pa that way.”
“How could you have gone off and left me?” If her anger showed, she didn’t care.
Ma blinked as if she’d been taken unaware. “Don’t blame us. When we left, Lydia said you were visiting over at the Sawyer wagon.”
Callie swung her gaze to Pa. “You knew I’d gone after Jaide.”
Pa shrugged. If he felt the slightest guilt, it didn’t show. “We needed to leave, get out of the mud. Now I want no part of this. You women settle your differences among yourselves.” He turned around and walked away fast.
Ma climbed down from the wagon. She looked as if she’d like to walk away, too, but before she could, Callie asked, “Why would Lydia say such a thing? I don’t understand how you could have left me that way.”
Her stepmother regarded her as if she’d lost her mind. “Why are you so upset? You caught up with us, didn’t you? I’m sure Lydia didn’t do it on purpose.”
Callie clenched her fists and felt the blood rushing to her face. “That’s right, Ma, rush to her defense. You always do. Lydia lied deliberately. I know she did. Do you realize you left me in the wilderness? I might have died out there if Luke hadn’t found me.”
Ma leveled a suspicious gaze. “What’s going on between you two?”
“Don’t change the subject!”
“You were out all night with a man who isn’t your husband. What are you trying to do, disgrace the family?”
Callie gasped at Ma’s remark. So outrageous. She should reply, but what was the use? Ma would never understand. Why waste her breath? She spun on her heel and started toward the tent.
“Where are you going?” Ma called.
“To bed. In case you’ve forgotten, I was up all night.”
“Callie Whitaker, you come back here and start our breakfast.”
“Not on your life, Ma.” She didn’t slow down. “If you want breakfast, fix it yourself.”
Callie’s overwhelming anger carried her out of her stepmother’s sight and into the tent, where Nellie was still asleep and Lydia, sitting up, rubbed her eyes and stretched. “What was that noise?”
Callie rolled out her bedroll and practically dived under the blankets. “It’s me. I’ve been up all night and now I’m going to get some sleep.”
“Where have you been?”
She turned to look at Lydia. “Why did you say I was at the Sawyers when you knew I wasn’t?”
“I thought you were.” Lydia shifted her eyes away. “How am I supposed to know where you are every minute?” Her lips formed a pout. “You were with Luke, weren’t you?”
“Thank God he found me.”
Lydia glared at her with hate-filled eyes. “So, you were out all night, disgracing the family.”
She’d been right. Out of malice, jealousy, whatever the reason, Lydia told a deliberate lie, knowing full well she was putting Callie’s life in danger. Even worse, Callie could scream and complain all she wanted, but it wouldn’t do her any good. She’d never get past her family’s unconcern. Other than Tommy, nobody cared.
She went to sleep, remembering what Luke said. Your family’s the same, but you’ve changed. Now you see them through different eyes. So very true. The old Callie would have apologized for taking up space on this earth. The new Callie was something else. Exactly what, she didn’t know and, at the moment, was too tired to care.