Lily
“We should have made this bed wider.” Lily was conscious that Todd’s elbow was jamming into the wall. It wasn’t the best sleeping arrangement for him. His shoulders were too broad and his legs too long, but somehow he’d managed to fold himself around her. “We planned this room for grandchildren.”
“I am a grandchild.”
She laughed and buried her face in his chest to muffle the sound. “You’re about six feet longer than the version we were thinking of when we designed it.”
“If we snuggle close together it’s positively roomy.” Todd shifted and pulled her against him. “This could fast become my first choice of sleeping position.”
“Me, too.” She curved her arm around him and found that her head fitted perfectly against the muscle of his shoulder. “What a day.”
“I know. I still haven’t got my head around the fact Nanna painted The Girl on the Shore.”
“I’m the same.” But it all made sense now. The reason Cecilia had smashed all the paintings but that one. It hadn’t been painted by Cameron. The final piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. “I’m so tired but I don’t want to sleep. This is the happiest I can ever remember being and I don’t want to waste a moment of it.”
She still couldn’t believe that she was with Todd. She couldn’t stop smiling. She’d smiled so much over the past few days that the muscles in her face should have been tired.
He kissed the top of her head. “Sleep. I promise I can make you happy in the morning, too.”
But she knew she wouldn’t sleep. She fought her way through the wisps of tiredness that tried to wrap themselves around her brain.
“Have you ever wanted to hold on to a moment because it’s perfect?”
“Not until I met you.” He murmured the words against her mouth. “But we don’t need to hold on to this moment, because we have a million more moments just like this one ahead of us.”
“Cecilia was pleased with the cottage, wasn’t she?”
“Yes. It was worth the muscle aches, and the blisters and the lack of sleep. Of course you were partly responsible for the lack of sleep.”
She smiled against his lips. “I’m not going to apologize. Do you think she’ll still sell it?”
He eased away just enough so that he could look at her. “I don’t know. I think we wiped away those memories, but maybe this place just isn’t the life she wants.”
“You mean because she and Seth are—”
“Together. Yes. Maybe it’s time she swapped her old life for a new one. That’s what she has basically done this summer.”
“Like me.” Lily stroked her hand over his shoulder and down his arm and wondered if the day would ever come when she didn’t want to touch him. “Do you think your mom is okay with her being with Seth?”
“I hope so. She should be.” He caught her hand in his and kissed the tips of her fingers. “In the end it’s no one’s business except Nanna’s. It’s her life. People should be allowed to make their own choices, and the people around them have to learn to accept it whatever their personal views.”
“On that subject, I have something to say.”
“You have?” He stilled. “It sounds as if you’re about to say something profound. Is this the sort of conversation where we should both be sitting upright so I can give you my interested and supportive look?”
“If you sit up you’ll probably bang your head. I’m fine with the lying down version.” No one had ever been as supportive of her as he was. He didn’t encourage her to be the person he wanted her to be. He encouraged her to be herself.
“Then tell me.” He stroked her hair away from her face. “Whatever it is, I’m right there with you, you know that. I’m in your corner.”
It was having him in her corner that had made the difference.
“This last week has been the best of my life. I know I’ve already said that, but I’m saying it again because it’s true. And it’s not just because of you, although a lot of it is.”
“Go on. My ego is loving this.”
“I loved transforming this place. And I learned a lot. It isn’t just about how a place looks, is it? It’s about how it makes you feel. And every single room is different. It’s like starting a new canvas.” She expected him to tease her for her enthusiasm, but he didn’t.
“You’re good at it. And I could see how much you enjoyed it.”
“It’s the first time in my life I’ve felt comfortable with the work I’ve done. No anxiety. No pressure. Just a sense of satisfaction and the confidence that I can do it.” It was a revelation that she could feel that way. All her life she’d felt as if she was a breath away from failing. She’d thought that the feeling of pressure, the anxiety that almost smothered her in the early hours of the morning, was part of who she was. She’d thought it was something she’d have to learn to live with, to manage, but now she understood that wasn’t true. That feeling had gone. “Do you know how good it feels to do something that you love? Yes, you do, because you’re doing something you love, too.”
“I can see from your face how good that feels.” He stroked her cheek with his fingers. “I always said you were meant to be an artist. And Seth seems to think that it might be possible for you to go down a more traditional route.”
“Whatever Seth says, I still don’t believe I’ll make a living from my art. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I can see now that this life, or some version of it, is possible for me.”
