I ended up staying until New Year’s Day—after calling my boss and sucking up to him so he’d give me a few days off. I hung out with my mom when Axel was at work and it was just like old times. I’d missed her even more than I’d realized.
Evenings and nights were spent with Axel. He picked me up on his way home from work and we devoted the time to getting to know each other better. I couldn’t get enough of his company, his wits, or his curious hands.
And I couldn’t stop kissing him.
We spent hours on the couch, making out like teenagers until our lips were raw and we were on the verge of hyperventilating. I slept in his arms every night and learned he was a grump before he’d had his first cup of coffee in the morning. But most of all we talked. About life and death, TV and books, and all the other nonsense new lovers talk about.
When he took me to the airport, I plastered a fake smile on my face and hoped the tears burning behind my eyes wouldn’t spill over and reveal how fucking miserable I was at the thought of leaving him. He let me get away with it, and I was grateful.
After one last lingering kiss, I boarded the plane, hid in the bathroom, and sobbed into my hands. My chest ached with emptiness and even though we’d agreed to keep in touch, I was afraid he’d change his mind when I was gone.
Because fuck if I hadn’t fallen for him. Hard.
I didn’t tell him, of course. I didn’t tell him when I texted him the minute the wheels were back on the ground or when we talked on the phone later that night.
I didn’t tell him the first time I went back to Minnesota to see him or when he came to spend time with me in Chicago. I didn’t tell him on Valentine’s Day or his birthday or Thanksgiving.
But come December I thought I’d explode from the unspoken words. We’d talked about the future and wanted to spend it together. He’d supported my decision to quit my job and start my own business. And I’d listened to him rant and rave about his sister.
After lots of arguments with Annie about her lack of parenting responsibilities and Axel actually dialing the Social Services but hanging up when his ma Alice had promised to intervene, Beatrice had moved in with her gramma. Almost a year later, and no signs of improvement from Annie, Alice was getting tired. Her health wasn’t great and I predicted it was only a matter of time before Bea moved in with Axel. Not that either of them would mind. Or I, for that matter; she’d had me eating out of her hand back in March.
He was my forever guy. I just needed to let him know.
So I did something completely out of character for me. I sold my condo. Packed my car full of what I wanted to keep and got rid of the rest. And early morning two days before Christmas, I abandoned Chicago for Minnesota and kept my fingers crossed I wouldn’t end up living in my mom’s basement.
I drove straight through, only stopping for lunch and a bathroom break. The further away I got from Chicago, the more nervous I became. What if I’d made a mistake and he didn’t want me there? What if I’d completely misread his signals? What if he took one look at me on his doorstep, burst out laughing, and said, “What the fuck are you doing here, you pathetic loser?”
Yeah, all right, that last scenario wasn’t very probable. First of all, he didn’t cuss. Secondly, he would never say anything like that, I was absolutely sure of it. He had endless patience with my never-ending questions and had never shown annoyance by my control freakiness.
No, this was a risk worth taking.
To silence my spinning thoughts, I turned on the radio. Every station played Christmas music and I groaned but gave in to the inevitable. For hours I listened to songs about Frosty and Rudolph and Santa Claus. But when Bing started crooning O Come All Ye Faithful tears welled in my eyes and I had to find a rest stop and pull over.
I couldn’t call him now. He’d hear the traffic, and the threatening tears and wonder what was wrong, so I decided to text him.
I miss you.
He was at work and would most likely be unable to check his phone, but I took the opportunity to stretch my legs. A few minutes later, I got a reply.
Miss u 2, sweetheart. But I’ll c u 2mrw
We’d made plans to spend Christmas at my mom’s place with his ma and Queen Honey-Bee, but he thought I was coming tomorrow. He had no idea what I was up to. I sent him an embarrassing amount of heart emojis before I got back on the road.
It was dark when I reached his place. I parked in the clearing and drank in the sight of the cheerful cabin. He’d outlined the roof with clear lights, and icicle lights hung from the porch. It was beautiful.
When the front door opened and he stepped out on the porch looking at me, I realized I’d forgotten to get out of the car. My hands trembled and my stomach rolled and for a fraction of a second, I considered putting the car in reverse and hightailing it out of there.
“Get out of the fucking car, Danny,” I muttered, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t make my hands let go of the steering wheel or force my body to stand up and go to him.
Instead, I watched him put on his gray fleece jacket and pull on his boots. His movements were unhurried as if he had all the time in the world. After closing the door behind him, he jumped off the porch and walked to the car. He didn’t open the door, just hunched down next to it and pressed his large hand against the window.
As I lay my hand against his, I could have sworn I could feel his heat penetrating me through the glass.
I gazed into his dark eyes and I read the answers to all my questions in them.
“I love you,” I said through the window and watched as his eyes melted and looked at me as if I was the best thing in the whole wide world.
Axel stood, opened my door, and hauled me out. “It’s about dang time,” he grunted, bent his knees and lifted me, and before I knew what had happened I hung upside down over his shoulder as he strode across the yard.
He didn’t let me down until we reached his bed. Cupping my face in his palms, he whispered, “I love you, too,” and all was right in my world.
I kissed him. And I didn’t plan to stop. Ever.
THE END