“Are you going to read to us?” Josh asked, handing Mia the books he had chosen from the cardboard box beside their bed.
Mia blinked, pulling herself back to the present and her sons. She had just put the girls to bed, but as she had come into the boys’ room, her mind had done what it had all afternoon. Slipped back to that moment in the corral; that almost moment when she and Nate faced each other, questions hovering between them.
“Yes, of course I am,” she said with a quick smile, taking the books Josh and Nico gave her.
She settled herself on the bed between them and opened the book. But as her lips read the words, her traitorous mind wandered, once again, back to Nate.
All through the week, with each conversation they shared, each moment they spent together, she sensed a growing awareness.
She wasn’t sure if her heightened feelings for Nate were a result of feeling vulnerable after seeing Nico struggle to speak and losing her house and business, or if it was because something real was growing between her and Nate.
She just knew that each day she spent around him, her own feelings were shifting and changing.
Don’t be foolish. What would a single, good-looking man like him see in you?
Mia fought down the frustration Other Mother’s words created in her. She knew they were true, but oh, for that one moment when it seemed attraction trembled between her and Nate, she felt appealing.
“Mommy, you stopped reading,” Josh said, patting her hand.
“Sorry, buddy. My mind was wandering.”
Wandering to places you shouldn’t be going.
Mia sighed as she picked up the book again. Other Mother was annoying, but at times she was right. Mia had no room for romance in her life. Not with four children and a business she needed to get back off the ground.
She closed the book she had just finished reading as a sudden heaviness weighed down on her. Please Lord, help me through this, she prayed as she opened the second book. Help me to know that I am not doing this on my own. To draw on Your strength to focus on what I need to do. Not some foolish notion of romance and love.
But even as she said the prayer, regret plucked at her thoughts. If only...
She brushed that aside as she bent over and brushed a kiss over her sons’ heads. Then she picked up the book again. But just as she began reading she heard muffled voices coming from downstairs, raised in excitement. Then the sound of feet coming up the stairs and a hesitant knock on the door.
“Come in,” Mia said, puzzled as to what was happening.
The door creaked open and Nate put his head through the opening. “Do you want to see Nola’s foal? It was just born.”
He addressed them all, but his eyes held hers.
“Yippee,” Josh called out, scrambling off the bed. Then he grabbed Mia’s hand, pulling. “Can we go see? Please?”
Nico picked up on the excitement and was yanking on Mia’s other hand.
Mia caught their enthusiasm, her own excitement also growing. “Yes, you can. We need to get your jackets, though.”
Then she looked at Nate. “It will be okay, won’t it?”
“She’s in a pen. It will be fine.”
Then he smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners with a hint of suppressed humor. And when she returned his smile she felt, once again, that sense of waiting.
A few minutes later, Mia, Josh and Nico joined Evangeline and Denny. They stood quietly in the barn, the light at the end of the barn casting a soft glow over the pen. Right beside Nola lay a small, perfectly formed foal, shaking its head as if trying to figure out what just happened. Nola lay on her side, as if still recuperating from the ordeal. Mia could easily identify with the poor mare. Nola lifted her head, looking over at them as if asking for privacy. Then she slowly struggled to her feet.
Nico sat quietly, intent on the helpless creature lying on the straw still wet from the birth, legs still folded under itself. Mia looked from the foal to her son, who was almost vibrating. What was going through his mind?
The foal looked around, then its feet pawed at the straw as it struggled to get up.
“Relax, baby,” Mia whispered. “Take a breath.”
The foal got its feet under it, then fell again. One more time it tried but it couldn’t get up.
“Do you need to help it?” Mia asked, tension rising up inside her. If it didn’t get up, it probably couldn’t drink.
“No. It has to do it on its own.” Nate sounded calm, so Mia took her cue from him and made herself relax.
Finally, Nola rose up, her legs shaking with her previous exertions. She took a few halting steps closer to her foal, nudging it with her nose. Then she began licking it.
“Why is Nola doing that?” Josh whispered.
“The licking helps clean the foal off and helps its blood get moving.” Nate watched a moment longer, then set Nico down on the ground. “I want to get Nola some water,” Nate said.
Nico climbed up, hanging over the edge, watching. Mia smiled at his rapt expression.
Nate returned a few moments later with a pail of water and brought it inside the pen.
“Hey, girl, you did good,” Nate said to his horse, his voice low and quiet as he crouched down. “You got yourself a little baby.”
“Can you tell what it is?” Denny asked.
“I need a closer look, but I want to give Nola space. Mares are always unpredictable after a birth.”
Mia could identify. She remembered the waves of sorrow mingled with anger that washed over her after the twins were born. Two other women gave birth that day and they had husbands with them, whereas her own husband had been gone. Thankfully Renee had come with her and been by her side but it wasn’t the same as having a husband present. The father of the children.
