Zoey
My hands were cramped, my back ached, my feet hurt, and I was pretty sure I was getting a headache. Might as well round it all out for a beautiful evening.
I stretched and made my way to my house. I hadn’t planned on working so late, mostly because I had been forced to take a longer lunch than usual—if I ever took a lunch, that was—because Lacey had needed me for wedding plans.
I hadn’t minded that too much, though, because she’d needed to meet with the owners of the gorgeous farm that would be hosting the reception, wedding, and rehearsal, and John was supposed to be there. However, her fiancé had been stuck dealing with an emergency, and our mother had had a root canal, meaning I was the one who got to go with her. Mom was recovering, John was apologetic, and I was exhausted.
Lacey hadn’t wanted to be alone, and I didn’t blame her. There were thousands of tiny decisions that needed to be made, and she’d needed a sounding board, even if I didn’t say much the entire time. However, that two-hour lunch ate into my day, and I still needed to complete the same amount of work. I was dog-tired, but at least I was done for the day.
And because I was running late, it meant that I wasn’t the first one to my house for our girls’ night. I walked inside where Erin and Amelia were working on a charcuterie board and pouring a glass of wine.
“See, I knew each of us having keys was great for emergencies.” Erin spoke as she walked over, handing me a glass of red.
I drank half of it in one gulp and sighed. “This is bliss. Actual bliss.”
“Long day?” Amelia asked, taking a sip of her own wine.
“Yes, but a good one. It was just long. I guess wine and cheese is always an emergency. So, yay keys.”
“Amen,” Erin said and clinked her glass to mine. Amelia scrambled over and clinked her glass, as well.
“Don’t forget me,” she said. “To wine and cheese and girls’ night.”
“Yes, I need food. Anything. I didn’t actually get to eat lunch.” I took another sip of my wine and wanted to drown in it.
Erin nodded. “Welcome home. And, yes, food is a must. Considering that you almost downed your entire glass just now, let’s get some food in you. We have charcuterie, but I made those little meatballs that you love, too.”
“Ooh, the sweet ones in the Crock-Pot?”
“Yes, I even brought over the meatball Crock-Pot.”
Amelia snorted. “I love how Devin has named it that, even though I’m pretty sure you’ve used it for dips before.”
“Not anymore, actually. I had to buy a bigger Crock-Pot for dips because it’s not just me or the girls anymore. Guys tend to eat a lot of cheese dip.”
“It’s cheese dip. Can we blame them?” I asked, laughing.
“No, I guess we really can’t. Anyway, we have a Crock-Pot of meatballs, a Crock-Pot of that cheese dip, and bacon-wrapped pineapple.”
My stomach growled, and I actually groaned aloud. “Bacon?”
“You know it.”
I took a meatball and considered dying right then in meatball bliss. “I’m so sorry I was late. I didn’t actually do anything to help tonight.”
Amelia shook her head. “You had your house open for us, and if we drink too much wine or the guys can’t pick us up, you’ll let us sleep here. I’m not really seeing a problem.” She shrugged.
“Though, actually, I can’t stay the night,” Erin added. “I can probably share a bottle of wine with you guys, but then I have to go.” She winced, and I frowned.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, but Devin and I have a few wedding plan things to start on before we start the real planning, and tonight was really the only time he could do it.”
I nodded. “That’s not a problem. I like that we’re at least having dinner together. And, honestly, I’m too tired to have a full girls’ night.”
Amelia smiled. “Oh, good. Because I haven’t actually gotten to spend a whole night with Tucker in a while. And he’s off work tonight, oddly enough.”
I frowned. “Well, now I feel bad. We can cancel tonight. Most of the food will save.”
“No, we’re doing dinner. We’re going to share this wine, and then we can go home to our men.” Erin looked at me. “And maybe you can call Caleb and invite him over.” She winked, and I did my best to look innocent.
“Oh, wow, you’re as subtle as a sledgehammer right now.” I blinked.
Erin leaned over the counter. “We can’t help it. So, come on, when did it start? What have you done? Tell us more.”
“All I did was text you that I had dinner with Caleb. And, suddenly, you think you know everything.” I rolled my eyes.
“We don’t know everything,” Erin said. “That’s why we’re asking you.”
“Plus, we want to hear it from you,” Amelia added. “And we all saw you two leave together from the baby shower.”
I blushed. “He was just giving me a ride.”
“Yeah? Or were you the one to ride him?” Amelia asked, laughing at her own joke.
I rolled my eyes but knew I was blushing right to my ears.
“Ooh, tell us.” Erin danced on her stool at the kitchen counter.
“I don’t know what to say.” I looked down at my wine, wishing I had the words to describe what was going on. I didn’t know, and that was the problem.
Amelia patted my hand. “Just start at the beginning.”
I sure as hell wasn’t going to start at my beginning. Maybe I could start at Caleb’s. Because nobody needed to know that I’d had an unrequited crush for as long as I had.
It was embarrassing.
“We just started talking, mostly because of the wedding plans, and one thing led to another. We kissed.”
“Yay,” Amelia said, clapping her hands along with Erin.
