“Carson, you don’t have to treat me with kid gloves.” Grace said the words from the doorway of his massive bathroom. He’d asked her to go in and put on one of his shirts that he slipped from his closet. She assumed that turned him on.
“What do you mean?” He laid on the bed, the blue sheets resting at his hips. He was naked too. His chest was sprinkled with coarse dark hair that she itched to touch.
“You could have ripped my clothes off. And I’ve made love in a variety of places.” She pointed to the big chaise off to the side. “That looks comfy.”
“Come get in bed.” She walked across the room, ditched the shirt and stood unabashedly naked in front on him. He lifted the sheets. “Get inside.”
She slid in and faced him. Worry lines marred his brow.
So she said, “Remember your left is bandaged.”
“I’ll be careful with it.”
“Before we start, Carson, I want you to know I was engaged once.”
“Ah.”
“And I had boyfriends before and after. Well, not many after Perry. I got burned.”
“What’d the asshole do?”
“Eventually, he told me we were too different and he couldn’t deal with my kooky—his word—lifestyle.”
“I’m sorry about him.” He climbed off the bed, grabbed some condoms from the drawer and scooped her up. Carried her across the room, set her down while he straddled his legs on either side of the chaise and settled her on him.
“Smooth.” She was teasing but the image that he’d done this before pricked a little.
“Straddle the chair, too, honey.” He leaned back against the black leather. After she did, he whispered. “I want to feel you. First…” He got that damned tie out of her hair. It fell down almost to her waist. His hands threaded through the heavy mass. He draped it around her. “Close your eyes.”
Her breasts tingled as he teased the nipples with the ends of her hair. Then he put his mouth on her…nipping…sucking. His lips moved to her neck.
“Carson…I’m getting very wet.”
A smug male chuckle. “You’re supposed to, babe.”
At one point, she opened her eyes. “My turn. Now close your eyes.”
He did. His chin jutted out a bit and she kissed it. Her hands worked through his thick wavy hair. She massaged his scalp. He sighed audibly. Sliding back a bit, she kissed his abs. His belly. He sat up straighter. Suddenly he thought he might come. “Stop…I…I gotta…”
“Me too.”
She went up on her knees. Took a condom and rolled it on him then locked her gaze with his. His hands gripped her hips. He thrust just as she came down and impaled him. He was big, thick and heavy. She went up again then down…they exploded together. He moaned, called out her name. She said, “Oh God, oh God…”
The orgasm lasted a long time. When they finally calmed, she laid against him, her hair covering both of them. He stroked it silently. This wasn’t what Carson expected.
“So,” he said as she nestled into him. “You’ve had experience.”
“Some. Not as much as you.”
He blurted out, “Probably not.” Then realized how crass that sounded. “Sit up so I can see you.” She did. He tucked her hair behind an ear. He was conflicted. “So, is this a one-off?”
She burst out laughing. “I…I assumed we’d do it again since I’m staying over.”
“Hell, you know that’s not what I meant.” But he was laughing when he said it. He went on, “I mean today and tomorrow. Nothing after?” He realized then he didn’t want that to happen. He also didn’t want to feel that way. “What do you want, Grace?”
“This…us…is only for today and tomorrow.”
“Why?”
She cupped his cheek. “What I said before. If I keep seeing you, doing this, I’m going to fall in love with you. But we want different things. We value different things. And we’re polar opposites.”
“Is this because of the other guy, Perry, who you were different from. The fiancé?
“Probably somewhat.”
Anger was easier. “I don’t want to pay for his sins.”
“And you don’t want to open up to me emotionally.”
He bit the inside of his cheek. “I can’t, Grace.”
“You don’t want to.”
“Maybe.” It scared him.
“So, Carson, the answer is yes, this period of time is a one-off.”
A slice of pain shot through him. He quelled it. He’d be glib about this. “Then we’d better use it wisely.” Quickly, he eased her off to the side of him—the chaise was wide—then slid off it. He turned her over. “Kneel up.”
“Oh boy. This is going to be fun.”
* * *
He was drunk on her. They went at it fast and hard on the chaise. This time, it wasn’t slow lovemaking. It was fucking, which he wanted. He pushed inside of her from behind, fondled her breast, manipulated her clit. “Carson I’m…”
He said, “I know.” He thrust and thrust.
She exploded.
Afterward, he was shocked that he erupted so fast and so hard so soon after the last time.
At one point they went back to the bed. He drew the covers up and she nuzzled into him. “Sleep now. You wrung me out. More to come tomorrow.”
