––––––––
I looked into Noah’s eyes with my shrunken heart, the beautiful green eyes sparkled more than normal. I figured he couldn’t wait any longer and I had to tell him everything, though I’m not sure he’d understand or he’d forgive me.
I took a deep breath and feeling extremely nervous, I told him everything.
“For you to understand what made me run away that night, I have to make something clear first, though I think you always suspected. The day of our daughter’s third birthday, Dan came to my father’s house when you weren’t there and if my memory doesn’t fail now, you had to go meet with the lawyer. He wanted to give you all your false papers; I.D. and certificates, remember?
My husband barely nodded, I could see in his eyes he remembered perfectly. He whined about how it was the first birthday he could spend with his daughter and he didn’t want to go, but he did since his whole family and he needed new documentation urgently.
“Yes, I remember the hatred I felt when I saw the man, but I also remember you were tense. Why?” He asked.
“He went because I asked him to sign the certificate to give up his parental rights.”
In my memory I could see the horrified expression on Daniel’s face; it was as if someone stabbed him in the heart.
“I guess I wasn’t nice about it,” I kept talking, “to ask him that way, but for me it was the obvious thing to do since you’re her real father. I had no idea the pain it could cause him...especially what he was about to confess.”
“What did he say?” My husband asked eagerly.
“Well...that he never stopped loving me and he was still hoping that someday I could love him back and marry him.”
I saw how Noah tensed as he heard those words, he blinked a couple of times and I sighed, I would’ve never guessed that during the first two years of my daughter’s life, Dan would still love me. I kept talking.
“I guess he always thought that with time, I would forget you and I would eventually love him. But to me he’s more like the brother I never had, that’s all. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up without a father like I did...
Sobbing, I said the last sentence incapable of continuing. His hands touched my cheek softly, I raised my head to face him and in his eyes there was no hatred like I expected, instead there was love and comprehension.
“I know why you did it, love, and I never blamed you for anything, though it hurt when you told me, then I understood that you didn’t want her to go through the same thing as you did...I have something to confess.”
I looked at him surprised. His face was serious and melancholic. It hurt so bad to see him like this. What would his confession be?
“Please, tell me.” I asked softly, my voice was barely hearable because I was so scared.
My heart was beating so loudly that it could probably compete with the thunders.
“You didn’t believe me when I told you I’d find a way to come back to you, you didn’t believe in my word, in my promise and that really hurt me. You didn’t trust me, Alison.”
I couldn’t respond, his confession shocked me and it was the truth. I didn’t trust him.
Our love was stronger than anything and he managed to come back to me...everything was so unreal yet magical at the same time. I was destroyed, hurt by separating my daughter from her father because I wanted to protect her from Grace and save her life, I did what I did because my motherly heart told me so. Run away through time.
What else could I have done?
I sighed slowly and raised my head to face him; his eyes were strangely cold, distant.
“You’re right, I failed you and I am so sorry; I don’t know what I was thinking.” I looked at his beautiful green eyes.
Not expecting anything; not a hug or a touch, since I didn’t deserve anything, I kept talking.
“After that day Dan disappeared, actually he hid. There was no way he’d understand what was fair and I never asked him to move out of Ayleen’s life, I would never ask him to; I know how much he cares for her.
I begged him to do it for me, for our friendship and we went crazy, I had never seen him so angry. I closed my eyes at the scary memory that came to my mind.
Daniel’s face transformed by anger and jealousy, he was not the friend I once knew, my brighter, not a hint of that gangly boy he was before.
His words echoed in my head. I had managed to meet with Dan by sending him messaged through his father.
“Daniel, please” I asked nicely.
“Never” Do you hear me? I will never give that damn man the right that belongs to me...” At his words I got upset.
“You have no right! She’s not even your daughter! You’re behaving like a child! Even Ayleen has more sense than you do!”
This time his eyes widened and he took me by the shoulders harshly, and he yelled with anger:
“Do you think it’s that simple?...Signing a paper and that’s it?...How could you do this to me, Alison? After all I have done for you!”
His words got to me and in his eyes I could tell he was telling the truth, I looked at him with my eyes full of tears.
“I will always be grateful for everything. But you have to understand, Noah came from the past to be with us. Are you really going to deny him his right? Daniel, please...Noah is her father.
“I know. And I hate him! Why couldn’t he stay in the past, huh? This is no place for him. Tell him to leave...Stay with me. I love you.
My eyes opened wide at his confession, I stood there mute looking at his shiny dark eyes.
“If he hadn’t come...I’m sure that you and I, well...you would end up loving me. I can make you happy, Alison, I know I can...give me a chance.
“No!” I answered shocked. “Even if Noah hadn’t come, I could never be with anyone that wasn’t him. I belong to him and him alone! Through time and more, forever and for always. How could you ask me that? You have seen me suffered and live through his absence with me; you’ve seen how I wake up in the middle of the night screaming his name. Don’t you see I love him?
“It is not love, it’s an obsession.” Daniel said with certainty and crossing his arms roughly on his chest.
I went mad and cried out:
“What do you know about love? If you truly loved me, you would let me be happy with the man I love. You would want me to be happy.”
