Caleb
“Why exactly am I here again?” I asked, wondering why I had been asking that question so often these days. Why did I always find myself in places I hadn’t planned to be?
Maybe I could get into an existential crisis at that point, or perhaps I could just blame the fact that everybody in my life was getting married and popping out babies. Every single fucking person.
Dimitri just raised a brow as he sipped his beer. “I don’t know why you’re complaining. You get food, you get beer if you’d like it, you get all the soda and water and juice and sparkling beverages that you want, and you don’t have to actually deal with baby games.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t actually have to play baby games, do I? Because I’m pretty sure there are baby games at a baby shower.”
Yes, I was at the Montgomery/Carr shower. Not that Thea was actually a Montgomery anymore. No, she had changed her last name to Carr since there were already enough Montgomerys sprawled around the state—and probably around the world at this point. However, the Montgomerys hated giving up their name, so it was branded on every single invitation, and even on the damn wall on some printed-out banner that they had made. Apparently, there was more than one artist in the family, so they had hand-done the damn thing.
I didn’t know why I was so cranky. Probably had to do with the fact that I’d had blue balls since kissing Zoey, not once but twice. And both times hadn’t been just a kiss. That second time? Dear God, I’d almost fucked her right there in her mom’s bathroom. I hadn’t been that horny and idiotic about where I was making out with a girl since I had been a teenager.
And even then, I hadn’t crossed that line. Apparently, I was losing my mind.
And that sobered me quicker than an ice-cold shower. I didn’t want to lose my mind. I didn’t want my brain to be hurting at all. I hadn’t had a hallucination since that first time, nor had I had a migraine in a few days. But that didn’t mean one couldn’t come out of the blue. So, I wasn’t going to drink tonight, not when I had an hour-long drive home. And I wasn’t going to ignore any symptoms that might arise. So far, so good. But I still didn’t trust myself. Not anymore.
“Okay, you’re not thinking about baby games and being at a co-ed baby shower anymore. You doing okay? How’s your head?”
I looked at my big brother and shrugged, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “I’m fine. Haven’t had an incident since you came over.”
“Good. Because you’re going to tell me every time you have one.”
I glared at him but I nodded. “I will. Promise.”
“I’m surprised I didn’t have to fight you on that.”
“I guess I’m scared shitless enough that I’m not going to hide anything from you anymore.”
“Fuck,” Dimitri whispered before he set down his beer and held me tight in a hug that I hadn’t been expecting. I let out a shocked breath and then released my hands from my pockets so I could hug him back. I was scared, and I wasn’t too manly or dick-sure to admit it. I didn’t want to be sick. I didn’t want to be weird. And I sure as hell did not want to die.
My throat went dry, and bile coated my tongue just at that thought, so I pushed it from my mind, however broken it might be. I was fine. The doctors were going to figure things out, and I was going to be just fine. The fact that the doctor I currently had kept running test after test and didn’t seem to know what he was doing might worry me, but it wasn’t like I actually knew what needed to be done.
“You know, my friend who also has the serious migraines is here. Remember, she’s marrying into the family?”
I frowned. “I thought her brother was marrying into the family.”
Dimitri shrugged. “I honestly have no idea anymore. All I know is that she was invited because, somehow, she’s connected. Their whole family is here. In addition to a few other families who married into the Montgomerys.”
“I have no idea who some of those people are.”
“You don’t have to worry about it. At all. Just make sure that you watch what Thea’s eating.”
I frowned. “Excuse me? You want me to get between a pregnant woman and food? Do you want me to lose an arm?”
Dimitri snorted, and I shook my head. “This is a cheese-themed baby shower. You know our love of cheese.”
“You mean your unholy fascination with it?”
“There’s nothing unholy about cheese. Cheese is good. Cheese is life.”
“Yep, how right that is, husband,” Thea said from across the room. She was back into her own conversation before I could even comment on the fact that she had somehow heard that stupid cult-like saying from across the room.
“The fact that you have a motto with your cult means you may have a problem with cheese,” I calmly pointed out.
