Mallory.
He’s just sitting there. I can feel his eyes on me. And I don’t care. My world just became colour. My world just became vivid and real. And beautiful.
I lose myself and am almost irritated when he speaks again. My fingers are trembling as I put the tablet down. He smiles and my stomach decides to flip around a little.
“I really do need to go see Drew. You can borrow the tablet.”
I know I must look ridiculous, but I manage to smile at him. “Thank you. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
He nods and pulls himself to standing. “That’s because they were added to the banned list before you were born. There are design apps, but they are uniform shapes, and the colours are limited to Relevant ones.”
I want to ask a dozen questions but he’s checking his time slide again and though I know he’s being nice, it’s obvious he has somewhere else to be. I grip the tablet and cling to it. He notices my grip and raises his eyebrows. “No one is going to worry if you want to carry that around and do some drawing.”
I’m still surprised when he moves into the hallway. I’ve never risked writing or drawing on my government issue tablet. My sister warned me off that when I’d first received it. I can’t help wondering what Constance is doing and whether she’s upset. Or maybe she’s relieved that she doesn’t have to hide my Irrelevant behaviours anymore?
The moisture is swelling in my eyes, so I look at Cristan’s tattoos again, still marvelling that a needle has pierced his skin and created such a dazzling design. My legs are heavy as I follow him down a corridor. His bare feet slap on the floor but I’m so tired, it overrides my interest as to why he doesn’t bother with footwear.
A panel flickers overhead and he doesn’t even break stride as he reaches upwards to slap his palm against it. The lighting settles back to a steady hum as he looks along at me.
“You must be tired. If you want to go hang in the rec room, I’ll come find you.”
Though I’m dying to see this rec room he keeps talking about, and I’m desperate to use the tablet more, I’m also wary of getting lost. So I shake my head and keep pace with him though my entire body is starting to feel achy with fatigue.
He nods, but his eyes narrow slightly. “You’re kind of stubborn, huh?”
I frown at him, not sure what he means, so I shrug my shoulders. “No one has ever called me that before.”
He snorts. “Not to your face they haven’t.”
I’m not sure if I’m annoyed at his presumption that he knows me, then I realise he probably knows a lot about me based on some of my test questions, so I just keep my mouth shut.
A couple Irrelevants pass us, both a couple years older than me and I shrink back, unsure how they’ll respond to my arrival. The girl has short brown hair and a metal ring in her nose. The boy is wearing faded trousers that end at his knees. I’m still trying to process it all, when the girl waves at me.
“Hey. I’m Michelle, this is Darren. Welcome to 2B.”
Darren grins at me. “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.”
They both laugh as though Darren is hysterical, but Cristan shakes his head and rolls his eyes at me. “Gallows humour. Ignore them, they’re obsessed with ancient pop culture history.”
Michelle rolls her eyes. “And you aren’t?”
Cristan just folds his arms over his chest and shrugs. Neither seem threatening, so I just stand to one side as Darren grabs Michelle’s hand and they saunter off down the hall way.
Beside me, Cristan shakes his head. “Okay, so those two aren’t too bad. There are around a half dozen Irrelevants who stay in their rooms because they don’t like noise, but you’ll find the majority are pretty easy to navigate. Jackie’s great at helping Irrelevants find out how to function in here.”
My brain is still fumbling when he swipes his wrist at a door and steps inside. He pauses and waits for me before he swipes the door closed. “Once you settle in, these are the guys that’ll help you find a job you like doing.”
Two men are inside the room standing at a large table with what seems to be a drone pulled into pieces. One is burly, and from Jackie’s description of him, he’s likely to be Drew. The other is a thin lanky man with the three-legged dog I saw earlier.
The dog’s tail starts wagging as we enter, and my body tenses in case it leaps at me again, but the animal stays in the corner of the room next to a peculiar looking plant.
The men both nod at me, then the lanky one points to a small refrigeration unit. “You want an E.D? First couple months out here are tough on your system.”
I must look as confused because he rushes to explain as Cristan steps to the other man standing at the table. “Enhanced drink. The G men give us them because the radiation is higher and the soil isn’t nutrient dense like inside the new city.”
I nod, then shake my head, and realise I look ignorant, but the way he’s looking at me makes me uncomfortable, so I step closer to Cristan.
Drew gestures to the man and he steps back to where the drone rests on the table. “Mike. Tell Cristan what you told me.”
