Kenji found me the following morning in the Minamoto encampment, watching the sword polisher put the finishing touches on my tachi. When all was done, I could not even tell the blade had ever been damaged. I accepted the weapon and rewarded the man, if not handsomely, at least as generously as I was able.
“A fine job,” Kenji admitted. “But considering the service you have already rendered to Lord Yoshiie, it would not be out of place to request a reward. Possibly a new blade?”
I sheathed the sword in its saya and fastened the rings on my sash. “This one suits me,” I said. “Besides, I have already made a request of Lord Yoshiie, which he kindly granted.”
Kenji frowned. “That was remarkably quick, considering your usual unconcern in such matters. What did you ask for?”
“It should be ready by now. Come see.”
The armor was mounted on a wooden form built for the purpose. It was rather simple compared to what was worn by Lord Yoshiie and his generals, but I was pleased. The plates of the chest piece were made of layers of leather laminated together and heavily lacquered, with a thick cloth covering of black laced with red. There were similar pieces made to cover my arms and lower legs. A long, divided skirt also of lacquered plates belted at the waist covered the outside of the upper thighs, the inside of which were left bare to aid in riding. The helmet was of iron plates skillfully joined, with articulated metal scales hung from the back to protect the nape and sides of the neck. The maedate on the helmet was covered in gold leaf and molded into the shape of a hornet.
The armorer greeted us. “As Lord Yoshiie directed,” he said, and bowed.
“A very fine job, thank you,” I said.
Kenji waited until the armorer was out of earshot. “Lord Yamada, would you mind telling me what you think you’re doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious, Kenji-san? I’m going to war.”
“We are all going to war. Our mission has been to make sure Lord Yoshiie lives to fight that war. Joining the bushi was not our mission.”
“I swore I would see Lord Yoshiie safely to Dewa. I will fulfill my vow. If possible, I will even keep him alive until this matter is settled. Yet this is no longer my only purpose. It is Lord Yoshiie’s remit to punish the Abe for disobedience to the Emperor. Punishing Lord Tenshin for the murder of my sister is mine. Besides, do you really think it is possible to keep Lord Yoshiie safe without going into battle? That is where he will be, and in such a circumstance, I would rather be in armor than out of it.”
Kenji took a slow breath. “I do concede your point, but you’ve known all this from the beginning. Tell me you had this part planned as well.”
“No.”
“I thought not. I have lost people dear to me as well, Lord Yamada, and you know this to be true. I do understand how you feel. You have cause to assume Lord Tenshin chose your sister as revenge, which leads you to reply in kind. Yet what we learned of Lord Tenshin while chasing him was that the man is a ruthless plotter of the first order. I wouldn’t hesitate to say he probably never so much as went to the latrine without at least one ulterior motive in his lifetime. But didn’t the fact Rie was your sister make her the logical choice for his hidden assassin? The closer the association to Lord Yoshiie, the closer his assassin would be as well.”
I studied the lacings on the sode. “Did you honestly think this had not occurred to me? Let us, for the moment, suppose it is true. Am I supposed to feel better if the murder of my sister was not personal, merely tactical? No, Kenji. I need my anger. I plan to put it to good use.”
“I merely suggest you do not use it to get yourself killed.”
“Ah, you think I’m seeking my own death for failure to protect what is left of my family? For what little this may be worth—that is not my plan.”
“Fair enough, but now what?”
“Well . . . you could help me carry this equipment back to our quarters. There’s a lot of it.”
Kenji sighed. “Do you even know how to wear this?”
“No, but I’m hoping Taro can help. He’s seen it done more than I have.”
In the end I considered it prudent to enlist Akimasa’s aid. He had likely forgotten more about the proper use and wearing of armor than I would ever learn, but for the most part he approved of my choices.
“Not so heavy as some,” he said, “and a good helmet such as this is worth more than all the rest together if you ever find yourself on your feet against a swordsman on horseback. Your armor will be hot, and you will always be aware of its weight whether you’re used to it or not, but properly laced and fitted, it will not interfere with your movements. Just keep in mind the best armor is the sort that’s never needed.”
