CHAPTER FIVE

HEI

(hay)

SOUND: h

NUMERICAL VALUE: 5

Meanings

The name of the fifth letter of the Aleph Beit, , Hei, means “lo” or “behold.”

Hei is the letter most often linked with God’s name, as in , Yah. The most sacred configuration of the Holy Name, , Yud-Hei-Vav-Hei or YHVH, contains two Hei’s.

Hei is one of the mildest-sounding of the letters. Its sound is the merest breath or exhalation. As a suffix, Hei denotes the feminine form of a noun.

Application

When Hei whispers its way into our awareness, we can be sure that we are in a holy state, close to the Holy Name, near to the mothering aspect of the Divine. This closeness may take the outward form of broken hopes or relationships, however. Hei is one of only two letters in the Aleph Beit formed of two unattached or broken parts. But Hei offers the assurance that, just as a seed must break open within the mother earth in order to sprout, we are being cracked open in order to bring new life into being.

Hei says, “Lo and behold, here it is! Right here within you and before you is the expression, the very manifestation of the Divine.”

The Torah reports that God indicates faith in Avram and Sarai by adding Hei, the initial of God, to their names. Sarai, , thus becomes Sarah, , and Avram, , becomes Avraham, . After this, despite their extreme age, Avraham is able to impregnate Sarah, and Sarah is able to conceive and bear Yitzhak, Isaac, ushering in the long line of the Hebrew people. The letter Hei helps sanctify Avraham and Sarah, symbolizing their fitness to manifest new life unexpectedly and miraculously, affecting the destiny of the whole world.

Hei can also transform us. Isaac’s name means “laughter” and “delight.” In many languages all around the world, words that indicate laughter commonly begin with the Hei sound, such as “ha” and “ho” and “hee.” As the soft but powerful effects of Hei inform our lives, as it did for Avraham and Sarah, a period of barrenness can end, and happiness and the sounds of laughter and delight resound through our houses once again.

In addition to meaning “lo” or “behold,” Hei, as a prefix, stands for the definite article “the.” The Talmud says that God used the letters Yud and Hei, which comprise the holy name , Yah, to create the universe. The Yud was used to create the “World to Come” and the Hei was used to create “This World.” If Hei has manifested in our awareness, we are being asked to pay attention to what is before us, to behold the actual stuff of our life, to be grounded in This World.

Hei as “the” is a definite article; it refers to a specific object or thing, not just a generality or abstraction. Have we become lost in abstractions, alienated from our bodies, our physical experience? Hei reminds us to pay attention to the specific, definite aspects of our lives.

Rebbe Nachman once spotted one of his followers rushing by. “Have you looked up at the sky this morning?” the rebbe asked.“No, Rebbe, I haven’t had the time.” “Believe me, in fifty years everything you see here today will be gone. There will be another fair — with other horses, other wagons, different people. I won’t be here then and neither will you. So what’s so important that you don’t have time to look at the sky?”¹

In a similar vein, the author Simone Weil once wrote, “Prayer consists of attention.”²

Our attention is among our most precious possessions. How and where we put our attention is one of the most crucial choices we make moment to moment in our lives. There are so many forces vying for our attention, often without our best interests in mind. Paul Richards has said that one of the travesties of the 9/11 attacks was that the terrorists stole the collective attention of the world and riveted it on their acts of destruction.

To what will we pay attention? It is possible to put what we love in the center of our attention. To focus on our own and others’ greatness instead of mediocrity. On creation instead of destruction. This kind of wielding of attention does not mean being blind or ignorant or living in a state of denial. It does mean respecting the profound treasure that our attention represents. When we have what we love in the center of our attention, then we can look at the troubling aspects of life without getting consumed by those aspects and lost in them.

My friend and guide, Ernie Thayer, goes a step further. He teaches that the entire universe itself is comprised of “warm, curious attention.” Attention is not just a personal quality that we wield with varying degrees of effectiveness. It’s not our attention, per se. Attention is really the universe’s attention moving through us. This is hinted at by the double Hei’s in the holy name, Yud Hei Vav Hei.

