“Every rule admits exceptions,” cautions John M. Lee in “Some Remarks on Writing Mathematical Proofs,” a style guide I find eerily apt just now. “Although you might initially construct your proof as a sequence of terse symbolic statements, when you write it up you should use complete sentences organized into paragraphs,” because, he reminds us, “your goal is to communicate to a human reader.” Further advice includes:
Don’t be stingy with intuitive explanations of what’s going on and why.… Include motivation.… Use the first person singular sparingly, but if you’re really referring only to yourself, it’s better to go ahead and use “I” so you don’t sound like the Queen of England. Ask yourself What does it mean? Why is it true? Include more than just the logic.
Similarly, in “Ten Tips for Writing Mathematical Proofs,” Katharine Otts suggests, “If you get stuck, it is often helpful to turn to definitions.” And, “Do not use symbols when you write your proof. This is ambiguous and your reader will not be sure what it means.”
Catching up after both of us having been through a difficult time, I propose to Matthea an idea for a graphic novel–style reference book entitled An Incomplete Field Guide to Accompanying the Visibly and Invisibly Wounded. One per page, each entry would briefly describe a situation and offer related advice on interacting with loved ones, or even acquaintances, in pain (depression, grief, trauma, illness, injury). Gleaned from the data—our own and others’—of having done and been done unto, we brainstorm something succinct, with illustrations.
Example: If your loved one is suffering an acute bout within the context of chronic depression, don’t choose the moment after he tells you he can’t get out of bed and he’s afraid this may be the one that never lifts to grab your sneakers and head to the gym.
Example: If your loved one suffers from migraines that sometimes make her irritable, don’t ask, “Do you have a headache?” whenever she gets angry about anything.
Example: If your loved one is grieving a loss due to suicide, don’t joke about jumping off a building.
Example: When your loved one says she feels alone, do stay in the room.
Example: If crippling fatigue is a symptom of your friend’s condition, don’t tell him you keep staying up late or that you’ve really been pushing it at hot yoga lately or you only got seven hours when you’re used to eight, so you know just how he feels, join the club, really, you’re just exhausted.
Example: If an author’s work reveals that she lives with a painful condition, don’t feel compelled to approach her after the reading to say how glad you are that you don’t suffer this particular affliction—the author is glad for you, too.