“Let me show you what I’m capable of!” He replied back furiously.
I didn’t see it coming; it was all so unexpected that it gave me no time to react. He put his hands on my face, leaning me closer towards him and he pressed his lips against mine. He held my neck with one hand making it impossible for me to free myself. He kissed me roughly and violently. I put my hands on his chest but he didn’t notice. Even though he kissed me roughly, our lips fit perfectly fine together just like when we were sixteen; I could feel his breath; I acted by instinct. I let my arms fall on my sides and didn’t move, with my eyes open, without fighting, to wait for him to finish; and it worked. He stepped back to look at me. I stood still like a statue ignoring him. He let go.
“Have you finished?” I asked coldly. He sighed loudly and nodded slowly. “Now have you realized that I have no feelings from you?”
He looked at me astonished, maybe even hurt, but I had no doubt he noticed.
“Yes.”
“Where is my Dan? My brother, my best friend...I miss him.”
“I’m still here, Alison.” He said quickly.
I shook my head; I was hurt by his behavior.
“No. You’re not the same guy. My Daniel would have never hurt me.
I couldn’t help the tears running down my face, with my hand shaking I wiped them out.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized.
“Now I’m going to ask you not to come near me or my daughter for a while.”
“No, anything but that! You can’t ask me that...You know how attached I am to her...” He pleaded desperately.
“It will only be for a while. I want her to get to know her father, that’s all. You’ll see her soon enough, I promise. I will take her to your father’s house.
He looked at me with profound sadness, I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or not, but I had no choice. I feared for my daughter. Dan’s change of attitude was really scaring me.
“Do you promise, Alison?”
“Yes.”
I took Ayleen a couple of times, but since every time we ended up arguing and yelling at each other, I decided not to take her anymore. Every visit was a nightmare and Daniel was getting more aggressive and jealous of Noah.
A scary chill ran down my spine and my arms suddenly. I shook my head to come back to reality. I blinked a couple of times and was surprised to see a small bonfire. I could feel the heat of the fire. I raised my head to see Noah. He was staring at the fire and his face was calm, too calm. He didn’t react the way I expected him to. There was no yelling, no blame. Nothing. I didn’t like it. I started to feel sick and with one hand, like a feather, touched his arm gently. He turned his head towards me and his pupils were completely dilated, his jaw was tense. He was really angry and asked me aguishly:
“He forced you to kiss him?”
“Yes.”
He did something I wasn’t expecting; he got up, got dressed and got out of the cave almost running. I felt like I deserved it, I guess.
I felt a huge emptiness inside and also short of breath. I got up quickly and looked around the bag. Thank goodness for Ann, she had put a spare of clothes and without looking what they were, I put them on quickly.
I couldn’t stand my husband’s silence, I wanted to hear him yelling at me for the horrible person I was, something, whatever. I left the cave stumbling, my muscles were numb.
I was surprised to see how clear the sky looked, it seemed like it was day time, and unlike before that everything was so dark. I raised my head to see the ski, a shade of light grey. The clouds were moving so fast, however, there was no wind here. Then I looked at the ocean and it was completely calm. Where were the waves that crashed into the rocks a while earlier? I asked myself curiously.
Something caught my attention and I turned to see the forest to listen very attentively. Nothing, there was not a sound. Not an animal or a bird. I froze, feeling scared. I knew what that was because I have lived it once, they called it the eye of the hurricane, and many people have died thinking that the storm had past because of it.
I raised my head again; the clouds were not moving anymore, a scary tornado started to form. That only gave me a couple of minutes and as if my life depended on it I started screaming my lungs out:
“Noah?! Noah?! Noah...!”
I wasn’t sure if he could hear me, since the warm wind started to run again and the heavy rain started to fall. I started to run to look for him not caring about myself. If something would happen to him I couldn’t live without him. I looked around everywhere and I saw him standing in front of the ocean. Hadn’t ne notice the sudden climate change? I asked myself feeling alarmed. When I reached out to him I took him by the hand and started to pull with all my strength.
“Come on! Move, you’re in danger...we have to go back to the cave now!”
“No. Why should I believe you?”
The blame came at the least expected time and I screamed desperately:
“Because it’s the truth...Noah, please, if you don’t want to do it for me, do it for our daughter.”
That made him react and he stood up, but he stood in front of me, his face like a mask, I had no idea, for the first time since I met him, what he was feeling.
“I’m not going until you tell me why you left that night.”
His unexpected petition came at the worst possible time.
“I did it to protect you and your family.” I could barely answer.
Didn’t the tornado matter? I looked into his eyes with profound sadness.
“He threatened to denounce all of you because you’re illegal; you had no papers, even though he knows perfectly where you come from. He told me he would report you from child abuse and he could get full custody of Ayleen that way...” Y was shivering just by remembering his threats. “Daniel said that if I left you, he wouldn’t do anything...you would be safe, all of you.”
“It wasn’t an accident that the breaks of the cars were failing last year...especially that you were the one driving; He did it and thank God you have good reflexes.”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I cried. I cried so hard at the hurtful memory, the fear to understand that Dan had set Noah a trap.
