Chapter 16

Leila

“I’ll only be gone thirty minutes . . . forty-five minutes, tops, Mama,” Leila said as she cradled her infant daughter’s head. The baby was perched in Diane’s arms.

Diane smiled and shooed Leila away. “Go on, honey. Enjoy your run. We’ll be fine. I’ll rock Angie for a bit and then we’ll sit on back and watch a Lifetime movie. Won’t we, Angel?” Diane tutted to her granddaughter, who was guzzling hungrily from her milk bottle, oblivious to her mother and grandmother.

“Are you going to watch the movie, too, Izzy?” Leila asked her eldest daughter, who was lying on her belly at the foot of Diane’s bed. The young girl tore her eyes away from the game she was playing on her iPad. She stared at Leila like Leila had just lost her mind.

“Uh, no, Mom,” she answered dryly. “I’m not watching that movie. I’m only a thousand points away from topping my highest score. I have to concentrate.” She then returned her attention to the iPad’s screen.

Leila chuckled and leaned down to kiss Isabel’s dimpled cheek. “Well, good luck with that.” She headed to the bedroom doorway. “I’m gonna run, then take a quick shower, then come back here. See you guys in a bit.”

A minute later, Leila was walking down the stone steps of Murdoch Mansion. She paused on the asphalt driveway to do her stretches and check the knots in her shoelaces. She then put in her earbuds and began to jog down the driveway toward the tennis courts.

Leila hadn’t been running in months, not since Angelica was born. Paulette thought she did it to lose the baby weight.

“Maybe I should start running, too,” Paulette had murmured a week ago before glancing down at her curvy hips. “Aunt Ida’s right. I am getting a bit thick.”

But the truth was, Leila really jogged to clear her head. In the early days, when she had first arrived in Chesterton from San Diego, she used to go jogging around their old neighborhood twice a week. She had jogged to escape her worries about her vengeful ex, her mother’s foreclosure, and her ever-growing pile of bills. She no longer had those worries but had developed new ones. She worried about the state of her new marriage. She worried about whether Evan would have to go back to jail and about what would happen to her and the children if he did end up behind bars again. But those worries disappeared as they always did when she ran, as she basked in the warm sunshine.

Leila ran the first mile humming with a few upbeat Beyoncé tunes playing on her iPod. She jogged past the tennis courts then a manmade pond. She took the asphalt path through the clearing into a line of trees. As she did, the world darkened around her. The sun that had been beating down on her head only seconds earlier was now cloaked by the tangled limbs and leaves of the oaks and maples overhead. Leila jogged another quarter mile, enjoying the scenery and the break from the summer heat under the shadows of the forest. As she reached the end of the line of trees and emerged into another clearing, she slowed her pace. She frowned. Even through her headphones she could hear the rhythmic thud of footsteps behind her. She tore her earbuds from her ears.

Is someone following me?

Leila came to a halt and turned in just enough time to see Michael jogging toward her, wearing only a pair of black jogging shorts. His bare chest and arms glistened with sweat. He smiled and waved. When Leila realized it was him, she fought the urge to roll her eyes heavenward.

She had successfully managed to avoid being alone with Michael, at least since that night when he had hugged her and had given her that look. The look still unnerved her. He gave it across the dinner table while he sat next to Aunt Ida. He gave her the look when they passed each other in the hall in the morning as she headed to her office in the guesthouse.

It was hard to explain just what she felt when his eyes landed on her: maybe embarrassment mixed with outrage. It angered her that he would look at her like that with her husband and his fiancée sitting only a few feet away. Leila felt violated. She felt like Michael was disrespecting Evan and Aunt Ida. She also got the nagging feeling that he was taunting her, as if he was enjoying her discomfort. She wanted to tell Michael to stop it, but she knew it would only make her look ridiculous, like she was overreacting. So she resolved that she would continue to pretend she didn’t notice Michael at all. Unfortunately, she couldn’t do that right now with him standing in front of her.

“Hey, Leila!” the young man called out as he drew to a stop in front of her and started jogging in place.

“Hello, Michael,” she answered flatly.

“You’re on your morning run, too?” He wiped his sweaty brow with the back of his hand. He licked his lips.

There’s that look again, she thought. He was gazing at her like he had just endured a three-day fast and she was the plate of prime ribs he’d just spotted.

Leila turned away from him and stared longingly at Murdoch Mansion, which sat a half mile in the distance. “Yeah, and I was just heading back.”

