Chapter Thirty

Jasmine

“Hey, Mama, are you okay?” I asked because she was visibly upset and shaken by something.

“Oh, baby, my beautiful baby.” She dabbed at her eyes with a crumbled piece of Kleenex.

“What’s wrong, Mama? Where’s Jordan?” I strained my neck to look over her shoulder.

“Come and sit down with me, baby.” She pulled me toward a set of chairs leaning against the stale yellow wall.

“Mama, you’re really scaring me right now. Where is my baby?” I had started to cry, and I hadn’t even received any news yet. I could tell by the feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong, just like the day Jordan was born. My mother patted my back, then looked up toward the heavens.

“Baby, Jordan has gone on to be with the Lord in His kingdom,” she said, but it didn’t quite register with me.

“Jordan went where? And to be with who?” I questioned.

“Jasmine, Jordan has gone on to glory, baby. Mama wants you to be strong, okay?” She held me as I collapsed into her arms.

“Are you saying my child is dead?” I screamed, and she nodded with a tearstained face. “When did this happen, Mama?” Closing my eyes, I pulled on my hair.

“Yesterday afternoon I went to wake him up from his nap for lunch, and he was gone. The Lord took him in his sleep, Jasmine. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so very sorry.” My mother sniffled. “I tried to reach you and King, but I couldn’t get either of you.”

“You’ve been here since yesterday?” I asked as guilt set in. I should’ve been with my son before he was called to heaven. I should’ve been the one here at the hospital all day. But instead I was locked up behind King’s bullshit. The more I thought about things, the angrier I was becoming.

“Yes, baby, I’ve been sitting right here.” She paused to blow her nose. “I just couldn’t leave him, Jasmine. I couldn’t leave him all alone in there by himself.” She cried and pointed to the window behind us. “Jordan was such a good boy. I just wish his dad had given him a chance.”

The words that she spoke made my blood boil because it was absolutely true. Instead of loving and caring for our son, King treated him like he was nothing and didn’t matter. “Mama, what am I going to do now? My only reason for breathing was Jordan, and God took him from me.”

I was mad at the world, including the Lord Himself. Dammit! I was a good person. I did nice things for people and spoke kind words to everyone. So why would this happen to me? “Mama, you know the Lord, right?” My nostrils flared. “Ask Him why He did this. Didn’t God know that I needed my son in order to survive? Without Jordan, I’m dead. You might as well bury me too,” I declared.

“Jasmine, you stop that, you hear me? God will never put more on us than we can bear. Do you understand that, baby?” She rubbed my back as I released all of my pain, tears, and frustration. “The Lord loaned Jordan to us for four beautiful years, but he was ready for His son to come home. You are a great mom, and you always will be a wonderful person. This had nothing to do with you. Jordan’s life, no matter how short, was predestined, and it was God’s will for him to go home.”

My mother was right, but I couldn’t help the way I was feeling. I just prayed that God would understand. I laid my head down on my mother’s lap as she rocked me like an infant. So many thoughts ran through my mind that my head began to throb. I was a ball of emotions. I couldn’t stop the pain. I felt hurt, angry, upset, betrayed, and lonely.

“Jasmine, do you want to see Jordan before the funeral home comes to pick him up?”

“No, Mama. You go ahead. I can’t.” Shaking my head, I stood up from the blue plastic chair and went to get some air. On my way outside, I called King.

“Yeah,” he answered on the third ring.

“King, it’s Jordan. He died, baby. Our son is gone.” I cried hysterically.

“Stop, I’m on the phone. You play too much,” he said to some girl giggling in the background. “Jasmine, you said what?” King asked, and I rolled my eyes.

“I said our son is fucking dead!” I snapped, causing several people to stop and stare at me.

“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked like a friend of the family would. Didn’t he realize Jordan was his son too?

“Yes, King, I do need something. I need you to be here! You’ve never been there for your son during his whole life. Can’t you at least make him a priority now that he’s gone?” I screamed into the receiver.

“Chill the fuck out with that yelling. I’ll be home tomorrow, and I’ll see you then,” he snarled.

“So you telling me a motherfucking music video is more important than your son?” I was fuming.

“I didn’t say all of that, Jasmine, but this is how I get paid. Somebody has to make the money to pay for his funeral, right?” he barked, and I stood speechless. “That’s what I thought! Like I said, I’ll be home tomorrow.”