The tardy bell has already rung for fifth-period history when the door swings open.
Mrs. Fuller crosses her arms. “Well, Miss Simms, we’re glad you could join us.”
Miss Simms? I strain around the big head of the girl sitting diagonal from me to see who’s come in.
It is her.
Nikki Simms is in my history class.
Mrs. Fuller’s stare is so sharp it could cut down trees, but Nikki is not affected by it. She strolls to a desk in the back row. She thumps her backpack on the floor. She rattles her paper, creaks open her book, and pops her gum.
“Miss Simms?”
Nikki stops chewing.
Mrs. Fuller raises her eyebrows.
Into a piece of notebook paper, Nikki spits her gum, then walks to the front of the class and throws it out. After Nikki sits down, Mrs. Fuller drops her arms.
“What were we chatting about? Oh, yes.” Her voice takes on the quality of a game show host. “The structures in Rome represent the most superb architecture aside from the pyramids in the ancient world.” She waves her arm. “When you get off the plane, the Pantheon is to your right.”
Nikki lifts her hand.
“Yes, Miss Simms?”
Nikki clears her throat. “I believe the Pantheon is to your left as you get off the plane.”
The class snickers. Mrs. Fuller pinches her mouth. “Miss Simms. Do you have a clinic pass or excuse for your absences this week?”
“I’ll make sure you get one, Mrs. Fuller.”
Mrs. Fuller’s thin lips form a straight line. “Well, then. Enough chatting—let’s get on with today’s lesson.”
I risk glancing backward. Nikki Simms looks right at me. Her blue eyes are wide and innocent, but the corner of her mouth lifts in a joke, a joke between her and me. If my mom had heard Mrs. Fuller talking about getting off the plane in Rome, she would’ve called her Lady Fuller. Full of herself. Ooh—good one. If I were sitting next to Nikki, I’d pass it to her on a note and she’d smile when she read it.
Civil War: Brother against Brother is the chapter we are to silently read.
It describes how when the Civil War started, not everyone agreed as to people having different stations in life simply due to the color of their skin or the country of their origin. “Some people ardently believed in the words of our Declaration,” the book reads, “which states that all men are created equal. And these people were willing to fight to make that equality a reality. Brothers, relatives, and friends found themselves facing each other from opposite lines on the battlefield.”
I don’t think I could do that, war or not. I couldn’t hurt my sister or Amanda even if the president himself asked me to.
* * *
“What do you think of Mrs. Fuller?” I ask Emily as we push the book cart through the library, my first Library Club meeting after school.
“She’s okay.”
“Some people think she’s kind of snobby.”
Emily shrugs. “She’s okay.”
Dewey Decimal Does It Right! A poster cheers us on. Dewey Decimal is a book with arms and legs, huge eyes and a great big smile. You can tell he loves the library by his enthusiastic strut and the way his elbow is cocked, as if he’s about to say, Oh, boy!
We’re shelving fiction, which is easy, because it’s in alphabetical order by author’s last name. The only time I don’t know what to do is when the author has two names, such as Margaret Peterson Haddix or Frances Hodgson Burnett. Do they go under the first last name or the second last name? I don’t want to look stupid by asking Emily.
What would Dewey do … what would Dewey do? I glance up at the poster.
Dewey would want readers to find the books. I place half the copies in the first last name area and the other half in the second last name area.
Done with that job, Emily and I have twenty minutes to kill. The other two members of the club, whose names I don’t remember, are upstairs, lucky them. They got to file the nonfiction books and now they get to polish all the gleaming honey-colored banisters and handrails. The lemony smell wafts its way down to the main floor.
The librarian suggests that we silently read, but I already do that at home. Clubs are supposed to be exciting. Like, we’re in the Library Club, we should be making plans to visit the Library of Congress, or have a famous author visit us, or even take a field trip to the downtown library.
I slap the table, waking everybody up. “I know what we should do!” I say to Emily. “We should make a display of staff favorites like on your website!”
Emily’s glasses magnify the look of delight in her eyes. “I always wanted to do that!”
Mrs. Weston, the media specialist, says, “I’ve had the same idea!”
Even the girls upstairs call out their agreement.
All of a sudden we are in motion. We quickly declare some rules: each person picks out one book, except Mrs. Weston, who picks out one for each grade. We’ll put up new favorites once a month. It takes all four of us girls to lug an unused bookcase from behind the main desk to the front. While we’re doing that, Mrs. Weston prints out fancy name cards that she’ll post over our selections.
So many books—I don’t want to leave any out. I run around and end up with a pile of twelve books that I cut down to three by closing my eyes and pressing one fingertip to three different spines. I’m excited over my selections. Bright, colorful covers say, Hey, I’m fun. Check me out! One has a cat on the cover and hairclips because the girl in the book makes the cat wear fancy hairdos. My books are a ribbon of pink hijinks.
“Everyone will see what we’ve picked!” Emily says, dropping her own collection on the table near the display shelf. “This is going to be great!”