“Maybe we can finish the rest of the run together.”

“No thanks. I prefer to run alone. I’m a slowpoke anyway. I wouldn’t want to hold you up!” She tucked one of her earbuds back into her right ear. “So I better get—”

She was stopped short when she felt Michael grab her forearm. She instantly yanked her arm out of his grasp.

“Don’t do that!” she shouted, feeling panic rise within her.

“Don’t do what?”

“Just don’t . . . don’t grab me like that. Okay?”

“I wasn’t grabbing you. I was only trying to get your attention.” He reached for her again, but she took a cautious step.

Suddenly, the secluded trees that had offered her cover from the hot sun didn’t seem quite so comforting anymore. Leila realized that anything could happen out here. Michael could do anything to her and no one would be the wiser.

“What did I say? Don’t touch me! Didn’t your mama teach you to keep your hands to yourself?”

His smile widened into a full grin. “My mama taught me a lot of things, honey, but I guess that wasn’t one of them.”

“Don’t call me ‘honey,’” she said through clenched teeth.

“Well, excuse me!” He held up his hands in mock innocence. His green eyes twinkled with merriment, only making her angrier. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I’m just being friendly.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want a friend like you. Maybe you need to stay the hell away from me!”

He chuckled.

“What is so goddamn funny?” she snapped.

“You! You and all your huffing and puffing.” He looked her up and down. “I love a woman with some fire in her though. I think it’s cute!”

Cute?

So he was getting off on this, she realized. He was taking pleasure in her uneasiness, but Leila refused to be toyed with.

“Look, I don’t know what type of relationship you and Ida may have, but I’m a married woman, okay? I don’t—”

“Oh, come on! You can save the speech. You aren’t fooling anyone!”

“Excuse me?”

“From what I’ve heard, wedding vows don’t mean much to you.” He took a step toward her, making her take another step back. “From what I’ve heard . . . Evan was already married when you two hooked up. So were you.”

Leila was struck speechless. It took her awhile to regain her voice.

“So you’ve . . . you’ve been talking about me? Researching me?”

He chuckled again and shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it research. I just keep my ears open when people are talking. It’s a skill I’ve learned over the years.”

Leila slowly shook her head. “Well, I don’t care what you’ve heard or what you think you know about me, but you don’t know me—and you’ve got some big balls to presume that you do! Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I’m the man who can help you, Leila. I can be your friend . . . your confidant.”

“I don’t want or need a ‘friend’ like you. I told you that already!”

“Yes, you do! Because I know you, sweetheart. I know you better than you know yourself. I’ve met a lot of women like you who are sad and lonely. You’re no different. I see you with your kids and how you try to smile and look happy, but your face falls when you think no one’s looking. I see how you walk up and down the halls at night because you can’t sleep. But he doesn’t notice any of that, does he?”

She stilled.

“Admit it—that husband of yours doesn’t pay you enough attention. He doesn’t treasure you like he should—after all that you’ve done for him, after all that you’ve sacrificed.” He drew close again. “I know what you’re thinking. I know what question plays in your mind on an endless loop: ‘Does he still want me?’ But the question you really should be asking yourself is, ‘Do I still want him?’”

Her breath caught in her throat. Where had he gotten all of this? Who had told him? She hadn’t even shared some of these doubts with her mother.

“You’re too good for him, Leila. You know it and I know it.”

“I don’t . . . I-I never said . . .” she sputtered helplessly.

“You didn’t have to say it! He deserves some rich bitch, some prima donna who will spend all his money and doesn’t care if she sees him once a week or once a month. But that’s not you! You’re not a rich bitch, Leila. You weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You’ve had to fight for everything you’ve ever gotten. I know it because I’m just like you! You and I are self-starters. We’re fighters.”

Now there were mere inches between them, but this time she didn’t take a step back. She was almost mesmerized by the sound of his words and the intensity of his green eyes.

Michael was giving voice to feelings and worries she was too terrified and even ashamed to say aloud. And now they were all flooding out of his mouth, overwhelming her like a surging tide.

“You’re a special woman, Leila. A beautiful, sexy woman, who shouldn’t be left alone all the time. No, not a treasure like you.” He cupped her face. “I can see it, Leila. He can’t. But I can.”

He then slowly lowered his mouth to hers. Just as their lips were about to touch, Leila jerked back. She furiously shook her head, coming to her senses. Whatever spell she had been under had been broken. She realized what Michael was trying to do, what they both had almost done.