“Meaning it is better to avoid the spear or arrow in the first place. I quite agree.”
“For someone who has never been at war, you’re a quick study,” Akimasa said. “However, there will be a great many spears and arrows. If you do find yourself in the thick of things, avoiding them all is unlikely.”
Akimasa repeated his demonstrations and instructions until he was satisfied I knew how to wear the armor properly, then he took his leave. Kenji took a long, slow walk around me. “Lord Yamada, if I didn’t know you . . . well, I wouldn’t know you.”
“I’ll never be a proper bushi, and if Prince Kanemore could see me now, he’d laugh himself sick. But I think I very well may have to depend on the armorer’s craft before all this is over and done. Now . . . help me out of this thing. I need to go speak to my sister.”
Kenji began to unravel the knots. “May I go with you? I still think there should be some way to detect the presence of one of these creatures. I wish to test my senses at close range.”
“Very well, but please leave the talking to me. And if I ask you to forget whatever you may hear, you will never speak of it again. Is this understood?”
Kenji barely hesitated. “It is.”
After I was out of the armor, we stowed it carefully in our quarters. When the time came to move out, it would be entrusted to the supply carts until needed. I merely hoped those instances would be under Lord Yoshiie’s control and not the Abe Clan’s. We walked from main temple to the storage building where the creature that was and yet was not my sister had been confined. The guards lifted the bar, and Kenji and I proceeded cautiously into the gloom.
“Strange. I don’t feel dead.”
Rie—for I was still having trouble thinking of her as anything else—kneeled on a floor cushion in a room that was otherwise empty, head bowed as one in prayer or awaiting execution.
“Lady Rie, I must ask you some questions. Answer me if you are able.”
She looked up at me then. “Brother, what will it change now, even if I can tell you what you want to know?”
“It may prevent anyone else from suffering your fate,” I said. “And bring justice to those responsible.”
She smiled then, and I thought for a moment I would go mad. Fortunately I went numb instead. I think this was all that saved me.
“Justice? Brother, there is no justice, only the workings of karma. I am told Rie is dead. I am Rie, so if I have been told the truth, then I am dead. Am I dead, brother?”
“Your body is dead,” I said. “Your soul lives in this shell created for you by our enemies, and it remembers what it was to be Rie. That is all. You are trapped here.”
“The living are trapped for their lifetimes, and then they are sent back to the wheel of death and rebirth. How am I different?”
“You have no mortal weaknesses,” I said. “You do not and cannot eat or drink. You have no desires, only the impulse to do as the one who created you dictates. It was he who instructed you to kill Lord Yoshiie.”
“It sounds splendid,” Rie said. “Except for the part about being at the whim of this silly magician. That will not do. I wish Lord Yoshiie no harm. I wish no one harm.”
“Do you remember attacking Lord Yoshiie?”
“Yes. I had hoped you would come to see me. I was going to tell you I don’t understand why I did such a thing, but apparently you already know.”
“What about the shikigami you sent after poor Mai? Do you remember that?”
“It’s strange about those things. When you remind me of them, suddenly I do remember. Without the reminder, they slip away, like images from a dream. Before you came, I remembered going to the feast, but no more of it.”
I held onto my numbness as I hoped later I would be able to hold on to my anger. “Sister, do you remember when you died?”
“Yes,” she said, so softly I almost didn’t hear.
“Forgive me, but I must ask you to tell me what happened.”
“I suppose you must . . . I was returning to the nunnery from town, alone. I had no reason . . . the roads are safe, they’ve always been safe. There’s nothing between Yahiko and the temple save the Shrine of the Gods. I was just past that place . . . it happened there. I heard a hum, like a wasp, then an excruciating pain in my chest, but only for an instant. The next thing I remember, I was walking back to the nunnery, just as before. I felt no pain . . . I felt wonderful.”
“Was there anyone around you, did you see anyone?”
“No, brother. I thought I heard voices from the woods, but I didn’t turn to see. Yahiko-ji was already in sight, and I was expected back. I hurried home.”