I’m not sure if I’m a party to what’s going on, but no one seems bothered by me being here. Mike’s attention is now on the drone and Cristan, who’s holding up a piece of the drone.
“3B shot this down outside their border yesterday. They couldn’t figure out some of the components inside. They figured it’s a new HF cam but aren’t sure what the range is.”
Cristan’s brow knots as he holds the piece up to the light. “Yeah. It’s new. Looks like they’ve encased it in a radiation dampener. The signal wouldn’t be lost, but if it’s high frequency and it was on the way to them, they’re widening their reach into no man’s land maybe?”
Mike issues what must be another curse word I’ve not heard before. “Why bother? There’s no one out there.”
Drew’s shoulders tense as Cristan puts the piece down and looks from Mike to Drew. “Was it 3B who lost their rations?”
Mike’s expression turns grim as he flicks me a quick look. His voice lowers and it’s obvious he’s not sure if I should be listening in. I move away and try to not look interested, instead examining the rest of the unit and avoiding the dog who wags its tail as I look in its direction.
A poster on the wall pulls my attention. Bright swirls of red encompass a dragon, like the one on the shirt I chose. The background is solid black, and the texture appears grainy, rather than the fine matt finish of most of the other posters in the Unit.
My fingers itch to touch the picture to see if it feels the way I think it will. I catch myself before I do something foolish in front of these men. If my sister were here, she’d say I was acting just like an Irrelevant.
My teeth clench together as I force away the thought. I can’t think about her. I can’t think about anything except just getting through this day. Tomorrow I can find out the results of my test, and maybe if Cristan is as clever as he appears to be, we can work on getting a message out.
My plan strengthens me a little. The knowledge that I have the tablet to discover when I have a moment alone comforts me despite the wary glances each of the men are sending my way.
Cristan pockets something and says goodbye to the men. His lips purse and a sharp sound pierces the air. I jump from the sound, and from the immediate response from the animal, and because Mike snickers at me. Heat scolds my cheeks as I follow Cristan out the door again. Drew says he’ll see us in an hour and Mike promises home brew, whatever that is.
The dog trots unevenly behind Cristan as we head back to the hallway. I’m trying to think of what kind of job I’m even qualified for when Cristan pivots abruptly and I nearly collide with him.
His brow is creased. “Sorry. I need to check something in the med lab. It’ll just take a second.”
I wait for the dog to follow first before trailing behind him. My fingers are aching from gripping the tablet so hard, but I don’t let go as he swipes his wrist at a door. “Stay, Solar.”
The dog sits awkwardly but doesn’t follow as we enter. Inside a few more Irrelevants are sitting at desks. I don’t recognise most of the equipment inside. No one is dressed in Gallathian grey, most are wearing old style clothing, and one woman has her hair shorn close to her skull and a tattoo covers half of her neck.
For a laboratory, the atmosphere is decidedly unprofessional. I wonder what they are all doing in here when my question is partially answered by a tall girl with long dark hair and olive skin, wearing a long flowing colourful outfit, that falls in soft waves and reaches to her bare toes. It’s more feminine than anything I’ve ever seen, and she looks like the rainbow Cristan showed me before.
The smile she sends Cristan is not one of friendship and the way her eyes run over me as though assessing me makes me inwardly recoil. “You here to run those samples again?”
Cristan shakes his head and points to a door at the back. “I wanted to run another test on Harry and Larry first, but yeah, I might need you to run another test.”
Her eyes shift to mine. “I’m Gina, and this is?”
“This is Mallory. It’s her first day here.”
Though I don’t know why, his voice is tight, and his shoulders are tense. Gina’s eyes narrow as she stares so boldly at Cristan’s upper body. I’m both embarrassed and uncomfortable to witness it. “I like this look on you, Cristan. The tighter the better.”
Cristan’s jaw works, and he looks even more embarrassed than I feel. “It wasn’t intentional,” he mutters. She shrugs and sends me a sharp look, before she turns on her heels in a flurry of swirling fabric. Cristan’s voice comes as a low rumble. “Just ignore her.”
I’m not sure what he means, but I follow him again as he swipes his wrist at the door at the back of the room. The lights blink on automatically and I immediately step backward. Before me are long tables covered in antiquated cages, filled with vermin of differing colours. If I hadn’t been taught that they were the vilest of all disease carrying animals, and mostly eradicated in Gallathia, I’d be more curious. My skin begins to crawl as Cristan steps around the table to examine a cage at the end.
