APPENDIX E
Talking about Gender
Answering questions from concerned people:
1. A boy will always be a boy and a girl will always be a girl. Why should we indulge this behavior when biology is biology?
Possible answers:
a. Well, I see where you’re coming from. Our culture assigns one of two genders at birth: male or female. These assigned genders sometimes correspond with a person’s genetics – sometimes not. When a person’s gender identity is congruent with the one they were assigned at birth (usually base on genitals,) they are called: Cisgender. When a person’s assigned gender at birth is not aligned with their internal gender identity, they are called: Transgender. Essentially, for some people their biology and internal gender identity are not aligned and the consequences are very dire. Many transgender people attempt and succeed at suicide because of the way our culture binds people to gender before they can assert it themselves. It results in very intense depression with high risks of self-harm and substance abuse.
b. It’s benevolent, compassionate, and empathic to accept students as they present themselves and wish to be seen. In our effort to make this a safe, affirming, and welcoming place for all students, we are open to biology, gender identity, and many forms of self-expression.
c. Sometimes people are misunderstood. For trans students and gender-expansive students, the need for acceptance and belonging are just as high as for other students, and yet the rejection is even higher. Here, we wish to support the healthy development of our diverse student body with evidence-based strategies. Supporting trans and gender-expansive students reduces their risk of suicide, self-harm, sex work, substance abuse, school dropout, and underachievement.
2. How come the whole school has to make changes for one student?
Possible answers:
a. It’s often very beneficial to a whole community of people when everyone feels included and safe to be themselves. For example, sometimes people learn about themselves or others just from becoming more informed. Are there any questions you have about gender?
b. It can be uncomfortable to learn that things we thought were very clear are actually far more nuanced and complex. I’m here for you while we all learn to be good allies and friends.
c. Empathy is one way to create bridges where conflict and separation may exist. It’s ok if you don’t understand, and even if you have questions; just be curious and open. It’s a good way to be in the world – with everyone.
3. Are there any risks to the other students in school because of the transgender or gender-expansive students?
Possible answers:
a. The greatest risks posed here are to the trans and gender expansive students. When they feel rejected and threatened and/or harmed, the consequences can be dire. Bullying doesn’t even begin to cover the problems LGBTQ+ students face in school, with the result being even higher rates of suicidal ideation, attempt, and completion than non-LGBTQ+ youth.
b. The fears around trans/gender-expansive students are often born out of ignorance, not fact. The fact is that LGBTQ+ youth suffer the most violence of all students in schools. When the schools make any changes for these students, it creates safety for everyone.
4. When the school discusses and supports transgender and gender-expansive students, doesn’t it lead others to experiment too?
Possible answers:
a. Discussing the spectrum of gender and inviting creative forms of gender expression doesn’t change anyone, though it may make those already thinking about it feel more comfortable expressing themselves. Other people can’t influence young people to become LGBTQ+; however, they can influence their sense of self. The rejection LGBTQ+ youth face decreases their sense of worthiness and hope for future love/success. In other words, not talking about it can have negative effects. Talking about it can lead LGBTQ+ youth to feel more comfortable being open about themselves.
5. Is it just phase? Could all this talk and school accommodation cause more students to “experiment” with their gender or claim “trans”?
Possible answers:
a. When students come out as trans, a lot has led up to that point. They’ve likely received some support and education to realize they are trans and to be willing to come out. It’s unlikely that students unaffected by the gender binary will suddenly find themselves experimenting with being trans.
b. The link between one person coming out and another doing so as well is unsupported unless that person was already on the same trajectory. There are many more nuances in gender expression than the binary of male and female. When one person expresses themselves outside the binary, it frees up others to be their authentic selves, too.
6. Will male students start coming to school and saying they’re trans just so they can change in the girls’ locker room?
Possible answers:
a. The risks of coming out as trans are really high for some people. It’s very unusual for people to use gender as a predatory technique. That we associate gender with predation like this is a mistake. There is evidence that predators use grooming behaviors to lure victims and preserve their trust, as well as their parents’ trust. The profiles of a student who is a predator and a person with gender dysphoria are very different. We don’t have evidence to support your concern; however, I appreciate you sharing it with me so I could share what I know, too.
b. There are a number of ways school staff work together to support students. For some students, the suffering they face in being assigned one gender at birth when internally they know themselves to be something else is beyond bearable. It exceeds the kind of depression we commonly see in teens, as well as in people with severe depressive disorders. When school staff work together to support the needs of trans/gender-expansive students, they are offering equitable education.