“When you let the attackers into the nunnery, when you attacked Lord Yoshiie and created the mamushi to send after Mai, what did you feel then? Did you hear anything? What prompted you?”
“I heard no voices. I was simply overcome with an impulse, as if someone was directing my movements. Like now.”
She sprang forward. Fortunately, my instructions had been carried out, and Rie was only able to move half her length toward us when the chain binding her to the floor snapped to full extension. Such was her momentum that she fell at our feet.
“Kill me,” she said. “Destroy this thing that ties me to the world, brother.”
“I cannot,” I said. “Not yet. I am sorry.”
“If I am told to kill you or someone else and I find a way, I will do it. I would kill you now if I could reach you. My own dear brother . . . but I would have done it.”
“I know,” I said. “I promise I will not prolong this false existence a moment longer than necessary, but you cannot ask this of me. Not yet.”
“I can ask, and I will,” she said. “That, too, is an impulse. Meaning someone else wants you to kill me, maybe even more than I do. For this reason, if no other, perhaps it is best I live . . . well, remain, perhaps, a little longer. But I will beg to die, and you will have to refuse me. I believe . . . I believe someone finds this amusing. I do not.”
“Nor I, sister. Nor I.” I turned to go.
“Brother, there is something else. You may not want to believe me, since apparently I can be forced to lie, but I can feel a difference now, in this . . . thread of karma or magic which binds me to this other person—it is getting weaker. Before now, I didn’t even know it was there. It was hidden from me. I am aware of it now, even beyond simply knowing of its existence. I know it for what it is, and it is getting weaker.”
“Let us all hope,” I said, “that this is so.”
When we were back outside, Kenji spoke again. “Do you think she is telling us the truth?”
“About some things . . . I do hope she’s telling the truth about the link itself, because her information agrees with what we expected. Rie is sustained by Lord Tenshin’s life force, and to feed her strength and speed she requires a lot of it. Which is why he cannot create another such creature so long as Rie—his first creation—survives.”
“What if he can break the link himself? We don’t know for certain he cannot, after all,” Kenji asked.
“Then why hasn’t he done so already? No, Kenji-san—succeed or fail, he expected Rie to be destroyed, and if I hadn’t explicitly prevented it, this would have happened. He combined Master Chang’s soul-ridden shikigami technique with the Blood Thread method to create a sustained creature, controllable, but still with its own volition when required. A master stroke to be sure, but as we saw with the first attack on Lord Yoshiie at the Widow Tamahara’s, he overlooked something, something which, in hindsight, now appears obvious. He is very clever, but one thing he is not is thorough. To be blunt, he started this fire but he does not know how to put it out. Which is why we have to prevent Rie from harming herself. So long as we do this, Lord Tenshin is a mamushi with its life bleeding away and its fangs pulled.”
“Not entirely,” Kenji said. “Whatever else this wretched creature is, she’s still Rie, and every moment she survives as she is, that is his twist of the dagger in your heart. You do know this, don’t you?”
I had come to welcome the numbness which came over my spirit at certain times. It allowed me to respond without screaming. “You do pick the most inconvenient times to remember you are a priest, Kenji-san. I know precisely what I am doing,” I said. “I am keeping my sister’s soul imprisoned in that abomination. I know what pain it is creating for her and for me. I can’t let either stop me.”
“I knew you were already suffering, Lord Yamada. I wanted only to make certain you understood why. Confusion leads to bad decisions, and that armor worries me.”
“Probably not nearly as much as it worries me,” I said. “But I will keep it all the same.”
The next morning I checked on the vehicle being modified for my sister’s transport. It was the sort of two-wheeled covered cart often used for the travel of highborn women. In this case it was being adapted for use as a mobile cage. Shackles were attached, two on the roof and two on the floor, to restrict Rie’s movements. There would be enough slack for her to kneel or sit, but not enough to loop around her neck and choke herself. I knew it was not possible to account for every contingency, but the modifications appeared serviceable. The workmen assured me the cart would be ready before Lord Yoshiie’s army was ready to move. Then I sought out Taro.
“It will not be possible for me to keep watch every moment,” I said. “So there will be times when I must depend on you to keep an eye on the prisoner. Do you understand her nature?”
