CHAPTER 5

        none of the schoolchildren could explain

        they opened their eyes into circles

        they found the desks pushed against the walls

        when they walked in the schoolroom’s door

        and on the old rutted wood

        near the center of the room

        —they saw a single pearl

        

        the giant’s heart is

        at fault in the fault

        

        my father at his desk, looking up:

        there is no difference in this

        language between

        the definite article and the indefinite

        “The” or “A”—there is no way to tell

        he started crying

        “And it’s the first word written down here on the page”

        holding up a page marked by a

        musical note

        

        Olin cleaning the chair’s glasses with the end

        of his shirt and then kissing him

        I stood in the room, reading

        the old book, a cut on my finger

        left my fingerprint in

        blood

        on the page

        

        A whale sounds down in the ocean.

        Eye as small as a foal’s. I know

        he sees me watching him

        the white whale. There is a tarred

        rope tangled around him, but

        it does not slow his descent.

        Placid as ice as it forms

        within the element of its

        own composition.

        There is a man in the mouth.

        That man is me.

I was glad to be hungover when the sun woke me up. There is no doubt the hangover is real—except when I try to explain it to myself. I drank, I walked home, I read. I had many dreams that I dreamed. And now I have this pain behind my eyes, it has a shape, a circle or an orb, it isn’t large—this pearl that is the pain in my mind.