Jodi insisted that I go into work for at least a half day instead of sitting around the hospital with her. I know she said that for my sake—and the sake of my business, but I would have gladly sat there with her, keeping her company all day. But I complied with her wishes.
“How’s Jodi?” Maddie asked me as we sat down to eat breakfast together a couple of days later. It was the first meal I’d shared with her since Jodi had gotten sick.
I filled her in. “She should be going home in a couple of days.”
Maddie poured orange juice into both of our glasses. “You really care about her, don’t you?”
“I do. A lot. More than a lot.” I passed her the plate of bacon.
She put two pieces on her plate. “I can tell.”
“I told Grandma. About Jodi I mean. My feelings.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I’m done hiding this. Jodi is important to me. I want her in my life.”
“Wow. My mom is growing up.”
I laughed. “I guess I am. Took me long enough.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. We are all on our own paths and some of us just take the long way around. It’s not how long it takes you. It’s where you end up.”
“How did you get so wise?” She had come so far from those rough teenage years.
“Lots of hallucinogenics,” she said with a straight face. “I’m kidding. I had a wonderful woman who taught me a lot.”
“Grandma,” we both said in unison. I laughed until I had tears in my eyes. Then I realized the tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them.
“Mom,” Maddie said. “Are you all right?” She handed me a napkin.
I hadn’t allowed myself to really face the fact that Jodi could have died or the relief that I felt that she was going to be okay. It all came pouring out of me at once. I nodded but the waterworks continued.
When it seemed like there were no more tears left in me, I went back to laughing. My emotions were running amok. It took a bit for me to calm down.
“That was interesting,” I said, for lack of anything else to say.
“We can go with that theory. What’s going on?”
“I think I was just holding everything in for so long. Trying to be strong. Guess I’m not nearly as strong as I thought.”
“That is so far from the truth. Mom, you are the strongest person I know. You’ve been through a lot. Everything Jodi has faced, you faced with her. None of this could have been easy.”
It wasn’t, but I hadn’t let myself be anything but a rock for Jodi. I felt like the rock had just crumbled.
Jodi’s ringtone played out on my phone. I wiped the last of the tears from my face, shook my head to try to clear it, and said hello.
It wasn’t Jodi’s voice I heard. “Hello. Is this Beth?”
“Yes.” I was confused. Why was someone else using Jodi’s phone to call me?
“This is Tina. I’m Jodi Michaels’s nurse for today. She asked me to give you a call to see if you could come to the hospital. She’s hasn’t been feeling well and had a pretty rough night.”
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?”
“The doctor ordered some tests. I don’t believe we have the results yet.”
“Of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I stood up so fast that I knocked the chair over backward. “Jodi’s sick,” I explained to Maddie. “I’ve got to go.”
“Do you want me to drive you? You look pretty rattled.”
I gave it a thought, but only for a moment. “No. I’m fine. Sorry about breakfast.”
“Mom, it’s okay. Go. Please give me a call when you know what’s going on.”
I grabbed my keys from the rack by the door and headed for my car. I forced myself to keep my speed under control—if you call going fifteen miles over the speed limit controlled.
I was grateful for the valet service at the front of the hospital that allowed me to bypass the parking garage. I half walked and half ran to the elevator and up to Jodi’s room. I pushed the door open, but it only opened about a foot. I realized someone was blocking it.
“Sorry. You can’t come in right now.” I caught a glimpse of several people gathered around Jodi’s bed. I couldn’t see her but could tell they were doing something to her.
“What’s happening?” I just about screamed.
A nurse stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her. “Jodi’s heart stopped. She is in good hands. They are doing everything they can to help her.”
Oh my God. Jodi. No.