“I have heard something of it,” the boy admitted. “I do not pretend to understand it. This is apparently some magical creature who appears to be your elder sister.”
“You are correct. I will only tell you this once, Taro-san, and it is very important—no matter what happens, you are not to let her out, bring her food or water, or otherwise allow anyone else to do so. No matter how she pleads or how harmless she appears. It is an act. She does not require food or water, and in truth such things will kill her. If you release her or let her harm herself by your actions, pray she does kill you first, because I will if she doesn’t. I will regret this, as I have become rather fond of you. But I will do it and make whatever restitution Prince Kanemore requires of me. Am I clear?”
“Yes, my lord. I will not fail you.”
I did not like to see the fear I placed in Taro’s eyes, but better some fear now than death later, and I already had enough to answer for. I went looking for Kenji, whom I found studying a scroll in the main lecture hall. He didn’t even bother to look up as I approached.
“I had always suspected the copy of the Diamond Sutra I had studied on Mount Oe was imperfect. Some of the passages did not appear to be in their correct sequences. This is a far older manuscript, in worse condition but far better order. No wonder my talisman against nightmare goblins had never worked right. Sometimes it even manages to summon the little buggers.”
“Good. I’ll probably require a working talisman sooner rather than later.”
Kenji carefully re-rolled the scroll and placed it back in its ornate cover. “You are not alone. We depart tomorrow for Dewa. Lord Yoshiie received messengers from both the governor and his father early this morning.”
I took it upon myself to scout our path from the temple complex to the north road leading to Dewa, with Kenji for reluctant company, even though I knew Lord Yoshiie’s scouts were scouring the countryside daily. Apparently the Minamoto archers had taken my advice to heart. There wasn’t a crow to be seen and very few birds of any kind.
“The crows will know to avoid the road. I hope the other birds have as much sense.”
“Do you detect anything?”
“Nothing. Not so much as a flea-demon.”
“How about when you were near my sister’s shikigami earlier?” I asked.
“I had intended to mention that, Lord Yamada—also nothing. Even knowing what I know now . . . nothing at all, save for your sister’s living spirit. It is quite strong, even now. I confess myself at a loss at this point—I react to her as I would react to any human. She sets off no alarms, raises no questions, suggests nothing masked or hidden. Lady Kuzunoha or one of her ilk, on the other hand, I would notice in a second.”
“I should hope so. Lady Kuzunoha knows what she is and takes pride in it. She only humors us by wearing the form of a mortal woman now and again. That she fell in love with a human she considers her great misfortune, but she doesn’t deny it happened.”
Kenji said, “I consider it her misfortune to be what she is, as it is so much harder for a demon to achieve enlightenment. Regardless, my point is any normal spirit activity in this place is something I would recognize in a heartbeat. There is none.”
“But wouldn’t you expect some?” I asked. “It’s not as if such things are uncommon.”
“Lord Yamada, you know very well Lord Yoshiie has protectors besides ourselves looking out for his welfare, and not all of his scouts are simple bushi. If there’s so much as a kappa between here and the Dewa barrier, I will be amazed. He is, as you well know, a fast learner.”
“Likely the only reason he’s still alive, our own efforts not to the contrary. I move we go back to our quarters and rest. Tomorrow promises to be a busy day.”
The army departed Yahiko-ji early the next morning. Rie was securely confined within her cart, managed by Taro. I was riding Shiroirei, and Kenji was on Neko. I had to admit it was harder to think of the animals as simply brute beasts now that I knew their names. There was a magic in names, or perhaps they reflected what lay within. Artists seldom worked under the names they were born with, and often a man’s name might be changed upon coming of age, or a woman would adopt a use-name as the women of Court did, so their birth names would not be known, sometimes even to their closest associates. Lady Rie had considered such things frivolous even before taking the tonsure, and had not followed the custom of adopting a new name for her new status. She was always Rie, and yet Lord Tenshin had taken this from her. Rie was no longer Rie, or at least not completely herself, and now never would be again. I considered this alone was crime enough to merit the most severe punishment, without even considering the massacre and desecration brought to that holy place.
