Cam looked in her closet. It didn’t look like hers anymore. There were a half dozen dresses and several silk jackets. On the floor were two pairs of heels, one black, the other navy, beside the silver and gold ones she’d bought for the banquet. She shook her head. Who’d have ever thought she’d have clothes like these? Who’d have imagined she’d even wear clothes like these?
And the shoes! Her feet hurt in places she hadn’t remembered since high school! That gave her a new appreciation for the drag queens she’d seen around town. Especially the ones who marched each year in the five-mile-long Pride Parade. Why anyone would want to have their feet ache like that when it wasn’t a necessity was beyond her.
A new thigh holster, which also had become necessary, hung beside them. Not all of the dresses had jackets to hide her gun. Cam found that she liked the look of her shoulder and arm muscles showing beyond the tight, sleeveless gowns. She was very glad that she’d spent the time working out in the prison gym.
And the jewelry! She had beautiful earrings that dropped below her short, dark hair and bracelets that showed off her strong wrists. They weren’t expensive pieces like mom used to wear. Of course, she was sure, they weren’t the real things like the sapphire and white gold pieces that Maggie had lent her for the banquet, but then, not many things stood up to what Maggie had.
The things Cam hated most, though, were the bottles and compacts of makeup. Her bureau top was lined with makeup and perfume. Some of it she liked, other parts she tolerated for their effect. Maggie had suggested that she go to one of the big department stores downtown and have them design what was best for her. The price tag for the few pieces of blush, base, eye shadow, and lipstick shocked her, but she paid the cost of over two hundred dollars. Nick, of course, reimbursed her. The pay from Nick made her very comfortable.
All in all, she played a part; it was an act. The script was all but written for her and the blocking pre-set. If she tried, she could imagine what a straight woman like Lori felt like. It wasn’t her; it was just a charade she was playing. This was work drag. Sometimes the sheer thought of what she was doing amazed her.
If the women in her family could see her now! It was quite a change from the jeans and sneakers that had been her normal attire these past many years. She thought back. How would the women she’d been with in prison react if they saw her now? What would Michael say?
The thought of Michael still weighed on her mind. She’d called again last week and again Clare had answered.
“Mais, no, Michael’s not home right now but I expect her soon. May I take a message?” Clare had said.
“Just tell her I called,” Cam had responded. What else could she have said?
But Michael hadn’t called and she hadn’t called back again. Maggie hadn’t heard from Michael either. A part of her wanted to go to Montreal and see what was wrong, to find out why Michael wasn’t returning her calls.
The next two dinners that Nick had brought her to had been boring but the food was good. It amazed her when she saw some of the homes these people lived in. The house where she’d grown up had been nice and comfortable. The renovated historic-landmark house in Lexington, Massachusetts, was always listed on the Showcase of Homes tour the city gave each year. But these places were way beyond what was needed. A case of consumerism gone wild, she thought. And it was all the same small talk: children, shopping experiences, the price of clothes, who was styling whose hair, or how their husbands and boyfriends were doing in their businesses.
The men, however, seemed to be having wonderful conversations about politics and business. None of the women participated in those, of course. It surprised Cam that after all these years of feminist thought and rhetoric, these women in their cocooned lifestyles still hadn’t gotten the point that a woman could do the same things that a man did. Did it take an alternative lifestyle to make that transition?
And in all of this, she’d learned nothing more about the drug trade. Nick still carried large amounts of money and he still disappeared into the back rooms with other men. At each party “alternative refreshments” were offered in another room. Nick never imbibed, though, and he never offered her anything. Still, nothing was said about anything illegal. Maybe she should just give this up and try another tactic.
And then there was Sonya. The relationship with Sonya was nice, but Cam already had a relationship. With Michael. Or did she? As far as she knew, Michael had someone new living with her. How much should she trust a relationship a thousand miles away?
But with Sonya, there was no talk of anything serious and they each spent their days doing their own work. Several times a week they’d both be at the restaurant. It was never pre-planned. They’d both know that the other was there and would have a meal or a drink together and most often would go to Sonya’s apartment for the night. The sex was good. Sonya was very hot and seductive. But for Cam, it wasn’t Michael. It didn’t have the intensity that Michael’s power and control brought to it. Cam couldn’t imagine doing the things with Sonya that she did with Michael. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to give over control to Sonya the way she did to Michael. Or even taking the control like she had over Gina in prison. It was good lesbian sex. Hot, but not raging. Besides which, Sonya was just part of this job. Maybe after this was finished, and if Michael…
Cam shook her head. Let’s not even go there, she chided herself. This isn’t what I want.
Cam’s relationship with Michael had opened avenues she hadn’t known were there and made her think as deeply as did Maggie’s psychiatric sessions. The whole concept for power and control that Michael’s sexuality brought with it was something that she found she wanted in a relationship, something that touched a deep, deep part of her.
Oh, Michael! Where are you when I need you? she thought. With a sigh of resignation, Cam took a clean soccer shirt and jeans from her dresser and went into the bathroom to take a shower. She’d go to the restaurant to get something to eat when she was finished.