During the night, he awoke, violently aroused. She was kneeling before him, loving him with her hands and mouth. She gave him no time to do anything. He came again in long swells of ecstasy.
When he could, he returned the favor.
He came awake the next day with a start. He wasn’t hard, like he usually was in the morning. And his bandaged hand ached. He turned over to tell her…but her side of the bed was empty. Where was she? She couldn’t be gone. Could she?
* * *
Grace did what she thought best. She awoke early to find the snow had stopped. The roads were clear and his driveway had been plowed. School, however, had already been canceled last night.
So as not to disturb Carson, who was still fast asleep, she dressed in the bathroom, went downstairs, and gathered her things. She was on the road in fifteen minutes. Plows had been out on the streets and her own driveway was cleared when she reached it.
She went inside her house.
Her mind was shattered. Her body sore and satisfied. She checked the clock. Six a.m. She was already exhausted. She made tea and sat in her living room. And thought of him…
The funny Carson telling her jokes.
The sweet Carson, tucking a blanket around her as they watched tv.
And the hot and hungry Carson, who’d made love to her and drew out of her things she could have only imagined before.
But hovering in the back of her mind was the withdrawn Carson saying…no, I can’t open up. I can’t let you too close…I’m not the settling down type. Which was why she left this morning. What she needed now was a bath. Climbing the stairs made her realize how little sleep she’d gotten. Bath, then sleep.
When she disrobed, she caught sight of her body in the mirror. Light nips and red spots on her arms and hips. Scrapes from his beard on her breasts. And aches she couldn’t see.
When the tub was filled and bubbles popped up, she stepped in and settled down. Jasmine scents filled the room. “This feels so good.” The hot water soothed everything. She lay back on the bathing pillow and closed her eyes. But images of their time together were at the forefront of her mind. Defenses down from fatigue, she realized that it would take a very long time to erase them. The sooner she started, the better.
Her phone rang just as she climbed into bed. “H-hello.”
“Hi, honey. How was your night?”
“Like no other. Are you working today?”
“Uh-huh. The Glass Works is open.”
“Why don’t you come for lunch and we’ll talk. Right now, I’m home and in bed. I need sleep badly.”
“Go ahead, sweetie. I’ll see you around noon.”
She clicked off, put the cell on mute and dropped it on the bed. She closed her eyes and shut out the world.
* * *
Bandaged hand be damned, he was going to work anyway. He stepped into the shower and as the hot spray pounded him, he noticed the love bites Grace had left on him. He was royally pissed at her. She could have at least woken him up to say goodbye.
He rebandaged his hand, dressed in the white shirt and blue pants of his uniform. Put on boots, a heavy sheep-skin jacket, heavy gloves and a hat. Once outside, he walked the perimeter of his house to see if the storm had done any damage. A tree was down in the backyard. And a shutter was broken. Easy fixes.
Since his truck was still at the firehouse, he took an Uber to work. The streets were clear and the sun was shining. He passed the school. It was closed today.
She could have stayed.
Fuck.
He walked into the firehouse. His crew wasn’t on and the group that was working had gone out on a call. But he had a lot to do in his office.
After he stopped in the kitchen to get coffee, he headed back, determined to lose himself in his job.
Once at his desk, he punched in the fire chief’s number. “Redman.”
“Hi, Chief. Carson here.”
“Hey. How are you feeling?”
“My hand’s a lot better. I can go back next shift.”
“Good.”
“I came into today to take care of paperwork.”
“God forbid you take a day off when you feel better.”
“I think that’s the pot calling—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“How was yesterday and night?”
“Exhausting. People stuck in cars. Older people to check on. Accidents.”
“Anything bad?”
“No, thankfully. And no fires if you can believe it.”
“Huh.”
“While I have you, I’m going to make one more pitch for the Brothers of Fire. They’re all going to Brothers&Sisters tonight and I’m stopping by. Tommy’s getting married and they’re celebrating.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“Go tonight and find out.” He disconnected.
Tommy was getting married! Carson remembered vividly when he first met the kid. Maybe you can give him some pointers on women. Carson had done that, and now, Tommy was attached to him, even after he quit.
Damn those Brothers of Fire. They wouldn’t get out of his head.
* * *
Grace took a quiche out of the oven. It smelled of eggs and cheese and crust. The dish was one Faith liked. Another meal came to mind, Carson, giving her the mitts. Carson, sitting across from her in a sweatsuit. Carson laughing. Loving.
Arrgh!
She set the table just as Faith walked in. Grace greeted then hugged her. Held on.
Faith hugged back. When Faith stepped away, she searched Grace’s face. “What happened?”