He sees me staring and his eyebrows raise. “Maybe you should sit over there and muck around with the tablet? This will take a few minutes.”
He doesn’t wait for me to answer, just opens the cage from the top, and pulls one of the vermin out. A tiny shudder works its way through my body as he carefully closes the cage and holds the creature up so he can examine it. He sends me a look and pulls a face. “It’s just a mouse. A lot of Irrelevant girls think they’re cute. Well, once they get used to them.”
When I don’t reply, he shrugs and puts the mouse on his shoulder and turns away. Amazingly the mouse stays there while he opens a cupboard and finds something dried to feed the mouse.
I’m beginning to relax despite being surrounded by vermin when he says another word I don’t understand. My weary legs move a little closer as he takes the mouse off his shoulder and places it on his hand. The mouse scurries back up his arm until it’s resting on his shoulder again. His jaw is tight as he opens the cage again and withdraws the other mouse. When he places it in his outstretched hand, the mouse ignores the food and makes a wide arc to climb his arm.
From the look on his face, whatever he was testing hasn’t gone well. I ask, though I’m not sure why it matters so much to him. “They don’t like the food?”
He doesn’t answer for a moment, then drops the tiny pellet of dried food on the table before removing the mice from his shoulder. He places them back inside before securing the cage. “I’ll try another batch.” He turns back to the cupboard and I’m close enough to see he’s checking the batch numbers listed on the box before choosing another piece of food. He closes the cupboard and drops two pieces into the cage from the top. Instead of being happy that the mice are now eating, his posture grows more rigid.
“Why didn’t they eat the other batch?”
He looks at me, then at the dried food, then at the mice. “I don’t know. I’ll see what Gina can find out.”
I’m not sure I can add anything helpful, so I stay quiet as Cristan finds Gina again. I stand awkwardly while Gina sends flirtatious smiles at Cristan.
He doesn’t flirt back, just frowns at her. “If you can run a test, that would be great.”
Gina’s smile doesn’t falter and it reminds me of the posters of the successful numbered medical staff at the testing hospital. “Sure, but you owe me.”
Cristan flinches, and he swallows, muttering something I don’t understand about boundaries. His posture doesn’t relax until we’re outside again. I don’t know why, but when he smiles in my direction and seems relieved to be away from Gina, I’m the closest thing to okay I’ve been all day long.
Cristan.
My thoughts are too muddled as the door closes behind us. Mallory’s eyes are on Solar again. I let her obvious disdain wash over me. She doesn’t know any better and I have more important things to think about right now.
My legs want to go back into the lab and run the test myself but doing so means I have to take Mallory inside again, and it means I have to see Gina and try to be polite; neither of which I want to happen.
What I really want to do is go tell Drew what I found, but I don’t want to worry Mallory, and she looks like she’s close to exhaustion. What she probably needs is to sit down somewhere quiet and just zone out for a while without having to relive what is probably the worst day of her life.
I flick her a glance as we walk slowly back down the hallway, Solar at my heels, and note the way she’s still gripping the tablet. My lips twitch and I know the perfect way to help her acclimatise to her new surroundings. She’s doing pretty well, all things considered, but she needs to process what her new life means and its limitations. Jackie and Drew will help her, but the least I can do is find her a quiet spot where she can be alone.
We’re two doors away from the stairs, so I point. “You want to see the library?” Her eyes pop wider and I swear her cheeks pink. Her eagerness is apparent, and I don’t hide my smile. “We have a lot of banned materials from the archives.”
Her jaw drops, and for a second, I think she’s going to pass out. “Show me,” she says.
I’m grinning like a moron when I tell Solar to stay and swipe the door open. We take a dozen stairs to the tiny space Jackie has stuffed to the brim with everything from Irrelevant texts in print bound books outlawed over a hundred years ago, to info slides crammed with deleted info.
The library is a mess. A junk pile of all the information the G don’t want but Jackie insists we sort through. Like all the other tasks not essential, organising the library has been low on the priority list, but judging from the excitement shining on Mallory’s face, she might be perfect to hand the job to.
Her hand shoots out, her fingers trail along the spines of books so old that they can’t leave the room in case the higher temp destroys them. Mallory’s eyes are darting around the stacks of books, but she’s starting to look overwhelmed, so I show her to the back of the room to an old couch. It’s some sort of synthetic G issued material, so it’s not as comfy as Drew and Jackie’s stuff, but she can take the weight off her feet, and while I’m here I can probably try to find something useful for her to read.
