I think it would have been less painful if I had gone home for Christmas and spent it watching my parents toss me disappointed stares every five minutes. I'd rather suffer through that than watch my assistant coach try and sort of succeed in bonding with my… Hannah. It's annoying because Coach is charming and easy-going. I mean, he's no me, but she doesn't seem at all annoyed by him. She smiles and laughs at his jokes. But it's not the same sound she makes when I make a joke. Can anyone else tell, or am I just making this shit up in my head out of desperation?
We spend Christmas morning opening presents and drinking coffee spiked with Baileys. I am proud of how excited Hannah is when she opens the gift I got her, once I realized she wasn't a fifty-something lady. I replaced it with some specialty teas in flavors that reminded me of her — orange, lychee, and a spicy chai blend — and a pretty old-fashioned-looking teacup covered in vibrant swirls of color. Because Hannah was vibrant as all hell in my opinion. She thanked me from across the room, and I acted like it was a 'least I could do' type thing. But she kept glancing at it and smiling.
Jayden got me a calendar featuring new words every day. “Wanted to expand your vocabulary past ‘dude’ and ‘awesome’” He’d joked. I got him a tie he could wear to games. But it was ugly as hell, and that was on purpose. Weird, muted shades of pink and mustard all swirled together like something a hippie might have puked up at Woodstock. Didn’t want him to think I would dare to get it right. He thanked me with a roll of his eyes.
Then we all ate a huge brunch, and Hannah went to work in the kitchen while Tyler and Jayden watched an action movie. I helped in the kitchen when Ariel proved to be pretty useless. Hannah and I didn’t speak much, but we moved around each other with muted tension. And we never missed a chance to brush each other’s hand or arm. It was torture, but the kind you would willingly sign up for again and again. Because it was proof, to me, that this wasn’t one-sided. She liked me too.
Everyone disappeared to do their own thing in the afternoon. I went for a hike with Jayden when he asked, which was a huge mistake because he kept asking my opinion on how I thought it was going with Coach E. and his mom, and I couldn’t say, “Well she’s never going to be as into him as she is with me,” because I didn’t know if that was true. Maybe Hannah would get over this fling we had when we got back to Vancouver and she would give Tyler a real chance. I couldn’t begrudge her that either.
So then I spent dinner and the rest of the night with my brain fighting with itself. Half of me trying to convince myself that this thing with Hannah had to end now. There was no way it could be more than the brief, forbidden little tryst that it was. The end. And the other half of my brain screaming back, "Fuck it. I really like her." Because I do. I can't remember the last time someone made me light up from the inside like she does. Which is why I barely slept.
“You look like you got slammed into the boards again,” Jayden notes, his green eyes surveying me from across the top of his coffee mug as he leans on the kitchen counter I kissed his mother on two nights earlier. “Is the pull-out that bad?”
“No. It’s fine. It’s just hard to get a decent sleep with my shoulder,” I lied.
“You should talk to the doctor again if it’s still bothering you,” Coach E. adds. He’s sitting at the table smearing cream cheese on a bagel, right next to Hannah.
She isn’t using the teacup I got her, which kind of bums me out, but I don’t show it. I walk to the coffee machine and start to make myself a cup. “Put it in a to-go mug, bro. We gotta hit the road. Ariel has some influencer thing at three, and I don’t want to get caught in traffic.”
“Umm… I mean, yeah, I… why is Ariel’s influencer thing mean I gotta leave right now?” I ask hoping my dumb tone will make it sound less offensive.
“My mom’s car won’t start,” Jayden explains. “So I’m gonna need you to take me and Ariel home. I’m leaving my mom my car, and she and Tyler will drive down together.”
"Oh," I say it without thinking, and my tone is dark and clearly disappointed. Like, Khaleesi finding out someone offed one of her dragons. Now everyone is staring at me. Hannah leans back in her chair when our eyes meet as I scan the room, and she clenches her jaw and flares her eyes as if to say 'Shut the fuck up!' Even though I wasn't talking. I take a breath. "I was hoping to maybe check out Whistler Village again. I heard you can toboggan down the Olympic course. I was gonna try it."
Jayden stares at me, blinks, and then bursts out laughing. "It's bobsledding, not tobogganing, Wall. And it's fun. I've done it. But sadly, I'm gonna need you to drive us."
“Yeah. Sure.” I let my disappointment show because now they think it’s because of bobsledding. “Can I take a look at your mom’s car? Maybe I can fix it.”
