Zoey
My hand shook as I filled two water glasses from my pitcher before putting the thing back into the fridge. I didn’t even ask him if he wanted ice, but I didn’t think I could handle ice just then. What if my hand shook, and the ice just rattled around the whole time? I was already going to have to deal with possible water sloshing out of the glass as it was. I shouldn’t add any more obstacles.
“Water, right?” I asked, my voice breathy. Really? I was an adult. I’d been alone with a man before. I had been alone with Caleb before, countless times. Okay, not necessarily countless because we’d usually been near friends, family, or another woman, but I had been with him enough.
And we hadn’t kissed every time.
Except with the way he was currently looking at me, his eyes dark, lids hooded, lips parted just enough that it sent shivers through me, I had a feeling I was lying to myself. Just like I knew he had been lying to me earlier when he’d said that we were just going to talk. Oh, we might be talking, but I had a feeling if he didn’t leave right then, it wasn’t going to be the only thing we did.
Was this part of my actual non-existent plan?
No, I didn’t think so.
I really should have written down ideas.
1. Spend time with Caleb.
2. Show Caleb that I’m actually a really great person.
3. Be near him so my soul can be happy.
4. Truly figure out if it’s just a crush or if I am deluding myself.
5. Get Caleb Carr to love me.
Not a very good plan. Number five needed a whole subset of its own and should have been the title of the primary plot, but I think I was losing my mind. As always.
“Water’s fine, Zoey. You okay?” he asked, and I swallowed hard.
“Just peachy.”
He raised a brow, and I held back a groan.
“Did I just say the phrase just peachy?”
“I think you did.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever said that before in my life.”
“There’s always time to start,” he said, laughter in his eyes.
“You’re laughing at me, aren’t you?”
“Just a little. But not cruelly.”
“So. Water. Yeah.”
“You said that.”
Again, laughter in his eyes. But there was still heat there, and it wasn’t lost on me that he wasn’t saying anything either. We were both circling around the fact that he was here, and I didn’t know what would happen next.
I should have had that plan ready. But it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
“The baby shower was wonderful. I guess next will be Lacey’s bridal shower.”
Caleb shook his head. “I don’t have anything to do with that, do I?”
I shook my head in response.
“No. There was already the engagement party, and thank God we had nothing to do with that.”
Caleb grunted. “That was fun, but I’m glad we didn’t have to plan it.”
“True. There’s the bridal shower, of course, but I don’t think she’s making that co-ed.”
“Thank God.”
“After, there’s the wedding rehearsal, and then the ceremony and reception. And we’re not planning the honeymoon.”
“Again, I’m going to reiterate, thank God.”
I nodded. “There seems to be an endless amount of work involved for a wedding. Let alone the life that comes after.”
Caleb took a sip of his water and then set the glass down.
“There is. I figured if I ever got married, which you know is probably never going to happen, I would end up just doing a Justice of the Peace gig. Or maybe something in Dimitri’s backyard. He’s the one with the bigger yard,” he added.
I let that little nugget of information—him never getting married—slide right through me. Lots of guys said that. Heck, I said the same thing sometimes. Didn’t actually need to be true. And I didn’t need to let it gut me.
It was just a thing.
“You can make the wedding anything you want it to be. This is Lacey’s thing.”
“Yep. And I’m glad that it’s going to be over eventually.”
“Eventually,” I agreed. Though it didn’t seem like it would be over anytime soon.
“What are we doing here, Zoey?” Caleb asked, and I froze. I’d asked the question before, and there didn’t seem to be an answer. How dare he ask the same thing when I didn’t have answers? I had nothing except need and silly dreams when it came to him.
“Drinking water. And asking ourselves what we’re doing because we’re not actually talking about it at all?” I said the last part really fast and as a question, and Caleb just laughed, though I wasn’t sure there was much humor in it. We were really good about rambling about nothing important and ignoring the elephant in the room.
Namely, what we meant to each other and where this, whatever this was, could be headed.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said honestly.
“I don’t know what to say either. Other than that, I really want to kiss you again, even though I shouldn’t.”
My heart raced, and my palms went damp. “I guess we suck at the whole talking thing,” I said.
