“In your groups, everyone! Sit with your group on the bus,” one of the teachers yells.
The sun has barely opened its eyes and mine should still be closed, but here we are, six thirty in the morning, boarding the buses for St. Augustine from the school parking lot. Alexis spies me approaching and narrows her eyes. As our group pushes up to the bus door, she bumps me out of the way with her backpack and slips into a seat with Nikki. She doesn’t care that her backpack nearly took my head off; in fact, she’d probably love that. If my mom’s van was still here, I’d run right off this bus. I wouldn’t care what people thought. I do not want to be on this field trip with that girl.
But I have to.
I climb aboard the bus like a sentenced prisoner. Gia, the fourth girl in our group—the girl who skipped school with Nikki and Alexis—pairs up with a friend, and I end up sitting next to her mother, Mrs. Grant. While everyone else chats with their seatmates, I lean my head against the window and try to sleep.
Not far out of town, a traffic accident plugs up the highway and we sit and we sit and we sit. After a while, the driver turns off the motor and the air conditioner. Everyone groans, but he explains he’s got to conserve for the rest of the trip.
The bus becomes a hot tin can. The smell of armpits and sweat sours the air. Girls stand up and fan themselves, only to get yelled at by adults, who then get up and do the same thing. Nikki and Alexis entertain themselves with their phones. My only entertainment is smelling the ripe odor of other human beings and eating part of my lunch.
When the bus finally starts moving, roars and applause fill the air. Because we’ve lost so much time, the teachers are in a huge rush when we dismount in St. Augustine. Skip the Old Jail, they tell the chaperones, and the lighthouse, and the Oldest House. Don’t worry about the questionnaires. Instead, we’re going to two history museums, the Oldest Wooden Schoolhouse, and the Castillo de San Marcos National Monument, which is the old fort the Spanish built in the sixteen hundreds to protect themselves.
Some girls stretch their arms and arch their backs as we organize on the sidewalk. I do twenty-five jumping jacks. My bones can’t take all that sitting around. Alexis snorts and points me out to Nikki. I don’t care. I prance and fake a couple of boxing jabs in her direction. Take that! my fists say.
The fort is the coolest place ever. A real drawbridge lies over a real moat. Heavy chains hold it in place with big huge bolts. Clip-clopping over the planks, I look down. The moat is grass, and a guide tells us it always was—that’s where the people in the fort kept their livestock. That’s not how you’re supposed to use moats! What did they think—the enemy would charge over the berm and be scared away by MooMoo the Moat Cow?
Staring down, I stir up a different picture for myself. Water the color of iced tea fills the moat, and water moccasins zigzag across the surface. Giant alligators shoot from its depths, crushing anything that drops into their powerful jaws of death. Poisonous seaweed grows in the water and if it touches you, you die a horrible instant death.
Now that is a much better moat. Probably I should write it all down and send it to their mayor in case he’d like to use it.
We’re ushered down a stone staircase and into a large room hollowed out in the wall. For as hot as it is outside, the cavelike space is surprisingly cool. Air funnels down and breezes over us. A small, high window provides the only light. Long, wooden platforms with floppy pillows run along each wall. The Spanish soldiers slept here, the guide tells us, and the thin pillows are sacks filled with animal hair or hay that served as their mattresses. I try to imagine being so far from home, waiting to be attacked. Did the soldiers actually sleep on these sacks, or did they lie awake staring out the window at the moon, wishing they were home?
Nikki and Alexis hang back, while I stick with Gia and her mom. Bits of another school group surround us and we get caught in their tour. The guide says the whole fort is made of shells called coquina. I brush my hand against the wall.
“Don’t do that,” the guide snaps. She singles me out from the group with her pointy nose and her stern gaze. “This material is very old and can crumble. Please, don’t anyone touch the walls.”
Well! A fort that held off cannon fire and pirates but can’t take one girl touching it. I did not know a fort could be of such delicate nature. When we peek in the barracks and the ammunitions room, I make a big point of keeping my arms rigid at my sides. I even walk like that.