“And?” Erin prodded.
“And we’re seeing what happens.”
“Well, what has happened so far?” Erin asked, filling my wine glass a little bit more.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you trying to get me drunk so I’ll tell you what happened?”
“Maybe,” she said, laughing.
“You are horrible,” I said.
“I am, but I learned from the best. You both did the same thing to me with Devin. We want to know what’s going on, Zoey. Plus, it’s nice to finally see you guys together.”
I froze. “Finally?” I asked, and Erin winced.
“Smooth comment,” Amelia muttered under her breath.
I swallowed hard. “What do you mean, finally? Is there something you know that I don’t?” I asked, trying to keep my voice casual.
“Okay, I’ll say it,” Amelia said. “You know how everyone thought Tobey and I were together, or that I had that huge crush, and nobody really talked about it with me in the room?” Amelia asked, point-blank.
I winced. “I’m sorry about that. Don’t talk about things that make you sad,” I said quickly. Tobey was Amelia’s former best friend, and after an unfortunate evening when Amelia had professed her love to him, they’d ended up breaking off their friendship because of more than that evening, but it still hurt to think about, I was sure.
That was one of the reasons I had never done anything with Caleb. I never wanted to feel what Amelia had. I never wanted to ruin whenever sanity and peace I had. But I thought it was far too late for that now.
“Well, don’t worry about it. I have Tucker. I’m happy. And, yes, I miss Tobey in my life, but I like the healthy relationships I have now without the lying that had apparently been happening right under my nose.” She shook her head, and both Erin and I reached out to her. “I’m fine. Really. But I do better when I don’t have to talk about it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, and she shook her head again, letting out a long breath.
“No, I’m the one who brought it up because it’s almost similar. Everyone thought there was something between me and Tobey. There clearly wasn’t, and I’m glad for it because I wouldn’t have looked at Tucker and fallen for him like I did. Anyway, the group of us have noticed the looks between the two of you, and not just on your end. It’s been happening for a while now. However,” she added quickly when I opened my mouth to speak, “we don’t want it to end like it did with me and Tobey. So, we’re thinking happy thoughts.”
My brain struggled to catch up. They’d known. All this time, they’d known. No, they only knew some of it, of that I was sure. They didn’t know the depth of my feelings—I wasn’t even sure of those. And, until recently, I was pretty sure whatever looks Caleb had given me that the others had noticed, hadn’t been what they were now. Not that I knew what those looks meant at any point in my friendship or now our relationship—whatever it was—with Caleb.
“I want happy thoughts, too. I just didn’t know that everyone realized I had a crush on him.” There, I could be honest and open about that much.
“It wasn’t just that,” Erin said quickly.
“Really?” I blinked.
“Well, we always thought that Caleb might have a thing for you, too. And considering you two might be feeling something, whatever that something is, maybe we were right.”
I laughed. “I’m pretty sure Caleb Carr has never had a crush on me.”
Amelia snapped her fingers. “See, it’s stuff like that. That was how we realized that maybe you had a thing for my brother.”
“What on earth do you mean?”
“You always call him Caleb Carr when you’re talking about him. You never called me Amelia Carr, or Dimitri and Devin with their last names. Caleb was always special.”
I knew I was blushing, so I ducked my head. “I think Caleb likes it when I call him that.”
Amelia looked down, and Erin laughed. “Okay, we are being very broad in our definition of descriptions here. I don’t want to know too much about what my brother may or may not like.”
I laughed at Amelia and shook my head. “I wasn’t talking about anything dirty. It’s just when we talk, or fight, I tend to say his name like that. I can’t help it.”
“How long have you had a crush on him, Zoey?” Erin asked, her voice soft.
I froze, swallowed. “Not that long,” I lied.
“You don’t have to lie to us,” she said, her voice soft. “We’re not going to judge you.”
“It doesn’t matter when it started, it’s the now we’re figuring out. It’s probably just casual. You know, just a little interlude in our lives where we get to know each other, have fun, and then we walk away as friends. Because I don’t want to walk away as anything but friends. You know?” I said quickly.
Amelia’s eyes darkened, and she nodded. “I know. Just don’t do what I did and imagine the end before you enjoy the beginning and the middle.”
“I did the same thing,” Erin added. “I was waiting for the shoe to drop, and Devin to leave, so much that I almost missed what was right in front of me. So, don’t forget what’s good and enjoy what’s now.”
They looked so worried for me that I was a little worried, too.
I just smiled and nodded. “I promise I’m not going to do anything stupid. Other than, you know, sleeping with your brother,” I said quickly, and Amelia screamed.
“Oh my God, you slept together?”
“I thought you had already figured that out,” I said, holding back a laugh.
“You hadn’t said the words before,” she said, wincing.
“So, how was it?” Erin asked, and Amelia clamped her hands over her ears.
“No, do not say that. I do not want to know.”
“You can just give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down,” Erin said, and Amelia screamed again.
“Close your eyes, you wuss,” Erin said, still laughing.
“I don’t know if I should tell you,” I said, this time trying not to burst into a fit of giggles.