“Something awful.”
“Was Carson abusive?”
“No, never.” She felt tears fill her eyes. She’d kept her emotions at bay all morning. “I’m afraid I’m in love with him.”
“Oh, honey. That’s not bad. Fast yes, bad no.”
“It is. He told me he wasn’t the settling down type. He couldn’t open up to me. I’m almost thirty. I can’t have a fling.”
“Especially if you love him.”
Grace wiped her face. “Let’s eat. The quiche will get cold.”
“Not yet.” Faith put the quiche back in the oven on warm and turned to her sister. “Let’s sit.” They took chairs at the table. “I thought you’d have a fun, maybe a sexy time.”
“I never experienced anything like it.”
Faith’s eyes widened. “Tell me.”
She got out the progression of the events with tears sporadically falling.
Even Faith was surprised. “Wow, you must have had a lot of orgasms.”
Grace smiled at her sister’s candor. “I lost count of the number.”
“I’m so jealous.”
“Yeah, yeah. Jack’s great in bed. Besides, you shouldn’t be. Look at me. I’ve known the guy a week. I spent one intense night with him, and I’m in love. I can’t even figure out why. I never wanted a man like him in my life.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I wish it wasn’t the weekend. I won’t have anything to do for three days.”
“Sunday’s our birthday. We always have a sleepover the night before then plan a fun day.”
“All right. It’s my turn to have you here.”
“I’ll come over tomorrow night. We’ll go to the Country Club for brunch on Sunday, then to the Grand Hotel for dinner.”
“Sounds fancy.”
“It’ll take your mind off him.”
“How about church?”
“You can duck out early morning for that.” Faith didn’t share her love of community rituals.
“I guess.” But now that she said the words out loud, she couldn’t deny her emotions. Carson was a lucky guy. He refused to let himself feel.
* * *
Boy, was he an idiot, standing in the doorway of Brothers&Sisters. He’d been avoiding the place for a while because he knew the Brothers of Fire hung out here. They gathered at a table for six. He took in a breath, let it out. He should turn tail and run. But something drew him to them. Might as well get this over with. He’d just say hello. Congratulate Tommy. Still, Carson’s heart pounded as he walked over.
Tommy saw him first, jumped up and grabbed him in a hug. “Carson, you came. Oh my God, you came.”
Choked up, he finally got out, “To congratulate you.”
Tim stood, too. Clapped him on the back. “Sit. We always leave a chair for you.”
Hell, he didn’t know that. He glanced at Adam, who looked fit and happy. “Care if I sit, Jarek?”
“No. I’m glad to see you.” He was surprised. He quit the group the night he and Jarek had gone at it.
Carson sat. A sudden swamp of emotion flooded him. Being with them felt good and acutely painful at the same time. There was an extra glass by the pitcher, too. Tim asked, “Beer okay?”
“Yeah.” Tom poured, then Carson sipped the brew, stalling for time. Finally he said to Tommy, “So you’re engaged.”
“I am. All this has happened in part because of what you taught me.”
“Yeah?”
“Sure. You told me not to give up. If I wanted Stef in my life, I had to be the one to push for it.”
Huh. He thought of Grace. Did the advice he gave Tommy apply to Carson, too?
He lifted his glass. “To you and Stef.”
“And because of the lawyer you got me,” Tommy went on. “We have Joey full time.”
“I’m glad for you. Congrats on the wedding. When is it?”
“After the holidays. You’re invited.”
He didn’t respond.
Tim covered for the silence. “We’re doing great, too, Carson. The stalking brought Ava and I together in a way I couldn’t have imagined. The girls are great.”
“It’s horrible that they were targeted.”
“Yeah.”
Adam leaned over. “Beth’s still singing your praises for finding Janelle.”
He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the young girl who ran away and Carson was the one to find her. “How is she?”
“We set her up with a youth counselor Suzanne Delaney recommended.”
“Give her my best.”
He had to force himself to sit still. This felt too good.
Noah sat on one side of him and dove in. “The twins went to school this year.”
“That’s hard to believe.”
No one asked him how he was doing. Were they just being respectful? Or waiting for him to make the first move.
He started to speak. “Um, this woman, Grace…” The words were wrenched out of him. He took a sip of beer.
Then he pushed his chair back. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t confide in them. Because he wanted to, badly.
* * *
The Grand Hotel was all lit up as Faith drove up to the front. The valet held the door for Grace. When he went around to the driver’s side, Faith had already gotten out. He startled. “Wow.”
“Yeah, identical twins,” Faith said.
“Cool.”