She roughly tugged his hands from her face.

“Don’t ever touch me again,” she ordered, shoving away from him.

She then turned and ran in the direction of the mansion. She kept running, not pausing to look behind her to see if Michael followed.

* * *

Later that night, after she had put Angelica down in her crib and Isabel and her mother had fallen asleep, Leila lay awake alone in bed, thinking of what had happened during her morning run. She had almost let that man kiss her—a perfect stranger and a sleazy one at that!

What has gotten into your head, girl?

She dropped her face into her hands.

Leila wanted to blame it on momentary insanity, but she knew better. Michael had been right: she was lonely and sad and obviously doing a poor job of masking it. She missed Evan’s companionship so much that it hurt, but he didn’t seem to notice. Her new marriage was starting to look startlingly, eerily like her old one: sitting up in bed at night while she waited for her husband to come home, only to drift off to sleep and wake up alone. Something had to change, or this marriage was doomed to end like the first one. Leila needed to draw up her courage and confront her husband.

A few minutes later, Leila knocked on the study’s imposing oak door. The baby monitor was clutched in her hand.

She knew Evan was in here. He was always here when he wasn’t back at the office.

“Yes?” he called out, and she pushed the door open. She found him sitting at his desk, as usual, and staring at his laptop, as usual. When she entered the room, he didn’t look at her.

“Evan,” she said, “I know you’re busy, but . . . I . . . I think . . . no, I know we need to talk.”

“Can we do it tomorrow, baby?” he said, not looking up from the laptop screen. “I’m a little busy right now.”

“No, we can’t do it tomorrow. I need to talk to you now, Ev.”

He loudly sighed. “Okay, fine,” he said as he continued to type on his keyboard. “What do you wanna talk about?”

I want to talk about you phoning in our marriage, she thought. We waited so long and fought so hard to be together, and now it’s like I don’t even matter to you anymore! I want to talk about why I can’t get more than an hour alone with you. I want you to know I almost kissed another man today.

But instead, she said, “Can you at least look at me?”

“Huh?” he answered again distractedly, pissing her off even more.

“Goddamnit, look at me, Ev!”

Finally, his dark eyes darted up from the laptop screen. For the first time, he really was looking at her, and he frowned. “Why are you shouting? What’s wrong?”

“I’m shouting so that you can finally hear me, since that seems to be the only way to get your attention! And what’s wrong is that you stay in this damn study all the time! I feel like I have to make an appointment to see you! You don’t talk to me, and when you do, it’s only in three-word sentences or monosyllables. You have longer conversations with our infant daughter than you have with me!”

Evan leaned back in his desk chair and pursed his lips. “Are we really doing this? Are you really trying to pick a fight with me knowing all the shit that I have on my plate right now, Lee?”

At those words, she felt her first pang of guilt, but she told herself not to back down. They needed to do this. For the sake of their marriage, she had to do this.

“I’m not . . . I’m not trying to pick a fight. I’m just telling you that—”

“That I’m ignoring you? That I’m not giving you enough time and attention?” he finished for her. He now looked just as angry as she felt. He shoved his laptop aside and shot to his feet. “Lee, in two and half months, I’m going on trial for attempted murder. You hear that? Attempted murder!”

“I know that, Evan!”

“And my company is falling apart. So I’m sorry that I can’t wine and dine you and take you out to dinner! I’m sorry I can’t—”

“Dammit, that’s not what I’m saying and you know it!” She slammed the study door behind her and marched toward his desk, so frustrated that she could punch him. She set the baby monitor on the edge of his desk, stood squarely in front of Evan, and glared up at him. “I’m not asking you to take me to a fucking restaurant. I’m not even going to bring up the fact that we haven’t made love in . . . in weeks!”

“You just did,” he said tightly.

“I’m asking you to talk to me, Ev! Just talk to me! That’s what married couples do. That’s what best friends do. You’re supposed to confide in me! I’m supposed to be the one that you turn to at times like this! But instead, you’re shutting me out—literally! You keep leaving a door between us, and I don’t . . .” Her eyes flooded with tears. Her throat went dry. “I don’t know why.”

Evan grimaced. All the anger had left his face. He slowly shook his head. “I’m not trying to shut you out, baby. I’m just trying to handle this the best way I know how. I’m trying to set this right. I hate that I’ve dragged you and the girls into this mess as much as I already have. This isn’t the life I wanted for us!”