“There’s nothing wrong. Plus, it’s a joke between us now. Hence the oddly themed cheese baby shower for a woman who’s not allowed to have soft cheeses.”
“Pregnant women aren’t supposed to have soft cheeses?”
“Nope. They’re allowed to have hard cheeses and some processed soft cheeses. I have a whole list, it’s printed out on the fridge, and we almost put it on the invitation, but I figured that would be too weird.”
“Weirder than the fact that you have like eighteen different types of cheese available, including dips and spreads?”
“I don’t judge you. You don’t get to judge me.”
“I really have no idea where to start with the judging.”
Dimitri grinned and laughed. “Anyway, we made sure that nobody brought any of the incorrect types. They’re all on the list of banned contraband substances.”
That made me laugh. “So, if anyone hides the brie within the cocaine, I know that they’re on the wrong side of the law?”
“You mock me, but she’s been craving soft cheeses, to the point that I’m afraid she’s going to sleepwalk right out one day and find herself some.”
I just shook my head, my stomach hurting from laughing so hard. “Thank you for getting my mind off what the hell is going on with me because you two are ridiculous.”
Dimitri grinned, his eyes wide and happier than I’d ever seen them in my life. “Yeah, I’m happy. I’m going to be a dad, Caleb. I still can’t fucking believe it.”
I shook my head and then leaned down to pet Captain’s head as the golden retriever came up to us. Dimitri knelt by the older dog and hugged him close, slowly running his hands down the golden retriever’s back.
“You know, you pretty much raised me and Amelia, and Devin a little bit, too. And between us and Captain, you’ve probably got this dad thing down.”
“I might’ve started with piddle pads for Captain, but I didn’t start with diapers with you three. It’s all new, and it’s a little daunting.”
“But Thea’s sisters have gone through this before. Same with her brother, right?” I asked.
“So have all of her cousins. I swear that family breeds more than rabbits do.” He mumbled the words, considering that all the Montgomerys had keen ears and were surrounding us at the time.
“It’s amazing how much they all look alike, too,” I mumbled.
“Don’t say shit like that. They can hurt us. Did you see that one over there? He’s like six-five and built. He could probably break us with his pinky.”
“And I hear that one is actually married into the family,” Zoey said as she came up to my side. I froze, unaware that she had been so close. Which was weird, because all I could do was notice where she was lately.
She handed me a water, and I raised a brow.
“I got one for Amelia, but Tucker had already gotten one, so then I was standing there with two glasses. I figured I’d give it to you since your hands were empty.”
I looked down at her and smiled. “Thanks.”
“No problem. And, really, I feel like I can get stepped on at any moment with all these giants around here.”
Dimitri laughed. “There’s a few people shorter than you.”
“Do you mean the children?” she asked, a mock grimace on her face.
“Well, I don’t know about that ten-year-old, I think they are taller than you,” I said.
“I am not that short. There are shorter people here. Adults. I’m average height.”
“Average for humans, not Montgomerys,” I said and winced when a Montgomery, one I didn’t actually know, punched me in the arm on their way to one of the cheese spreads.
One of the cheese spreads.
Because, of course, there were like five of them around the house.
“And on that note, I’m going to check on my wife. They’re starting the games soon.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You said I didn’t have to play.”
“You don’t. But Thea wants to play. Therefore, I’m going to sit next to her and help her smell random mushed peas and beans to figure out which one’s which.”
I gagged. “Why are baby games so disgusting?”
“I’m trying not to ask myself that question, other than the fact that I think they’re trying to prepare us for the amount of bodily fluids that are going to be sprayed on me when the baby’s born. And after.”
I visibly shuddered as Dimitri walked off to join his wife. I looked down at Zoey. “You know, this sort of makes me not want to have kids at all.”
She snorted, shaking her head. “But then you get to hold your niece or nephew and smell their little baby powder head and hold them close and feel their little fingers wrap around yours. You’ll fall in love. You’ll forget the fact that they poop and they throw up and they constantly cry and they never sleep.”
“Do you think that’s just what the media tells you that babies are like?” I asked.
“You mean this is a conspiracy? Probably not. But I figure I’ll see soon when Lacey and John are ready for a baby.”