“You a mechanic?” Jayden asks, and I shake my head. “Besides, I’ve already got someone coming to tow it. They should be here within the hour.”
I nod and take a big sip of my coffee, which scalds my tongue, but I don’t even care. I really should have just gone home. Maybe this whole situation is the universe siding with my parents. Showing me I should have stayed in med school. I mean, I could be in love and stuff by now if I stayed. Maybe.
Jayden snaps in front of my eyes.
“Sorry! I spaced out.”
“Well don’t do that while you’re driving us back okay?” He smiles.
“Can we pack up now so we can be on the road soon?” Ariel says, her big blue eyes hard, and the whine in her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I don’t know how Jayden puts up with it. “I have to go home and change and get some decent make-up on my face before the brand collab meeting.”
I glance over at her where she's standing in head-to-toe Lululemon. She's got what I would consider a full face of makeup, but clearly, I don't know shit. I nod and start towards the toaster. "I'm just gonna make a bagel first so I don't faint from hunger."
She sighs and heads for the stairs. Jayden shoots me an apologetic smile and follows her. I make my bagel in silence and listen to Hannah and Tyler talk about what bands they like. Hannah is into pop and unabashedly declares herself a Swifty, which Tyler chuckles at but doesn't make fun of. He says he's a classic rock guy like Foo Fighters and Nirvana, and I want to scream. But I take my frustration out on my bagel tearing off chunks and chewing with more vigor than required.
And then I hear Hannah say, “You know that bobsled thing is really cool. I feel bad Jeremiah won’t be able to try it.”
“He probably shouldn’t with that shoulder anyway,” Tyler says and when I step out of the corner I’ve been stewing in, to make sure they know I’m still here, I catch him drop a hand over Hannah’s on the table and give it a squeeze.
I almost puke up my Everything bagel. She smiles at him but slides her hand away. “You’re probably right. So I should pack, and then I’ll prep the house for closing. And then we can run into town for errands and lunch, and we should be on the road by two.”
“Two?” Tyler blinks. “We aren’t leaving when they leave?”
"No. I need to clean out the fridge and close the hot tub and… we won't be back up here for weeks. Probably not until spring, so there's a lot to do," Hannah explains. "And I have to go back into town and exchange that sweater I bought Ariel since it's too loose for her. It's going to be a zoo what with the Boxing Day sales they have on the day after Christmas."
“Boxing Day?” I pipe in, and they both finally acknowledge me.
“It’s like Black Friday in Canada,” Hannah explains. “Anyway, the store I got the sweater from is local. I can’t exchange the thing in Vancouver, so I have to do it today.”
“I have a coaches meeting I can’t miss at two,” Tyler replies.
I watch them stare at each other as their brains try and work this out. Well, Coach E’s brain tries. I hope and pray that Hannah is just faking the sad-ish look on her gorgeous face. “I could drive Hannah back, and you could go in Jayden’s car with him.”
Tyler looks over at me. Then back at Hannah. She shakes her head. “No. I mean… I can try and rush but… I…”
“No. It’s fine,” Tyler says. “This makes sense. I’m going to go tell Jayden and pack up.”
He heads towards the staircase but stops and looks back at her. “Hope to see you at a game.”
She nods, and I bite my lip to keep from screaming out ‘Fat chance!’
An hour later, Hannah’s car has been towed and Jayden is pulling away with Ariel and Coach E. after giving me a stern talking to about driving safely with his mom in the car. Hannah and I stand on the drive until Jayden’s care is out of sight. Then, I turn to her and lean in, but she steps away. “I didn’t do it for that.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I just assumed. I…” Shit.
She smiles and my shoulders sag in relief that she’s not offended. “I knew if I drove home alone with Tyler it might… give everyone the wrong idea. And also, I have always wanted to try the bobsledding too.”
“Really?”
She nods excitedly, her dark hair catches on the wind, and she pushes it away. “But only if you think your shoulder will be fine.”
“Yeah. I’m sure it will be,” I promise. “It doesn’t bother me at all anymore. Just a little stiff if I raise it too high.”
“If we do this, you have to promise never to tell Jayden,” she says lifting up her hand and raising her pinkie in the air.
I smirk at her adorable ridiculousness. “Yeah. I can add this to the list of things I will never ever tell Jayden.”
I hook my pinkie with hers.