“You didn’t drag me into anything. I wanted to be here,” she whispered, raising her hand to his cheek. She trailed her thumb over his bottom lip. She was openly crying now. “I love you! Where you go, I go. That’s what you told me, right? I want to be with you. I want to help you any way I can.”

She then stood on the balls of her feet and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and fiercely kissed her back. She sank into him, longing for his warmth and his touch, missing the sensation of his full lips against her own and his tongue inside her mouth. She wrenched her lips away, wrapped her arms around his neck, and gazed lovingly into her husband’s eyes.

“I told you before that I’m not a china doll, Evan Murdoch. I guess I’ll have to show you again that I won’t break,” she said with an alluring smile before rubbing her pelvis against his groin and raising her mouth back to his.

The second kiss was even deeper. The longing Leila felt was quickly replaced with overwhelming desire, one that left her panting and tugging at the buttons of his dress shirt. It left her fumbling as she frantically pulled down the zipper of his slacks.

Evan was just as eager. It was as if she had awakened a spark inside him that had been dormant for a while, but it was a raging fire tonight.

He undid the belt of her robe and ripped the panels open before lifting her and lowering her back onto his desk. As he did, the folders and stacks of papers he had been meticulously examining only minutes earlier all tumbled to the study floor in a raining flutter like New Year’s Eve confetti. He shoved her nightgown up her calves, then her thighs, and finally to her waist. As he did it, she wrenched her arms out of the robe sleeves and tore the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders, eagerly baring her breasts to him.

He stood between her legs and cradled one of her breasts, toying with the dark, hardened nipple before hungrily kissing her again. Leila wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close as their tongues danced, feeling his erection press against the crotch of her panties. She pressed her breast into his hand. He raised his other hand to her chin and slowly ran his thumb over her bottom lip, and she took it into her mouth. She sucked on his finger before biting down on it hard.

“Oww,” he said, tugging his hand back. “What was that about?”

“Punishment for making me wait so long to have you,” she whispered saucily before kissing him again, flicking her tongue along the rim of his mouth.

Leila was not only flooded with carnal delight at having her man back in her arms, but also memories. This moment reminded her of when her love affair with Evan began, when he was still trapped in an empty, name-only marriage to Charisse and she was recovering from the heartbreak of failed marriage and impending divorce from Bradley, when Evan was her boss and she was his assistant at Murdoch Conglomerated. They would wait until after most of the twelfth floor had cleared out for the day and make love on his office sofa or his conference table or his desk. She’d try futilely to stifle her moans and shouts, but ended up yelling out his name despite her best efforts. But it wasn’t just those nightly trysts that she had longed for but the love and reassurance she felt when she was with him. They had sought solace in each other’s arms and found strength in each other’s embrace. Her recollections of those clandestine nights would never fade.

“I’ve missed you, baby,” she now whispered against his lips as he shifted the crotch of her panties aside.

He rubbed her between her legs, making her grow wet. She closed her eyes, threw back her head, and groaned. He massaged her clit with slow, steady strokes, and she urged him onward by leaning back and arching her hips. He then pulled his hand away, and her eyes flashed open.

“I missed you, too,” he said as he lowered the waistband of his boxer briefs. He pulled out his manhood, centered himself between her legs, and entered her with one swift thrust that made her shout out in the cavernous study.

Leila unwound her arms from around his neck and grabbed the edge of the mahogany desk to brace herself as he plunged into her over and over again. He steadied her by holding her ass and her hips. As the rhythm of their lovemaking increased, Evan’s grunts grew more guttural and her tortured moans turned into yells. After a few minutes, she couldn’t match the tempo anymore. She couldn’t brace herself so she fell back against the desk and let him take over. He continued at the same fervent pace, unheeded.

“Oh, God! Oh, God!” she yelled as the tremors overtook her. Her back arched. Her legs tightened around him before going slack.

He shouted out her name and collapsed on her a minute later, and she cradled him close, staring at the coffered ceiling with a contented smile on her face.

Just then she heard Angelica wail on the monitor, and she sighed.

“Sounds like somebody’s awake,” she said, patting Evan on the back. “I have to head back upstairs to get her.”

He raised his head and pushed himself off of her. “I can help.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, pulling the straps of her nightgown back on.

He nodded and raised his pants back to his waist. “The work will still be here tomorrow. I can head to bed.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. “It’s good to have you back, baby,” she whispered.

He smiled. “It’s good to be back.”