“We’re great at talking, and even about some important things, but we’re also really good about avoiding the talk.”
I was sitting on the couch next to Caleb, and he leaned forward to cup my face. His palms were broad, fingers callused, the skin of a man who knew how to use his hands, and I held back a shiver just thinking about exactly what he could do with them.
His eyes darkened, and I had a feeling he knew exactly what I was thinking about. “What do you want, Zoey?”
“I used to think I knew. Now, I’m not so sure anymore.” That was as honest as I could be.
He nodded as if that sentence made sense. “I think that’s my answer, too. Because this could be a mistake. You’re friends with my friends. Your sister’s marrying my friend. You’re practically sisters with Amelia.”
“But not you. I’m not your sister.”
Caleb let out a rough chuckle. “I’ve never once had sisterly thoughts about you, Zoey.”
I blinked at him, confused. That couldn’t be true. Not in all of our lives. “Never once? Not at the beach when you saved me? And not when you saved me that other time?” His eyes darkened, and I regretted bringing it up. But I couldn’t help it. Caleb was intertwined in so many key and small moments in my life, that I couldn’t help but remember the little ones as well as the big stuff that had changed everything.
“I couldn’t beat the shit out of that wave for coming at you, but I still want to go back and castrate the fucker who tried to get you into his car.”
“It was a cab, and I wasn’t going to let him.”
“You’d better not fucking blame yourself for it.”
“I don’t. Not really.”
“The phrase not really doesn’t actually help me believe that.”
I shrugged. “I’m getting better. I have a therapist for that.”
“Good.”
His thumb was still on my face, tracing circles.
“Let’s get back to you not thinking of me as a sister.”
“You’re not my sister. Not even close. Because if you were, I wouldn’t do this.” Then he lowered his head to mine, and I let out a shuddering breath, wanting more, wanting his taste. I sighed deeply, leaning into him as he parted my lips with his tongue. He deepened the kiss, angling my head just a bit, adding a slow caress.
I sank into him, wanting more, needing more. His hands slid over my hair and down my back, tugging me closer. He pulled away suddenly, both of us catching our breath, and I met his gaze.
“Are we not talking?” I asked, afraid of what would happen next. Because I needed to know what he was going to say. But I was afraid. So afraid that I would be like the dozens of women who were made to feel good, always respected, but then never heard from him again.
“I know I should stop kissing you, but I don’t want to. You need to tell me what you want.”
“I like kissing you. I want to keep kissing you. Only I don’t want to ruin everything.” That was as honest as I could get because I couldn’t tell him more. Couldn’t say that I wanted him. That I always had. That he’d had a special place in my heart for as long as I could remember, even though he shouldn’t have.
“Then we just keep doing this. We don’t let it hurt. Don’t let it mess everything up.”
I met his gaze and wondered what I was missing. He sounded different. Not cruel, but perhaps worried. Why would he be worried? Even as I thought that, I let those thoughts slip from my mind and leaned forward to kiss him again.
This could be a part of my plan. To be with him. I didn’t need a happily ever after, but I didn’t know what life would be like without my mouth on his. Without his touch, his taste.
I can make this work, I told myself. I could.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.
“Then don’t,” I said honestly.
He tucked my hair behind my ears and then nodded before kissing me again.
The kiss started off soft, sweet, a bare touch of the lips, a gentle swipe of the tongue. And then he kept going, moaning.
He lowered me to my back, and I ran my hands up and down his arms, wanting more. He hovered over me, careful not to put all his weight on me, and I couldn’t help but find that sweet. Even as it was sexy as hell. He didn’t want to hurt me.
“Tell me when to stop,” he whispered.
“Don’t stop.”
He met my gaze then, and I tried to look as confident as I sounded. He must have seen something there, though, because he kissed me again, his hands roaming.
When he slid his hand between us, cupping me over my leggings, I groaned, arching into him. He smiled against my lips, still kissing, still touching.
I wanted more, and I wasn’t going to get it on this couch, not when it was so difficult to reach him.
“Caleb, I can’t touch you. Not here.”
He seemed to understand my unintelligible words because suddenly he was sitting, and I was on his lap, straddling him, my hands in his hair as I kissed him hard, his hands on my ass. He molded, squeezed, and I arched against him, rubbing myself along his jean-clad erection.