I’m holding one of my girly-girl books in midair when I play back what Emily just said. “Everyone will see what we’ve picked.” Everyone. Everyone means Nikki. I look at my selections through Nikki’s eyes and see that I’ve picked cotton candy and rainbows.
Nikki will think I’m a little girl. She might not say “hey” to me anymore.
Grabbing my choices, I quietly let them fall into the book drop so I don’t have to bother with them, then I search my brain and the aisles for just the right one to put under my name. Everyone will see what we’ve picked. This isn’t just staff favorites anymore, I realize; by selecting the right books, I could be a new, cooler Hailee.
What books would Cool Hailee read? I pass up wizards and boyfriend problems and a few skulls. Cool Hailee reads cool books—nothing sweet, nothing with grandmas in it, and nothing pink. Cool Hailee also doesn’t read the books everyone talks about because Cool Hailee doesn’t follow the crowd.
I quickly exhaust fiction A through G. Up front, Mrs. Weston coos over Emily’s selection. I’d better hurry. I round the corner to the Hs. The Outsiders! S. E. Hinton, who lots of people think is a guy because that’s how cool this book is but really the author is Susan Eloise Hinton.
“Girls, we need to finish up or they’ll lock us in!”
I grab Ponyboy, Soda, and Johnny off the shelf and hand The Outsiders to Mrs. Weston as she scoots us out. The four of us trade titles, talk about our selections as we head to the front of the school to wait for our rides. Everyone else pulls out a phone and calls or texts their moms.
“Do you need to borrow my phone?” one of the other girls asks when she sees me just standing there.
“She’s probably already on her way,” I say, and magically Mom appears. The van loops through the parking lot and squeals to a stop in front of us. I cringe at the squeaks, the rust, and the fact that my mom was so punctual, the first one here. As I slowly rise, another van pulls up behind her.
Mom gets out wearing her pink shirt with bleach spots and her cut-off shorts; she’s carrying Libby, whose after-nap hair is teased high and sticks out at the sides. The other mom pops out in tan capris, a sleeveless white blouse, and hair and makeup that look like she ought to be out shopping on Park Avenue. Her delicate French-manicured fingernails twinkle as she waves. Mom looks like she’s dressed to clean this lady’s house.
I put my head down and hurry to the car. “Bye, Emily,” I say quickly, but it’s too late. The baby magnet has drawn in all the other girls. They surround my mom and fuss over Libby, trying to make her laugh, and she delivers. Story of my life. I think Libby’s cute and everything, but sometimes I want to keep things just for myself. When people make a big deal over Libby, it’s like they totally forget about me.
When Mom finally gets us on our way home, I say, “Were you doing laundry or something before you came?”
“Just having a snack,” she says, still enjoying how everyone mollycoddled Libby.
“I mean, it looks like you ran out of clothes to wear.”
“What are you talking about? I always wear these clothes.”
“I know.” I can’t help but take a sideways look and compare her to my mental notes on the other mom. “Maybe you should get some new stuff, like capris or some nicer tops.”
“What? You don’t like what I have on?” Her voice is jokey.
Mine is not. “It looks a little …” I’m hoping she’ll get the idea so I don’t have to finish this sentence. “Did you see the other …”
Mom’s tone changes. “Did I see the other what, Hailee?”
“The moms here dress differently.” There. I said it. I’m afraid to look at her.
“Well!” She clicks the blinker on. “Maybe the other mothers are afraid of breaking a nail. You’re getting a little hoity-toity, aren’t you?”
Her lips wrinkle together. Her silence fills the car like an airbag and I’m pushed against my seat, unable to move because of the pressure.
You sent me here, I want to tell her. The way she juts her jaw is a sign: Warning! Do Not Proceed! Warning! But I can’t help myself. “You said Palm Middle wasn’t good enough. I’m not getting hoity-toity; I’m trying to be better now and you should, too.” I quote from the school video we watched on the tour. “‘Magnolia isn’t just a school; it’s a lifestyle.’”
Mom’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. In a low voice, she says, “I’ve done everything I could to give you opportunities I didn’t have—”
“I didn’t ask to change schools,” I say. “You put me in a rich school, then you criticize the other mothers.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Ladies of leisure,” I say. “Afraid of breaking a nail. You call Mrs. Burns something and you don’t even know the work she does all day.”
“I’m sick of you talking about these other people like they’re something special. Do you know—”
I whip around so quickly, my seat belt locks. “They are special. They’re special to me. And just so you know, Amanda’s mom never calls you ‘Lady Richardson.’”
Mom stares straight ahead as she drives. I sit in the stew of her anger—what I thought was her anger—until she says, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t call Mrs. Burns that.”
“You shouldn’t call any of them that,” I say.
The very last molecule of anything positive drains from her face. She looks tired all of a sudden. “That’s enough, Hailee, okay?” But her voice is quiet and has no energy behind it.
We ride in silence the rest of the way home.