“They’re going the surrogacy route, right?”
She froze, blinking at me. “How on earth do you know that?”
“John talks to me when he’s nervous.” I held up my hands after I set down my glass since she was glaring at me. “He doesn’t talk with everybody about personal things like that. But he talks to me. Has for a while. I guess it came with the fact that we were out one night waiting for a storm to die down, and we talked about a lot of personal shit. But he doesn’t blab about his and Lacey’s life to most people.”
“I hope not, because Lacey doesn’t need that.”
“John’s the most amazing guy I know. You know that.”
“I do, but I’m still overprotective. She’s my baby sister.”
“Since, according to my baby sister, I’m an overprotective asshole, I feel you.”
“You did threaten to beat up Tucker.”
“He dared to touch my precious, innocent, little sister.” I narrowed my eyes. “And you should stop laughing so hard. People are starting to stare.”
“Oh, no, it’s just that you think she’s precious and innocent. And probably going to be a virgin until her wedding night, too.”
“She can stay a virgin always. Isn’t that the way things are?”
“I’m totally not a virgin, bro,” Amelia said as she walked past, Tucker right on her ass. He had his hands on her hips, and I narrowed my eyes. “Why do people keep surprising me like that?”
“Because you’re standing between two doors, so people can come up behind you easily,” Zoey said, laughing. “Plus, the more you talk about other people, especially when they’re in the same room, the more likely it is that they’re going to show up and scare the crap out of you. That’s sort of how science works.” I laughed.
“That’s not even real science. Or even close to science.”
“No, but it’s karma. As for John and Lacey, yes, they’re going the surrogacy route. But if John brings it up again, please do not let him think that I’m so eager to be that baby’s oven.”
I choked on my water, having taken another sip before I set it down on the table between us. “You, wait? What?”
She shook her head, laughter dancing in her eyes. “Yeah, that was my reaction, too.”
“They asked you to be their surrogate? Wait, does that mean your egg, too? Ugh, that’s way too personal. Sorry.”
“They haven’t asked, but Lacey’s hinted. So, I have no idea what they want. I’ll see what my answer will be if and when they actually ask, but you never know.”
“You really would do anything for your baby sister,” I said, awed.
“I might do anything for her. However, if she keeps pissing me off about this whole wedding planning thing, I might not.”
“I don’t believe you. I think if she asked, you’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“Pregnancy scares me, babies scare me, what comes out of babies scares me. So, no, I’m not a shoo-in for that. And she has to ask first. Adoption might be key for them, you know that they want to save the world together and be the perfect family. Adoption might be part of that.”
“Maybe. But, hell, that’s a big decision.”
“Yes, so I’m not going to think about it again. Nor am I going to think about exactly what your brother’s holding right now.” She closed her eyes, and I looked over to see Dimitri holding a diaper, smelling it, and groaning. Wincing.
“This is way too weird for me. Plus, all the cheese? I just don’t understand it.”
“I think it’s kind of cute that they have such a detailed inside joke that it’s burst into this entire event. Plus, I like cheese.”
“But just don’t bring up soft cheeses, or Thea is liable to beat the crap out of you.”
“Perhaps. I don’t know her all that well since she lives down here in Colorado Springs. Still, now that she’s part of your family and Amelia brings me everywhere these days, I’m getting to know her well.”
“She’s family now. She’s a Carr. Not a Montgomery.”
“Still a Montgomery,” one of the big Montgomerys said from beside me, and I shook my head.
“I have no idea which one that was.”
“I don’t think you’re supposed to know. I think they all just answer to Montgomery and speak as one.”
“We heard that,” one of the Montgomerys said, and I was pretty sure that one was a twin.
“And on that note, I think I’m ready to head out,” I said, shaking my head.
“You’re heading home?” Zoey asked.
“Yeah, I’ve got a few things to do for work and an early morning. I told Dimitri I wouldn’t be able to stay for long. But I stayed for some cake, and they got my gift.”
“Do you think you can take me home?” she asked quickly, and I froze, my cock going hard thinking about being near Zoey for so long.