* * * *
Cam glanced up at the clock—4:57. This was going to be another long day. The shower had given her a lift and woken her up, but that was three hours ago and now the effects of the shower were beginning to fade.
She yawned as she sipped her soda, a change from the usual scotch.
“Want something to wake you up?” Ralphie asked.
Cam laughed. “What? Coffee? I need something stronger than coffee.”
Ralphie laughed heartily. “We got coffee!” Then he lowered his voice even though there was only one customer at the end of the bar. “You know I’ve got some other stuff back here. It’ll keep you up.”
Cam looked at him. “More coke?” she whispered, looking around to make sure no one was within hearing distance.
“I’m surprised you don’t have anything with you.”
She knew that everyone in the family did something but she only did whatever Sonya was offering when she was with her.
“Well,” she avoided the truth, “I haven’t been to Sonya’s in a while.”
Ralphie nodded, accepting her excuse. “Then we’ll have to fix you something.” He turned and took a metal file box from beneath the bar. It was small, the type that was designed to hold three-by-five index cards. “Come help me with this new inventory,” he said louder. He looked at the back of the restaurant where two waitresses were filling salt and pepper shakers in preparation for dinner time. “Can one of you fill in for me a minute? I won’t be long.”
The redheaded one, Corrie, nodded and walked toward the bar. Ralphie picked up the file box and motioned for Cam to follow him.
In the storeroom beneath the bar, he set the box on top of a pile of cartons.
“Okay.” He smiled. “What’s your pleasure today? We have coke, horse, crack, speed, weed, meth, and…”
“Wait!” Cam laughed. “Where’d you get all of that? I thought you only had coke and speed.” Ralphie’s list of items sounded like one of the restaurant menus.
“We always have coke and speed, but Lucy grew some dynamite weed at her place, so she gave me some to sell. The money will go to Talia’s little boy.”
“What’s wrong with Talia’s kid?” Cam asked.
“He was born with a crack habit,” he said, as though it were an everyday occurrence.
“Whew,” Cam sighed. “I didn’t know Talia did that.”
“Her old man was hooked on it. He got her to try it a couple times. Just once is enough when you’re pregnant, I guess.”
“Is her old man still in the picture?” Cam asked. She hated hearing about children with drug problems.
“No. He OD’d right after Teddy was born. Talia’s been working to support them ever since. She’s got another kid, too.”
“Is that kid all right?” Cam asked. It was bad enough with one kid hooked, but two?
“Yah, Marie is older. I think Talia had her when she was like fifteen or something. I think that was before Talia hooked up with that guy. Marie will have to get her own high, I guess.” Ralphie shook his head. Cam couldn’t tell if he was serious or just being sarcastic.
“So how much weed do you have?” Cam asked. It was hard to think about little kids hooked on drugs. Why did their parents put them through something like that?
“Enough. But you can’t smoke it in here. Maurice would get mad if he knew.”
“I understand,” Cam acknowledged. “I’ll do some coke here and I’ll take two dimes of weed to go.”
“Good choice!” Ralphie laughed as he opened the file box and took out a small mirror and a razor blade. Eight or nine small tubular glass bottles, each about two inches high, were also in the box.
“You sure keep it handy,” Cam observed as Ralphie began to cut and line the white powder from one of the vials.
“Sure do. Never know when someone’s gonna want it. This was Nick’s idea. Don’t know if Maurice knows about it, but we get two or three customers every week this way. They know that they can’t get a lot here but it’ll keep them toasted if they can’t find their dealer right away. It’s just smart customer service.” He grinned as he pushed the mirror across the carton to her. There were four lines of cocaine. He reached into another carton and handed her a drinking straw. “Hold on, I’ll cut this down for you.” He went farther into the storeroom in search of a pair of scissors.
Cam wet the tip of her ring finger, carefully dabbed it onto one of the lines and rubbed it onto her lower gum. She felt the numbness immediately.
“We do have good stuff, don’t we?” Ralphie boasted as he walked back with the scissors. He picked up the straw, snipped off about two inches, and handed the small piece to her.
“Go for it. You deserve it,” he urged.
Cam bent forward and sniffed up two of the lines. She could taste the coke, feel the rush and the numbness in her throat immediately. Better not make this a habit, she thought. I’m already doing too much with Sonya. She handed the straw to Ralphie.
“No, no,” he protested, “Take them all. They’re all yours.”
Cam nodded and inhaled the other two lines.
“What do I owe you?” she asked, brushing her nose to make sure there were no telltale traces of white powder.
“Owe me?! You paid last time. You’re part of the family now! You don’t owe me anything for the coke. Just pay me for the weed and we’re even. I bet Sonya never charges you, does she?” He brushed off the mirror and put everything back in the file box.
“Well, there’s always some kind of payment.” Cam smirked.
Ralphie looked at her a moment before her meaning sunk in.
“Hey,” he said, picking up the box, “some payments are easier to make then others.”
“Who cooks your meth?” The coke rush had given her permission to ask.