As the column rode away, I noticed a large contingent, possibly several hundred, Shibata Clan archers separated from the column and gathered to the side. They watched us ride out, impassive.
“Has something gone wrong with the alliance?” I asked Kenji. “Have you heard anything?”
“No. Perhaps Lord Yoshiie left them here to watch the Mutsu barrier in case a force tries to flank us from there.”
“Perhaps,” I said. I glanced at Lord Yoshiie, who did not seem to be in the mood for questions or to take any notice of the apparent defection. I shrugged and let the matter drop.
We crossed the Dewa barrier the next afternoon and were immediately joined by a mounted contingent from the Kiyohara Clan, led by the clan chief’s younger brother. They held a brief conference with Lord Yoshiie, still on horseback. What I could hear of it involved the numbers of bushi that Yoriyoshi had mustered at the provincial capital for the march on the Abe. Yoshiie apparently found the information satisfying—I heard him grunt approval. We were, by all indications, in extremely friendly territory, but I couldn’t forget the same had allegedly applied when we were ambushed at Yahiko-ji. Yet despite any concerns I might have had, within a few days the combined army was safely encamped within a few leagues of the Kiyohara stronghold. Kenji and I were careful to—discretely—examine Lord Yoshiie’s quarters within the stronghold itself and as much as we could inspect of the immediate surroundings, but we found nothing of concern.
“Strange,” I said.
Kenji didn’t bother to ask what I meant. “Strange? I say rather a pleasant change. It’s not as if the area has been purged of all supernatural influences. I’ve detected two moth demons and a ghost, but it is my considered opinion all are harmless.”
“No shikigami.” I said.
“Well, not now. I am told there were a few rooted out in the last month, but nothing since.”
The Kiyohara themselves had gained first-hand knowledge of the existence of shikigami and had taken appropriate measures. Yet all they had found had been of the low quality sort, no more than a step or two above the crude mamushi that had tried to poison Mai. All it took was an awareness of what to look for to spot them. Yet if there were any more like Rie . . .
“There won’t be any more Ries to be found, will there?” I said. I’m not certain if I was really speaking to Kenji or not, but he heard me.
“Lord Tenshin certainly isn’t capable of creating more. And even if he had passed on the technique to any other onmyoji in Lord Sadato’s employ, they have his example to make them reconsider.”
“I know enough of Lord Tenshin to doubt he would share such a powerful technique with anyone,” I said. “Despite its drawbacks.”
“I agree. I merely point out it probably wouldn’t make any difference if he had done so.”
I didn’t argue, for I had come to the same conclusion. I still considered it likely we would face at least some of the creatures when the attacks came in earnest, but another nearly perfect assassin like Rie? No. Especially considering it was easy enough to find a human assassin to make the attempt, and engaging such would be far less subject to unpleasant repercussions, except for the assassin. Knowing what I did of Lord Yoshiie’s personal guard, I wouldn’t have bet a bowl of bad rice on an assassin’s chances. The failed ambush at Yahiko-ji and the unsuccessful attempt by the Rie-creature each represented a special opportunity for Lord Sadato and Lord Tenshin. Now those opportunities were gone. No, Lord Yoshiie’s greatest threat now came from the thousands of Abe Clan bushi who would be quite openly and honorably and, yes, enthusiastically trying to kill him. A man who could bring Lord Yoshiie’s head to Abe no Sadato could doubtless name his own reward.
Yet, despite all this, I still expected the Abe to try to assassinate Yoshiie, because they simply had too much to gain by doing so and not a great deal to lose. Thus I could not understand why there was no sign, none at all, of any such attempt. I said as much to Kenji.
Kenji looked thoughtful. “You’re right. It does seem a little strange. Perhaps they’ve done their worst,” he said.
“What if they have? That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t try again. Lord Sadato has enough spies and scouts of his own. He must know what he is now up against. Desperate measures, I would think, would be in order. Yet they don’t appear to be in process. Does he know something we do not know?”