“Didn’t you drive here with Amelia and Tucker?”
“Yes, but they’re going to stay a little bit later, and I was going to ask you anyway if you wanted to drive me home. Or if you could. Or I was going to ask anybody who was going up to Denver early if they could. You know, work and all that. And wedding planning.”
She was rambling, and I didn’t understand why. However, I didn’t really care. I was going the same direction as she was, and it was over an hour-long drive. Alone in a car. With Zoey. The woman I wanted my hands on, and the one I should really stop touching. Stop kissing. Stop thinking about. When I didn’t know what was going on with my future, I shouldn’t be doing anything stupid like thinking about having sex with Zoey.
And yet, that’s all I kept thinking about. That and making her smile.
I held back a frown at that thought. Where had that come from?
I wasn’t going to think about that now. Instead, I was just going to do my best and not be an asshole.
I could do that, right?
“Sure, let’s let one of my siblings know that we’re heading out, and I’ll get you home.”
Zoey grinned. “Thank you. I appreciate it. Totally.”
“No problem. I’ll always be here for you, Zoey.”
She gave me a weird look, but then I went off to find Dimitri or Devin to let them know what was going on. Tucker was the first one I found, and he shared a look between him and Amelia before nodding and letting me know that he would let everyone else know where we were going.
I walked out to my car with Zoey, and we got in, doing our best to talk about nothing important.
The fact that we knew we should probably talk about the two kisses and what could have happened between us meant that we should have been talking about something more. Instead, we talked about the weather and what was streaming. And the new cast of The Crown. We talked about nothing important.
And that scared the hell out of me.
Because I could never tell what was going on with Zoey. Even though I really wanted to.
“That was a nice baby shower,” Zoey put in when we were almost home.
“It’s so strange that Dimitri is going to be a dad now. In my head, he’s sort of always been one, even though he’s not even a little bit.”
“Right? He has those dad qualities. He’s really good at the dad jokes.”
“I’m pretty sure he gets those off the internet.”
“But the fact that he looks them up at all is a dad thing.”
“Okay, I can agree with that.”
“Caleb?” Zoey asked, and my hands tightened on the steering wheel at the way she said my name. Hell, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like where the rest of this conversation was headed.
“Yes?”
“What are we doing?” she asked, and I swallowed hard. Yep, I really didn’t want to have this conversation.
“I’m driving you home.” I got off the highway and headed towards her neighborhood.
“Yes, you are. But I was sort of talking about the kisses at my house, and the fact that we practically humped each other in my mother’s bathroom. I think we should probably talk about what’s going on.”
I shook my head. “We’re just…you know…being good friends.”
“Good friends really don’t know how their dick feels against someone.”
“Well, I don’t tend to think about that, but thanks for that image.”
She snorted. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t know, Zoey. I like kissing you. Is that a crime?”
“Not at all. I just don’t know what happens next. And I think we should talk about what happens next, shouldn’t we?”
I frowned as I pulled into her driveway. “Zoey.”
She shook her head and got out of the car. “Forget I asked. Seriously. Forget it. I’ll see you later.”
I cursed under my breath, turned off my car, and followed her. “Okay, let’s talk this out.”
She had her keys in her hand but was shaking her head. “No, I don’t think we need to. We’re fine. Let’s just not talk about it at all. I’ll see you later.”
She had her hand on the door, and I put my hand above her on the jamb. “Zoey. Let’s talk it out.”
“I don’t think you need to. I don’t think I want to know the answer.”
I hated the fragility in her voice, and I loathed myself for putting it there. “Come on, let’s go inside,” I whispered. She turned and looked at me, her gaze searching. I wanted to be man enough to say no, that we shouldn’t do this. I shouldn’t go in and talk to her. I should walk away. But I wasn’t. Because I didn’t know the answers, and I wanted to go inside. I wanted to touch her, wanted to kiss her, wanted to see what made her tick. That might make me a bastard, but at least I was a consistent one when it came to Zoey.
“Just to talk?” she whispered.
I swallowed hard.
“Just to talk,” I lied.
Just to talk.