Jayden walks in the door and immediately grins. His smile still makes my heart swell every time I see it. I’ve been blessed to see it a lot. Even with all the pressures of being a young captain in a professional league with everyone calling him a ‘phenom’ and expecting him to do more and better than everyone else, he still smiles through it all. I don’t think I could handle the pressure he does.
“Kind of a waste since we aren’t spending the holidays here isn’t it?” He says, still smiling as he walks down the long hall and into the large living room with floor-to-ceiling and panoramic views of False Creek.
“We’re here another couple of days,” I argue as I hang the last ornament on the fake tree I’ve spent the afternoon setting up. “I’ve put it on a timer so that it will illuminate every night. It will be nice for people to see as they walk the seawall or walk by the building and look up. It might brighten someone’s day. The holidays aren’t happy for everyone.”
Jayden kisses my cheek. That’s a rare occurrence. My boy outgrew being outwardly affectionate to his dear old mom as a pre-teen and never fell back into it. So I revel in the attention now. “You are always looking out for others, and I love you for it.”
“I love you too,” I say as he leaves my side and walks out of view into the kitchen. The kitchen that’s the size of the entire apartment I raised him in. I still can’t believe I live here. In a penthouse. And that we also have a chalet we own in the mountains. Well, Jayden owns. He may have put it in my name, but he still owns it in my opinion. “And you are also always thinking of others.”
“Nah. I look out for me a lot,” Jayden argues as he pulls his favorite green drink out of the fridge and twists the cap off.
“Says the guy who just came back from giving gifts to sick kids at the children’s hospital,” I note. “After practice, when I know you’re exhausted, and also, it’s an extra visit, not one organized by your team.”
“Yeah the team already did an event,” Jayden says and shrugs his wide shoulders. “But I met a kid there named Gavin who was obsessed with Guardians of the Galaxy, and I saw a Rocket stuffie in the store when I was shopping for you and Ariel, and I just had to get it for him. He loved it, so it was worth it.”
“You make me so proud,” I fight tears.
Jayden rolls his eyes. “Ma, stop. Why are you always so weepy during the holidays? I wish you were more Grinchy.”
He laughs and so do I. “You want Grinch? Remember I get to the cabin before you. I can fill your stocking with coal.”
His green eyes twinkle. “I dare you.”
I roll my eyes and walk back into the living room. I need to plug in the tree and make sure I don’t have any faulty lights. He follows me back in, grabbing a banana out of the fruit bowl on the rustic dining room table. He throws himself down on the couch and watches me pick up the plug. “Speaking of this dumb gene I inherited from you where I can’t help thinking about others… I’ve been thinking about The Wall.”
"Which Wall?" I ask as I walk toward an outlet. "Is this about the renovations at your condo?"
Jayden technically doesn’t live with me anymore. When he bought my penthouse and a two-bedroom unit directly below me for Tina, he also bought himself the penthouse unit next door. But he’s gutted it and is re-doing it at the moment, so he’s been living with me in one of my two spare bedrooms.
“No. The guy on my team. Waller.” He clarifies.
I plug in the lights, and thankfully, the whole tree glows brilliantly. I smile in victory. The thing I hate more than anything is one faulty light screwing it all up and you have to spend hours figuring out which one it is. This Christmas is already off to a great start, even though we're five days away from the big date. I have all my gifts bought, and meals planned, and I'm basically packed and ready for a cozy holiday at the house in the mountains.
“What about him?” I ask, still admiring the tree. “Is the injury still bothering him?”
“I’m sure it is, but he seems to be handling that okay,” Jayden replies. “He’s always with the physiotherapist and working on his rehab. The concussion symptoms have passed, so he’s been cleared on that.”
"Oh, that's great!" I say as I bend to unplug the trees but then change my mind and decide to leave it on, and then I call out, "Alexa, play Christmas music."
“Silver Bells” fills the apartment through the wireless speaker system Jayden had installed.
“I heard The Wall talking to, Duggan,” Jayden continues over the soft background music.
“He was telling Duggan he’s spending the holiday here in Vancouver. Alone.”
I stop staring at the tree and turn to my son. “Alone? Why alone?”