“It is cool.” After giving him the keys, she circled the front to meet her sister. They walked inside with arms linked. At the dining room, the host did a double take too. “Good evening. Reservation?”
“Lansing,” they said simultaneously, making the poor man even more discombobulated.
He led them to a table in the back with a view of the river. When they sat, Grace grinned. “At least we didn’t wear the same thing.”
Faith had chosen a form-fitting sequined blue dress. Grace wore a violet one-piece silky pantsuit she got for a song at a consignment store yesterday afternoon. Once again, Grace had brushed out her hair and applied a bit of lipstick.
After Faith ordered champagne, they perused the menu. Grace asked, “Getting the surf and turf again?”
“No, I’m going to try the red snapper. What about you?”
She scanned the vegetarian menu. There were a lot of choices. After reading them all, she said, “The artichokes French over linguini and beet and feta salad.”
They’d allow themselves only two glasses of the champagne which would wear off by the time they finished dinner.
“Remember our thirteenth birthday?” Faith’s tone was nostalgic. “Mom and Dad splurged and took us to a nice place.”
“Yeah, we got all dressed up then ordered pizza.”
“Mom laughed about it,” Faith remembered. “Dad didn’t think it was funny.”
“I miss them.”
“I do, too.”
The salads arrived, lifting their nostalgia. The tangy, rich, salty flavor of the feta with the creamy and earthy, slightly sweet of the beets was delicious. “Is your Caesar salad good?”
“Yes. Lots of garlic.”
They tasted each other’s salads.
When the meal arrived, they dug in. Grace loved the tart taste of the artichoke mixed with the cheese. The linguine was al dente. The both cleared their plates.
Dabbing her mouth with a napkin, Faith said, “It’s rotten that you can eat like that without looking like an elephant and I have to watch calories.”
“Aww, poor thing. Let’s order dessert.”
Faith ordered Baked Alaska. “It’s hard to believe they bake ice cream.”
“Yeah.”
When it arrived, she cut into her piece. The dessert was topped with caramelized meringue. It was sweet with a hint of vanilla. The bottom layer of cake was moist.
When they finished, they toasted with the last sip of champagne. “Happy Birthday, Grace.”
“Happy Birthday, Faith. Now, let’s go home and watch The Thomas Crowne Affair.”
“I love that old movie. You practically see Pierce Brosnan naked.”
“And he’s still handsome today.” As they walked out, Grace added, “Thanks for making me do this. I loved every minute of it.”
At the coatroom, Grace was slipping on her mauve wool coat when she heard behind her, “Grace?”
Damn it. She turned around. “Carson?”
He was gorgeous in a crisp white shirt, tie and perfectly tailored navy blue suit. His date stood off to the side, another stunner in sexy clothes. He didn’t introduce her. “What are you doing here?” he asked.
“We’re celebrating our thirtieth birthday.”
His eyes widened and his mouth went tight, as if she’d hurt him. He didn’t say anything.
Faith linked their arms. “Goodnight, Carson.”
A whole host of emotions swamped Grace as they waited for the valet. Finally, Faith’s car swerved in front of them; the man got out and once again opened the door for Grace. She started toward it and was about to get in when she heard, “Not so fast.”
* * *
Carson couldn’t believe he was so mad at her. Since she absconded from his house two days ago, feelings had seethed inside of him but he thought he’d successfully killed them.
“What are you doing?” she asked in a harsh whisper.
He took her hand and pulled her aside, leaving the valet holding the handle of the door. Faith got out of the car and came around. “Grace?”
“I’m fine. I’ll be right there.” Turning to him, she seemed puzzled. “What do you want from me?”
“Certainly not what I got.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I thought you got a lot that night.”
“You, too.”
“I admit I did. So?”
“How could you leave me after what we experienced together?”
“How could I not? You made it clear you only wanted a fling. I made it clear I wanted more.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance…” His voice trailed off. What was he saying? She was right. But this whole thing wasn’t. “It’s your birthday.”
“That’s a non sequitur. What does it matter?”
“I would have wanted to be with you when you turned thirty.”
She blew out a heavy breath. “Carson, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You want something superficial and I don’t. You simply can’t have me under those circumstances.”
“I can’t…”
“I know. You can’t share yourself. I’m not trying to change you.”
“I’m conflicted, Grace.”
Her hand cradled his cheek. “I’m sorry. I hope you get what you want out of life.” She arched a brow. “I intend to.”
She walked back to the car. It drove away, leaving him bereft. There, there it was. He didn’t want to feel bereft. He didn’t want to feel anything.