Kenji took a long breath and let it out. “Perhaps he does. But what if the thing he knows has nothing to do with Lord Yoshiie’s desired demise?”
“I don’t understand,” I said.
“We’ve assumed to this point Lord Sadato had sought out onmyoji on an unprecedented scale to attack his enemy or rather his main threat—Lord Yoshiie. What if it was Lord Tenshin who, acting as a mercenary, presented the idea to Lord Sadato who, perhaps in a moment of desperation as you described, consented. And then there was Yahiko-ji.”
“You’re saying Lord Sadato did not approve the attack?” I asked.
“The plan speaks far more of Lord Tenshin that Lord Sadato. I’m saying it’s unlikely he would have done so if he’d known all of what Lord Tenshin had in mind. If Yoshiie had fallen at the temple, the massacre would have simply been a detail, and who was to say the Minamoto did not slaughter the priests and nuns themselves out of revenge? If the plan had worked—”
“Yes, but it didn’t.”
“And Lord Sadato was left with the knowledge—and there’s no chance he doesn’t know now, if he didn’t before—that an agent acting on his behalf slaughtered dozens of clerics and nuns? What if you, an honorable man, discovered what horror had been committed in your name? What would you do then?” Kenji asked.
“I’d punish those responsible severely, but we know Lord Tenshin is still alive.”
“ ‘Severely’ doesn’t rule out confining such people while you dealt with more immediate matters, say, an invasion,” Kenji said.
“Which Lord Sadato will fight on his home territory, from fortified positions, but you might be right about the onmyoji. Lord Tenshin, bless the man, quite likely has proven to Lord Sadato that the magicians, Tenshin especially included, cannot be trusted.”
“I believe this to be so, but I don’t think there’s any way to be certain,” Kenji said.
“Actually, there might be a way. I will show you, but first you have to swear to me that you will tell no one. I mean this, Kenji-san. You cannot reveal what you will see or hear to anyone.”
“Very well, I do so swear. Now, what is this mysterious thing?”
“Not a thing, Kenji-san. A man.”
“I had expected you to come,” Lord Yasuna said. “Sooner or later. How is my execution to be carried out?”
Lord Yasuna was still technically a prisoner, but an honored one. Not only did he have spacious quarters within the Kiyohara stronghold, but he was attended by servants from our hosts’ personal household. I was, naturally, careful to dismiss them to a discreet distance upon our arrival.
Kenji just stared. “Execution?”
“Lord Yasuna is referring to my understanding it was he who was passing very specific information about Lord Yoshiie’s plans to the Abe Clan, using the shikigami cleverly disguised as crows,” I said. “We did know our movements were being monitored, but clearly Lord Tenshin needed more information than that to plan the temple attack. He had to know Lord Yoshiie planned to visit there. Unless there’s some other offense against the Emperor’s writ I am unaware of?”
“That’s more than enough,” Lord Yasuna said.
“Especially when you add that he also told Lord Tenshin about my sister. You did, didn’t you? It had to be someone in contact with the Abe who knew my sister was cloistered here. You were the only one who met both conditions.”
“Yes, Lord Yamada, but I swear—”
“Please don’t,” I said.
“You mean, it’s true?” Kenji asked.
“It is,” Lord Yasuna said. “Much to my shame.”
“But . . . why?” Kenji asked.
“Lord Yasuna is the only one who can answer that in full, but my guess is the Court branch and the provincial branches of his family were in closer association than any of us guessed.”
“Also true,” Lord Yasuna said. “I had fostered Lord Sadato’s nephew for some years—he wanted the boy to become accustomed to the ways of Court life. I’m afraid I grew rather fond of him in the time he was with me. I did not wish to see his family brought to ruin. In my foolishness, I have ruined my own.”
“Your sister . . . the temple at Yahiko-ji . . . ? Lord Yamada, why is this man still alive?” Kenji asked.
“Because he has been foolish, but it is Lord Tenshin who bears the responsibility for what happened both to Yahiko-ji and my sister, not Lord Yasuna. He did not know and likely never imagined what Lord Tenshin had planned. That is why he has been so despondent. I know this to be true.”
