SHE KISSED ME. Tasia kissed me, and then she just ran away, leaving me alone in the garage.
I start to laugh. I replay the scene over again in my mind. She worked up the courage to kiss me, but she couldn’t bring herself to face me afterward? Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose?
But she kissed me. I bring my fingers up to my lips. The short-lived sensation of her lips on mine is still there, buzzing with electricity. Despite what the Oracle told me, I wasn’t going to take this step. I was never going to kiss Tasia because I knew I’d want to do it again. And I do. The kiss she gave me wasn’t nearly long enough. It was like a greeting kiss. I want to find her and kiss her again right now. I want her to know just how much she means to me.
I leave the garage and take a moment to clean up and change my clothes. Then I make my way to Tasia’s room. Her door is shut, but I’m almost positive she’s inside. I let my knuckles hover by the wood for a moment. Maybe I shouldn’t do this.
“Your feelings are valid.”
I knock.
Tasia opens the door. She looks at me just long enough to identify me, and then she brings her eyes down to her feet.
“Do you want to come in?” she asks.
I reply, “If you don’t mind.”
She moves to let me in and shuts the door behind me—but she still won’t look at me.
She chatters, “L-look. I’m sorry if I caught you by surprise. I mean, it was really sudden and presumptuous. Oh God, and if you didn’t—”
“Tasia.”
She finally meets my eyes. Hers are moist with tears threatening to spill over.
“Don’t apologize,” I whisper.
I wipe away a stray tear that falls down her left cheek with my thumb, and I let my touch linger. Her eyelids flutter. The sight makes my heart beat faster. My fingers glide down the soft skin of her cheek and to her jaw. Then I lean down and kiss her. It’s a chaste kiss. But unlike the kiss before, this one isn’t rushed.
I’m about to pull back before I’m tempted to kiss her more intently, but she brings her hands to either side of my face, inviting me to stay a little longer. She kisses me back, diving in a little deeper than before.
I can’t remember ever feeling so alive. I can’t remember enjoying a moment as much as I’m enjoying this moment right now. I’m glad she broke the ice and kissed me. I wouldn’t have made a move otherwise. I would have been too scared to. But this is right. I know it in the way we’re reading and answering each other without words. I know it because she won’t let me quit until our feelings have been made entirely clear. There’s no more hiding for either of us.
“I love you, Rynne,” Tasia whispers. “All this time I’ve been in love with you, but then I saw you kissing that girl and I thought…”
I push back loose strands of her hair from her face. “I’m sorry, Tasia. I didn’t realize. That kiss wasn’t supposed to happen. It was a mistake,” I tell her, though it isn’t entirely true. It’s easier to tell her I made a mistake rather than trying to explain it as a greeting. There isn’t an identity I can assign to Imae to even try to justify that explanation.
“Why did you kiss her then?”
“Wanted to see what it’s like, I suppose.”
I hate lying to her. As the words escape my lips I feel a pang in my chest. I wish I could tell her the truth about Imae. I wish I could tell her the truth about me, but the Oracle hasn’t given me permission to make angels known. When he said my feelings are valid, did he expect me to follow them and to continue lying? I’m tired of lying, so very tired of it.
Tasia hums softly. “Well, now that I know what a real kiss can feel like, I can definitely see why people do it,” she says. “Though, you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss. It’s even better than I imagined it would be.”
She allows a small smile to grace her lips. Then she starts twirling a strand of hair around her finger, another nervous habit.
I take her hand in mine to stop her from fidgeting. “I love you, Tasia. I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”
Her eyes go wide. “You what? Is that why you became friends with me and the twins right away? I mean, but that’s… how can you know you love someone when you’ve just met them?”
“Haven’t you ever heard of love at first sight?” I smile.
“More like lust at first sight,” she replies almost automatically.
“That’s a cynical way of looking at it.”
“But why else would someone think they’re in love with someone they don’t even know?”
I move over to the edge of Tasia’s bed. “Mind if I sit?”
She shakes her head and then comes over to seat herself beside me. She looks at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.
“I won’t say that there is no such thing as lust at first sight,” I say, “but there must be a reason for the word soulmate. You’ve heard stories of people who knew their partner was their soulmate before they ever spoke to them, haven’t you?”
She shrugs. “I suppose. Maybe.” She takes my hand and squeezes. She’s getting braver already. There isn’t any hesitation in the action. “Now that you mention it though,” she whispers, “I have always felt something special for you since the day you first came to Reverie. You’re warm, Rynne. You’re always warm and comforting, inviting. It’s more than that, though. It was so easy to become friends with you. Even Didi and Connor had a hard time getting me to open up to them, but talking and being with you has always been natural, like breathing.”
I try to swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Tasia, there are things about me you don’t know. They’re things I can’t tell you, not yet. Maybe not ever. But if you ever learn the truth, you have to promise me something.”
She looks at me incredulously. “Okay?”
“Remember that I love you and that I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
The room falls silent. Tasia stares at our intertwined hands, and then she slowly unravels them. She opens my palm and begins tracing over my skin with her pointer finger. The simple action nearly drives me out of my skin.
“Okay, Rynne,” she says as she continues tracing my hand. “I’ll remember. But you can always talk to me, you know? About anything. I’ll listen.”
“Thank you.”
I catch her hand before the shivers she’s sending through my body become unbearable. Then, before I realize it, Tasia kisses me again. This kiss is short, and much like our first, but she doesn’t run away this time.
We sit side by side, enjoying each other’s company. We’re already close, but somehow we grow closer still, until I’m holding her with one arm wrapped around her waist as she rests her head on my shoulder. She’s still exhausted even after her nap on the way here.
“You should get some rest,” I tell her.
“I’ll rest later,” she murmurs.
“Rest now.”
I stand up and then scoop her up into my arms. She lets out a little surprised squeak, but then she’s smiling and she wraps her arms around the back of my neck. I smile in return. Then I lay her down on her bed.
“Sweet dreams,” I whisper and kiss her cheek.
She’s already struggling to keep her eyes open by the time I’ve made my way across her room and to her door.
“Rynne,” she calls, “see you when I wake up?”
“Yes, we’ll see each other again soon.”
I flick the light switch off and exit the room before I lose control and give in to the urge to stay with her. That would be taking things too far.
I linger by her shut door for a moment, leaning against it. Then I bring my fingers up to my lips again. That was real. All of that was real. The energy still buzzing on my lips is real. And I couldn’t be happier.