“Oh, you should totally tell us,” Erin said. “This is what girls’ night is for. Cheese, wine, and penises.”
“Stop saying penis when you’re talking about my brothers. I need new friends. Ones that aren’t sleeping with my brothers,” Amelia said.
“Oh, come on, maybe you shouldn’t have brothers with amazing dicks,” I said, laughing when Amelia threw a throw pillow at me. I caught it before it knocked into the wine bottle and shook my head. “You’re such a baby,” I said, and Amelia flipped me off.
“I’m going to find a way to get you back for this. All of you.” Then she closed her eyes, and Erin grinned.
“Okay, thumbs up or thumbs down.”
I knew I should probably be discreet and not talk about Caleb when he wasn’t here, however, I couldn’t help it. I was excited. This was new for me. This was everything that I had ever wanted, even though we didn’t know exactly what was happening.
So, I held up both thumbs, and wiggled my butt, grinning widely.
Erin laughed, and Amelia groaned.
“Is she making penis hand gestures or something? No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
“You can open your eyes now,” I said, laughing. “I’m not going to talk about how I defiled your brother,” I said, fluttering my eyelashes.
“Oh, yeah, Caleb was totally a virgin,” Amelia said, rolling her eyes. And then she froze and put her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled.
“What?” I said, truly not hurt at all. “Do you think I actually thought Caleb was a virgin? I have met so many of his girlfriends in my life, it’s a little ridiculous. I could probably write a tell-all book, and it’d end up being five hundred pages long, and I’d still miss a few,” I said honestly.
“Does that bother you?” Amelia asked.
“Does what bother me?”
“That he’s been with so many women? I mean, I don’t think he slept with all of them,” Amelia said, wincing. “No, I don’t want to think about all of that. However, I don’t think he’s slept with every woman he’s been on a date with.”
“Well, if he did, his number would be a little staggering,” I said dryly. “But I don’t know, I don’t think it bothers me that he has a past with women. He’s allowed to. And I’ve always seen him treat women wonderfully. And every ex that’s ever come up to us recently has been sweet with him, but never jealous or rude.”
“I swear, Denver’s the biggest small town ever,” Erin said. “I keep running into my ex, so I can only imagine what it’s like for you and Caleb.”
I reached out and squeezed Erin’s hand.
Erin smiled. “It’s fine, really. I’ve truly moved on. And you can’t exactly change your past with Caleb, but you can look forward to a future.”
I shrugged.
“I don’t want to look only forward, because that’s where disappointment can lie. I’m allowed to live in the moment and help plan three weddings all at once, and just have fun. I’m allowed to have fun.”
“Yes, you are.”
Amelia kissed my temple, and Erin kissed the other, and then we ate some cheese, drank some wine, and purposely did not talk about dicks. Mostly because I was afraid Amelia might actually hurt me.
By the time they left, I was full, happy, and thinking about another glass of wine. The doorbell rang, and I frowned, wondering if it was one of the girls.
I opened it and froze. “Caleb,” I whispered, my throat dry.
“Hey there. Devin said that Erin was just getting home, so I thought I’d stop by.”
“You didn’t call or text, right? I didn’t miss something, did I?” I reached into my pocket to get my phone, but he put his hand on my arm and shook his head.
“I thought I’d surprise you. Pretend that we’re living in a pre-cellphone era. Like the stone age.”
I snorted. “I know, how did people deal with others just randomly showing up on their doorstep? Or, God, using the phone for talking rather than texting.”
I shuddered and then moved back so Caleb could come inside.
“I can leave if you want some time alone.”
“No, it was a good night, and the girls had to go to their men.
“So, I guess your man came to you?” Caleb asked, and my eyes widened. He laughed and shook his head. “We don’t have to actually call me your man. Though, it’s kind of weird. I’m not used to being all possessive like that. Who knew?”
He leaned down and rubbed his lips on mine, and I was so still for a moment, I thought this was a dream. The man of my crushes since I was a child was here, his lips on mine, and he was here because he wanted to be. He wanted to see me.
And I hadn’t even asked him to come over.
How is this my life?
I moaned, and he leaned back, biting my lip gently before kissing the sting away.
“Well, we could Netflix and chill, if you want,” he said, and I rolled my eyes.
“No one actually says that. We’re not like twenty or something and trying to be cool.”
“True, but let’s watch a movie. I’m exhausted, and frankly, I just wanted to hang out. Is that okay?”
I swallowed hard. “I think that sounds wonderful. But if I fall asleep, don’t make fun of me if I snore or drool.”
He tucked my hair behind my ear, and I fell a little bit more in love with him than I should have.
“I promise. As long as you do the same.”
“Deal. What movie do you want?”
“I guess we’re going to have to fight over it.” He grinned, took me to the living room, and I did my best not to fall. Not on my face, but in my heart. Because I couldn’t love him as much as I thought I did just then. I couldn’t let this crush be anything more than it was. I needed to go slow.
Because my plan that wasn’t a plan was coming to fruition, and I was so afraid of what would happen once I let myself go and believed in it.