Chapter Fifteen

MAYA THOMPSON paced the floor of her flat waiting for the doorbell to ring. She was beginning to realize how foolish she had been and realized also that she would have to admit her problem, not only to herself... but also to many others, who may or may not have been interested, but she was worried. She went through her thoughts systematically, trying to make a firm decision on the state she was in, but there was only one answer that came to mind and no other would suffice. In fact, no other was possible as she had always insisted on rubbers... no, it must have been... IT WAS... Ricky-Boy had got her pregnant.

“How the hell could I have been so bloody stupid?” she asked herself time and time again, but the same answer came back... She had feelings for Ricky-Boy that she had never ever felt for anyone else, not even with her two ex-husbands. She had been on the pill and she should have been safe, but when she went for her examination to her doctor, he told her that no contraceptive was one hundred per cent proof of being safe.

“I would have to swallow the wrong bloody pill at the right time,” she laughed between her tears. “Or the right bloody pill at the wrong fuckin’ time...”

The doorbell rang and she rushed to answer it to find Fiona waiting outside.

“What did you want?” her daughter asked haughtily, “You sounded desperate. Has another of your boy friends tried to strangle you?”

Maya shook her head as Fiona came into the lounge, but she made no comment on the sarcastic remark her daughter had made. She was too worried to bother about anything as trivial as that.

“I didn’t want to call you at this time... Oh! Crumbs... I didn’t think you might be working... are you? I know you are ‘on call’ several evenings in the week, but I wasn‘t sure when those evenings would be.”

“It doesn’t matter about that. WHY did you want to see me? Tell me quickly as I have other things to do, besides wasting my time being here.”

Fiona ripped the scarf from her head and shook her hair around her face.

“Can I have a towel please before I catch my death of cold... My hair is still wet, look!”

Maya stared at her daughter for a few minutes before she broke down and cried.

“There are some bath towels on the hot rail in the bathroom... Help yourself,” she said, but Fiona didn’t go for the towel when she could see how worried her mother appeared.

“What’s the matter... mother, what is wrong?” cried Fiona, obviously worried that something of importance must be on her mother’s mind when she asked her to visit her in the first place and she knew that Maya wouldn’t think that she had decided to wash her hair at the precise time when she would need help. Maya continued to sob and Fiona put her arms around her. “Mother, please tell me what is wrong. I hate to see you crying,” she went on and then after a pause, she added, “It’s so unlike you to have tears over anything so sit down and tell me... what the trouble is...”

Maya sat down as Fiona suggested.

“I’m up the bloody spout,” she sobbed. “That’s what so bloody wrong... So go on, have a laugh. I expect this amuses you, doesn’t it? The very thing I would never have thought could have happened to me... You know how careful I am. You’ve criticised me often enough for the way I am. I never take risks... but,”

“I’m not laughing,” said Fiona as she strutted around the lounge. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t think you’re pleased with the way you are. That’s for sure, but how the hell did you let yourself get into this state? Do you know who the father is?” Maya nodded as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands.

“I never let anyone near me without a condom,” she said through her tears... but,”

“But what ?”

Maya burst open a box of tissues and dabbed her eyes,

“Ricky-Boy was the only one... That first night he came after I picked him up on my way home from Southend. I never thought... Well, he was such a... such a boy, that’s all.”

“But mother... that was over two years ago. It couldn’t have been Ricky-Boy. Even you know that it takes only nine months to conceive.”

Maya lowered her eyes,

“It could only have been him,” she sobbed, “I let him... let him do it a few times without any protection. Well, I thought I was in the change as I hadn’t seen a period for ages... but that was probably the reason why I didn’t see anything... I was bloody pregnant.”

Fiona put her arms around her mother when she said that.

“Oh dear... and what are you going to do now? Are you going to tell him?” she said and her mother jumped up from where she was sitting.

“No... no... I definitely am not going to tell him. I’m going to tell no-one,” she screamed and Fiona shook her head.

“But you’re hardly likely to hide it for a little while from now are you, when your lump starts to show? How long have you known?”

“About two or three months... I thought that perhaps I should...”

Fiona cut her mother short before she could finish her sentence, as she was sure she knew what her mother was about to say.

“Mother, you’re too far gone for an abortion if that’s what you’re thinking and besides, I don’t think Richard will be pleased with that. I thought he wanted to have children? Well from what you‘ve been telling me in the past.”

“I’M NOT TELLING HIM... Are you deaf or something. I don’t want this baby and I don’t care what he wants. It’s me who has to go through the bloody nine months, isn’t it... NOT HIM.”

“But mother, if you are so sure that it is Richard’s baby, you MUST tell him.”

“There’s no bloody MUST in it,” Maya screamed... “and don’t you go telling him either. I just asked you to call as I thought I would go out of my head if I didn’t tell someone... and you being a girl,... my daughter... That’s why I phoned you and asked you to come.”

Fiona paced the room and wrung her hands.

“You can’t do this to him mother. You can’t... I won’t allow you.”

“What’s that you said... YOU won’t allow me? What the fuckin’ hell has this pregnancy to do with you. It’s me he shagged, not you?”

Fiona looked worried when her mother spoke like that. She hated it when Maya used such language, but there was little if anything she could do to stop it and she went into the bathroom to get a towel.

“I promise not to say anything to Richard if you promise me you won’t have an abortion,” Fiona said, very calmly and in a low voice, but Maya screamed again that she would do as she bloody liked and that every other bugger should mind their own business.

“But this IS Richard’s business, whether you like to think it is or not... IF HE IS THE FATHER...”

“He’s too young to be bothered with anything like this and anyway... I’ve been thinking of dropping him for some time now. He’s too young by far for me. He should be with a much younger woman so that he could marry her properly and have children... and as many as he bloody wants.”