The guide explains how the Spanish fought from the fort only when threatened, but later the British captured it and had to live inside its walls. Other girls press against the wooden rails to get a closer glimpse of the British quarters, but I move like a robot with no arms.
Mrs. Grant whispers, “I think it’s okay if you relax. She didn’t want you touching the walls because if everyone who comes here touches them, we’d wear it down.”
I like walking like an alien.
We trump up the stairs, hugging the side because another tour group is coming down at the same time. It’s even gustier up here. Mrs. Grant tries to hold her hairstyle in place with her hands, but I let my hair whip across my face. Cannons, real cannons, aim through cutout areas, ready to blast the enemy. The rocky, uneven wall barely comes up to my waist. I peer over the edge and wonder if the blue-green river was this pretty hundreds of years ago.
Pulling strands of hair out of my mouth, I turn around and spot Nikki sneaking down the stairs. Alexis leans against the cannons on the middle of the roof, turned green by the sea air.
“What a beautiful background,” Mrs. Grant says. “Girls, line up by the edge and let me take your picture.” She turns around and calls to Nikki in a way that tells me she somehow sensed Nikki slipping away. “Come back, we’re going to take a picture.”
Nikki gives Mrs. Grant an exaggerated grimace and asks, “Do you mind if I run to the bathroom? I’ll be right back.”
Mrs. Grant thinks it’s a great idea. “Let’s all go,” she says. “But first let’s take this picture.”
Nikki frowns. When she sees me looking, she pantomimes smoking a cigarette. I glance away quickly.
The sun broils my freckles and makes my shirt damp. After we use the bathroom, Mrs. Grant sprays Gia and me with sunblock. “Because you’re so fair,” she says.
Alexis sniggers.
After the fort, we walk to some of the small museums, then eat our lunches on a bench where I fry like a tomato. I’m as crisp as bacon and greasy from sunblock. Miserable.
Mrs. Grant checks her phone. “Oh! We have to be back on the bus in a little while. What do you girls want to do—hit the shops or visit the Oldest Wooden Schoolhouse?”
“Shop!” we all shout.
I am excited about the shopping. Never before have I been given money for anything besides food on field trips. But I’m loaded today. Who knows what I will buy? The sky’s the limit.
Consulting the map, Mrs. Grant leads us to the shopping district. Fudge shops, candy stores, and ice cream parlors are too many to count. One shop is fashioned like a jewelry counter with different types of fudge filling the display cases: peanut butter, chocolate, coffee, maple, butterscotch, praline, vanilla, vanilla butternut, and more.
Everyone in our group buys fudge except for me. I can get chocolate any old time—I’m saving my money for something special. Near the fudge shop is a store with tie-dyed T-shirts hanging in the window. Nikki insists she will die if we don’t go in. She and Alexis come out wearing dangling feather earrings.
Cotton candy, caramel corn, lattes—the other girls spend money as if they have ATMs in their backpacks. I watch them pay a ridiculous amount for strawberry lemonade as I sip from the bottled water I bought a couple stores ago. Mrs. Grant isn’t any better. Bags and bags loop over her arms.
Finally, we stop in a boutique that has things I like. Barrels of gag gifts like black glasses with big noses and mustaches sit by the front door. I put one on. “Gia,” I say.
Alexis scrunches her nose. “That’s disgusting. You’re probably breathing in someone else’s mucus.”
Mucus. So gross. I whip the glasses off and toss them in the barrel. Alexis looks at me as if I’m one giant snot.
“Where’s Nikki?” Mrs. Grant says, glancing around from the postcard stand. Looking straight at Alexis,
“Where is Nikki?”
Alexis makes big doe eyes. “I don’t know,” she says. “I’m sure she’ll be right back, wherever she is.”
Mrs. Grant scans the shop. “Gia?”
Gia puts down a wooden flute. “I don’t know, Mom.”
“Stay here, girls.” Mrs. Grant makes a sweep through the store, then steps outside.
