2

For those first few minutes after he’d gone I really didn’t know what to do. It was like I was in a dream. I stood there soaking, thinking he was going to come back and say, ‘Ha ha – got you.’ When he didn’t I limped back into the house, streaming with water. I stood at the foot of the stairs and stared up at Angeline’s door, thinking, No, no. This isn’t happening. She’s deformed. She’s ugly. So ugly.

I got my phone out and dialled Oakesy’s mobile, my fingers numb. It was impossible to believe. Oakesy and Angeline…And it was me who’d had the idea of her staying with us in the first place. ‘Answer it. Come on. Answer it.’

But the phone rang and rang. My head thumped as if it was going to split right open. The call went to answerphone.

‘No! You bastard. NO!’

I called again and this time it clicked straight through to his messages. He’d switched it off. Didn’t want to speak to me. I called him again – and when it went on to answerphone I immediately hung up and called again, jabbing my thumb furiously at the phone, three, four times, crying now, and when I still couldn’t get through I went into the kitchen, shakily got his bottle of Jack Daniel’s out of the cupboard, poured two inches into a cloudy glass, then filled it up with some flat cola from an opened can in the fridge. I drank it down straight, shaking like a leaf, dripping water everywhere, tears running down my face. Then I poured another and sat at the table, the phone held at arm’s length, jabbing his number in over and over again. When I’d dialled twenty times and his phone was still switched off I hurled my phone into the wastepaper bin and went to the window. I stood there for a long time, holding my face, my nails digging into the skin. That’s when I remembered something you said to me once.

You’re an achiever, Alex.

Do you remember those words?

You are clever, Alex, whatever you think, and you’ve got the ability to achieve whatever you set out to do.

I paused, standing there at the window, looking at the shopping trolley, and at that very moment something inside me went cold and hard. I actually felt it freeze into place, solid, just like that. I stopped crying. I wiped my eyes. I was very calm. And angry. Very angry. I turned away from the window and looked up at the door at the top of the stairs. Then I limped over to the bin and hooked out the phone. I dialled Guy Picot’s number. I’m an achiever. I am not weak. I do what I set out to do.