We cannot avoid all stress, and in fact some stress is good and necessary. But too much stress affects us very negatively. It contributes immensely to emotional outbursts that are not good for us or the people around us.
The word stress was originally an engineering term. It referred to how much pressure a building could take before it collapsed. These days a lot more people are collapsing from stress than buildings. We reinforce our buildings so they can withstand storms, hurricanes, earthquakes, and other such things, but what are we doing to make sure we don’t collapse in our own storms, hurricanes, and earthquake-size problems?
Do you feel and think, I am stressed to the point of breaking, and yet you do nothing about it? I pray that after reading this chapter, you will make some decisions that will relieve a lot of the pressure you are under. Very often our stress and pressure are due to the fact that we have committed to too many things. If you have said, “I don’t know why I feel so frustrated all the time,” it would be a good idea to have one of those meetings with yourself that I have talked about and take a serious look at what you are doing and, most importantly, why you are doing what you do.
Here is the short version of what happens in your body when you experience stress.
The state of upset or arousal sets off a natural alarm in our bodies, called the “fight-or-flight” response, designed to help us defend ourselves against threatening hostile events. Even thinking of an upsetting event or imagining danger can also set off the alarm. So that means thinking about things that give us stress can cause the same reaction as if we were actually experiencing the stressful event.
The brain, pituitary gland, adrenal gland, and adrenal cortex tell the body to make cortisol. Cortisol fights inflammation, and it increases blood sugar and muscle tension. Adrenaline is also produced, which increases the heart rate, raises blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and sends glucose to muscles. All these responses are helping us deal with the stressful event or emergency we are facing. It is marvelous that God has created our bodies in such a way that they do these things for us. Actually, our bodies want to help us!
But the same reactions to stress that are built into our bodies to help us will actually harm us if we allow stress to cause this fight-or-flight response to be repeated excessively. Just think of a rubber band. It stretches, but if it is stretched too far or too often, it can break. I’ve tied knots in them and kept using them until I had a rubber band with four knots, but eventually it wore out; it had just been stretched too far too many times. God brought this to mind as an example of how we treat our bodies when it comes to stress. We stretch ourselves until something breaks, then we put a bandage on it by medicating the symptom. We just keep doing the same thing until something else breaks and we repeat the process. We eventually feel like that rubber band with the four knots tied in it to hold it together. I have even said, “I have had so much stress lately that I feel like I am all tied up in knots.” What I meant was that I had run in high gear for so long that I felt like I couldn’t relax. I was aching, tense, tired, and had indigestion and heartburn, just to name a few knots.
Sadly, we normally don’t change until a crisis forces us to. You may think as I did, I can’t do anything about my life because I really do have to do everything I am doing. I can tell you from experience that is absolutely not true. God never gives us more than we can do with peace and joy. I did a lot of what I did because I wanted to do it. I had myself convinced I had to, but the truth was that I wanted to.
Perhaps you are one of those rare people who have a lot of balance in their lives, and you use a lot of wisdom. But if you aren’t, then please don’t waste most of your life before you make the changes that can help you enjoy it. “The executive who works from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. every day will be both successful and fondly remembered by his wife’s next husband,” author John Capozzi wrote. That is a statement worth thinking about. The writer of Ecclesiastes said, “I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me; for all is vanity and a striving after the wind and a feeding on it. And I hated all my labor in which I had toiled under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will succeed me” (Eccl. 2:17–18). I think when Solomon wrote that, he was having a bad day. He may have been depressed and discouraged because he was worn-out from trying to obtain and maintain so much stuff. Later in chapter 2, he said something wise: “There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink and make himself enjoy good in his labor. Even this, I have seen, is from the hand of God” (v. 24). How many people do you know who work too hard, are committed to a lot more than they can handle peacefully, and never really seem to enjoy any of it? Are you one of those people? If so, what will it take to get you to change?
Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.
Natalie Goldberg
When people die, someone usually asks, “I wonder how much he left?” The answer is that he left it all. Everyone does. You and I will never have this moment again, so we should make every effort to enjoy it.
Stress management is a multibillion-dollar business, and you’ve probably read a book or an article (or several if you’re desperate enough) on how to get your life under control. I doubt any of us manage our lives well unless we are led by the Spirit of God, and that means we follow wisdom and peace. I have finally admitted I am not smart enough to run my own life well without help from God. Someone saw a billboard that read “If you want to make me laugh, tell me your plans.” It was signed “God”!