She slumps into the couch, her eyes still so wide, her face back to a ghostly pale. “This is where they sent the missing history?”
It’s my turn to be surprised. I slide in beside her. “Not intentionally. We steal it from the central server before they dump it.”
She sucks in a breath through her teeth. “How long have you been doing that? Do they know?”
She looks like she’s about to ask a bunch more questions so I sit back a little, my thoughts tugging me back to the lab, to Drew, and a knot in my gut that’s not going to settle until I do something about it.
I look behind her and figure it’s easier to just show her rather than try to explain away a lot of the misinformation and blatant lies she’s been told, but it’s getting close to dinner, and since I’ll have to go out as soon as it gets dark, she’ll have plenty of time to orientate herself.
“You’ve got a port in that tablet. The labelling system is a bit of a mess…” I pull myself off the couch and find the box of encrypted files retrieved over the last decade when the G had gone nuts destroying and banning a lot of Irrelevant info. The G issue box is labelled by a laser tag thanks to Jackie’s love of knowledge. I hand Mallory the box and hope my smile is reassuring. “I need to go check on Jed and ask Drew something.”
A flash of fear washes away the excitement the library has stirred in her and I rush to reassure her. I tap my time slide and gesture to hers. “We’ll synch. That way you can call me any time you need me, and I can load the map of the Unit so you know where everything is just in case, okay?”
She nods, a faint smile lighting her face. “Thank you.” I hold up my wrist and she does the same. When we’re synched, I tell her I’ll be back in around twenty. Her eyes search the small space, a question on her lips. “Is anyone else going to come up here?”
She looks so anxious, I almost stay. I shake my head though I’m not really sure. The library is one of the few places that’s quiet, so occasionally couples sneak up here, but I’m not about to tell her that.
“I won’t be long. Tap if you need me.”
She looks terrified and grips the tablet to her chest as though it can protect her, so I tap my time slide and punch in a message to Jackie. In library. Need you to babysit. Mice won’t eat.
I take a seat again and pull the box off her lap where she’s left it. When I find an outdated data stick, I ease the tablet from her grip and pop the stick into the slot.
She doesn’t say anything as the screen powers to life and a coded encrypt appears. I punch in the numbers and a slide show starts. The words Irrelevant appears and I hit wait just as my time slide illuminates, hand it back to her and check the message.
On my way. J.
I’m pulling myself to standing when Jackie appears with Jed at her side. He looks good even though they must have rushed here. Below I hear Solar let out a whine at being excluded and use the opportunity to exit. I try not to flinch at the desperate look Mallory gives me as Jackie takes the seat I vacated.
I descend the stairs quickly, and pick up my pace to a light jog, forcing Solar to hobble. For the stupidest reason that I probably shouldn’t think too much on, I don’t like the idea of leaving Mallory alone with my little brother. He talks too much. And I’m not sure I really want Mallory to know every little sordid detail about me. Not yet anyway.
Mallory.
My entire body is covered with chills. My hands have started shaking again, and I know if anyone says anything nice to me, I’ll lose all control.
It’s taking all my effort to not cry as I watch Cristan slip out the door. His brother, a very scrawny boy, has settled down in the only chair other than the couch. His eyes are locked on me, his head tilted to one side as he studies me so intensely it makes my cheeks heat.
Jackie’s voice pulls my attention from the boy and back to the tablet, currently wobbling in my trembling hands. “Was Cristan able to help you better understand why you’re here?”
I swallow, the kindness on her lined face is almost too much. “We didn’t finish all the test. He’s pretty busy.”
Jackie raises her eyebrows. “Yes, he is. He works harder than any of the other boys his age, but not tonight.”
She winks at me, though I don’t understand why until the boy speaks. “It’s my brother’s birthday. We’re throwing a surprise at him.”
Jackie chuckles. “Throwing him a surprise party, Jed.”
Jed’s cheeks blaze under his olive skin. “Oh.”
Though I’m not sure why, a flickering of jealousy stirs that Cristan is getting a party that is outlawed as Irrelevant. How many other things do they get that we don’t? Instead of asking Jackie, I glance down at the tablet. My finger hovers over the resume button and I look sidelong to see if I have her permission to watch the banned footage.