Quiet descended again and Nola continued her licking. Every now and then the colt would try to get up and fall again.
After a few minutes Nate got up and took a tentative step toward the foal. Mia was surprised to see the worry on her son’s face.
Then Mia looked in time to see Nola’s ears flattened against her head. One hoof flashed out so fast it was back on the floor of the pen before Mia realized what had happened.
Then before anyone could stop him, Nico jumped into the pen, running straight toward Nate, his face a mask of fear.
Nola took one stiff-legged step toward Nico but Nate looped an arm around the boy and yanked him back.
That’s twice Nate has saved my son, Mia thought to herself. She sagged against the pen, her legs suddenly two pieces of boneless rubber. Her heart slowed, as she caught her breath.
Then Nico pointed to Nola and grunted again.
“She’ll settle down soon,” Nate was saying, his arms wrapped around the little boy. “Don’t worry. I won’t go close to her again.”
Nico groaned once more, the guttural sound tearing at Mia’s heart but at the same time creating a spark of hope. Then she felt Evangeline’s arm around her shoulder. “It’s a start,” Evangeline said, voicing Mia’s own thoughts.
Mia blinked, frustrated at the tears that prickled her eyelids. Too many emotions. Too much to deal with, she told herself.
Then finally the foal staggered to its feet. It rocked a few moments, but seemed to catch its balance. Nola nickered quietly, the motherly sound a complete reversal of her behavior of a few minutes ago. The foal tottered toward her, its hooves rustling in the straw as it bumped into Nola’s side.
Then, finally, it started to drink. They all watched a few moments, and then Mia caught Josh yawning. “Hey, buddy, you need to get to bed,” Mia said. “It’s been a long day for you.”
To her surprise Josh didn’t protest. Instead, he simply climbed down off the pen. “Is Nico coming?”
“Just give me a minute,” Mia heard Nate say.
“We’ll take you back to the house, buddy,” Denny said.
“It’s okay—” Mia was about to say when she caught Evangeline’s reprimanding look. She thought of Nate’s sardonic comment that she didn’t often accept help.
So she relaxed her shoulders then smiled at Denny. “Thanks so much,” she said. “I’ll be by as soon as Nico can come out.”
After they left, Mia moved closer to where Nate and Nico still sat, hooking her arms over the rough wood of the pen, glancing from Nate still holding Nico to Nola who now stood quietly nursing her foal.
“See how the foal is drinking,” Nate whispered to Nico. “See how quiet Nola is. She’ll be even better in an hour.”
Then after a few moments Nate slowly stood, carefully turned and set Nico on the other side of the pen in the aisle of the barn. He looked down at him, ruffling his hair, his expression inscrutable.
“I didn’t think Nola would react like that,” he said, giving Mia a rueful look. “I’m so sorry.”
“Not your fault,” Mia said, still shaky after the fact. “I still don’t know why Nico jumped into the pen.”
Nate shrugged, then gave her a careful smile as if he was unsure of her reaction. “I have a feeling he thought Nola was going to do something to me. Is that right, Nico?”
Nico, who had been pushing some straw around with the toe of his cowboy boot, looked up at Nate, then, to Mia’s shock and surprise, nodded.
Nate swung his legs over the partition, then crouched down in front of Nico. “I was being careful, buddy. I wouldn’t have let her hurt me.”
Nico looked up at Nate, his expression one of complete adoration. Then he launched himself at Nate again, clinging to him. But this time he made no sound.
“Hey, buddy, hope you have good dreams,” Nate said, returning Nico’s hug. Then he ruffled his hair and gently pulled away.
Mia caught Nico’s hand and looked over at the foal and its mother, feeling a connection to her. Then her eyes slipped to Nate and the feeling gained strength and intensity.
Feelings so strong they were almost tangible hummed between them. And when Mia turned to bring Nico back to the house, she knew she would be back.
* * *
Nate watched from inside the pen as the foal went down again after nursing from Nola. If he didn’t imprint on the foal within the next few hours, it would be too late. Thankfully, Nola had settled down and was more accepting of his presence. He pulled the towel he’d had ready and walked over to the foal, kneeling toward the back of it and grasping its muzzle. He gently flexed it back to the withers to control it and prevent it from standing then started toweling the foal dry.
He heard a whine from the other side of the pen then a rustle as Socks settled himself.
“It’s okay, Socks,” he reassured his dog. “I got this under control.”
As he worked, patiently wiping the foal, preventing it from standing, he kept one watchful eye on Nola, but she showed no more signs of aggression, seemingly content to watch.