Fiona studied her mother’s face as she gave her ultimatum. There were tears in Maya Thompson’s eyes, but even Fiona, with the distaste she had for her mother’s way of life could see that whatever she said about this young Richard Bright, she still had feelings for him and wondered how truthful she was in suggesting that her young lover should find himself a younger woman who could bear his children and give him the love that she knew he yearned for.

“I think you should have a hot bath and try to forget all this nonsense that you are talking,” said Fiona, but Maya wouldn’t stop crying as she waved her hands in the air as if to dispense with any suggestion that was made for her.

“I know you are only trying to be kind,” shouted Maya to her daughter, “but you are going the wrong way about it. I’m not gonna have this cub and that’s all there is to it.”

Fiona realized that any further discussion would serve no purpose at that moment and walked towards the door to leave, but Maya grabbed her arm.

“Don’t leave me,” she screamed, “don’t leave me Darling... I need someone near me at this moment. I can’t bear to be on my own. God knows what I’ll do if I’m left on my own and I’m getting very worried about my visit to Chicago in July.”

Fiona turned back into the room, stunned that her mother should address her as ‘Darling’ but she felt very sorry for her and put her arms around Maya’s shoulders again.

“Stan Rutherford will stand in for you when you have to go to the States, won’t he” she asked, “but I doubt if you’ll be able to travel there if you’re like this, will you?” Maya raised her hands in the air as if she didn’t want to hear the suggestion that was put to her by Fiona.

“I HAVE to go to that conference in the States,” she snapped and then she seemed to have second thoughts as she continued, “Not if I get as big as an elephant, he won’t and I can’t see how I can hide THIS... can you?”

Fiona ignored her mother’s plea knowing that her pregnancy was showing just a little and knowing also that her mother was always being prone to exaggeration, regardless of the subject as she made her way back towards the kitchen.

“I’ll make a cup of tea and we’ll talk this thing through, while you go and wash your face. You look terrible,” she said, but Fiona had no idea of changing her mind and agreeing with her mother that an abortion was the only option. She liked Richard Bright... just a little, she told herself, but her heart told another story and there WAS indeed a jealousy towards her stressed out mother. Fiona Morray-Smith would have been pleased if the pregnancy was hers... but as with everything else in her young life, nothing she yearned for ever came true and she was left with a nest full of dreams... one of which was her mother’s lover Ricky-Boy, but that was something in a faraway land as far as Fiona Munro-Smith was concerned and she knew it as she nonchalantly walked around the lounge slowly sipping her Earl Grey and wishing the scene had been so totally different to what it was. It was then she noticed that the bedroom door was open and that one of the drawers on the sideboard in the room was slightly open. Normally, she wouldn’t have bothered to go into the bedroom, as there was nothing there that would have interested her... but that was NORMALLY and if by some remote chance she had gone in there, she would have closed the drawer and given the matter no further thought, but because of the distress her mother was in, Fiona thought there might be something in that drawer that would tell her more of the story that she was listening to... Something more of the tale behind the pregnancy and she opened the drawer more fully, trying not to make a noise to discover a wad of what seemed to be letters, lying near the top, bound with an elastic band.

There was no need for her to think that they were other than private letters addressed to her mother, since Maya lived alone at the flat. They could not have been addressed to anyone else and also Maya kept all her other correspondence pertaining to her dental work at the Surgery. The temptation was too much for Fiona and she slipped her hand into the half open drawer and retrieved the bundle of letters, but before she could release the elastic band, Maya appeared back in the room from the bathroom and held her daughter’s wrist fast, squeezing her hand until she dropped the letters to the floor.

“There’s nothing in there that would interest you, Darling...”stated Maya, emphasising her last word with a definite hiss. “I’ll take those, if you don’t mind and I would thank you not to go prying around my flat and nosing into things that don’t concern you.” Fiona winced as she rubbed her hand and Maya returned the letters to the drawer closing it with a bang. “They’re not what I’m sure you’re thinking they are anyway,” she concluded as she strolled back again into the lounge to drink her tea, but Fiona would not leave the matter there.

“I’m not interested in anything that you might keep in there,” she stated, “and as I obviously have outstayed my welcome, I think I had better go.”

Maya shrugged her shoulders and her eyes took on a hard and determined look.

“You can do what you like. I don’t want anyone here with me that I don’t trust and yes... I think it would be best if you left. Just close the door quietly behind you,” she said with a bitter tone in her voice, but no sooner had Fiona left the flat than Maya started to cry.

“I wish... I wish he hadn’t written those bloody letters,” she sobbed. “I wish he would grow up and stop writing such ridiculous tripe... and yet...”with that she returned to the bedroom and opened the drawer in the sideboard to retrieve the bundle that she had so rashly thrown back into the drawer. Her fingers shook as she removed the elastic band and dropped the loose bundle on the bed. Slowly she took one envelope at random from the middle of the pile and opened it carefully.

“My dearest, dearest darling,” she read as she sobbed uncontrollably before she threw the letter to the floor.

“Of all the men I have known,” she muttered as she dried her eyes on a tissue, “of all the wankers and control freaks that have ever come into my life, there was only ONE that I could call a MAN and I am ashamed that I don’t want to admit that now. I could have extracted the teeth of all the other self-seeking bastards without an anesthetic... I should be grateful for the love of this caring giant of a person who gave me nothing but love... He was a real man, although not long since left his youthful boyhood, but I know I am selfish. It’s the bloody way I am made, damn it,” she cursed, “Ricky-Boy, my sweet; my love, I wish I had never met you... I wish to God I had never gone to Southend that bloody weekend when I saw you in the rain.”