She smiles and nods. “Go ahead. And feel free to come up here anytime you like. Since your drone went down, we haven’t got an allocated unit ready.”
Her voice is strained and I’m not sure whether I should apologise for being here. Their resources must be limited, but surely the government made allowances for me being a member of this Unit?
I pause to consider the way they shoved me outside the wall with nothing but a downed drone containing emergency survival supplies, and my stomach twists in realisation. Cristan probably intercepted the drone, which would have been sent to inform Jackie and all the others I was arriving.
Was that why he was being so helpful? Because he’d effectively sabotaged my arrival here?
The unease doesn’t settle so I tap the screen and try to focus on the unfamiliar images on display. I don’t recognise many of them, buildings whiz past, blurring into one, then images of vehicles long outlawed, riots, angry faces, so much colour on display that my brain feels like it’s about to explode in my skull.
When the clip finishes, I know I haven’t taken it all in, and the sick feeling is growing in my stomach as if I’ve done something terribly wrong. Then I find the boy staring at me, his face scrunched up and I feel the walls begin to press in. It’s too much. I can’t breathe. My palms are clammy even though the room is cool, and my breathing is far too rapid. The pressure in my chest builds, and I know I’m about to lose it. There is nothing to contain the enormous surge of anger, of guilt, of shame and loss.
I want to run, but I’m frozen in terror, crippled by what lurks outside the confines of the giant structure I’m now supposed to call home. I can feel Jackie’s eyes on me, but I can’t pretend any more. I want to go home. I want to see my sister. I want someone to tell me this isn’t the end, that I have a future after all, and that I’m not the terrible waste of space I’ve always feared I was.
I say none of those things. Instead I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my knees, and I start to rock back and forth. Nothing can make this any better. Not seeing colours, not seeing real life books, nothing.
I’m here because I deserve to be. I’m here because I’m Irrelevant and there is nothing anyone here or back in the new city can do to ever change that.
Cristan.
I’m on edge. My body wants me to pick a place to go, but I’m too jittery to decide. I want to head back to the library and intercept Jed before he spills every last one of my secrets, but I need to find out what’s changed in the new shipment of food.
I swipe my wrist at the lab door, and before it closes, I punch in a message to Drew.
Lab. The mice aren’t eating.
I don’t need to elaborate. I know he’s as invested as I am in the ever-changing elements and ratio of nutrients inside the protein pellets they send. Call me paranoid, but I’d rather know what I’m putting in my body. If my suspicions are correct, and I hope to hell they aren’t, Mallory’s arrival won’t be the biggest problem Drew will have to deal with.
I try to hide my annoyance as Gina saunters over to me, swinging her hips and pouting as she approaches. I don’t know what I did to deserve the amount of attention she’s been paying me lately, but I’m sick of it. Tyler has the hots for her and it’s getting awkward, but she’s good at her assigned job, and she knows she can hold that over me. So, she does. I can see she’s rolling up her sleeves and preparing for another attempt to get my attention, so I back up a few steps and earn a sly chuckle from Geoff as he peers at a shard of something.
Geoff is older than Jackie, at around fifty solar years, he’s one of the longest serving Irrelevants here. He’s done and seen pretty much everything, including Irrelevants like Gina who have no filter and pretty much say anything that comes to mind.
I steel myself and gesture to her worktable. “Did you find anything unusual?”
She pauses, her brow knotting as her eyes run the length of me. I’m not surprised when she comments again on the poor choice of shirt. “We should work out together some time, I’d love to see you get all sweaty.” A flush tracks over my cheeks at the lurid comment, and I know she’s enjoying making me squirm. She leans closer and I force myself not to move. Her voice lowers. “Or you could just swing by my unit. I can get rid of Jess for a couple hours.”
I clear my throat as Jess, who is sitting two desks away, rolls her eyes and does the finger behind Gina’s back. It makes me feel better that even her unit mate thinks she’s out of control.
“Drew’s on his way. He’ll want the results.”
Gina huffs a sigh and flicks her hair behind her shoulder. “Oh, fine.” She stalks back to her desk, takes a seat again, and pulls out her tablet, shoving it at me. She’s annoyed I didn’t respond the way the rest of guys do, and maybe if I’d had a normal life, I might have. Except I don’t want to shack up with an obnoxious girl just because she’s pretty. I want what Jackie and Drew have. A pairing with someone I can respect, someone I can talk to and work with.
