Cecilia
She stood at the rear entrance to the gallery. In one hand she held a bottle of chilled white wine, and in the other a box of handmade Belgian chocolates.
She felt like a teenager on a first date and that feeling didn’t leave her when Seth opened the door.
He was wearing a lightweight shirt the same shade of blue as his eyes, and a pair of chinos. “You’re right on time.”
“Was I supposed to be fashionably late?”
“No. We’re definitely too old for those sorts of games.”
“Good, because Lily and Todd have been hammering and filling my cottage with paint for the past few days. They’re determined to give the place a new look. My head is pounding from the noise, and I needed to escape before I was fumigated. Also, I no longer have access to the coffeepot.”
“My coffeepot is your coffeepot.” He opened the door wider. “I hope I’m going to be given a tour when it’s finished.”
“You will. Until then, I’m looking forward to a tour of your home.” She’d walked past the gallery so many times in the past and never given any thought as to what was above it. “I’m intrigued.” She handed him her gifts and he took them with a smile.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to bring anything. Come in.” He stood aside to let her pass and she climbed the staircase that led to the apartment upstairs.
At the top it took her a moment to catch her breath, and not just because of the stairs.
“Oh, Seth—”
“Spectacular, don’t you think? It’s one of the best locations around here and people are always surprised to see it because they don’t know it’s here.” He put the wine and chocolates down on the side and joined her in front of the expanse of glass that overlooked the ocean and the harbor. “I’m close to beaches, great restaurants, and my commute to work is less than a minute. Doesn’t get better than this.”
“The position is good, you’re right, but the space—” She looked up at the vaulted ceiling and then at the flood of light through the glass. “I can see why you fell in love with it.”
“It didn’t look anything like this when I first saw it. It was a wreck when I bought it. It had been sadly neglected. I wasn’t in too great a state myself, so let’s just say this apartment mirrored my own journey. I like to think we healed each other.”
They were both trying to move on, she thought. Leave the past behind and keep moving.
Seth was farther down that path than she was, but looking at him now gave her hope. She’d been struggling to form a new life for herself without Cameron, but perhaps she needed to take inspiration from Seth and look beyond her current life. She’d been determined not to sell Lapthorne Manor, but now she was rethinking that. Yes, she loved her garden and had put countless hours into developing it into what it was today, but staying there kept her firmly stuck in her old life. She needed a change that was more than simply removing a few paintings from the walls.
She glanced around Seth’s home. “Who did the work? Local contractor?”
“I did it myself. Took me more time than I care to admit, and I did call for help when the roof sprang a leak.”
“You did it?” Astonished, she turned to look at him. “I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. The process was messy and full of mistakes, but there was no one but me to worry or care and I got there in the end. It was good for me. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you’re trying to figure out how to fix the mess you just made. This room was in fact three rooms when I moved in. But I’m not a lover of small spaces.”
“That’s because you’re tall.”
The three rooms had been turned into one long room, which had been cleverly designed to give a living space with a comfortable seating area, a dining area and an open-plan kitchen. There was an abundance of white, with large canvases on the wall adding an explosion of color.
Cecilia crossed the room to take a closer look. “These paintings are striking. They’re yours, aren’t they?”
He laughed. “How did you guess?”
“I didn’t guess. I recognize your work. Bold use of color. Abstract shapes, although—” She narrowed her eyes. “Yachts on the ocean?”
“You always did have a good eye for things.”
“It’s perfect. I thought you said you didn’t paint anymore?”
“I don’t usually, but the building costs escalated. I didn’t want to cut corners on the construction, so I cut corners on the art and did it myself. Come and see the bedrooms.”
She followed him through a doorway into the master bedroom.
It had windows on two sides and a bathroom with a skylight.
There were two further bedrooms, one with bunk beds piled with soft toys.
“For my grandchildren.” He picked up a stuffed bunny that had fallen onto the floor and added it to the pile. “They love staying, and I love having them. Life seems simple when you’re with young children. They live their lives in the present. All they think about is the next game, the next meal.”
She felt a twinge of nostalgia, remembering her grandchildren as toddlers. She’d been busy for a lot of the time. The support act to Cameron’s star turn. She’d loved spending time with them, but it had always felt fleeting. She’d done better when they were older, particularly with Todd. She’d worried that Hannah had sucked up all the oxygen in her household and had made a point of spending time with Todd so that she could get to know him outside the confines of his family. She’d discovered a smart, loyal and creative individual who had inherited a dose of his grandfather’s artistic talent. He’d loved to make things, and over one summer he’d made her a birdhouse and a box for her garden tools.
Theo and Kristen had wanted him to be a doctor, and Cecilia had felt exasperated that they couldn’t see how wrong that would be for him. Fortunately Todd, although not as vocal as his sister, was stubborn. He’d been determined not to be pushed down a route he didn’t want to take. Through it all, Cecilia had offered him support, encouragement and a nonjudgmental listening ear. She suspected it was one of the reasons they were close.
Seth put his hand on her shoulder. “I’ve made you sad.”