“You keep doing that, I’m going to come in my pants,” he groaned, pulling at my hair.
I arched at the tug, then kept going, kept rubbing, kept kissing.
His hands were under my shirt, cupping me over my bra, and I wiggled, wanting more.
“You like that?” he asked.
“I think I want more.”
“I can do that. Anything you want, Zoey. I can do that.”
I opened my eyes then, trying to figure out exactly what he meant by that, but then his lips were on mine, and I wasn’t thinking at all anymore.
He slid up my shirt, and then I raised my arms so he could pull it over my head.
When his lips went to my breasts, and he sucked my nipple through my bra, I shivered, wanting more.
“Look at you with all this lace under that prim and proper shirt of yours.” He blew cool air over the lace of my bra, my nipples tightening into hard points, and I groaned.
“I like feeling pretty even when I’m usually covered in dirt.”
“I’m a lucky man, then,” he said and then went back to sucking on my nipples, tugging down the lace of my bra so he could get to my flesh.
His mouth was so warm, intoxicating, and I wanted more. I pressed my breast more firmly into his face. He bit down gently, and I squeezed my legs tighter around his waist.
“Did you like that?” he asked, laughing.
“Yes,” I said, not able to figure out what else to say just then. I had pretty much lost the ability to speak.
He kept tugging, licking, biting, and just when I was about to squirm, needing release, he arched his body up and rubbed against me.
“Caleb,” I gasped.
“Do you want me?” he asked, and I nodded.
“I need you to say the word, Zoey. Because this changes everything. You get that? You need to say the words.”
I met his gaze and nodded. I knew this would change everything. This was on my checklist. I knew that. And I wanted the change. I wanted this. And so, I nodded again and spoke. “Yes. Please.”
“Okay, then, Zoey-girl.”
He reached around and undid the clasp on my bra, and I licked my lips before he went back to kissing me and then playing with my breasts. I was ready to come, needed to, but he wouldn’t let me. Instead, he kept playing, pushing me closer to the point of ecstasy, but not over the edge.
“Caleb, please.”
I didn’t know what I was asking for, all I knew was that I needed it. But he kept kissing me, and then his hand slid around to my butt and pushed under my leggings, moving between my legs. I groaned as his fingers delved between my hot flesh, slick, aching.
“So wet for me,” he growled against my lips.
“Apparently, you do things to me.” I had almost added the phrase always. I didn’t want to show him everything, though. I couldn’t bare my soul while I bared everything else. He didn’t need to know everything yet. I just needed this. This was everything I had ever dreamed of, and it was only the beginning.
I didn’t need to put anything more into this than what it was. But I knew I wanted this. And I wasn’t going to have any regrets. So, when he slid his fingers between my folds and inside me, I screamed, my whole body shaking. He plunged into me, hard and fast, even as his mouth was on mine, his other hand on the back of my head, keeping me steady.
I came in an instant, clamping around his fingers as I begged for more, as I arched my body against him.
I was still wearing my freaking pants, and he was making me come like this.
I had no idea how the man had done it.
I was shaking, but as he slid his fingers out of me and removed them from my pants, he put them to his mouth and sucked deep.
“Oh my God,” I mumbled. I was sated, but still ready for more. I reached between us, wanting to touch him, and he arched up into me, a lazy smile on his face.
“You think you’re ready for me?”
“Feel sure of yourself, don’t you?” I asked, and then gripped him through his jeans. He groaned, and I laughed before wiggling over his hips as I planted my feet on the floor.
“What do you think you’re doing, Zoey?”
“Taking.”
I didn’t know if that was the right thing to say, but as he grinned at me and helped me with his jeans, even as he pushed his Henley over his upper body, I knew I had died and gone to a special heaven.
Because Caleb Carr was naked on my couch, his body perfection, that of a man who worked hard every day, with long lines, lean hips, muscles covering every inch of him, and a dick that was hard, thick, and currently pressing against his belly.
I swallowed, and he smiled.
“Like what you see?”
“I think I’m going to like it better once it’s inside me,” I said and laughed when he widened his eyes at me.
“Little Zoey Wager with the dirty words. I like it.”