“I didn’t want to lose you again...I only wanted to protect you, our daughter, our family, Noah. That’s the only truth and that’s why I left with him, but in my mind I had a plan and I left you a letter, so you would understand and help me to...
He didn’t let me finish and asked surprised:
“You left me a letter?”
“Yes. Brenda has it; she’s supposed to give it to you when you get to Denver.” I answered. “In the letter I explained my plan.”
I raised my head, because I saw something in the corner of my eye and there’s when I saw it, a tree branch about to fall because of the strong wind and it was heading towards our direction, I looked higher, we were in the hurricane’s eye. I saw the tornado just meters away from us.
Everything was flying everywhere, sand, coconuts, tree branches and other things I couldn’t identify. I was horrified to see that and looked at Noah, he noticed immediately and took me by the waist to run towards the cave.
Even though we were not far, we could hardly see and the sand was like sharp needles. I jumped when I saw the branch heading towards Noah’s head and without hesitation I put my foot for Noah to trip, when he fell and jumped on top of him to protect him with my body screaming:
“Not him!”
It hit me brutally and the pain was immediate, the branch had hit me on the head but I didn’t care at all as long as he was saved. I tightened my jaw to keep me from screaming from the pain.
I felt how he carried me into his arms.
“Alison, are you alright?!” He asked nervously.
“Yes.” I could barely answer, my head hurt and that would most likely cause a huge bump.
“What were you thinking? He scared me to death...”
“What was I thinking?” I answered surprised; to me the answer was obvious. “About you!
Our eyes met and I could see he was having a roller coaster of emotions; he went from anger to surprise, and then puzzled.
We arrived at the cave; he took me as far as possible from the entrance. He put me on the ground and quickly went to get the bag and the blanket and covered me with it. I wasn’t even cold, my body was tensed and I still had to finish telling the story...He lit another bonfire and sat in front of me looking straight into my eyes.
“Don’t ever to that again, Alison. I will not allow you to risk your life for me.”
The tone of his voice was sweet but firm; I frowned and answered using the same tone:
“I will do it as many times as needed.”
His eyes widened at my response.
“You are so stubborn!”
“Yes, I am.” I agreed. “But that’s not going to stop me from doing it again and you know it.”
“I know and that doesn’t stop surprising me each day.”
He softened his tone and his eyes were not so serious anymore. I smiled and blushed. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed me closer to him; he put a hand underneath my chin and lift it up, for our lips to be at the same height.
“You don’t think about the danger, and that’s craziness.”
It wasn’t a question and I didn’t respond, I just nodded. He was right, but who wouldn’t give her life for the man she loves? I would do it over and over again without a doubt.
I noticed his breath on my face, it was addictive and my head was spinning. Just like the first day, he had the gift to astonish me, I lay my head back and murmured:
“The night of the accident, Dan found out.” I felt his body tensed.
“Tell me, I’m listening.”
“When I was sure you were asleep, I got up quietly. Once dressed, I wanted to get close to you and touch our face, but the bad luck I always have, my wedding ring came off my finger. It was loose since we lost Aaron; I had lost so much weight after that. It fell right beside you and when I tried to get it back you moved in such a way that it got underneath you. I didn’t take it off on purpose, it was an accident.
“Yes, that cleared it up. You have no idea how horrible it was for me when I woke up and realized you weren’t there, then when I found your wedding ring...I thought you...”
“I would never do it. I love you too much.”
I took a deep breath to keep going.
“Dan was waiting for me outside of the motel. He had been threatening me for weeks and I, well...I tried to set him a trap. I bought a small recorded that I hid in my purse, I wanted to record his threats and show it before a judge and he was the real danger. That night it had rained a lot, I started driving towards the address he gave me. He noticed I was so nervous and he asked what I was hiding from him...I knows me perfectly fine, so he knew right away that I was up something. He went crazy and he looked through my purse, he found the recorder and started to yell at me. He told me that this time there was no looking back and that I had it coming, he was going to take our daughter from me. I begged him not to do it; I told him I would go with him wherever he asked me to. I wasn’t even paying attention at the road when I realized the tired were sliding, I just saw the great black emptiness before me and then nothing. Everything went blurry until I woke up in the hospital with you by my side.”
I took a deep breath again.
I talked without stopping, not even taking a breath, I didn’t even realize that my hands were clenched so tightly that my nails were hurting me. I sighed frustrated that my plan wasn’t successful. Damn my luck!
“If I hadn’t lost my memory, I would’ve explained everything to you. He’s going to take Ayleen, I know it.”
“Over my dead body that idiot is going to take away my daughter from me.”
I looked at him shocked. He was very upset and his jaw very tight.
“Why didn’t you come to me instead of trying to be a super hero, Alison?”
“Oh Noah, I know I didn’t do the right thing, now I see it, but my intentions were good, I promise. I never thought Dan would go this far...If he reports you, you will be screwed, all of you. They will put you in jail for a long time and I couldn’t allow that...I’m sorry, really.”
And it was the truth; Noah didn’t even imagine how cruel this time was.
“The only thing I know is you didn’t trust me for the second time, Alison, and I think it would be best to be apart for a while.”