I read the screen and every muscle in my body tenses at the chemical breakdown of the last shipment sent. Rage begins to build as I glance at Gina and wonder if she’s even noticed, but she’s too busy pouting and pretending to ignore me. Heat is blazing around my body as I check the numbers again. My pulse is thrumming and I’m caught in my thoughts when Drew enters. From the grease on his cheek and the black staining his fingers, I know he’s been working on the machine he found a few months back.
I don’t bother to apologise for disturbing what little free time he has. “You need to see this.”
He nods and gestures to the back. My heart is thumping against my ribs. My brain is trying to compartmentalize my worst fear being realised. I’m close to losing it. I’m focussing on breathing slower to contain my temper, but it’s not working.
He notices my bare feet as the door swishes closed. “You know you’re supposed to wear closed shoes in the lab.”
I mutter an apology, but I don’t really care anymore. “Those bloody bastards are poisoning us,” I half shout at him.
In a mere a moment, his jaw is tight, and he takes the tablet from my shaking hands. “Well, shite,” he says as he reads.
I managed a strangled laugh, because that’s exactly what it is. “I’m pretty sure it’s a lead-based derivative. It’s small, but it’s in there.”
He doesn’t swear again, but I can see he’s getting as angry as I am. Only difference between us, is that he can control his anger better. I’m damaged. Always have been. So, when something pisses me off, I tend to act, which is what I’m about to go do. He knows it. And that’s why I’m prepared to fight him when he speaks.
“You’ll make it worse.”
But I’m already walking out the door.
Mallory
Jackie’s voice penetrates my bubble, but it’s more the way she’s using it that makes me pause and look at her. Her hand is on my back and she’s doing something I don’t understand. Worse, the boy is doing it too. I stare at them blankly as I try to understand what is happening, but despite my confusion and bewilderment, my breathing is slowing and her hand on my back feels soothing. It’s like my humming, the one Irrelevant behaviour that I have never been able to get rid of completely.
Her eyes are closed, and I realise she’s making a noise like a recording of a bird, except it’s as if the words have become fluid somehow. It’s entrancing, and I find myself picking out the words, trying to understand what they mean.
The boy’s voice is thinner, not as full, but he’s grinning as he bashes his hands together as if trying to accompany the sound their voices are making. I catch snatches of the words as they spill out. What a wonderful world. I blink and strain to understand what they could possibly mean.
Jackie’s mouth closes and the sound stops. Her eyes pop open. “Singing always soothed my boy too.”
Pain laces her face as she blinks. Her face falls and I’m alarmed to find she’s crying. I don’t know where to look, but Jed hops off the chair and climbs on to Jackie’s lap. Her arms are around him in an instant and he leans into her. Something snaps in my middle. This. What is this? What is this between them? Is this how Irrelevants show affection?
My brow is furrowed when Jed looks at me and grins. “She needed a cuddle. Do you want one too?”
I gape at him, not sure how to answer. I don’t know what he means, but Jackie does seem to be better, so I nod.
His grin grows. “You should ask Cristan to hug you. He gives great hugs and his arms are big enough to hug us all.”
I don’t know why, but my cheeks warm at the idea of Cristan’s arms around me. I wait stiffly as Jed shifts so his bony body is pressed into mine. His skinny little arms tighten around my neck and he squeezes. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do back, so I just stay there. Jackie smiles and gestures with her arms. I do what she says and lace my fingers around Jed’s narrow body, and he squeezes even harder.
I don’t want to cry, but something inside of me responds, and I feel a sob bursting out. Jed lets go of me and gives me a puzzled look. “It’s not working. I’ll go get Cristan, he always makes me feel better.”
Before I can stop him, he hops off my lap and runs to the door. I’ve barely had time to sniff when the door is swishing closed behind him.
Jackie pats my hand. “Mallory, I know this is almost too much to handle right now, but being Irrelevant doesn’t mean what you think it does. Maybe watching the histories are too much, but I’m here if you want questions answered.”
I turn to look at her, and find such kindness on her face, I almost break down again, but I do want answers, and Cristan isn’t here, so I ask her instead. “Why did I fail the test? I tried so hard. I did what my sister told me to do. I wasn’t odd.”
Jackie’s mouth presses downwards. “You had no chance of fooling them. Your psychometric test, and the results of your brain activity would have led to an Irrelevant score.”
My eyes flood. “But why am I Irrelevant? Why couldn’t I have just scored low?”