Someone saw a billboard that read “If you want to make me laugh, tell me your plans.” It was signed “God”!
We may be good at making plans, but without considering wisdom, peace, and the need for balance. We also tend to forget all the other things we have already committed to until it is too late and we are worn-out and frustrated.
People who are tired and worn-out, uptight and irritated, usually spend a lot of time complaining about it, but they do little or nothing to change it. They want to understand why they feel the way they feel, but even if someone told them, they still probably wouldn’t change a thing. We feel trapped! We actually think we have to do all the things we do, but the truth is that we don’t. If you got sick and had to be hospitalized for a month, life would go on. Either someone else would do what you were doing, or—shockingly—it might just not get done at all, with no adverse reaction.
I am not suggesting we ignore our responsibilities, but I do believe we need to learn that we cannot do everything we want to do, or everything everyone else wants us to do. The first key to lowering your stress level is to learn to say no.
We cannot be people-pleasers and keep stress at a manageable level.
We cannot even do everything everyone else does. Some people are able to accomplish more than others, but we must learn to live within our own limits.
Everyone has limits, but they are not all the same. I make very fast decisions, but I know other people who need more time to make decisions and that is fine. I also have an unusual amount of endurance. These abilities are God’s grace enabling me to do what He has given me to do.
I had an assistant who tried to keep up with me, and she seemed to be doing great and loved it all. But she ended up almost collapsing mentally, emotionally, and physically. She wanted to please me so much that she wasn’t honest with me about her limits. I can sometimes expect too much out of people because I can accomplish a lot, but it is not my fault if they don’t communicate with me about what they feel they can do and be healthy and happy. Quite often people don’t communicate honestly with their employers because they fear they might lose their jobs. But, even if that were the case, they would be far better off to lose the job and get another one instead of being stressed out all the time.
One of our biggest stressors in life can be comparing ourselves to and competing with other people. The good news is that you are free to be yourself. You don’t need to ever try to be someone else.
Nothing harms us emotionally the way stress does. We might say that anxiety is emotions out of control. When someone experiences anxiety most of the time, it’s because their emotions have been pressured to the point that they are no longer functioning healthily. There are many situations that cause anxiety. The death of a spouse or child, divorce, and job loss are major events; however, not all the reasons are that serious. A lot of anxiety is caused simply by taking on more than we can handle.
There is no answer for emotional distress unless we learn to follow God’s principles of wisdom. I used to feel like I was going crazy due to stress, but it was because my schedule was insane. And—even worse—I thought I was doing it for God. It is amazing to me now when I look back how deceived I was. Always remember that if Satan cannot get you to not work for God, then he will try to get you to overwork for God. He really doesn’t care which end of being out of balance we are on, because either one causes trouble.
I could write an entire book on this subject, but the simple answer to living a life you can enjoy is to learn God’s ways and follow them. Jesus said, “I am the Way” (John 14:6), and that means He will show us how to live properly. The answers we need are in the Bible, and we should make a decision that we will not only read it, but we will obey it. If we refuse to make that decision and follow through, we will keep feeling stressed until we break. I am sure that some of you have decided while reading this book that there are many changes you need to make in order to get your emotions under control. Don’t put those changes off until you’ve forgotten about them, because procrastination is one of the devil’s best weapons. Take action. You don’t even have to finish the book before you get started. You can start while you are still reading. As a matter of fact, I am challenging you to make one decision today and put it into action. Do it as a seed of your commitment to get your emotions under control.
Perhaps you were hoping I would give you three easy steps to removing excess stress and enjoying emotional stability. I am sorry to disappoint you, but anything worth having is worth making an effort to obtain. I can say with all honesty that at one time I was extremely out of balance and very stressed. I also let my emotions control me; but I have changed, and so can you. Start asking God what you can eliminate from your life that is not producing good fruit. It may even be some good things that are just not the best things for you. Something can be right for us in one season of our lives and not right at all in another season. Don’t be afraid to tell people that you have to stop doing something. Follow God! Follow peace! Follow your heart, and you will accomplish a lot of fruitful things and still have energy left over to enjoy the fruit of your labor.
As I close this chapter, let me leave you with these words from Jesus:
Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]
(John 14:27)
It is obvious from Jesus’ words that He desires for us to have wonderful peace, but please notice that He is also giving us a responsibility. We must control the negative emotions that would steal our peace. We cannot always control all our circumstances, but we can control ourselves with God’s help.
Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]
John 14:27
Decision and confession: I will live with peace and not do more than I can handle.