Chapter 8:
Honoring Myra’s Wishes

  1. “Dylann is not a part of my life or the lives of my children. That’s why we forgave him, so that we can move on. We’re through with him.” What did Anthony Thompson mean when he made this statement? Why does he not want to have a relationship with Dylann?
  2. Is reconciliation—a relationship—necessary in order to forgive? Why or why not?
  3. Give your opinion of Roof’s closing statement: “I felt like I had to do it. I still feel like I had to do it.” What does his statement reveal about the state of his heart?
  4. What did Anthony Thompson mean when he said, “I find healing for my grief in God’s Word, my anchor in the storm that keeps me afloat, securely fastened, and focused on Christ’s love. I fear that, like Peter seeking to walk on water, I will sink into the darkness if I take my eyes off Jesus”?
  5. What is meant by this statement by Thompson: “With each tear that falls from my eyes, I feel an extraordinary connection, a close brotherhood, with the living Christ, who, in His life of flesh and blood also weeps, showing us His tears, His own broken heart”?
  6. Read John 11:35 and ponder its significance.
  7. What does Jesus show us in His tears?
  8. What are Timothy McVeigh’s final chosen words before his execution, and what do they say about the condition of his soul?
  9. Ponder what C.S. Lewis meant when he wrote, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable” in me and that “to refuse is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Why or why not?
  10. Think about the meaning of this statement: “If the offender has to respond, accepting the offered forgiveness, then he will dictate and control the victim’s choice to forgive. Forgiveness will then depend on the offender’s response, not the victim’s decision to forgive him.” Record your thoughts.
  11. “The natural human response to deep hurt is retaliation, getting even. Not forgiveness.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Why or why not?
  12. Respond to this statement: “There are people who have wounded us to such a degree that it is not healthy for us to be in relationship with them. . . . We need to establish boundaries that create a safe buffer between our world and theirs. Yet, for the sake of our own spiritual and emotional health, it is critical that we forgive these people—even when relational reconciliation is not our goal.” Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?
  13. Contemplate the meaning of this statement: “Forgiveness given does not automatically mean trusting the pain-causing individual. One can forgive an offender without putting her trust in him, the person who brutally violates that trust. Biblical forgiveness demands that we forgive, not that we become a doormat, a continual victim to the abuser.” Do you agree or disagree?
  14. Do you believe that society doesn’t understand biblical forgiveness, that society instead desires eye-for-an-eye retaliation? Why or why not?
  15. Contemplate this statement and respond: “Our human nature wants to keep alive the red-hot embers of bitterness, rejecting the peace of forgiveness, forever stoking the glowing coals that burn in our hearts, and embracing a new identify: victimhood.”
  16. What did a reporter mean when he referred to forgiveness in Charleston as “edifying, puzzling, or unnerving”?
  17. How is forgiveness like “the writing off of a debt”?
  18. List and describe other words and images that might define forgiveness.
  19. Why do some people criticize a person who forgives?
  20. Read Revelation 21:4. Do you believe this verse describes a believer’s final reconciliation? Why or why not?

For Deeper Understanding

  1. To learn more about the “And Jesus Wept” statue at the Oklahoma City memorial, see https://oklahomacitynationalmemorial.org. What other powerful monuments to the 168 people killed in the federal building are included?
  2. Read William Ernest Henley’s poem Invictus at https://www.theguardian.com/world/2001/jun/11/mcveigh.usa1. What does Henley mean when he claims, “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul”?
  3. Read the story of forgiveness found in Genesis 37–45 and record your thoughts. Joseph, victimized by his older brothers, forgave them before they ever repented. How did God use the incidents in Joseph’s life for good?

Your Notes