Jayden shrugs and stretches out more on the sofa, his feet dangling off the edge a little. He is six foot two. I don't know where that came from. I'm only five foot three and his… sperm donor was only five ten. My father is five eleven, but he's the tallest man in our family. "He's from New York, and I guess that's where all his family still lives. And he said he doesn't want to fly there all banged up and stuff. Thinks it's a hassle. But I get the feeling there is more to it than that.”
I think about it for a moment, absently pulling my straight, dark hair out of the high ponytail I put it in while I was decorating the tree. My hair is obnoxiously thick, and I get headaches if it’s up too long. I shove the scrunchies on my wrist. “Not everyone has a great family. One that they want to spend holidays with. Or families that want to spend holidays with them.”
I think of his grandparents, who have never met Jayden because they disowned me when I found out I was pregnant at fifteen and wanted to keep him. Thank God Tia Tina had my back, gave me a home and a chance to get on my feet.
Jayden yawns. “I don’t think it’s that deep. I mean, I’m sure his family likes him. How do you not like the kid? He’s like a big, dumb, happy Saint Bernard.”
I frown and fold my arms. “If you like him, you sure hide it under a mountain of insults.”
A look of guilt flashes across my son's Romanesque features. "I know. I just get annoyed with his lack of… depth. But still, I don't know why, but the idea of him alone for Christmas seems really sad. I can't stop thinking about it.
I walk over to the fancy bar cart I bought for a nook in the dining room. It's mirrored and gold and reminds me of something Daisy from The Great Gatsby would own. I grab the spiced rum and then head to the kitchen. A few minutes later, I walk back into the living room and hand Jayden a glass of spiked eggnog.
His eyes scream YUM but his mouth says, “Do you know how many calories are in this?”
“There are no calories at Christmas,” I remind him, and he smirks. We’ve been saying that his entire life. Despite his complicated and strict diet during the hockey season, he eats whatever the hell he wants on Christmas.
“Christmas is still five days away,” he counters, but his eyes are staring longingly at the glass, and he isn’t putting it down.
“So have one less on Christmas Day. Come on, live a little,” I pat the top of his head.
He swats my hand away but takes a sip of the drink and groans appreciatively as I plop down on the chaise lounge and take a sip myself. “I think you should invite him to Whistler to join us for Christmas.”
“Ugh. I knew you would say that if I told you,” Jayden moans like a disgruntled teenager.
“Then you wouldn’t have told me unless you already thought inviting him was the right decision,” I reply, and when our eyes meet, I wink. “Do it, Jay. You’ll be thinking of him all alone doing nothing the whole time we’re there anyway.”
“You sure you don’t mind?”
I smile. “Of course not. Tina is on that Cruise to the Bahamas, so it was already going to feel like someone was missing with just you, me, and Ariel. And you know me, the more the merrier.”
I agree with that sentiment, mostly because I don't really like his girlfriend Ariel and if there are more people around I won't have to struggle so much with trying to connect with her. He pulls himself up from the couch and wanders toward the hall, after pausing to take another big gulp from his eggnog. "I'll go text him. My phone is in my bag."
“Call him. It’s more personal.”
“We don’t call in my generation ma.”
“I’m only fifteen years older than you. We are practically the same generation, buddy!” I remind him as he disappears into the long hallway to retrieve his phone.
I think back to being that scared fifteen-year-old who had to tell her parents she was pregnant. I told the boy who fathered Jayden first, but he pretended I was lying. Swore he never touched me. My parents didn't force the issue, because they just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. They shipped me off to Tina in Vancouver to have the baby and put it up for adoption. It wasn't until my seventh month that I confessed to Tina and my uncle that I didn't want to give up my baby. And she helped me tell my parents. And that was the last time I ever talked to them. I was a kid raising a kid, but I made it work.
Jayden comes sauntering back down the hall. “The Wall is in,” Jayden says, his voice kind of high with surprise. “I didn’t expect him to accept the invite because we aren’t exactly close or anything. But he said yes.”
“Great!” I say over-compensating and sounding like a high school cheerleader suddenly, which makes Jayden study me again. “More eggnog to celebrate.”
“Not for me, but have at ‘er, Ma,” he laughs. “’Tis the season.”
“You did a good thing, Jay,” I tell him, smiling. “I’m proud of you once again.”
"You might not be so happy after a couple days with The Wall," Jayden replies as he plops down on the couch.
“I’m sure it will be fine,” I reply. “It’s a simple Christmas in the mountains. What could go wrong?”