TRUE TO HER WORD, Divya has had someone watch me constantly since the day I decided not to be receptive to the spirits around me. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did. Maybe I should have followed her instructions. I would have in the past. I’ve never been much of the rebellious type, and I don’t enjoy confrontation, but I’m not the same person I was. I feel different. Angry. Even impulsive.
I’m assigned different hunters to keep watch over me all day and all night. None of them seem too happy about it, and, by extension, none of them try to make conversation with me. I’m fine with that, though. I don’t want to talk to any of them either. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I already tried that. I tried to get Fiona to see things on my side of this, but she told me there was nothing to discuss. What Divya said goes.
By this point, I’ve pretty much grounded myself to my room. I haven’t even gone out of my way to see Rynne. Sometimes I read. Other times I just stare up at my ceiling and think too much. Having so much lonely free time makes me feel worse, but I can’t bring myself to make it better.
When I hear a knock on my door, I don’t bother to ask who’s there. My hunter babysitter takes care of it.
“It’s Rynne,” the voice on the other side of the door announces. “I have permission from the commander to talk to Tasia in private.”
This is the first time in the last few days that I’ve felt some of the weight on my chest being lifted. It’s like I can already feel Rynne’s light coming in through my door. Why have I been avoiding him? Maybe I was hoping he’d go out of his way to visit me like this. Maybe I was hoping he’d come to make me feel better.
I’m terrible.
My babysitter goes to the door, exchanges a few words and a paper with Rynne, and then leaves my room as Rynne takes his place.
I’m not sure how I should feel when I look at the always composed, always handsome, boy in front of me. Part of me feels immediate relief, a flood of good emotions. The other part of me wishes he hadn’t come. He’s so much better than me in every way. I don’t deserve to be his friend, and I definitely shouldn’t have the feelings I have for him. I don’t have a right to those either. I turn around so I don’t have to face him.
My heart speeds up when I feel the slightest movement of my bed as he sits opposite of me. I can feel the tickling sensation of his back barely brushing against mine.
“What’s been going on?” he asks.
I lean back a little, just so I can feel his back firmly pressed against mine. Then I close my eyes as I try to sort through my thoughts. “Divya thinks I’m being hasty, self-destructive or something. I tried to make contact with my parents when Divya only wanted me to listen to one of the spirits around me. Then I suggested the hunters use me as bait to draw Arsen out.”
Rynne’s back grows rigid against mine.
I swiftly add, “You understand, don’t you? I’m not being hasty. If Arsen is really hanging around here for me, using me as bait only makes sense. Please, Rynne… I need you to—”
“To what?” he interrupts. “Condone using you as a human sacrifice?”
“I won’t become a human sacrifice.” I play with my fingers, wondering if I’m telling the truth. “He didn’t kill me before, so he must want me for something else. We’ll set up a trap. You’ll all be there with the other hunters to take Arsen out before anything can happen to me. It’d be perfect. I’ll be useful, even if I can’t hurt him myself. Isn’t that worth it? I mean, if Fiona and Divya would just give me another chance, I could contact my parents. Maybe they could tell us things about Arsen you don’t know. They must be out there. Divya said she couldn’t find them, but I’m their daughter. I bet I could. Maybe they’re waiting back in Reverie. It’s not like Divya ever went to Reverie.”
“I don’t know anything about communicating with spirits,” Rynne reminds. “But Divya does. You should listen to her. If she says you need a break, you do. You’ve been working yourself too hard. The way you’re talking proves it.”
I groan. “Not you, too. Why does everyone think I need rest? Hasn’t it crossed anyone’s mind that the only way I’m going to get back to normal is if Arsen dies? He’s always in here, Rynne.” I let my words fall to a whisper as I bring one hand to my head and the other to my chest. “His name. How he feels. He’s always there. I’ll only ever be me again when he goes away.”
“Hasn’t it crossed your mind that getting revenge isn’t going to erase the pain of your parents’ death? It isn’t going to erase your pain or your anger. Your parents died and they are never coming back,” he chastises. “You have to be strong for them, Tasia. You have to be strong or you won’t stand a chance against Arsen. Stop letting his evil consume you. You have the power to do that. You are the master of your own mind and soul.
“The world is bigger than Arsen. He’s only a small part of evil in a world full of it. Simply killing him isn’t going to change anything. Don’t you remember what you told me before? You said you didn’t want bad things to happen anymore. You said you want to protect Reverie. Remember that. Remember your light.”
My hands ball into fists in my lap as I fight against another bout of tears. I can’t keep crying. I can do something about my parents’ murderer. I can bring them justice. I can kill Arsen.
“Tasia,” Rynne says as he softens his voice, “I know it’s hard, but Blade and Divya are only trying to keep you safe. That’s why they won’t use you as bait. They care about you. They love you.”
“Fiona should be on my side! She was their friend! She was their friend…”
I feel the springs in my mattress creak and groan as Rynne shifts. I can’t feel the warmth of his back against mine anymore, but the warmth of his chest and arms make up for that as he takes me into a comforting hug.
“You’re not alone, Tasia,” he whispers. “How many times do I have to tell you that before you realize it’s true?”
I take in his warmth and the almost lemony scent of him. I don’t know how long he holds me. I don’t even realize I’m dozing off in his embrace until he moves away from me.
“I have to go,” he says.
I refuse to turn around and look at him. I also refuse to say goodbye to him; however, I listen intently when the door opens and closes. I’m sure he’s gone now, so I look over my shoulder to see a new hunter assigned to watch me for the night.
No one understands. I do want to find and stop Arsen for my parents’ sake, but I also need to do it for my own sake, and for Rynne’s too. Arsen has his claws buried inside of my head and heart. All of these confusing thoughts and feelings… I know they’ll stop when he’s gone. I just know it.