CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 

The silent city began to wake as more cars made their way down the streets and more cafés and corner shops opened. Jax decided to take the scenic route back to his hotel, the one where his team was bunking, and he wondered if they had noticed he didn't come home last night. Hell, he wondered if they cared, because he wasn't sure if he would've noticed if one of them didn't come home.

Any of these streets would lead back to where he needed to go, but he kept his slow pace, each step returning him to his normal numb shell. He didn't want to head inside—in so many ways. He wanted to avoid the claustrophobic confines of his hotel room and not crawl into the overpowering, depressing cave that soured his mind.

Jax didn't hate his teammates. He wasn't sure they knew that, but it wasn't his job to hand out explanations. Truthfully, he respected the hell out of them for their service and sacrifice. Each had talents that were unequaled by few other men and women on Earth, and he needed them, just like the teammates on his SEAL team. But his SEAL team had known the before and the after of who he was long ago, when Jax had a future to look forward to versus a shell of a body used to fight with.

He stepped off the curb—honk! He swung toward the car, the screeching tires mixing with the blaring horn as it slid to a stop.

The driver's fist pumped, but Jax was more curious about his lack of fear than concerned. He threw his hand up, waving a non-apologetic apology, and finished crossing the street. The hours he'd spent on the floor with Seven had been vividly alive. Crazy how that feeling didn't last.

He passed a shopkeeper sweeping flower petals before the day started. Carrie would've loved this city with the old buildings, the architecture, and even the crappy stands overflowing with flowers so full they looked fake. Hell, she would've loved them even if they were scarred like him.

It had taken Jax years to realize that he wasn't in love with her ghost. He couldn't love anyone because that would've required feeling anything other than emptiness and anger.