As soon as we reached Martin’s laboratory, he switched on the light behind an opalescent screen. He apologized for keeping me, said that he wanted to have a look at a spectroscopic plate; he stood there, fixing the negative on to the bright screen, peering down at the regiments of lines.
I believed his work was an excuse. He did not intend to talk about his action that day. I was out of proportion distressed.
Though nothing had been admitted, we both took it for granted that there was a break between us; but it was not that in itself which weighed on me. Reserve, separation, the withdrawal of intimacy – the relation of brothers, which is at the same time tough and not overblown, can stand them all. And yet that night, as we did not speak, as he stood over the luminous screen, I was heavy-hearted. The reason did not seem sufficient; I disliked what he planned to do about Sawbridge; but I could not have explained why I minded so much.
I had had no doubt what he intended, from that night at Stratford, when he put forward his case in front of Luke. He had foreseen the danger about Sawbridge: he had also foreseen how to turn it to his own use. It was clear to him, as in his place it might have been clear to me, that he could gain much from joining in the hunt.
It was cynical, but I could not lay that against him. It might be the cynicism of the rebound, for which I was at least in part responsible.
His suggestion at Stratford had been unscrupulous, but it would have saved trouble now. And I could not lay it against him that now he wanted to put Sawbridge away. We had never talked of it, but we both had the patriotism, slightly shamefaced, more inhibited than Bevill’s, of our kind and age.
We took it out in tart, tough-sounding sentiments, that as we had to live in this country, we might as well make it as safe as could be. In fact, when we heard of the spies, we were more shaken than we showed.
Concealing our sense of outrage, men like Martin and Francis Getliffe and I said to each other, in the dry, analytic language of the day – none of us liked the situation in which we found ourselves, but in that situation all societies had their secrets – any society which permitted its secrets to be stolen was obsolescent – we could not let it happen.
But accepting that necessity was one thing, making a career of it another.
Yet was that enough to make me, watching him, so wretched?
Was it even enough that he was throwing other scruples away, of the kind that my friends and I valued more? Among ourselves, we tried to be kind and loyal. Whereas I had no doubt that Martin was planning to climb at Luke’s expense, making the most out of the contrast between Luke’s mistake of judgement over Sawbridge and Martin’s own foresight. That day he had taken advantage of Luke’s confusion, in front of Bevill. And Martin had a card or two still to play.
Was that enough reason for my distress?
Carefully Martin packed the photographic plate in the box, made a note on the outside, and turned to me. He apologized again for keeping me waiting; he was expecting a result from another laboratory in ten minutes, and then he would be ready to go.
We made some conversation with our thoughts elsewhere. Then, without a preliminary and also without awkwardness, he said: ‘I’m sorry we had to brush Hanna off.’
I said yes.
‘I’m sure it was wise,’ said Martin.
‘Is there any end to this business?’
‘Not yet.’
He went on: ‘Hanna will understand. She’s a match for most of us.’ I glanced at him, his face lit from below by the shining screen. He was wearing a reflective, sarcastic smile. He said: ‘Why don’t you and I marry women like that?’
I caught his tone. My own marriage had been even more untranquil than his.
‘Because we wanted a quiet life,’ I said. It was the kind of irony that we could still share.
‘Exactly,’ said Martin.
We seemed close enough to speak. It was for me to take the first step if we were to be reconciled. I said: ‘We look like being in an unpleasant situation soon.’
Martin said: ‘Which one?’
I said: ‘About Sawbridge.’
‘Maybe,’ said Martin.
‘It would be a help to me if I knew what you were thinking.’
‘How, quite?’
‘These are times when one needs some help. So far as I’m concerned I need it very much.’
After a pause, Martin said: ‘The trouble is, we’re not likely to agree.’
Without roughness, he turned the appeal away. He began asking questions about the new flat into which I was just arranging to move.