“And you’re a little colt,” Nate said as he worked his way up the animal’s body. “Good, I was hoping for another male to work with. You come from some nice bloodlines. You’re going to be a goer, like Tango. I just hope we can get to that futurity on time. Though I wonder...” He let his voice trail off as new uncertainties dogged him.
On his way back from town this afternoon he had gotten a phone call from the lawyer handling his stepfather’s estate.
Nate still wasn’t sure what to do, what to think anymore, so he had given him a noncommittal response. A change from the flat-out no he had given him a couple of weeks ago.
Coming to the ranch, meeting Mia, connecting with her kids... All that had created a drifting of his thoughts to places he had never dared contemplate. A woman he was attracted to. A woman who made him think of settling. Of changing his rootless, wandering ways.
But even as he let that idea slip through his mind, right behind it came the uncertainty. The fear.
The biggest lesson Nate had learned in life was letting people get close only meant heartache when they either left or they hurt you. His mother, his stepfather. The Norquests. The ranch he thought had become his refuge. Too many losses meant too much pain.
Much easier to stay alone. Keep your heart guarded and safe.
He continued his rhythmic stroking of the colt. This newborn animal not only had a mother to watch over him, he also had Nate.
And who had been watching out for him?
He heard the muted rolling of the heavy barn door and he looked up. A gentle warmth coursed through him when Mia stopped by the gate to the pen, her hands resting on the top gate, a question in her brown eyes.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Imprinting,” he said as Nola nickered at the colt that struggled against Nate again. This time he released it as it scrambled over to Nola’s side and began drinking again. “It’s a first, critical step in training horses.”
“Did you do that with your other horses?” Mia asked.
He nodded. “The last foal I imprinted on was Tango.”
And that had happened in a drafty, broken-down barn on a ranch he’d been managing for someone else. This ranch wasn’t his place, but after spending a week and a half here it felt more like home.
Melancholy tunneled through him. It had been a long time since he felt at home. Not since he lived with the Norquests. Not since he and Denny worked together on the ranch.
I could get my own place. Use Karl’s money.
The thought created a bitter taste on his tongue and yet, as he looked down at Mia, his perspective shifted.
“So Nico settled down okay?” Nate asked, leaning against the gate.
Mia pressed her lips together and then sat down on the hay bale behind her, her hands twisting around each other. “You heard him, didn’t you?”
Nate knew precisely what she was talking about and nodded, his own heart thudding at the memory.
“I wish I knew what it meant....” Her voice trailed off as she looked up at him, her eyes holding a shadow of pain. “It seemed to me that he was trying to warn you.”
Nate ran his thumb along the rough wood of the pen, her words dipping into his heart, stirring some elemental emotion. “That’s what I thought, too.”
He looked over at her as words hovered on the edges of his mind. Words that would articulate the flurry of emotions he felt around her and her kids.
“You look scared,” she said with a nervous laugh.
He couldn’t admit it yet. The time with his stepfather had taught him not to show fear. Not to let anyone see.
But something must have registered with Mia because she gave him a knowing look.
“What are you scared of?” she asked, her voice quiet, gently probing.
There it was. The question that, if answered honestly, would voice the very things he had spent the past few years running and hiding from.
His innate sense of self-preservation kicked in and he answered her question with a question. “Why do you want to know?”
She pressed her thumbs together as she seemed to consider his query. She swallowed and drew in a quivering breath. “This isn’t easy for me, either, you know.”
Her oblique comment gave him pause. But as it settled in, he realized what steps she was taking in the hesitant dance that was a relationship between a man and a woman. The dance they had been indulging in all week.
Then he looked at Mia and it was as if the weariness of his relentless, restless wandering finally came to rest like a burden on his shoulders.
He pushed himself away from the pen and came to sit beside her. He held her eyes, drawing strength from her. And, in the back of his mind, a small prayer formed.
Help me, Lord. You promised me I wasn’t alone. Help me now.
“You know I was a foster child?”
“Denny told me you came to the ranch when you were about twelve. You lived with your stepfather? Was he the reason you ended up in care?”
“Karl was the type of man who treated his horses far better than he ever treated me.” Nate couldn’t keep the bitter note out of his voice, which frustrated him. He had tried, over time, to scrub away any memories of Karl. He didn’t want Karl to own any part of his mind.
“Did he own a ranch, as well?”
Nate nodded, his mind ticking back to the letter from the lawyer and the opportunities Karl’s legacy presented. The money could give him a start. A down payment on a new life.
In spite of that, his gut twisted at the thought of taking anything from a man who had taken so much from him.
“He trained cutting horses,” Nate said. “He was a top-notch trainer. Well-known. I learned a few things from him, good and bad.”