“Time will show us whether Seth was right, and in the meantime I can tell you that you will make a living using your artistic skills to decorate people’s houses. And on that subject, I have a proposition to make. Set up in business with me. You can split your time between art and house renovation.”
She sat up because she couldn’t concentrate when she was lying this close to him. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m thinking of basing myself here, on the Cape, as we both love it. What do you think?”
“Are you inviting me to join you?”
“Yes. It’s a big decision, I know. You probably need time to think about it.”
She smiled. “I’ve thought about it. My answer is yes.”
“Yes?”
“Absolutely yes.”
“What about your parents?”
Her parents.
Her excitement dimmed just a little, but nowhere near as much as it would have done a few weeks earlier.
“I hope they’ll accept that this is what I want to do. I love them, and I want them to be proud of me, but I realize now that I can’t make that happen.” She shifted so she could look at him properly. “Talking of parents, how are you feeling about your mother being here?”
“You mean without my father?” He sighed and eased away a little. “It was unexpected, that’s for sure. But I’m trying to roll with it.”
“Was it awkward me being here?” It occurred to her that he probably hadn’t intended to go public so quickly.
“I suspect it’s more awkward for her. She wasn’t expecting me to be here. Extra awkward because it sounds as if my parents are splitting up. She probably didn’t intend for me to know yet.”
She felt a shaft of sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. It feels destabilizing, which is insane, I know, because I’m an adult.”
“Being an adult doesn’t stop you feeling unsettled by it. Did you know they were having problems?”
“No, but that’s probably because I wasn’t looking.” He stared up at the slope of the ceiling. “My dad was never around that much when I was growing up. He was always at the hospital. Mum was busy working for my grandfather. I suppose I always assumed that their life worked for them.”
“Maybe they’re just going through a bumpy patch. Maybe they’ll figure it out.”
“Maybe. Although she left in the middle of the night, so that’s not a good sign, is it?” He pulled her closer. “I’d like them to figure out whatever has gone wrong, obviously, but I suppose in the end all I want is for them to be happy. If they can’t be happy together, they’re better off apart. And I need to get my head round that. The truth is I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have what we have.” He leaned down and kissed her and she thought again that happiness wasn’t always easy to find, but when you did the important thing was to hang on to it.
“Me, too. I don’t want our time here to end, but if Cecilia decides to sell then we won’t be able to stay here.”
“If we can’t live here, we’ll live somewhere else. Together. And it will be just as good.” He kissed her gently. “What will your parents say? Will they disapprove?”
“They’ll love you, Todd.” And if they didn’t, it would make no difference to her choices because she loved Todd and wouldn’t give him up for anyone.
And suddenly she made a decision.
She needed to do this. Now. Before she changed her mind.
“What time is it?” She reached for her phone, which she’d left on the floor. “It’s only eleven. That’s not too late.”
“Too late for what?” He raised himself on his elbow, watching as she tugged on her clothes. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to call my parents.” She zipped her jeans and pulled on a sweatshirt. “I’m feeling sure of myself and confident and I need to make this call while I’m feeling this way.”
“Isn’t it a little late for a chat? They won’t be asleep?”
“No. My parents are never in bed before midnight. And I’m not calling for a chat. I’m calling them to let them know my plans. After that, it’s all up to them.” She slid her feet into her flip-flops. “Wait there.”
“I’ll come with you for moral support.”
She smiled and bent to kiss him. “I’m grateful to you for offering, but no. This is something I need to do by myself. I need to know I can. I need to be okay with it. And you’ve already given me moral support. That’s the reason I know I can do this.”
He stared into her eyes for a moment and then nodded. “All right. But as it’s eleven, you don’t mind if I watch from a distance to check you’re okay. You never know what’s out there. Giant lobsters. Sharks.”
“I’m just going to the edge of the beach, that’s all. Far enough so that I don’t wake everyone up. I’ll be out of reach of lobsters and sharks.”
“Fine, but I’ll wait for you on the porch anyway, just to be safe.”
He dressed quickly and together they crept downstairs.
Leaving Todd on the porch, Lily walked almost to the water’s edge, far from listening ears.
For the first time ever, she didn’t feel nervous about the call she was about to make. She knew what she wanted, and she knew what she had to say.
She couldn’t spend her life trying to be the person other people wanted her to be. It was exhausting and it made her miserable. She needed to live the life that felt right for her.
She’d been trying to work out how to fix the problem with her parents, but talking to Todd had made her finally realize that it wasn’t her problem to fix. It was theirs. They were the only ones who could change the way things were.
She pressed the button on her phone and waited until someone answered.
“Dad? It’s me.”