“No.” For the first time in ages, she didn’t feel sad. “You just made me think, that’s all. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Too much, I suspect.”
“That happens when you lose someone. You have to recalibrate, and sometimes that means looking back.”
“Yes.” That was what she was doing. Recalibrating.
“Come and see the real reason I bought this place.” He took her hand and led her toward a door at the end of a light-filled corridor.
Holding his hand felt so natural that she didn’t consider pulling away. It felt right, as if Seth was the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle she’d been trying to complete.
And it occurred to her that the very best part of coming back to this part of the Cape was meeting him again. She hadn’t expected that, which just proved that life could always surprise you.
“I can already understand why you bought this place.”
“There’s more. I’ve saved the best until last.”
Enjoying herself, she stepped through the door he’d opened and straight onto a wide, spacious deck.
The breeze cooled her skin and she walked to the edge of the terrace. She stared across the rooftops to the shoreline, her attention caught by the yachts clustered in the bay. The breeze lifted a few strands of her hair, and she tasted salt and sea.
“It’s paradise.”
“I think so. It’s not Dune Cottage but it has its own special charm.” He still had his arm on her waist. “This is the best reading spot. The best spot to drink the first coffee of the day. The best place to linger with an evening drink. Sunrise and sunset. You see it all from here.”
They stood for a moment in companionable silence and then he drew away.
“Do you remember our trip to Florence?”
She hadn’t thought of it for years. “You’re thinking of the roof terrace on top of the building where we stayed. The room we rented overheated so badly we spent most of our time outdoors.” Her mind slid back in time. “Italian coffee. The orange tree growing in the corner.”
“Sounds of the piano coming from the ballet school next door.”
“I remember all of it.” She watched as a boat headed out to sea, the bow cutting through the water. “That was a memorable week.”
“I went back last year, and the year before, for much longer than a week.”
She turned to look at him. “To Florence?”
“Summers here are busy, but in the winter months I like to travel. I’ve been spending time in Europe, mostly Italy.”
“Alone?”
“Yes. It took time to get used to my own company, but after a while you realize how freeing it is to travel by yourself. You can do exactly as you please.” He paused. “You must have traveled a great deal with Cameron.”
“Yes, but it was always very busy. There was a tight schedule. We were rarely just relaxing.” She thought about Seth in Italy and felt a stab of envy. “Where do you stay when you travel?”
“I find an apartment. It suits me better than a hotel. I like to pretend I’m local.”
“Are you going again this year?”
“Yes. I’ve booked a month in Rome and a month in Florence. Those winter months are so much quieter. It’s a different place without the tourists. Same as here, I suppose.” He glanced at the water, and then gestured to the corner sofa and the table. “Are you happy to eat outside?”
“I can’t think of anything I’d like more.” She was still thinking about Rome, and Florence and the fact that Seth would be there this winter. Maybe she should travel. She’d traveled with Cameron of course. The life they’d led had taken them all over the world, and she was grateful for all the experiences they’d enjoyed. But almost all their time had been scheduled, with her playing the supporting role. When Cameron had needed time to paint, he often went alone or closeted himself in his studio and Cecilia had transferred all her attention to her garden. She’d never traveled alone.
The idea was appealing. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? She’d been adrift, not sure what to do with her life, not sure how to shape her life now that Cameron wasn’t part of it.
But Seth had done it. He could have stayed in the house he’d lived in with his wife, and carried on the life he’d always lived, but without her. Instead, he’d made major changes. Lily had made major changes, too, even though doing so had been difficult.
Was she brave enough to do the same?
Seth was watching her, and she had a feeling he could read her thoughts.
“I’ll fetch the wine,” he said. “Wait there.”
He was back moments later with a tray loaded with wine, glasses and small plates of food.
“I’m a competent cook, but I didn’t want to waste time that could be spent with you, so I raided the deli. The one near the beach.” He put the tray down on the table and sat next to her on the sofa.
“I’ve heard about it. Lily has picked up a few things from there.”
“Ah. Lily.” He poured wine into the glasses. “I’m glad you mentioned her, because I have some news on that front. Good news for your protégé.”
She took the glass from him. “She isn’t exactly my protégé. I’ve not been involved in any of her work.”
“Your mysterious lodger, then.” He handed her a glass of wine. “I showed a couple of her paintings to a friend of mine.”
“A friend?”
“Like you, I still have connections in the art world.”
She did, but it had been a long time since she’d leveraged any of those connections. “And?”
“He’s interested. He thinks her work is fresh and original. He would like to see more. But so would I.” He touched his glass to hers. “When are you going to introduce me? Are you going to invite me to the cottage?”
“I’m not sure.” She could imagine the looks she’d receive from Lily and Todd. “It might have been less complicated if you hadn’t sent that extravagant bunch of flowers.”
“You love flowers.”
“That’s true. But now my grandson is asking questions about the man sending me flowers. I think he might have got the wrong idea.”
Seth leaned back against the sofa and stretched out his legs. “Is it the wrong idea, Ceci?”
The question flustered her. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know, either.” His gaze was fixed on her face. “But I’d like to find out. How about you?”
How about her?