She looks at the tablet lying on the couch in between us. “Before, when you chose the shirt you’re wearing, why did you choose that one?”
I glance down at the red dragon on my shirt. Why did I choose it? I frown at the upside-down image, and don’t need to remember why, with only a few to choose from, why I had in fact chosen this one. “I like dragons.”
Her eyebrows rise as she points at the dragon. “You knew what this was?”
I move to nod again when I see the triumph on her face. I fumble with the words. “I saw a book in the recycling bin at the back of the library once.”
She tilts her head. “It was going to be thrown out? Made Irrelevant?”
I recall the day and nod again. “It was filled with mythical creatures and drawings. I only saw a few but they… someone created them. From their imagination. They were so…” I pause, not sure if I’ll get in trouble, but I don’t see how or why I will, so I tap my finger against my leg as I speak. “I’d never seen anything like them before.”
The shame of that day washes over me, but Jackie chuckles. “Every single Irrelevant here has a story like that. Probably dozens. You aren’t weird here. And I’m sure you have a lot of Relevant skills we can put to good use.”
I have no words, and nothing that can express what I’m feeling right now. I’ve never told anyone about my dirty little secret, and she’s telling me everyone here has them?
Jackie continues as she taps on the tablet screen. “They came up with the label Irrelevant when they didn’t know what to do with us. We’re the weirdos, the freaks, the handicapped, the artistic, the neurologically different. We’re what they can’t control because we look at the world as being beautiful and full of colour.”
My skin goose bumps and I want to cry and wrap my arms around her and squeeze her like Jed did to me, but I feel like I’m close to understanding something about myself I’ve never understood, so I stay completely still as she flips the tablet so I can see the application Cristan showed me before.
“You see colours. You see patterns. You see beauty and wonder. And you are many, many things Mallory, but not one of them makes you Irrelevant.”
The floor feels like it’s floating up to meet me, and my mind is spinning as she swipes the screen and I see a pattern I created without realising it. I don’t know what I’ve done, or what I’ve created but just seeing it makes my heart leap to my throat and my chest ache.
“What is that?” I hear myself ask.
She grins and taps away, so my name is in bold as though she wants me to take ownership of what I’ve done. “That, my dear girl, is your first piece of abstract artwork, and what you are is essentially indefinable, but if you want a twenty first century word, they would have called you and a great number of us Irrelevants Autistic.”
I roll the word around on my tongue and test it out. “But what does that mean?”
Jackie wrinkles her nose. “It means whatever you want it to mean. For me it means we see the world differently and some of us are more gifted in one area than another. The more you interact with the others, the more you’ll see how diverse we are.”
I’m still stumbling over what this all means when a question pops out. “Is Cristan?”
Her eyebrows raise, but her face seems to close off. “That’s for him to tell you.” I have more questions ready, but her time slide illuminates and I catch the words, Hyde is on the loose.
I’m puzzled by the odd combination of words when Jackie shoots off the couch, her eyes catch on me and I expect her to tell me to wait, but she stalks away and calls over her shoulder, “Come with me. If you can think of a way to calm him down, do it.”
I don’t understand what she means, but I follow, more because I can hear shouts below and I don’t know if staying up here or going with her is the safer option. The door at the bottom of the stairs slides open and everything seems to be fused together in one ball of muscles and movement.
I see Cristan first, then Drew then Mike, and another boy, then I see Jed, crying, his shoulders shaking at the end of the hall. I get so angry at how frightened Jed looks that I do the first thing that comes to mind. I yell for the first time in my life.
“Cristan! Jed is scared!”
It takes two seconds for Cristan to stop struggling against Drew, he looks at me, chest heaving before he wriggles out of the larger man’s grasp and in his haste to get out his grip, he collides with the wall.
No one says anything as Cristan sweeps Jed up in his arms and hugs him. I can hear him apologising so I slink back, hoping I can blend into the wall, but the boy who was amongst the fight is stepping closer, leaving the two older men behind him to talk to Jackie.
The boy is smaller than Cristan with fairer hair, closer to my own colour, and his cheeks are dimpling as he smiles. “I’m Tyler. You must be the girl I’ve been hearing about? Let me know if you want to pair up.”
My shoulders sag as I lean against the wall. And I just want the ground to swallow me up, so I can hide, but I can’t. I’m stuck here. Stuck inside a giant building with violent crazed Irrelevants who might just be the criminals I’ve always been told they were.