I look at Alexis as she watches out the window. Her fake innocent eyes didn’t fool me—she knows exactly what’s going on. Then she suddenly pretends to be interested in the plastic snakes in front of her.
Glancing out of the window, I see Mrs. Grant walking with Nikki from behind the shop. Smoke curls from Mrs. Grant’s hands. It takes me a second to realize she’s caught Nikki in the act of smoking. I’m stunned. I can’t look anywhere else. Mrs. Grant grinds out the cigarette in a potted plant and grabs Nikki by the elbow as they duck into the open doorway.
“Gia?” she commands. “You girls have ten more minutes to shop. Mrs. Fuller’s waiting for Nikki and I’m escorting her to the drop-off. Just meet me there, okay?” She sounds like my mom on her worst day.
Nikki closes her eyes and sighs, like this is just one more thing on a very long and hard list.
Alexis says to Gia, “Is your mom always like that?”
Gia huffs, dismissing her own mother in one derisive snort.
I feel bad for Nikki, but at the same time, she shouldn’t have been smoking. She should never be smoking. She should never be skipping; she should never be swearing; and she should never, ever ride in the backseats of cars driven by reckless boys she doesn’t even know.
I close my eyes and sigh, too. I hope things turn out for her, but I have a feeling they won’t.
Since this is probably the last store we’ll visit, I decide to concentrate on finding something good here. None of the St. Augustine mugs appeal to me, and neither do the silk-screened T-shirts. I pick up a rubbery clear ball that has a lighthouse inside. It bounces pretty well. I bounce it a few times, then catch it, and drop it back where I found it. I can collect my own shells, so I pass by entire shelves of them.
“Hey,” Alexis says. “You got any money left?”
Trouble, a little voice in my head says. Alarms light up in nerves up and down my arms. “Well … yeah.”
“Gimme some. I want to buy that hat.”
“No!” I gulp. I feel like I used to every morning in the bicycle pen at Palm Middle. “I’m looking for something for someone.”
“I know you’ve got at least two twenties. I saw them in your backpack when you got your lunch out.”
I shake my head. My heart pings against my chest. I back off, but she closes in on me. Grown-ups are never around when you need them.
“Stop,” I say. “Leave me alone.”
She sneers. “Or what?”
“Or …” I gasp for air. “Or …” Then I take one huge balloon breath and let it slowly deflate from every single cell in my body. I am so tired of mean girls. “Leave me alone,” I say, “or I will finish you.” I tremble with rage and shake my jowls like the baseball coach. “I will SHUT YOU DOWN!”
“You little—” She jerks my arm.
I kick her in the shin. She yelps like a dog, crouches, then limps toward me.
I kick her in the other shin. Harder.
When she looks up, her eyes fill with angry tears. “You’re so pathetic.”
Pathetic feels pretty good as I watch her hobble away from me. My heart is still racing, but it feels strong. My toes hurt only a little bit; good thing they told us to wear sneakers for this field trip. I will shut you down. Jerk. Kick. Oh, my gosh! Wait till Amanda hears about this!
Then I remember my last words to her.
From the far corner near the door, Alexis complains to Gia so loudly, I can’t help but hear her. She’s talking about me, and you know what? I don’t even care. I move deeper into the store and farther away from them.
The jewelry sparkles for my attention. Thin slivers of shiny beach shells, iridescent in creams and pinks, hang from leather chains. Turquoise rings remind me of the river I’d seen earlier. Then I spot a tiny compass on a golden rope necklace. Catching it in my hand, I move it in different directions. The hand inside spins.
This is perfect.
I’m so happy when the cashier hands me my bag. I turn around for Alexis and Gia, but they’re not there. I coast between the shelves. “Alexis? Gia?” I call out. “Alexis?”
“Alexis!” I wait. “Alexis!”
I run out of the store and look left and right. I don’t see anyone I know. I don’t see any blue Magnolia uniforms. I don’t know which way we came from.
“Alexis!” I shout. My heart pounds like a bass drum. Panic tightens my skin. Left or right, left or right? It all looks the same to me.
I’m lost.