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Jasper took my arm, and we walked slowly back to his house. This time I’d be strong. No last kisses or invitations.
“I don’t deserve you.” Jasper’s quiet words took a moment to sink in. “And I wish things were different. Our timing is off.”
If he’d still been with Cindy when we met, he wouldn’t have looked twice at me. I stayed silent.
“Can we stay in touch while I’m travelling?”
I thought about it. Did I want to hear about the exotic places he was visiting, and the adventure of a lifetime? “I guess.”
“And I have no right to ask, but would you check in with Holly sometimes? Make sure she’s okay? She puts on a brave face, but she hates it when Zack is deployed.”
“Yes. Of course.” That reminded me— I dug in my pocket for my phone, and typed a quick text to her.
Jasper is fine. We talked. Have a lovely weekend, Caitlin.
“Who are you texting?”
We’d almost reached his place. I put the phone away before I replied. “Holly.”
“She asked you to check up on me?”
“Yes.”
He was quiet for a few paces. “I’m glad you did. Not only for taking the dogs home, but... You know. We talked. We needed to.” He stopped and turned to face me. “I’ll miss you, Caitlin. Sure I can’t change your mind about staying tonight?”
He was close enough to kiss. Despite my common sense, desire flooded my veins. I’d never love anyone again like this, not with this level of intensity. From now on, I’d have a triple-thick wall around my heart.
It would be so easy to say yes. I wanted to. Burned to feel his lips on mine.
“No,” I squeaked, surprising myself. “I won’t stay. I think we need some space. Don’t you?”
There was a moment, when we reached Jasper’s door, and he tried to hug me, and I ducked out of the way. I leaned in and brushed my lips over his stubbled cheek. “Goodbye, Jasper.” My vision was blurry with tears, and it felt wrong. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to hold him and pretend we had longer together. That we had forever.
And then I raced back to my little cottage, as though the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels.
*
It was weird, saying goodbye to Jasper, when I knew I’d see him again at the gym. With luck, though, I’d time it for busy periods, with lots of people around and no chance of speaking privately. The sooner I got my new premises up and running, the better. Trish and Helen were moving at light speed on the paperwork, drawing up contracts with their lawyer and the real-estate agent. They’d take the tenancy and sublet part of it to me, and that worked fine. I could leave the legwork to them and get my lawyer to check the details.
I rose early on Saturday, packed my bags, and left for the city by nine. Back to my apartment. It would remind me of the night I spent with Jasper, but everything reminded me of him. I had to keep myself occupied and stop thinking about him. If only.
Despite the persistent rain, I walked miles over the weekend, along the waterfront and around the Botanical Gardens, but I still saw his face everywhere.
I talked to Deanna, and she didn’t mind taking a few more days’ holiday, so I stayed in the city. I’d clear out my stuff from the gym at the end of the week, when I was closer to a move-in date into Oriental Bay.
The days crawled by. I spent hours in the library, researching cake recipes and getting ideas for new flavors, but none of them excited me. Even a visit to the gorgeous new premises didn’t raise a smile. Jasper hadn’t only stolen my heart, he’d taken all my energy too. My enthusiasm fizzled to an all-time low. I kept asking myself what the point was. If I couldn’t summon any delight for my cakes, why should I expect my customers to?
Bruce called on Tuesday evening. I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but ingrained good manners made me answer. He wanted to talk to me, but up close, rather than on the phone. It sounded ominous, but I had nothing better to do, so I agreed.
We met in the Foxglove pub on the waterfront, the next evening. I arrived early and claimed a seat by the window, overlooking the harbor. It was a much sought-after place in the summer months. Tonight, not so much. I nursed a glass of wine and waited for Bruce, while I tried to guess what he wanted.
He swept in, hair damp from the rain, and shrugged off his overcoat. He wore one of his many pinstripe suits underneath, along with a crisp white shirt and a sedate charcoal tie.
At one time, I thought he was the most handsome man I knew. Now he couldn’t hold a candle to Jasper. Maybe I preferred the casual look now.
He fetched himself a drink, and then we settled at the table. “You’re looking good, Caitlin. Did you lose some weight?”
I forced a smile. It probably came out as a grimace. “Thanks. I think. Why did you want to see me?”
Bruce fiddled with the label on his bottled beer. “I was thinking about your proposal. To invest in your business? And I’d like to know more about it.”
Wow. I didn’t expect that. “Sure. I can send you my financial plans and forecasts, but I thought you said Pammy wouldn’t be happy?”
He picked at the label some more. “Yeah. About that...”
I’d never seen Bruce squirming before. Even when he dumped me, it was in a cool and confident way. Nothing ever fazed him.
“Go on,” I said.
“I figured marriage is a partnership. And that means making joint decisions, not making them on behalf of your partner.”
I gulped at my wine. “You lost me, there.”
Bruce sighed and met my gaze. “Pammy is my best friend. She’ll always be that, but marriage is something else.”
I still didn’t understand where he was going. I twirled my fingers in a carry-on gesture, and he huffed another sigh.
“I’m making a mess of this. We’re not getting married. We love each other, but we’re not in love, if you know what I mean.”
I was glad I didn’t have a mouthful of wine, as I’d most likely choke on it. “You’re kidding.”
“No. And I wanted to tell you to your face. I still feel bad about us splitting up.”
“No.” I poked his chest with my finger. “You dumped me. There’s a difference.”
“Okay. I feel bad about dumping you.”
“As you should.”
Bruce looked shamefaced, like a little boy caught playing a trick. I couldn’t help it, but I was enjoying this unexpected turn to the conversation.
“It might be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, leaving you,” continued Bruce. “And so I want to put it right.” He held out both hands, palms up. “Can we forget the past few months ever happened, and pick up where we left off?”
That rendered me speechless. I wrapped both hands around my wine glass and lifted it to my lips. I needed a drink before I replied. “Is that a condition of you investing in my business?”
“What? No. Of course not.” He looked outraged at the suggestion.
I nodded. “That’s good to know.”
“You can have some time to think it over. It may have come as a shock.”
“Did Pammy dump you?”
“No. It was a mutual decision.”
I believed him. He was so earnest, sitting there offering what I would have jumped at a few weeks ago. Not now, though.
“A lot’s happened recently”—I groped for the right words—“and I’m trying to move forward, not make the same mistakes again.” Bruce opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand, and he subsided. “Thing is,” I continued, “I loved you, but in hindsight I wasn’t in love with you. Like you and Pammy.”
“Is there someone else?”
I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. “Not really.”
He gazed out the window. “I guess this is what it feels like when Karma bites you in the ass.” Silence fell between us, but it felt comfortable.
Bruce stood, drained his beer, and shrugged back into his coat. “Send me the business plan. If I can help as a silent investor, I’d love to.” He leaned across the table and kissed my cheek. “Good luck, Caitlin.”