“I’m not sure. Nick gets it through someone in the mayor’s office!” Ralphie found that funny. “They say one thing and they do another! Politicians! I’ll have your weed for you under the bar. You don’t want to walk through the restaurant with it in your hand.”
Cam shook her head, then followed him back upstairs to the restaurant. So Nick was involved in this? Hmmm, she thought, then she was right about the boxes he carried wherever they went. The stash wasn’t just small deliveries for the parties.
* * * *
“I have a surprise for you,” Sonya said as she joined Cam at the table at the back of the restaurant. Cam was already halfway through her plate of spaghetti and sausage that was the special of the day. “Do you still want to move out of that dump you live in?” she asked.
“Dump!” Cam exclaimed. “How can you call my place a dump?”
“Well, let’s face it, honey. You’ve done what you can with it, but it’s well past its prime.” Sonya said, shaking her head.
“Yes, it’s small, but it was the best I could afford at the time. I’m saving my money to get a place like yours.” Cam slurped up another forkful of her meal. The cocaine had left her edgy, really agitated. She wanted to get on with this job. She was tired of sitting around and going to parties where she had to act girlie.
“Well, what would you say if I told you there was an opening in my building?” Sonya asked, enthusiasm spewing out of her.
“Who’d you murder?” Cam asked, taking a sip of her coffee.
Sonya laughed. “Seriously! A cute little one-bedroom came up for sale last week…”
“I can’t afford a condo!” Cam threw in.
“No! I bought it this morning!” Sonya announced. “The paperwork should go through by the end of the week. You can rent it from me. It’s on the fourth floor and it has a nice balcony. It’s clean and there’s good light, and…”
“Wait, wait. Stop a minute.” Cam was becoming overwhelmed by Sonya’s enthusiasm.
“What?”
“You bought another condo this morning?” Cam asked, not believing what she was hearing.
Sonya sat back and smiled at her. “Yes, as an investment,” she said, pleased with herself.
Cam just nodded as she continued with her meal. “An investment?”
Sonya nodded.
“Just like that?”
“Well I’ve been thinking about it for a few days. I made an offer last Friday. He wanted more, but I think he was happy to have sold it before he left. It saves him a lot of FedEx’d paperwork. This was a sweet little deal. The owner has been transferred to the west coast so he has to sell. I was there at just the right time.”
“And with the right money,” Cam interjected.
“You know how I like investments,” Sonya continued. “He’s been packing up since the beginning of the month. He should be gone by Friday. I’ll rent it to you or I can rent it out to someone else in the family. You’ve got first choice. I thought it would save you from having to come all the way back here to change clothes. Nick lives less than a mile away, so it would be easier for him, and we’d be closer.” It seemed that Sonya had everything figured out. “And I’ll let you have it for half the going rate.”
“Which is?” Cam asked, not sure she was hearing correctly.
“I’ll let you have it for $350 a month.” Sonya smiled. “Don’t tell me Nick’s not paying you enough.”
“Yes, he is,” Cam assured her. That was about what she was paying for her second-floor walk-up. Or should she say what the Department was paying. “But I just moved in here a few months ago.” Maybe a little larger place would be nice.
“We’ll get the boys to help you move. We can get it done this weekend. It’ll just take two days. You haven’t got all that much!” Sonya knew what was going to happen. “Then we could stay at your place once in a while.”
Cam knew Sonya didn’t like the stairs and shabbiness of her apartment. “It seems that your mind is already made up,” Cam acquiesced. “Would it do me any good to say no?”
“No.” Sonya had her way again. “But you can buy me a drink to seal this.”
* * * *
So Cam moved out to Sonya’s building. She had to admit that it was nice not to be in the center of the city with so much noise and traffic. It wasn’t that far to the restaurant or to Maggie’s. Nick seemed pleased that she was moving closer to him. He even sent three of his workers to carry her things down the flight from her old apartment and into the elevator to take up to her new home. Cam felt pampered. This was the first time she hadn’t had to beg or bribe friends to help her move.
One of the things Cam didn’t do was call Michael to tell her she’d moved. Maggie knew the new address so if Michael really wanted to find her, Maggie could tell her.
* * * *
As far as her job was concerned, Cam knew that there was more than food being shipped to the customers from Maurice’s warehouse. There were packets of cocaine neatly hidden in sacks of sugar, much the same way they’d been hidden in the laundry detergent that had gone into the prison. Ralphie and several others were the next link down the line. They supplied the street dealers who sold to the users. But she still didn’t know who was above Nick. She waited and watched.
Cam reported to Maggie weekly as planned, but she didn’t always tell her everything that had happened…At least not what had happened with Sonya. But then, that wasn’t really part of her job.
Deems gave her good marks but still wanted her to look for the new designer drug source. Cam felt that it was here somewhere but she hadn’t found it yet. Ralphie seemed to know everyone in town. He was the main delivery person during the day and he was very good at keeping his contacts happy. Cam didn’t feel safe enough to press him for information. Not yet. Soon…but not right now.