“How do you know that?” Kenji asked.
“Because it was Lord Yasuna who brought the crows to my attention, and thus, himself as well. I had suspected they were there because of all the death, but I had noticed how some of them seemed to be following us. Lord Yasuna mentioned it as well, which led me to speculate, which led me to testing Akimasa-san’s archer. The only reason I can think of for such an action was that he regretted any part he may have played in the murders. So we have him to thank that the worst of the spying was ended, if for nothing else.”
“I couldn’t believe it,” Lord Yasuna said. “I was naïve not to think I was endangering Lord Yoshiie directly, but the slaughter . . . Lady Rie. For that I deserve to die.”
“I agree,” Kenji said.
“Whether you agree or not, you are sworn to silence, and I will hold you to your oath,” I said.
“Lord Yamada, you cannot—” Kenji looked me in the eye then, and he didn’t bother to finish. “All right, I’ve sworn. But what do we do about this?”
“We don’t do anything about this. My lord, you will need to come to terms with your guilt on your own, but I would advise against self-destruction. If you kill yourself, I will inform Lord Yoshiie of your involvement, and that will be the end of the court Abe and the ruin of your son’s future.”
“I had reconciled myself already to the destruction of my family,” Lord Yasuna said, but I could clearly see an echo of hope on the man’s face. It wasn’t much, but it was something I could use.
“You can spare yourself that, if you choose, for your son’s sake if not your own, but do not think for an instant I am bluffing. As I said before, one can only atone while one is living. That is what I expect from you. I think you should expect it of yourself.”
“I-I will consider what you have said.”
“Then I will keep my silence. Come, Kenji-san. We have other matters to attend.”
Kenji waited until we were well away from Lord Yasuna’s quarters and any possibility of being overheard before he spoke again.
“If Lord Yoshiie finds out about this—”
“He is not going to, nor does he need to do so. Lord Yasuna is not a man to repeat a mistake. And before you ask . . . I have my reasons.”
“Lady Kuzunoha,” Kenji said. He wasn’t asking a question.
“Think what you want. Our priority is Lord Yoshiie. If I can best honor Prince Kanemore’s trust in me—and us—by allowing a traitor to live, then that is what I will do.”
“You’re not the only one in need of revenge, Lord Yamada,” Kenji said.
“Then focus your rage where it should be focused, Kenji-san, and that is not Lord Yasuna. Your anger rightly belongs in the same place as my own.”
“I will consider what you have said,” Kenji replied, echoing Lord Yasuna. “If you leave me any part of Lord Tenshin still capable of feeling pain. Now then—what are these ‘other matters’ we need to attend?”
“Actually, that’s mostly for me. I’m going to visit my sister.”
“Do you want me to come along?” Kenji asked.
“Thank you, but no. This time it is something I need to do alone.”
I found Taro at his post guarding my sister’s prison, and I offered to relieve him for a while. He gratefully turned the matter over to me, and no sooner than I was alone with her, Rie spoke to me.
“You shouldn’t have come,” she said. Since she was still, at least in part, my sister Rie, it was the sort of thing I expected her to say.
“Would it be better if I stayed away and simply imagined your suffering?” I asked.
There was one small window cut into the front of the cart. It was barred with iron strapping, but I could see her pale face in the gloom. “That’s just the problem—I am not suffering. I am sealed into this hot, airless conveyance, no food, no water, no place to . . . to relieve myself, and yet . . . ” Her voice trailed away.
“And yet you are not hot, nor hungry, nor thirsty, and you have no need to relieve yourself. Even after three days.”
“I don’t think I really believed it, but it’s true, isn’t it?” she asked. “My memory of dying. My memories of what I was made to do. I’m not alive, am I?”
“No. At least, not in the way you once were.”
“Will I have to remain like this?” Rie asked.
“For now, yes—I hope it will not be for much longer.”
Rie looked away into the darkness. “When the time comes, will you be the one to destroy me?”
“I will destroy the one who made your false body and trapped your soul within it. When that happens, you will be released.”
“In telling me this, haven’t you also told him . . . the one I feel connected to me?”