She took a sip of wine. “I only planned to be here for a short time. A few days at most, but I’m still here.”
“Is it wrong of me to hope I’m at least part of the reason you’re still here?”
“No. You are part of the reason.” But not the whole reason. “I have decisions to make. I have to decide which parts of my life to let go, and which to keep.”
He nodded. “Sometimes the only way to move forward is to let go of what went before. You’re thinking about the cottage?”
“Actually, right now I’m thinking about Lapthorne Manor and whether I should sell it.” She put her glass down on the table, her hand a little shaky. “Just saying it makes my head implode. It has been my home forever. I’ve poured so much time and energy into the garden it feels like part of me. It would feel like selling a precious work of art. And as for the house itself—I don’t know. It contains a lifetime of possessions. I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“The same way you tackle any big project. You don’t think about the task as a whole, just the bit you’re focused on today. You start by deciding what you will not, under any circumstances, part with. Then you ask your children and grandchildren to do the same. After that—” he shrugged “—you clear it piece by piece. It’s a challenge of course, but it can also be cathartic. You take it day by day.”
Take it day by day.
She thought about the words in Todd’s note. She thought about the planner. And now she had an idea of how she might use it.
“Did you find it hard?”
“To sell the house? Yes and no.” He thought about it. “The task of clearing the house was emotional, but the girls helped and it brought us closer together. The decision to move—that was harder. I felt guilty. It felt like a betrayal of Sonya, as if I was turning my back on the life we built together, even though I knew that wasn’t what I was doing. I was also worried that I was making a mistake. I was afraid I might hand over the keys to the front door and immediately want to snatch them back. After she died, everyone told me not to make any big changes and I can understand why, but I think people have to do what feels right for them.”
“So how did you decide that moving was right for you?” She was looking to him for answers even though she knew that in the end she would have to find those answers herself.
“I used a simple formula. I looked at my life and tried to analyze which parts made me happy and which parts didn’t. I worked out that I was at my most unhappy when I was trying to live the life I’d lived with Sonya. Doing the things I’d done with her. Walking into rooms in the house that we’d inhabited together. I ‘survived’ those times, of course, but happy? No. But there were times when I was happy—or certainly content—so I sat down one evening and thought hard about it. When did I feel good? What made me excited about the future?”
“And that’s how you ended up here.”
“Yes. I always wanted to be closer to the water. Sonya hated sailing, so I started doing more of that. I’d always wanted to renovate a house, but Sonya hated mess and disruption and we were always too busy anyway. When I saw this place, I knew it offered a chance to do something I’d always wanted to do. How about the cottage? Will you sell that, too?”
She helped herself to cold cuts and salad.
“When I arrived, I was determined to do exactly that. But now I’m not sure. Talking to you has helped me remember the good times as well as the bad. And Lily and Todd are determined to make me fall in love with the place again. Maybe they’re even succeeding.”
“You’re feeling the pressure.”
“In some ways, yes. They’re trying so hard. It would feel churlish to turn round and tell them I still don’t want the place after everything they’ve done.”
He sat back in his chair. “But they’re doing this for you. Because they’re trying to make you happy.”
“That’s true.”
“So why not let them get on with it and decide to shelve the decision for a while. When it’s finished, you’ll know. I doubt they’d be doing it if they didn’t want to. Are they enjoying themselves or does it seem like a chore?”
Cecilia thought about the laughter and the banter. She’d seen an entirely different side of Lily over the past few days. And a different side to her grandson.
“They are definitely enjoying themselves. And they make a good team.” Maybe this was something they’d both needed. “Lily is painting the cottage at the moment, so her talents don’t just extend to canvases.”
He helped himself to an olive from the dish on the table. “Are you matchmaking?”
“No. I don’t believe in interfering. Let’s just say I’m allowing two people to occupy the same space and work on something together. The rest is up to them.” But that didn’t mean she couldn’t hope. “Lily hasn’t had the easiest time. And Todd was with someone else until recently. A mistake. Fortunately he realized that, which is a relief because even though I know it’s not my business, I was worried. Do you worry about your grandchildren?”
“All the time, although they’re nowhere near at the relationship stage. At the moment I worry about busy roads, and shopping malls, and stranger danger. I think I worry more about my grandchildren than I did about my own children.”
“I know what you mean.” She watched as a gull swooped past them. “Maybe that’s experience. Or maybe it’s age. We no longer believe we’re invincible.”
“All the more reason to make the most of every moment.” He topped up her wineglass. “Let’s enjoy this evening and not think about tomorrow. But I’m here for you, Ceci. If you want to talk things through. If you need someone to listen. I’m here for you.”
She reached out and took his hand, her throat thickened. “Seth—”
He was the last thing she’d expected to happen to her.
She’d thought about him of course, but only in terms of making contact, looking up an old friend, expanding her life a little.
But the feeling they shared was more than friendship. She knew that and so did he. It was the reason she’d been careful to have no contact after she married Cameron. A simple friendship would have been easy to maintain, but her relationship with Seth had never been simple.
And now he was back in her life, and she had no idea what would happen next.