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Gay Youth

Male gender role expectations influence identity development in gay youth. Sexual health and the impact of the HIV crisis endure in the gay community, and therefore, they deserve some elucidation as gay youth develop. With substance use also a concern in the gay community, it can be assessed using Substance Abuse Self-Test in Appendix D.

images     MEN WHO LOVE MEN

LEARN

For gay youth, self-esteem and relationship skills are intertwined with homophobia and internalized homophobia (Edwards & Sylaska, 2012). Gay youth are at particular risk for problems in their developing identity and capacity for intimacy.

For gay youth to develop a healthy sense of self, some clarity is needed about identity, relationships, and exposure to positive gay role models.

Regretfully, the word “gay” is used negatively in society. To identify oneself as “gay” means to automatically confront and struggle with stereotypes, even placing oneself in a category of oppressed people. This leads to problems with identity formation, which can also lead to intimacy problems.

Role models, acceptance, and a wide range of stories contribute to a healthy and positive sense of self. It also leads to the capacity for positive intimacy development. When society obstructs positive identity development in gay youth, dysfunctional relationships can be expected to develop for those men.

PRACTICE

Examine the words/phrases and see if you’ve ever been affected by any of them:

•   Sissy

•   Wimp

•   Different

•   Not manly enough

•   Not assertive/aggressive enough

•   Not a real man

•   Girly

•   The absence of positive gay role models

•   Few dating norms for gay teens

•   Lack of acceptance of normal “crushes” and infatuations

•   Non-judgmental information regarding sexual curiosity

•   Paternal acceptance

•   Lack of expected male bonding due to homophobia

•   Acceptable male friendships and relationships

•   Predator

•   Unsuitable for the “hard professions"

•   Unable to form mature non-erotic relationships

•   Useless, if not harmful, to the survival of the race

•   Criminal seducers

•   Misogynist

•   Immature and victims of pathological development

•   Sexually disordered

•   The cause of crime in the streets

•   The cause of AIDS

•   God hates fags

REFLECT

•   Explore and discuss your experiences with these phrases/words.

•   If it is too difficult to discuss, you can journal about it, or just sit silently with it.

•   There is great power in being able to sit silently with difficult and troubling matters.

images     BEING MANLY AND LOVING

LEARN

Loving and nurturing others is coded feminine and soft in North American culture. For males to choose to love each other involves embracing the union of the masculine and feminine parts, while also rejecting social norms.

PRACTICE

In the space provided, write down and release all the stereotypes you hold about:

Being male/masculine – conforming to male stereotypes:

                                 

Being female/feminine – begin gender expansive:

                                 

Being agender/bigender/pangender – not conforming to male stereotypes:

                                 

REFLECT

•   It’s ok to acknowledge how social and cultural stereotypes influence you.

•   Sexuality and attraction aren’t necessarily tied to society and culture, even though both can have strong influences. The purpose of examining the influence of stereotypes on you is to tease out and release any that hold you back. If there aren’t any, that’s awesome!

images     GAY SEX AND SAFETY

LEARN

Unfortunately, the HIV/AIDS crisis hit the gay community the hardest and struck strong association. For gay youth, this may include the burden of this stigma attached to sex. The degree to which you acknowledge this issue and practice safe sex can not only influence your health and well-being, but also release you from the stigma. Facing something strengthens you, while hiding from it strengthens it.

PRACTICE

•   Discover the current rates of HIV/AIDS in the gay community.

•   Explore safe sexual practices, including consent and intimate partner violence in the gay community.

•   Practice safe sex always, including receiving full overt and verbal consent from your partner.

REFLECT

•   It’s important for gay youth to be informed about the association between their community and HIV/AIDS.

•   Exploring difficult topics early on keeps them from becoming sources of shame, and thriving in secrecy, silence, and judgment. It promotes healthy sexual identity formation.

images     COMMUNITY BELONGING

LEARN

Social belonging is a fundamental human need. Just one instance of exclusion could impact functioning and long-term outcomes. For gay youth, it is extremely important to find belonging with others.

PRACTICE

•   Find your local gay and lesbian center/GSA so you can hang out with others.

•   If one is not available in your area/school, consider beginning a GSA at school.

•   If that’s not your thing at this time, it’s ok! Here’s something you can say to yourself to get through the challenging moments when you feel like you might not belong:

“I am not all alone, even when I feel that way.
There are others who feel just like me. This situation will change.”

REFLECT

•   Remembering the interconnectedness of all beings comes in handy in moments of aloneness.

•   It’s also important to nurture real life connections with others.

images     BODY IMAGE

LEARN

Gay culture places emphasis on physical shape. Growing up gay male is tough enough with discrimination, harassment, and parental rejection in some instances! Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) occurs when a person is so dissatisfied with their physical body that they take drastic steps to change it. This problem affects females and males equally; however, it impacts the gay community fairly frequently.

PRACTICE

Just self-reflect for a moment, and see how concerned you are about the following parts of the body:

•   Muscle tone and definition

•   Six pack abdominals

•   Nice hair

•   Attractive face

•   Great style

•   Make-up

•   Hiding skin flaws and blemishes

Next, if there are any areas above that really bug you, please circle them.

Then rate how much it is a problem for you from 0-10, where 0 = no problem, and 10 = HUGE PROBLEM. Write the number next to the items you circled.

REFLECT

•   It takes strength, courage, and bravery to face your issues.

•   If your issues include focusing on your physical body in some way, please take this moment to send yourself some loving kindness.