“Well, I do learn from the best.” I winked and then let out a yelp as he reached out and quickly shucked my leggings from my body. I stood there naked, feeling exposed in more ways than one as he looked me over, his legs straddling me as I stood in front of him.
“You look fucking gorgeous,” he rasped.
“You’re not too bad yourself.”
He had his hand on his cock, leisurely sliding it from the base to the tip, one stroke, then another. I didn’t even realize my hands were between my legs, playing with my clit until I noticed that he was staring, his eyes dark, his lips wet.
“You going to come right there just looking at me?” he asked, and I nodded.
“I’d rather come on you.”
“That’s the sexiest thing you could have said,” he growled. “We need to be safe, Zoey. Do you have a condom?”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “In my room.” I dashed away before I could think better of it, needing to breathe. I went to my nightstand, ripped open the unopened box, and pulled out a condom. And then a second one, just in case.
I turned and ran smack into Caleb’s very naked body. His dick was pressed firmly against my stomach. And I swallowed hard as I looked up.
“Oh.”
“Didn’t want to wait.” His mouth was on me again, and then he took the condom from my hand, and there was a ripping sound. I knew he was sliding it over his length, but I couldn’t focus with my lips on his.
And then my face was on my bed, my ass in the air, my feet on the floor, and Caleb’s hands were on my hips.
“This position okay to start with?”
To start with.
Would it be wrong to come right then?
“Oh, yes,” I said, my voice a gasp as his cock nudged my entrance.
“Good.” And then he rammed into me, one hard thrust that sent a shocked sound out of both of us.
“Jesus Christ,” he groaned. “I knew you were tight from my fingers before, but…did I hurt you?”
“Not even a little.”
I pushed back, pulling him deeper. “Keep going, please.”
“As the lady wishes.” He thrust into me, once, twice, and then over and over again, my body arching for him, wanting more.
Just as I was about to come, he pulled all the way out and then flipped me onto my back. He was still standing, my legs dangling off the side of the mattress before he put my feet up onto his shoulders. And then he kept pounding, thrusting, needing.
He was very lucky that I was flexible because my thighs were on my chest, my knees up to my shoulders, and he was leaning forward, his mouth on mine, as he kept pistoning inside of me.
When he flicked his thumb over my clit, I came, unable to hold back.
He thrust again, this time harder, and I could feel him come, his whole body tense as he filled the condom, his mouth firm on mine.
I was sweaty, aching, and knew that this had been one of the best moments of my life. He slowly let my legs down and moved so we were both on the bed, trying to catch our breath. Caleb got up and took care of the condom, but I couldn’t even open my eyes to see what he was doing. Instead, I just lay there, panting, my hands lazily stroking my breasts because I couldn’t help it. Caleb had touched them, kissed them, made me feel more like a woman than I ever had before in my life.
When he slid next to me on the bed, I opened my eyes and sucked in a gasp as he slowly traced his fingers along my brow and my cheek.
“I don’t know why we didn’t do that sooner,” Caleb said.
“I don’t know why, either.”
That was the understatement of the century. At least, for me.
“That was amazing,” he said, and I was so afraid that he was going to say that it was a mistake. That this was it. So long, goodbye. Thanks for the bang.
“I had fun. We should do it again.”
I said the words quickly, hoping he wouldn’t break my heart.
Something passed over his face, and I thought he was going to actually do it. Say that it was a mistake and that it was time to go. But, instead, he leaned down and kissed me.
“I wouldn’t mind. I like being with you. We can see where this goes. Are you okay with that? No promises. We’ll just see.”
I nodded, then kissed him again, my heart exploding and breaking all at the same time. Because I wanted this, this is what I needed. This could have been part of the plan. I just didn’t want it to be the only thing we did.
But he didn’t say it was just sex, didn’t say that this was the last time.
And as he pulled me closer and held me, I thought maybe this could work. Perhaps I hadn’t moved too fast.
But even as he held me, I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly he had been thinking when his eyes changed. What secrets did he keep?
Because Caleb Carr was full of them, always had been. But I couldn’t help but fall to sleep in his arms, wondering what would happen when I woke up. And trying to figure out if this had all been one of my dreams.