Moses was one person who paid attention. One day while tending his father-in-law’s flocks, Moses sees a fire coming out of a bush. As he looks, he realizes the bush is not being consumed by the fire. Moses says, “I must go over there and investigate this wonderful phenomenon. Why doesn’t the bush burn?”

Moses was in the right place at the right time to become aware of this strange sight. What’s more, he was attentive to it, able to notice it in the first place, and then willing to interrupt his plans and turn aside to investigate it. He wasn’t so caught up in his own thoughts and preoccupations that he missed this opportunity to become more intimate with the Holy.

The Torah continues, “When God saw that Moses was going to investigate, God called to him from the middle of the bush: ‘Moses! Moses!’ “Moses answered, ‘Here I am.’”

This “Here I am,” or , hineni, exemplifies the power of Hei.

God then says to Moses, “Take your shoes off your feet. The place upon which you are standing is holy ground.”³

This is the message of Hei: Holiness is right here! The place on which we stand, wherever we stand, is holy ground. The bush is still burning. The fire of immediacy flames bright and hot. The question is whether or not we will pay attention and notice. Life is continuously giving us the opportunity to respond hineni! Lo and behold, right here, in this very body, this very place, is the Divine.

The English word “hey” is directly related to its Hebrew cousin. Hei calls out for attention, “Hey! Here it is! It’s no longer hidden!” The English word “aha!” carries the energy of Hei. We can be alert for “aha!”-type experiences, where suddenly something clicks, where suddenly we “get it.” One sign that this has happened is an inflowing of laughter and delight.

On the other hand, revelations may come quietly and subtly, whispering their way into our awareness. The prophet Elijah, in desperate straits, fled to the wilderness and was led to stand upon Mount Horeb. At the mountain top, “Adonai passed by. There was a great and mighty wind, splitting mountains and shattering rocks by the power of Adonai; but Adonai was not in the wind. After the wind — an earthquake; but Adonai was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake — fire; but Adonai was not in the fire. And after the fire — a soft murmuring sound.” Sometimes this is translated as “a still, small voice.”⁴

Amid the clamor of the world, the turmoil of our lives, that voice of Hei is quietly breathing, murmuring its soft but powerful sound. Much of our lives is consumed by the whirlwind of thoughts and ideas, the earthquake of actions, the fire of emotions. Hei indicates a time to turn away from all that and attend to the small sound of the Divine.

As we sigh deeply, voicing the “haaaah” of Hei and stilling our minds and bodies, we prepare ourselves to hear or feel the soft murmuring sound of divine inspiration echo in our bellies. Doing this, we make ourselves ready to hear messages from on high.

Then we can come down from the mountain, renewed and refreshed, ready to engage the world once again, birthing new beauty and delight into being.

Hei’s Shadow

One danger of Hei, this broken letter, is getting stuck in brokenness. Broken hearts, like broken bones, can cripple us. Our challenge is to let the broken aspects of our lives inform our wholeness, adding not despair and hopelessness but depth and maturity to our nature.

Another shadow comes with “the soft murmuring sound.” Distinguishing divine inspiration from self-deception is not always easy. Tempering confidence in our revelations with a little humility can help us avoid the common trap of imposing our vision onto others in a destructive or arrogant fashion.

Personal Comments

Much of the time, I walk around in kind of a daze, my mind filled with daydreams and plans and speculations and worries, not really noticing the vibrant life moving and speaking all around me. But every now and then, somehow, the energy of Hei penetrates my mental chatter and calls out, “Hey! Wake up! Pay attention!” And then, almost despite myself, I notice the slant of the sunlight, the feel of the breeze, the deep blast of the train whistle, the smell of the popcorn. Hei awakens me, and for those vivid moments, I am able to say, with conviction, “Hineni! Here I am!”

 

Summary for Hei

Numerical value:	5
Meanings:	Lo! Behold! The. Hineni, “Here I am.”
Application:	Pay attention. Listen for the still, small voice.
Shadow:	Becoming stuck in brokenness.
	Self-deception.
Reflection:	What is the “soft murmuring sound” of the Divine saying to me today?
Suggested action:	At least three times today, take three deep breaths, look up, look down, look all around, and say out loud, “Hineni! Here I am!”