Mia was quiet a moment. “Can I ask why you were put into foster care?”
Nate leaned forward, clasping his hands together, trying not to delve too deeply into the past and yet tell her enough to explain. “Karl was a good horse trainer, but didn’t know how to handle kids. He was rough and nasty and unforgiving. Eventually, there were a few too many reports from a neighbor, plus a few too many visits to the hospital by me. Karl could blame only so many broken bones on horse accidents.” He stopped there, aware that he was veering close to self-pity territory.
He felt Mia’s hand rest lightly on his forearm, as if anchoring him. “I’m so sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t realize that. What a horrible thing to deal with, to remember....” Her voice trailed off.
He gave her a careful smile. “I try not to let the memories take over.”
Mia’s features softened with pity. That bothered him more than he cared to admit.
“You don’t have to feel sorry for me,” he said. “I’m not a victim. I’m in charge of my life. I go where I want and do what I want.”
Mia’s smile stiffened and he realized how his bluster sounded. “Denny said something about it being ironic that you raise and train cutting horses,” she said. “Is that because of your stepfather?”
Nate let the question settle a moment, going back to the times his stepfather had told him he would never make a trainer—that he was hopeless and a waste of skin.
“Have you ever watched cutting horses work?” he asked, deflecting her question.
“Never even heard of them until you came rolling into town,” she said, seemingly willing to go along with his conversational switch.
“Limping more like,” he said. He leaned back against the barn wall, stretched his legs out as if getting comfortable. But looking over at Mia, catching her profile in the subdued light of the barn, he realized that he truly was. Comfortable. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this relaxed around anyone.
“So tell me about working a cutting horse,” Mia urged.
“When you’re working with a cutting horse in competition, the rider doesn’t control the reins,” Nate said, crossing his arms over his chest. “He sits in a position that is called Cutter’s Slump—leaning back but with shoulders forward and hands on the pommel of the saddle. You use your feet to move the horse, but you don’t control it with your hands as it moves and sweeps. I depend on the horse to know what it’s doing as much as he or she depends on me to give it just enough guidance to do the job properly.”
“Seems like it’s more about partnership,” Mia said, perfectly articulating what he had tried to say.
“Exactly.”
“But don’t you need to be around cattle to train cutting horses?” she asked.
“I go on the road with them for competitions, but on the off-season I usually manage a ranch for the winter, like the one I’m headed to after the competition.”
Mia nodded, braiding her fingers together. “And that way you’re not tied down?”
Nate heard the underlying tone in her question. Guessed where she was going with it. He took a chance and caught one of her hands in his, running his fingers over her blunt fingernails.
“I used to think that I had to be in charge of my life,” he said, his voice quiet. “Move when I wanted. A restless, windblown wandering. I feel like I was looking for something I couldn’t put my finger on. I always thought I would recognize it when I found it. But lately...” He let the sentence trail off, old fears and worries rising up as if warning him not to let Mia close. Not to take this final step.
“Lately...” Mia encouraged, her voice breathless.
Nate threaded his fingers through hers, looked into her eyes and took a chance. “Lately, I feel like everything that was important to me is shifting and changing. I’ve lost my footing.”
“I feel like I’ve never had my footing,” Mia returned with a shaky laugh.
Nate heard the insecurity in her voice, puzzled as to how she could think that. “You’re an amazing person,” he said, struggling to find the words to reassure her. “You’re an amazing mother. The patience you show with your kids, the love.”
“That’s not amazing,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “That’s just being a mother.”
“Not every mother is like that,” he said quietly.
Mia looked over at him. “Maybe not, but many are.”
“I can’t imagine many mothers who have had to deal with the stuff you have—raising four kids on your own, losing your business—and still be a patient and loving mother.”
She was quiet at that, as if she wasn’t sure how to refute him.
“But you’re more than that,” he said, unable to stop himself. “You are a caring person. Generous and giving.” He took her face in his hand, gently stroking his thumb over her delicate chin. “You’re beautiful....” His words faded away as her eyes grew wide with surprise and amazement.
“You look like you don’t believe me,” he said with a light laugh.
“I don’t feel very beautiful.”
Nate stroked her face as if imprinting her features into his mind. Her breath quickened and he felt a release of resistance. He moved closer, waiting, measuring.
“You may as well know, I want to kiss you,” was all he could say.
She opened her mouth as if to say something, then, to his surprise, she reached out and cupped his chin in her hand, as if giving him permission.
Nate closed the small gap between them and, giving in to the attraction that quivered between them, he brushed his lips lightly over hers. A gentle touch. She leaned closer and as they shared a slow, gentle kiss, a voice in the back of his mind warned him.
But for now he stifled it. For now he was with Mia, and that was as far as he wanted to think.