“Yes. I want him to know.”
“Ah. I think I do understand now,” Rie said.
I frowned. “What do you understand now, sister?”
“Why you come to see me, even though I know it grieves you. You come because it grieves you. Because it reminds you of why you will seek revenge for me. Brother, the part of me that is still Rie does not want this.”
“I know,” I said. “But I do. The revenge I seek is on my own behalf, not yours. I do not claim to be as enlightened a being as I know you are. I am a creature of this world as it is, sister. I want revenge for what has been taken from me.”
“Brother, I renounced this world over twenty years ago. We have hardly spoken to each other for fifteen of those years. How could I be taken from you, when I was already gone?”
“But you weren’t,” I said. “At least, not until now.”
“What difference does death make?” Rie asked. “It is the same.”
“No. Before Yahiko-ji, I knew you were alive and safe. When I came to the temple, I learned more than that. I learned you were happy and doing what you felt called to do. You cannot imagine what this meant to me, Elder Sister. Renouncing the world is not the same as leaving it, for as I well know the world is far more tenacious than that. The work you were doing might have been in preparation for the next world, but it was done within this one, the one I shared with you. All this is what Lord Tenshin has taken from me.”
Rie sighed. “And what has Lord Tenshin taken from me? My life, my work, my sister nuns whose deaths I brought about through his direction? I would have added poor Mai-chan and Tomoko-ana as well if he had so ordered. Who has the greater cause for revenge, brother?”
I didn’t have to think about the question for very long. “You do,” I said.
“Which I hereby forswear.”
I almost smiled then. “As I said, sister—I never claimed to be as enlightened as you are.”
“I am no saint, brother, but I do understand something you do not—a sword of revenge always has two edges, and if one tastes blood, so will the other.”
“I will take the risk.”
“I will not,” she said. “Kill me.”
“I promise, you will be released when Lord Tenshin dies. Until then, the bond between you keeps him weakened. He will do greater evil if he has the chance, and I do not intend to give him that chance.”
“I am not asking you to spare his life, brother. I am asking you to destroy me now. What Lord Tenshin does then is his affair and on his own head. Deal with him as you see fit. But when the time comes, let there be no connection between myself and Lord Tenshin. Do not tell yourself you take your revenge to earn my release. Release me yourself. Let me go, brother.”
“T-that is Lord Tenshin speaking,” I said.
She smiled at me through the gloom, and she didn’t bother to cover it. “Goji-kun, you know this is not true. Whatever part of Rie remains now is speaking to you, and it is your sister who asks this of you—kill me, or rather destroy this thing I have become.”
“You cannot ask me . . . ”
“I can,” Rie said. “I do.”
“I must go,” I said then. I didn’t wait to hear anything else she might say. I stumbled away, not really caring about direction or how far I had walked until I felt a tug at my sleeve.
“Lord Yamada?”
It was Taro. I looked up and realized I was near where the horses had been corralled. I even recognized Shiroirei and Neko quietly chewing their fodder. “Don’t worry about what she said to you,” Taro said. “She said many things to me, but I didn’t listen, just as you instructed. Whatever she said to you, it wasn’t real.”
Yes, it was. That is the problem.
“You did well, Taro-san,” I said. “I should have taken better heed of my own instructions. Thank you for your concern. I am all right.”
Which wasn’t true at all. But hope I might eventually be so. “We’re leaving tomorrow, I am told. Is all prepared?”
“Yes, my lord. I’ve seen to your armor. You’ll need to wear it through the mountain pass.”
“Why? Do you think the Abe will ambush us there?”
“No,” he said. “They will not be able to bring enough force to bear. More likely they will contest our passage on the other side. I am told the outlet will be relatively narrow, and thus the Minamoto won’t be able to bring their full force into use. If the Abe can hold the passes, they can delay us for weeks, possibly months, even until winter. This is what I would do.”
“I’m sure Lord Yoshiie has considered this,” I said.
“That may be,” Taro said, “but I don’t know what he plans to do about it.”
Neither did I, but it made an interesting question to ponder while I tried my very best not to think of what Rie had said to me.