Bisexual Youth
Understanding bisexuality as a legitimate and distinct identity remains a crucial concern that impacts youth who love males, females, and more. For our purposes, this chapter pertains mainly to bisexual youth; however, pansexual, omnisexual, polysexual, and polyamorous youth experience some of the same things too, and are referred to wherever appropriate. The harmfulness of bisexual erasure is explored in this chapter, with activities and practices designed to promote embracing bisexual identity with joy.
CREATING COMMUNITY
LEARN
A bisexual person can be attracted to male, female, and even non-binary individuals. Research demonstrates that almost half of the LGBTQ+ population identifies as bisexual. Even though bi people make up more than half the LGBTQ+ population, invisibility and erasure are among the primary issues faced in the bisexual community. Advocates are working to change the visibility of bi individuals. In the meantime, use the form below to explore your needs for interacting with other bi youth.
PRACTICE
Do you know any other people/teens who are bi/pansexual? If so, how did you meet and do you interact them on a regular basis?
Is it important to you that other people know you are bi/pansexual? Is it important to you to interact with other bi/pansexual people?
Where/how might you find and interact with other bi/pansexual teens?
REFLECT
• It isn’t necessarily important to all bi/pansexual teens to interact with others like them.
• It’s ok if you do not have the need.
• If you do need community with others like you, please seek it out.
The questions above just help clarify whether this need exists or not.
FINDING VALUE IN DIFFERENCES
LEARN
The gay community is made up of a rainbow of diverse members. It includes lesbians and transpeople, as well as pangender, agender, and bi/pansexual people, too. For bi/pansexual youth, the need to celebrate differences, as well as their rightful existence, can be an important part of identity development. The absence of role models can create tension as young people come into bi/pansexual identity. The reflective questions below clarify the uniqueness of being bi/pansexual.
PRACTICE
List all the beautiful aspects of being bi/pansexual:
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List all the ways being bi/pansexual differs from being gay/lesbian and how it works for you:
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REFLECT
• This can be a very private reflection; you need not share with anyone else.
• The practice of exploring the unique and beautiful parts of being bi/pansexual is in itself the best part. Please enjoy it for the moment.
DOUBLE DISCRIMINATION
LEARN
Being bi, or even pansexual, can leave you feeling alienated and alone. It’s hard to fit in with lesbian teens, gay teens, and straight ones, too. Some bi (or pansexual youth) feel like they aren’t welcome in the gay/lesbian communities because they are open to loving a wide range of people. Facing discrimination from within the LGBTQ+ community, as well as the dominant culture, is called Double Discrimination. Let’s take a moment to look at this and see if it impacts you.
PRACTICE
Have there been times when you tried to interact with others who are gay and found yourself not so welcome? Please reflect on that time for a moment, then write about it here if you feel comfortable.
If you could replay the scene once more and re-live it, is there anything you might do differently?
If you could give any message to gay/lesbian allies about being bi or pansexual, what would it be? Imagine they would receive your message with the heartfelt sincerity offered, and that they would totally get it too!
REFLECT
• Not all bi (pansexual) youth experience exclusion from within the LGBTQ+ community. It’s ok if you are not exposed to this.
• The questions above assist bi (pansexual) youth in discovering the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community and coping with the discrimination they may face as a result.
COPING WITH ERASURE
LEARN
One of the challenges of being bi/pansexual is that you don’t fit neatly into the predominant LGBTQ+ identities. Lesbian and gay teens sometimes exclude bi/pansexual youth as not fully out of the closet and identifying with their authentic lesbian/gay nature. This way of being and dismissing bi/pansexual identity as legitimate is called bi/pansexual erasure. In response, many bi/pansexual youth further assert their love for all people, which falls on deaf ears. Explore the questions to see if bi/pansexual erasure is a concern for you.
PRACTICE
When you interact with straight friends, do you avoid telling them about the range of your sexual attraction? If yes, why? If not, how does it go?
When you are with lesbian and gay friends, do you tell them about your straight attractions and sexual experiences? If yes, how does it go? If not, why do you avoid it?
Is it easy for you to come out as bi? Why or why not?
Do you feel as well-received as if you were gay/lesbian/straight? Please explain.
How do you cope when you feel left out or as if you don’t belong anywhere?
REFLECT
• Being your true self is different for everyone.
• It’s ok if you feel well received and welcome in a variety of social circles—in fact, it’s great news!
• For other bi/pansexual teens who find it hard to fit in and interact people like them, the practice is intended to strengthen self-compassion muscles and decrease suffering associated with exclusion.